you'll make a great husband

[The Dragon]

For the last three years I have avoided a "relationship" at all costs due to a deep morning for a failed romance.
I shunned the stable, sweet and relationship worthy guys because I was emotionally unavailable and just wasn't up to dealing with the effort of caring that deeply for another human being.
I chose the erratic, over bearing types for playmates because I know there was no future and that their lack of social grace would annoy me to the point where they would get their marching orders without any regrets on my part.
I think I am getting to the point now that I feel I would be able to have a relationship again, but not at all costs.

 

[chill4d]

HA!

Nice guys get the hot chick calling them at 2am to cry on their shoulder when Brad dumps them. Nice guys are seen as less masculine, less confident, less fun, less everything except nice. If you want to get a woman treat her like shit. Blow her off, look over other girls while you're talking to her, forget to call her, break dates, tell her what to do, and only focus on her when you want sex. That is how I've gotten every girl I've ever had sex with (save for the prostitute in NV).

Do that and women will be all over you. I've seen it time and time and time again. Been alive 41 years and the entire time I've seen countless good women go chasing after the biggest asshole they can find and no study will convince me otherwise. Women think they can tame him, use her love to change him, that's he's so macho that other women will envy her catch (and they will), that his machismo will translate into her being more womanly, that if does anything to harm her then she deserves it.

By my age they're either still married and suffering from all kinds of psychological problems or they're PTSD bitter and divorced out looking for guys they can control and earn plenty of money because if they're going to get treated like shit by every guy who comes down the pike then they might as well get paid for it.

Some women like the nice guys because, conversely, they think they can control them. Nice guys are wimps, mama's boys. Dangle a little sex in their face and they'll let you do anything, run the marriage, and treat you like a goddess on a pedestal. These women believe men need to be dominated and controlled because men are naturally weak and need guidance. They use sex as a tool and a weapon to keep control of their men; never giving men everything the men want. The men then are perpetually trying to please their wives. Trophy wives and replacement mommies are a variant on this type. Run away from them because they don't love you and only keep you around for what you can do for them.

A handful of women realize a healthy relationship isn't created by any of these sorts of behaviors and seek healthy, stable, nice men. If you can find one, good luck.

Otherwise at the end of every party, despite so many women telling you how great and kind and wonderful you are, you go home alone.

You are awesome. If I was gay I would do weird things with you! :biggrin1:


But seriously, I think you've probably got the best handle on what to AVOID in a relationship. And unfortunately yes, most women tend to fall into one of the first two categories.

I have gotten the whole "you're sweet, i like you as a friend" thing more than I can count, which seems to run hand in hand with "you'll make a great husband/boyfriend" someday. It's annoying, sure, but I think it's also a vital key that should trigger red flags in your head.

Ultimately my problem is that I would rather be the nice guy and not get laid, than be a dick just to get some personal satisfaction. Now...if there was a way to be nice AND still get the girls, well, I'm still looking for that one!

 

[2322]

Ouch! I think I have had this feeling too. But I've never actually stated it so bluntly. I realise this may be some form of humorous ironic sarcasm but I have found that such intense resentment, if not quickly exorcised, can have a horrible way of becoming self-fulfilling ...

Sure they see something good!
(Either they consciously feel not up to that level of goodness
or they have an unconscious envy).
Unless they are just plain out lying of course !
"trying to be nice"
Pshaw!

But anyway, really, would anyone really want to be with someone who said something like that? And it's not just a case of sour grapes to say that such a comment is a so revealing of a basic insensitivity and disrespect that I sometimes thank providence for having saved me from pursuing anything with them any further especially since they obviously suffer from the delusion that they are kind, sensitive, and respectful. Whatever.
But I know that still it is hard to get over the grief of letting go of things one had once imagined were possible)

You're right of course. I'm just ranting a bit to vent my frustrations because this exact scenario has been played again and again and again. As recently as this last week I received the following from a guy I was interested in:

as far as pursuing a friendship, presently in my life i really do not have the time or energy to mentor and support someone who is just starting out in this scene. you would deserve a lot of time and attention and i just don't have it to spare.

i do want to thank you for everything, and i'm happy if i was able to be supportive to you... i wish you the very best and pray that you walk you path with strength and beauty.

kind regards,

So if I seem a bit bitter it's because I am so tired of rejection by either sex. A person can go without love for only so long before he just becomes dried , bitter, and shriveled. This is what I'm fighting against becoming, fang and claw. Everything I'm doing in my life is done because I don't feel I have anything to lose so I'm taking the risks to become a person who is attractive to other people-- good people, not the fuck-ups I'm writing about in this thread. Obviously I'm just not there yet despite wanting to be very badly. I just need to remember to have patience and try not to forget hope however faint its glimmer may be.

So when I hear constantly how great I am in various ways I can point to a pile of rejection letters from people I really liked, who are truly good people, who prove that whatever it is that makes a man worth considering, I ain't got it... yet.

 

[TheRob]

Ayup. People are too picky these days.

"He's got a huge dick, great in bed, makes mid 6-figures, looks like model, has his own house, belongs to MENSA, loves children, and loves my mother like his own but he has a voice like Harvey Firestein!"

"She's smart, graceful, speaks five languages, writes poetry, makes great money, knows ancient Chinese secret sex positions, but she's too tall."

"You're such a sweet guy! If I wasn't taken.... I'd be all over you! You're attractive, charming, and will make some man or woman an excellent husband! Oops, look at the time! Have to get back to Brad or he'll beat me when he comes home from his other lover's house! I hope he won't be too drunk. I hate bailing him out of jail all the time. Bye! :kiss::kiss:

:banghead:

that last quote is great
I've been told things similar, like this one girl told me twice in different ways that she wished her bf where more like me
I care for her quite a bit so hearing that from her is quite nice
wouldn't mind if she wanted to get with me actually
not that I can admit that in person mindyou

 

[2322]

You are awesome. If I was gay I would do weird things with you! :biggrin1:

:twak::biggrin1:

But seriously, I think you've probably got the best handle on what to AVOID in a relationship. And unfortunately yes, most women tend to fall into one of the first two categories.

I have gotten the whole "you're sweet, i like you as a friend" thing more than I can count, which seems to run hand in hand with "you'll make a great husband/boyfriend" someday. It's annoying, sure, but I think it's also a vital key that should trigger red flags in your head.

I agree. There are more red flags in my head than at a Chinese May Day parade. This is why I stopped looking entirely for 20 years. Tried the whole, once-you-stop-looking-for-someone-you'll-find-them bullshit, waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet, run into some hottie at the bookstore, the local classic movie club, while on vacation, everything. It never happened so I gave-up. I have never been approached by someone, never hit on. Every lucky encounter I've had has been because I made a move.

Ultimately my problem is that I would rather be the nice guy and not get laid, than be a dick just to get some personal satisfaction. Now...if there was a way to be nice AND still get the girls, well, I'm still looking for that one!

And that's what finally made me give-up entirely. I felt like shit being an asshole to get the girls I wanted back when I thought being with girls was what I should do. I didn't like the man I was pretending to be with them any more than I liked the man I was pretending to be with myself. I am, sadly, a truly nice guy.

 

[B_NineInchCock_160IQ]

yeah I get that, too. It's almost as obnoxious as the "why are you single?" question.

 

[vince]

I'm guessing you are dating women around your age, STOP. Girls your age are sowing their wild oats and are wasting their time pursuing badboys who will break their hearts and their spirit. If you think you want to settle down, then start dating women in their 30's who will appreciate your kindness and stability.

Been there! Done that! Bad advice!
When she's 50, having hot flashes, crying for no appearant reason and has no interest in sex, you'll be 44 and just as horny as you are now. My ex is five years older than me and man do I wish she was five younger!

 

[Gillette]

str82fcuk, If I plead nicely will you promise not to use yellow text again?

Yowch!

 

[EagleCowboy]

I know what to look for now.
When I did get that, I would just do a little fake laugh, reach out and pinch their cute cheeks, bat my eyes, and tell them straight up, "Aw, that's so cute. She doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Tell ya what. When ya finally get yer shit together, call me, we'll do lunch when the check clears." Then I just get up and leave.

As for the people that tell me "You'll make a good husband someday". I tell them "Well, find me the woman I'm looking for!!"


I gotta lay off the caffeine...............

 

[SpeedoGuy]

Otherwise at the end of every party, despite so many women telling you how great and kind and wonderful you are, you go home alone.

Words of wisdom. I also have a lot of experience in this area.

So, unabear, buy a motorcycle (a needlessly loud one like a Harley Davidson) and don't shave for a week. Clutter your dwelling with porno mags, empty beer bottles, and empty pizza boxes. Use thumbtacks or tape to hang NASCAR posters on the walls. Memorize volumes of sports trivia and little else. Get some practice mistreating and intimidating women. Soon they will be swarming all over you.

Above all, show confidence in yourself while mistreating and intimidating women. That's the coup de grace.

 

[str82fcuk]

HA!

I've seen it time and time and time again. Been alive 41 years and the entire time I've seen countless good women go chasing after the biggest asshole they can find and no study will convince me otherwise.

I wonder whether men do the same thing?

I'm just ranting a bit to vent my frustrations because this exact scenario has been played again and again and again. ... So if I seem a bit bitter it's because I am so tired of rejection by either sex. A person can go without love for only so long before he just becomes dried , bitter, and shriveled. This is what I'm fighting against becoming, fang and claw. Everything I'm doing in my life is done because I don't feel I have anything to lose so I'm taking the risks to become a person who is attractive to other people-- good people, not the fuck-ups I'm writing about in this thread.

There is a subtle yet profound distinction between being and becoming, and in this case a little phlosophy might be qute practical.

Essentially one has to admit to not being something in order to become it, and if one wants to become something then one has already excluded being it. The thrill of the chase of 'becoming' is neverending however, although as a quest it is by definition doomed to failure.

Obviously I'm just not there yet despite wanting to be very badly. I just need to remember to have patience and try not to forget hope however faint its glimmer may be.

Obviously Shmobviously ... this may well have been true before but why should it be true now?

One is 'there' when one stops believing one is not.
(And do not let the over-rational egocentric mind hamstring one by contemptuously dismissing alternative views without a fair hearing!)

Ultimately one has to choose between
actually being and just thinking about being


{I am well aware from bitter experience how tenaciously the 'empirical mind' clings to its self-perpetuating belief in its own infallibility but I have now discovered that the brain/mind and soul/spirit can live in harmony if the one is not permittedto mute the other}


So when I hear constantly how great I am in various ways I can point to a pile of rejection letters from people I really liked, who are truly good people, who prove that whatever it is that makes a man worth considering, I ain't got it... yet.

yet shmet

Firstly, it is actually very difficult to prove anything (unless one has already made up one's mind)

Secondly, someone has posted a nice little smilie here to illustrate what the demonic ratiocinative tyrannical intelligent ego is gleefully doing to the poor perplexed sensitive creative soul. Upon seeing such a spectacle it is hardly surprising that others might want to join in ...

:twak::biggrin1:

Tried the whole, once-you-stop-looking-for-someone-you'll-find-them bullshit, waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet, run into some hottie at the bookstore, the local classic movie club, while on vacation, everything. It never happened so I gave-up.

Yeah that line never worked for me either until I decided it meant I should stop looking for my self.

I felt like shit being an asshole to get the girls I wanted back when I thought being with girls was what I should do. I didn't like the man I was pretending to be with them any more than I liked the man I was pretending to be with myself. I am, sadly, a truly nice guy.

the positiong of the word 'sadly' here provides for two possible meanings, one of which is understandable given the context, while the other is the humorless subconscious' method of demeaning oneself and conditioning oneself to accept failure ...

str82fcuk, If I plead nicely will you promise not to use yellow text again?
Yowch!

I promise to try to not do it ever again.

 

[rob_just_rob]

http://www.lpsg.org/70425-nice-guys.html#post1148711

 

[TheRob]

you know, the dont' shave thing strikes a cord with me
that girl I mentioned earlier, I have noticed that she flirts with me more (not a lot but a touch more) when I havn't shaved in awhile and basically look like crap
in fact the more like crap I look, the more attention I get from her in general

 

[unabear09]

you know, the dont' shave thing strikes a cord with me
that girl I mentioned earlier, I have noticed that she flirts with me more (not a lot but a touch more) when I havn't shaved in awhile and basically look like crap
in fact the more like crap I look, the more attention I get from her in general

lmao.....the women that I am interested in act and say a totally different thing. it's more along the lines of 'why haven't you shaved?" 'that is so unattractive when you don't shave' or my all time favorite "youre such a lazy bastard, asshole' lmao i'm being somewhat facitious but you get the point :biggrin1:

 

[TheRob]

well in a way that is still attention

but I mean it just seems odd to me