Your Advice For A Burgeoning Bisexual Bro (can You Tell The Signs?)

CURIOUS_8

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I love how this forum doesn’t have the back & forth drama the other forums do with the labels and dragging up the same topics.





I’m loving the stories of how some of you guys either come to terms with your Bi-Side, & or always had Bi- inclinations, sex drives and never acted on them.






That said, I’m in my final descent from the military / approaching regiment. & I also work with both civilians & military.






We have a unique culture of shit talking Alpha males.



Some, who’s sexuality you would never question them being anything other than a heterosexual, will overtly joke & or brag about doing sexual things with a dude, like it’s a new acquisition or workout regimen.






& Others, have secretly hooked up with gay friends of mine I know.






My query is this.






Given where you are with your understanding & conformability of your sexual attractions, what advice would you give to a friend who dropped hints he was either struggling with or was curious in pursing the same path?






2) Do you have any stories about a guy you’re close to, whom, based on where you are now, you can say to yourself.






“Oh yeah, I can tell what’s up with him?


Been there, done that same M.O.”





or






“I can tell by (fill in the blank), it’s just a matter of time before he starts exploring.


Because I’ve been there.”
 
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CURIOUS_8

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Wow!how facinating. you don;t have
Those quotes are referring to me as the new guy. Life would be so much easier if another bi guy could look at me and say “Oh yeah, I can tell what’s up with him? Been there, done that same M.O.”

WoW! Gotta give a shout out for such an honest response.


I was expecting other Bi guys to chime in with their advice of their internal struggles & a few sexcapades.

But I like this more.


A guy readily admitting, “Yeah, that would be me.. I’d be that buddy you could tell in high insight liked both.”

I find all of this very fascinating, the varied stages of guys admitting to themselves “my sexuality is fluid.”
Even I get way from saying” both”.

Instead, I acknowledge the fluidity of one’s sexuality that a lot of guys seem to embrace now.

I was just curious to hear from guys who’ve expanded their sexuality, what their ‘NOW’ version of themselves would tell their younger curious version of themselves, in high insight.

Or

Moreover, that buddy, you can kinda see where his eyes wander, checking dudes out too, give another dude some flirtatious play.

If the moment presented itself, would you give’em that buddy whisper, “Hey bro! you’re secret’s safe with me. Go for it! You won’t regret it.”
 

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Wow!how facinating. you don;t have


WoW! Gotta give a shout out for such an honest response.


I was expecting other Bi guys to chime in with their advice of their internal struggles & a few sexcapades.

But I like this more.


A guy readily admitting, “Yeah, that would be me.. I’d be that buddy you could tell in high insight liked both.”

I find all of this very fascinating, the varied stages of guys admitting to themselves “my sexuality is fluid.”
Even I get way from saying” both”.

Instead, I acknowledge the fluidity of one’s sexuality that a lot of guys seem to embrace now.

I was just curious to hear from guys who’ve expanded their sexuality, what their ‘NOW’ version of themselves would tell their younger curious version of themselves, in high insight.

Or

Moreover, that buddy, you can kinda see where his eyes wander, checking dudes out too, give another dude some flirtatious play.

If the moment presented itself, would you give’em that buddy whisper, “Hey bro! you’re secret’s safe with me. Go for it! You won’t regret it.”
I'm gay but have been surrounded by a lot of bi/bucurious guys most of my life and realized my same sex attraction because a friend gave me a nudge, so I hope my post can shed some meaningful insight here.

I want to say that I would give them that whisper, but there's always the risks. There's the risk that I'm just misinterpreting the signs of "their exploration" because I'm seeing them through my own sexual experience.

There's also the risk that they aren't quite ready to be publicly addressed about it and will lash out in a way. The first time a friend gave me that "whisper," I ran out of the room and didn't speak to them for a bit. I had the same happen to me when I tried giving that whisper to a friend. A lot of guys nowadays seem to be overly self-conscious of their own sense of their masculinity, and I've noticed it's harder for guys to even bring up my own same sex attraction in conversations without them getting real distant and weird.

Idk, even though I lack the confidence or tact to give that whisper, I think a lot of guys need it. I grew up in an extremely conservative area where people were so homophobic that they wouldn't even use the word "gay" because of how immoral it was to them. Having that nudge from a close friend whom I trusted really opened my eyes up to accepting myself, and I've just always want to pay that forward to be that person to someone else and help them find their own freedom to explore their sexuality.

At the end of the day, I feel a lot more guys are bi than society or themselves allow them to be. Sometimes, they just need that human connection to make a huge difference. Media portrayals of LGBTQ+ men are just ... bad in general most of the time. Media portrayals of bisexual attraction for men are pretty much nonexistent, unless it's for some quirky comedy bit in a movie or show. And, I'll save the negative biases against bisexual men held by many gay men and straight women for another day.

My entire coming out process as a gay man was supported by bi guys giving me those nudges, so even though I'm gay, this sort of conversation is personal to me.
 

CURIOUS_8

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I'm gay but have been surrounded by a lot of bi/bucurious guys most of my life and realized my same sex attraction because a friend gave me a nudge, so I hope my post can shed some meaningful insight here.

I want to say that I would give them that whisper, but there's always the risks. There's the risk that I'm just misinterpreting the signs of "their exploration" because I'm seeing them through my own sexual experience.

There's also the risk that they aren't quite ready to be publicly addressed about it and will lash out in a way. The first time a friend gave me that "whisper," I ran out of the room and didn't speak to them for a bit. I had the same happen to me when I tried giving that whisper to a friend. A lot of guys nowadays seem to be overly self-conscious of their own sense of their masculinity, and I've noticed it's harder for guys to even bring up my own same sex attraction in conversations without them getting real distant and weird.

Idk, even though I lack the confidence or tact to give that whisper, I think a lot of guys need it. I grew up in an extremely conservative area where people were so homophobic that they wouldn't even use the word "gay" because of how immoral it was to them. Having that nudge from a close friend whom I trusted really opened my eyes up to accepting myself, and I've just always want to pay that forward to be that person to someone else and help them find their own freedom to explore their sexuality.

At the end of the day, I feel a lot more guys are bi than society or themselves allow them to be. Sometimes, they just need that human connection to make a huge difference. Media portrayals of LGBTQ+ men are just ... bad in general most of the time. Media portrayals of bisexual attraction for men are pretty much nonexistent, unless it's for some quirky comedy bit in a movie or show. And, I'll save the negative biases against bisexual men held by many gay men and straight women for another day.

My entire coming out process as a gay man was supported by bi guys giving me those nudges, so even though I'm gay, this sort of conversation is personal to me.
Fucking awesome advice dude,

seriously!
 
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CURIOUS_8

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My entire coming out process as a gay man was supported by bi guys giving me those nudges, so even though I'm gay, this sort of conversation is personal to me.


Thanks!
this is mainly why I wrote this.


Although it does take a closet case like me to be taken aback daily, how much more freely, "some" guys are with identifying & in some cases joking about their fluidity".

I'm about to post how base commanders made a joke about walking into the barracks at different times & seeing so much Bi porn on laptops. This was a few years ago.


It's almost like the unit cohesion of so many doing it, cancelled out the social stigma.
 
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Thanks!
this is mainly why I wrote this.


Although it does take a closet case like me to be taken aback daily, how much more freely, "some" guys are with identifying & in some cases joking about their fluidity".

I'm about to post how base commanders made a joke about walking into the barracks at different times & seeing so much Bi porn on laptops. This was a few years ago.


It's almost like the unit cohesion of so many doing it, cancelled out the social stigma.
I never served in the military but know many guys who have had that same experience and support of finding that environment to be a safe place to explore their sexuality.

The rural area where I went to high school had something very similar. Culturally, it was homophobic with the expectation of one-man, one-woman. Also, it was seen as masculine for men to do feminine things like wearing pink and acting flirtatious with each other and feminine for women to do things such as work on cars and hunt.

In practice, this meant that there really wasn't much of a risk of being labeled "gay" for acting certain ways, which is why I think so many men are scared to explore their sexuality. In a way, men were encouraged by each other to be more touchy feely and feminine. Publicly, this was done under the guise of "comedy," but it really wasn't just comedy for a lot of them. There was a whole underground scene of guys who identified as straight experimenting with each other.

I still hold true to that culture. Especially with sex, you often don't know until you try things out. A lot of those guys have since married women and still identify as straight, and I don't think them experimenting makes them any less straight than they choose to identify as. I think it takes a real heightened sense of your own masculinity to be feminine in public like that and to mess around with guys like it's no big deal. If you really look at the guys who go out of their way to shame gay, bi, or bicurious men, they're usually the ones struggling the most to be confident with their own masculinity.

It seems we've had similar experiences, and I can honestly say that I wish more of that culture was around. Maybe not with the whole cultural expectations thing like I grew up with, but I think the world would be a lot better place if we stopped thinking that being fluid with exploring your sexuality defined your masculinity. I think both straight and gay culture is responsible for the stigmas. Straight people are too quick to label you as "gay" and downgrade your masculinity; whereas, gay people (in my opinion) often push too hard and aggressively toward giving you a label or push you out of circles for being bi.

You have to have a solid grasp of your own masculinity to allow yourself to really explore your sexuality with that sort of freedom, and like I said, it had a positive and lasting impact on me. It's just sad that society is set up in a way that forces guys like that to stay quiet because I think a lot of men would be absolutely shocked to find out just how common their situation is and just how many guys are experimenting just like them to learn a bit more about themselves.

It's that balance between not caring what society expects from you to forge your own path and being exceedingly confident in your own self-image that makes all the difference in these things.