You Need Help

[SpeedoMike]

fatally clingy...

 

[Patchos]

OK here is the other side. Do you love her? Have you met on levels with her you met on with no one else? Does she have a core generally speaking? If you answer yes to even one of these questions then stay in there. Love her to death and she will melt with the love. LOVE YOUR ENEMIES hate your defecits. Work to defeat both in your life but watch out on defeating PEOPLE. people have personalities and defeating a personality is devestating to both individuals. This is a fact Ive experienced personally. Work together if at all possible and the relationship and love will grow. Do not place any statutes on her You cant abide by also. Call off all Sex & romantic encounters until you can talk as HUMANS.

5 years have gone past...5 years.

 

[MarkLondon]

So what happened? Did she sort herself out?

 

[Keleios]

OK here is the other side. Do you love her? Have you met on levels with her you met on with no one else? Does she have a core generally speaking? If you answer yes to even one of these questions then stay in there. Love her to death and she will melt with the love. LOVE YOUR ENEMIES hate your defecits. Work to defeat both in your life but watch out on defeating PEOPLE. people have personalities and defeating a personality is devestating to both individuals. This is a fact Ive experienced personally. Work together if at all possible and the relationship and love will grow. Do not place any statutes on her You cant abide by also. Call off all Sex & romantic encounters until you can talk as HUMANS.

That's a super nice karmic view but in all honesty and especially in this situation, no. Being a rock and a pillar of everlasting strength and love for someone is fine enough if they do the same for you. If there's equality and if you're supporting each other, you get stronger through it and you grow.
But, if you're permanently giving whilst the other is permanently taking, you "defeat" yourself and you "defeat" them. They'll carry on taking and assuming it's fine because they're being allowed to. Love is an amazing thing but it has it's limits. Eventually that wonderful and loving person is going to get sucked dry.

Personality can be a flexible thing, it's not entirely set in stone. All the parts of it come from somewhere and depending on how other people react to those aspects, some may become more pronounced and others may fade. Same with character traits.
In this case, the girl is using the OP as a security blanket, something familiar that she thinks she can go back to, weep all over and have him make her feel better when she gets upset over petty shit.
Wanting protection or support isn't bad but it's not fair of her to expect that from the OP under these circumstances, especially when she's taking no responsibility for the part she plays herself in creating upsetting situations.

Wherever that part of her personality or character comes from, it's doing her no favours. Needing to rely on other people all the time to solve your problems is not good, it's not beneficial to anyone and it shouldn't be encouraged or enabled simply because that need/trait exists or because you should love someone for all that they are; faults, flaws and all.

Sometimes change is needed and in the case of people who are incapable of seeing themselves as anything other than the victim in a situation, that change can be instigated by another. If the OP removes his support this girl may fall down or she may learn that's she got feet of her own to stand on and finally put them to good use.

Love can be soft, safe, secure and supportive but it can also be, and sometimes needs to be, really tough. It's the hardest thing in the world to tell someone you love "No, I'm not going to be there for you" and yes, that goes against the romantic notion that love conquers all and you should love someone enough to forgive/forget/ignore but what kind of love is that, when it leaves you feeling empty, alone and used?
Without two people who give to each other equally, love becomes a selfish fire. A hungry and demanding thing that expects you to continue feeding it as it burns your heart out.

I'd advise the OP to remove himself entirely from this situation. However difficult that may be, I think it'll be worth it in the long run.
Time and space away from this girl will allow him to relax and find better things to do with his time which will be far more productive than listening to her bleat about how other men treat her and expecting him to sympathise.