Young Closeted Guys

hungboy18

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I'm gay, but I understand what you're saying, plus people will be like "you're gay but you are pretending to be bi to cover it up", that happened to me once, a guy from my school asked me if I liked guys and girls, I was like what the hell, I liked him and say yes, I guess it's something that can happen to a lot of people, to say they also like girls to protect themselves from people who don't understand what we are, but obviously I don't think you're lying, I just think other people might, maybe this is a bit confusing and random.

I think you shouldn't come out as bi, let your sexuality evolve, maybe you'll be more into guys today and girls tomorrow, have a relationship with one or the other, or only sex, who cares? if you fall for a guy tell people if you feel it will lead to something, if you only like to fool around with guys keep your mouth shut unless you have a big, fat reason to open it.

Be straight to everyone who doesn't need to know you're preference, sexuality it's something fluid and personal.
 

earllogjam

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The people who are the closest to you probably already know or have a strong suspicion. Being in the closet robs you of living an honest life. You'll come out in your own time but you aren't alone, don't be afraid to get help either. Lots of people willing to help.


It Gets Better Project
 
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407431

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Am I the only one here who sometimes feels so pressured at times for being bi and just wish you could change?

No, I think I know what you mean. Like I said before, part of the reason I'm so confused about my sexuality is because I like different things about both sexes. I just wish I was either completely straight or completely gay (I know no one is completely anything) but it'd make things so much easier. I also feel I would've known earlier what I was and come out of the closet earlier. Idk though.
When it comes down to who I could see myself with in the long run, it's a girl one day and a guy the next. When it comes down to sex, I could never see myself with a guy, but when it comes to being emotionally attached AND physically attracted to someone, I don't see a woman.
 

stickyboxers

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I'm bi and not out. I feel like most of you guys in that I don't want to out myself since I don't even know what side I like the best. I've only really experienced sex with guys and am nervous to hook up with women since I haven't done it before. I don't want to tell people since they'll think it's just a cover for being gay and make assumptions about me that might not be true.

I'd rather make up my mind and tell people. I don't even tell my friends who I'm close to that I'm bi. I feel like they would judge me and Im always cautious about what people think of me.

Relationship wise, I don't see myself being in one with a guy but I see myself being with a girl. Never really been in a serious relationship before so it's hard for me to decide if I even want one with another guy or not.
 
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funguy3

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Coming out of the closest would prove that they were right, so they can hate me even more than they did in school. (I know what someone is going to say...why care about what people from your past think of you. It's hard to forget the hateful words they said and then to have it validated by them being right is what scares me the most)

This was one of my biggest factors, and still is, as I'm still new to the coming out process, but my bf thinks it's a load of shit. makes it hard sometimes, but you can't help how you feel...
 

B_RedDude

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Keep on doing what you feel is best for you. No one is obligated to come out (just don't date women as a cover). You don't have to drink the gay propaganda kool-aid.

This was one of my biggest factors, and still is, as I'm still new to the coming out process, but my bf thinks it's a load of shit. makes it hard sometimes, but you can't help how you feel...
 

B_lrgeggs

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I guess another reason why I am not out is that I am not into the gay scene.
(However that is defined) I am just a quiet kind of guy. I would not openly share my sexual experiences (or lack of sexual experience) if I was straight
and see no reason to do it as a gay guy.
 

D_Rufus_D_Dufus

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I never really "came out".. I just did what I wanted to do. Whether I was attracted to men or women and what I did behind closed doors was my business. I never really cared what other people thought.
 

B_bxmuscle

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Though I've never been in your situation I sorta understand and sympathize. But keep in mind that the closeted life gets more taxing and difficult as you get older. Being a young single guy is one thing, but will you marry some poor woman so that people won't ask questions as you hit 30 and beyond?

Closeted guys can find homo-sex easily enough, but will that compensate for the loneliness and emotional isolation that comes with that territory?

"Coming out" doesn't have to involve making announcements about your sexuality, it can just be refusing pretenses and lies. And while now might not be the right time to do that, I advise against condemning yourself to a lifetime in the closet at a young age. Think about it.
 

B_bxmuscle

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I guess another reason why I am not out is that I am not into the gay scene.
(However that is defined) I am just a quiet kind of guy. I would not openly share my sexual experiences (or lack of sexual experience) if I was straight
and see no reason to do it as a gay guy.

I totally agree with you about the gay scene, and posted this thread yesterday on lpsg expressing just some of the reasons why I find the gay scene totally uninteresting; especially the guys you usually meet there: http://www.lpsg.org/255338-du-rags-and-pocket-books.html

But that scene has nothing to do with liking guys, and no guy who does has to deal with it more than he chooses to. Don't mistake same-sex desire and sociability with the so-called "gay community" of the moment.
 

aqua-illusion

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This was one of my biggest factors, and still is, as I'm still new to the coming out process, but my bf thinks it's a load of shit. makes it hard sometimes, but you can't help how you feel...

At least you have someone to talk to about it (your bf) and someone to hold you if you're sad/angry/frustrated about your situation. :smile:
 

oralslut464

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I understand. I always knew I was bi. I liked girls and always had a girlfriend, but I loved to look at guys, loved shows like Adam 12, Emergency, Chips, wild wild west, Streets of San FRancisco ( michael douglas), etc, and loved looking at the guys not the girls. I am probably more gay than straight. I am married with kids and LOVE my wife and kids. Would not want to change that, but I do love to look at good looking guys. In school, I used to play the piano for the choir and played for church and other school functions - Even for Graduation in the gym, I did not play sports simply I was awful at sports and always was made fun of. Even the coaches made fun of me laughing and calling me names when I would swing a bat, or play kick ball or flag football. The coaches would even tell the guys to knock me down etc. It was awful for me. I was a music person and played the piano- so now I was gay and a fag. I never acted on my impulses during school, but was treated awful. I grew up in a small southers town too. That did not help. Church helped, and I was accepted at church and in the youth group, but those kids did not call me names at school. It seemed like it was only the jocks that did it - not all of them, just the mean ones. I was very thin, red headed - white skin, freckles, wore glasses, not very handsome but I had a girl friend from a different school who knew nothing of the name calling. I could not even take her to the prom without being made fun of. We went - had our picture taken, but did not do the grand march. Even at my graduation, When I went across the stage to get my diploma, a couple of guys yelled out "FAG". It was really embarrasing for me and my family. I won the music award and had to lay it in the seat to get my diploma, when I got back - someone had scratched across my name "Fag" on the plexiglass over my award. This is what I went through. My parents knew a little but did not know what to do. No one in the school seemed to help except my music teacher. She was a little fiesty woman about 5 foot. I do remember once I was in the hall and one of the big football players called me a name as they walked by and hit me with their shoulder and she saw it. She grabbed him by the ear - and slammed him into the wall and took him directly to the office. She slammed him HARD into the wall and called him an SOB. God she was mad I had never seen her this mad at anyone. The kid got kicked out for a week and off the football team and could not play sports for a year. I appreciated her. I am now a music teacher as well, and have taken my choirs to competitions and won several awards. I hate it when this happens to kids at school and I always intervene when I can. I am 49yo and still this side of me is in the closet and probably always will be.
In telling this story, please be careful who you tell. I think being gay or bi is more accepted today than it was in the 70's but please be careful. I would not want you to get hurt.
 

nubian

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I feel exactly lik you. So many people have questioned my sexuality in the past when I was sure that I was 100% straight that now that I am not too sure I dont wanna prove them right. Plus I am still not 100% how I feel about guys

I know exactly what you mean.
 

madman411

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i'm 22 and wouldn't really consider myself as out, though a handful of people know. i already told my grandmother than i'm gay simply because she cornered me about it. she's cool with it but believes i chose to be this way. a few friends know as well, but it's a topic i tend to avoid. my father says nasty things about gays, and although i think my mom would be cool with it, she always verbalizes how gross she thinks homosexuality is when it's on tv, so naturally i haven't said anything to her about it. i'm sure my family knows simply because of my lack of girlfriends.

throughout college and high school i KNOW i've met other guys who are gay, but won't even admit it to themselves. although i'm perfectly comfortable in my shoes, it's a shame they're so uncomfortable with themselves, because a couple of those guys and i have liked each other a lot. you could always cut the tension between us with a knife... all the signs were there. but because neither of us would make a move or say anything nothing ever happened. such a shame too because one or two guys in particular i really really liked. now any chance of being with them have been and gone.
 

errico

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I'm 23, a virgin and have never had a real, serious relationship; so it's safe to assume that my close friends/family have already speculated on my sexuality. My mum asked me point blank if I was gay when I was visiting a few weeks ago. I said no, but she must not have believed me because the next day my brother told me she asked if I was depressed because I was gay.

The fact that I'm a shy/anxious/self-conscious nerdy guy, has hindered most of my potential relationships and sexual encounters. I never know when girls are into me and when to make a move, so I end up playing myself into the friend-zone. I freak out that I'll mess things up/be lousy at sex/she's too good for me. The older I get, the harder it is.

Sexually and emotionally, I like girls a lot. But, I can't say that I haven't checked out guys before, too. Can I see myself having anal sex or a relationship with a guy? Not really, that simply doesn't interest me. I won't deny some physical attraction though, and I am okay with that. I see no reason to come out, because I guess I consider myself 'straight.' As insecure as I am as a person, I feel secure enough with my sexuality.

It's funny, because my among my friends and I always advocate honesty and self-confidence while I'm the most neurotic, insecure person I know. :redface:
 

GayFrog

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I am not a young fellow by any stretch of the imagination. I was a teenager during the fifties and early sixties. I have witnessed bigotry and ignorance and have suffered under the strong hand of intolerance, hatred and fear. I have also seen great strides being made in the direction of acceptance. We have come along way in the last fifty years and I hope and pray for the day that the stigma associated with being gay is just a tarnished memory and not a fact of day to day life; and the need for closet doors will be no more.

With that said, it saddens me when I read that being in the closet is not being completely honest with people, or when someone says be who you really are and not live a lie, or that it robs you of living an honest life and that it causes loneliness and emotional isolation, or that it is pretentious and lies. There is no written law or code of conduct that dictates as a gay or bi male you must come out to family and friends to be whole. There is no great need to proclaim; “by the way I’m gay”, like you have the plague and your searching for a cure. Or the ideas that they probably all ready know is not cause to come out to anyone. Yeah I know Liberace was gay he never came out of the closet. Anderson Cooper quite possibly is in the closet… Who cares? Why does it matter that everyone knows every one else’s sexual orientation. Besides, coming out of the closet is not an option for everyone; all considerations should be taken into account before making such a decision. You may feel better for telling Aunt Gertrude. Will she?

There have been many a ruined friendship and family dissension brought about, by such a move, as unjustly and horrible as it may seem, you might as well have the plague. This was the scenario for my husband when he came out to his family while we were dating. He has remained estranged with his family for thirty years. For me it was a completely different situation. Only you know your situation and the reasons why you are in the closet, never allow yourself to be pressured into coming out. You alone decide when and if the time is right.

Coming into puberty for a teenage boy is a rough enough time. Being a gay teenager brings with it an added burden; not because he is gay, but because of the way society in general looks upon homosexuality as something dirty, dark and shameful. By the time we have become young men we have learned to bury the secret of our homosexuality in fear of being discovered. It is through this fear that gay and bi men hide themselves in the proverbial closet. The most important thing is to come out to yourself; accepting your sexual orientation and yourself for who you are. There is no shame in being gay.

Love yourself for whom you are, for you are very, very special. There is only one of you. Your sexual orientation is not the business of co-workers, the baker, the girl at Seven-Eleven or the mailman, unless you intend on having a relationship with them. For some the day will come when you can face the fears and put them aside forever. Slowly step by step making your way out of that closet. Coming out of the closet, though is not always as rosy as we would like it to be. Don’t expect to be welcomed with opened arms by everyone. There will be whispers behind your back and water cooler gossip. Tears, sadness and joy are a just a few of the emotions, there is no great washing or cleansing; you are still the same person you always were.

For those who choose to live in a closet, at least turn the light on; don’t stumble around in the dark. You are not alone in there and there is always room for one more.
 

rbkwp

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There is no written law or code of conduct that dictates as a gay or bi male you must come out to family and friends to be whole. There is no great need to proclaim;

… Who cares? Why does it matter that everyone knows every one else’s sexual orientation. Besides, coming out of the closet is not an option for everyone; all considerations should be taken into account before making such a decision. You may feel better for telling Aunt Gertrude. Will she?

It is through this fear that gay and bi men hide themselves in the proverbial closet. The most important thing is to come out to yourself; accepting your sexual orientation and yourself for who you are. There is no shame in being gay.

Love yourself for whom you are, for you are very, very special. There is only one of you. Your sexual orientation is not the business of co-workers, the baker, the girl at Seven-Eleven or the mailman, unless you intend on having a relationship with them. For some the day will come when you can face the fears and put them aside forever. Slowly step by step making your way out of that closet. Coming out of the closet, though is not always as rosy as we would like it to be. Don’t expect to be welcomed with opened arms by everyone. There will be whispers behind your back and water cooler gossip. Tears, sadness and joy are a just a few of the emotions, there is no great washing or cleansing; you are still the same person you always were.

For those who choose to live in a closet, at least turn the light on; don’t stumble around in the dark. You are not alone in there and there is always room for one more.




above edited from post #37 Gay Frog article
also post #33 oralslut464 of real interest to me

Just wanted to endorse ALL of what is stated in the above 2 articles
(sorry i dont do lpsg quotes / dont like it)

Anyway i highlighted those 2 posts as having certain factual experiences some of which i also have had and i must say EVERY post relating to this thread i feel has merit, especially the younger brigade speaking out.
I believe we olders are reading such shaking our heads and re-living much of it with you, as has been said, you are not alone.

I wanted to point out to those who MAY have not wanted to sift thru a Lot of reading, please do keep in mind what we as 3 older Gay persons have written, i think you may find it all to bear truth in your own future
Experience past on to our younger Humankind is the Support this site is offering.

All the Best
enz