Crying’s good. Sometimes people cry about very sweet things.
You are at the ideal age to first experience these emotions. It must be even worse for young teenagers, but about age 19 we have come to be mature enough in our development that it is appropriate that our feelings move beyond ourselves and we develop strong attractions to others.
I read your other post as well. There’s more than a little going on, isn’t there? So be sure and give yourself a break and take some time.
Leaving aside your reference to “a lot of other personal problems I’m dealing with” let’s just consider these two obvious issues. I take it that you have not previously considered yourself to be someone who might ever be in a relationship with another guy. In addition, this new guy already has someone else and you are uncomfortable getting involved.
I’ll make a guess here that you have no one in real life with whom you can discuss these issues. If you haven’t considered yourself potentially gay, you probably don’t have close relationships with any gay guys with whom you could discuss all of this.
If you do, the thing I would recommend is to bring a real life person, whom you have known sometime, with whom you could be comfortable, and share with them.
But if I read correctly, if you are wondering if you are not indeed gay, I would discourage you to discuss this with someone who has always known you to be straight. Not yet. You’ll be adding problems rather than solving them.
If you really need real life contact, check on-line or in a phone directory for a gay hotline. If none is near, so what, look for one in San Francisco or whatever, it wouldn’t matter. It can help to just talk through upsetting and confusing things.
I can’t begin to tell you how to deal with the issue of your fellow’s other fellow. Who knows? It may not be serious, and you may not be in a position of causing harm. Suppose it is. You wouldn’t want to do that.
Were that not an issue to take seriously, I think it would be easier to offer advice. Were it so, I would tell you to decide for yourself how you would feel about yourself if you had a same sex relationship. If you are comfortable with the idea, depending upon your other values, I would encourage you to go for it. However it would play out, you would probably find it easier to deal with real things than to deal with hypothetical issues.
Contemplate something. What has been your experience with intimacy? You don’t have to answer that question to anyone else. Simply ask it yourself. Have you ever felt this way for another person? Do you really want to be intimate with this person? What kind of sexual experiences have you had, and if any, how did you feel about the emotion of intimacy as opposed to simply performing a sexual act?
I wonder if thinking about it that way might not help sort out what’s on your mind.