Your fantasies and comfort levels...

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by DC_DEEP, Aug 14, 2006.

  1. DC_DEEP

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    Another thread got me wondering...

    Do you have fantasies or desires but hesitate to indulge them because you are concerned about "what people will think" or because, even by yourself, you would be embarrassed?

    I've heard comments from straight guys, for instance, who say "I wonder what it would be like to have some anal stimulation during sex, but I think it would make me feel gay" or women say "I really like porn, but I won't buy it because I'm embarrassed that the person in the store will think I'm a pervert, and I certainly don't want my mailman to deliver something like that to my door...."

    Personally, I used to have some hangups like this, but taught myself years ago to get over it. I don't do things I would be embarrassed about, nor am I ashamed of any of my "preferences." Anyone else have comments?
     
  2. Lex

    Lex
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    I, too, once had these hangups. They began with simple things like mastrubation when I was very young and then purchasing condoms at the pharmacy (I still get a little embarassed buying Trojan Magnums).

    I think that while it can be a challenge, facing your inhibitions and tasting some of your fantasies can be a very healthy thing. It can obviously be more difficult when you have to include another person to explore the fantasy (a straight guy wanting his GF to finger his ass during sex, for example) but I always think that if you can't trust yourself and your lover with your fantasies, then you possibly don't have the relationship you think you do (one of the paramount conditions of said relationships, for me, being trust and openness).
     
  3. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    It's too self-limiting not to explore fantasies both alone and with a partner. Probably as we get older, we become less embarrassed. At my age I could walk the streets of New York with a dildo sticking out of my ass.:cool:
     
  4. DC_DEEP

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    SEND PICTURES!!!!!
     
  5. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    I haven't figured out how to photograph my ass yet and haven't reached a comfort level to ask a passerby to take one for me. I walk funny, too.
     
  6. dcwrestlefan

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    i'm not ashamed of mine, but there are some things that are a turnon that i definitely keep "tucked away". for people that i like, i'd rather not have the possibility of them thinking "ew he's a perv" in their head if i told them.

    unlike you, i have done things in the past i am embarrassed about. on the flip side, if i am with someone, and they tell me something that they like that seems "out there", it can be hot. i'm not looking for mom and apple pie in the bedroom. a polluted mind is a good thing. :biggrin1:
     
  7. dcwrestlefan

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    if you ask nicely, there will be no lack of volunteers on this board.
     
  8. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    OK, DCwrestlefan, I'll meet you at the Washington Monument in half an hour. I shoud be easy to spot among the tourists: I'll be the one with a Michael Brandon dildo AND a camera around my neck.
     
  9. DC_DEEP

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    LOL well, I don't take out ads in The Washington Post to publish my kinks and fetishes. But over the years, I have known men who were ashamed to admit that they masturbate, women who actually didn't masturbate because they thought it was dirty and embarrassing, gay men who love to bottom but won't admit it because they think it makes them seem "weak" or "feminine," men or women who want a dildo, but won't buy one because they are ashamed, those sorts of things.

    I can understand 17 or 18 year-olds being embarrassed to buy condoms, but once someone reaches mid-to-late 20s and beyond...

    I'm not really sure how to phrase what it is that I'm trying to ask here, but it's something along the lines of "why is that embarrassing for you, why do you think you have those desires if you think they are wrong, why would you care what the cashier in a sex-toy store thinks about a stranger shopping in his business"...
     
  10. dcwrestlefan

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    hmmm. where is the REAL washington monument?
     
  11. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    I love your avatar in a Freudian way: It's both so patriotic and phallic. It suits you, seemingly simple yet complex, a tribute to your virility yet graceful in its starkness. THAT Washington Monument.

    DC, I'll stop hijacking your thread now. Sorry. It's dcwrestlingfan's fault. I think you should spank him.
     
  12. Lex

    Lex
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    And I think you should learn to use the timer on your digital cam so we can get that ass pic. :biggrin1:

    DC--I think that overcoming those inhibitions is one of the things I have encountered as I have been exploring gay bar life. I have purchased a few t-shirts that can say it a lot better than I may ever want to. They make fabulous conversations starters and can open up discussion in very fascinating ways.

    I have (and wear):

    White T-shirt: "HUNG."

    White tank top that says: "FB* Fuck Buddy: Good Natured, No Strings"

    Black tank Top that says: "FREE OF CHARGE"

    Blue Tank top that says: Pitcher


    I have seen others that I want that include:

    MANWHORE (thanks to Typhu31)

    Sorry Ladies, but I suck Cock.

    I taught your boyfriend/girlfriend that thing you like.

    Front: "You're not a Top" Back: "Until *I* Put You There"
     
  13. dcwrestlefan

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    wow. maybe i SHOULD meet you at the monument. :biggrin1:

    i've only been spanked once. (thank you annapolis waiter from 10 years ago) hahaha. don't ask. i'm not going there.

    i'm trying to formulate a better response to this thread. i think i get what dcdeep is saying, but it's somewhat tough to answer when you're beyond the level of "i'm embarrassed to buy rubbers at the drug store".
     
  14. dcwrestlefan

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    a good friend of mine had a fun one too. he wore it to southern decadence in new orleans when we went together a few years ago.

    "i'm shy, but i have a big dick".
     
  15. SpeedoGuy

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    Same here. Like, for instance, no one but my mother knows I write erotica and post on sites like LPSG. :rolleyes:

    lol. Like when I unexpectedly discover a kindred soul who shares some of my fetishes, such as they are. Its happened over the years and the fantasies of those memories are more valuable than those ginned up by my imagination alone.
     
  16. b.c.

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    I'd always wanted a t-shirt with a Chiquita Banana logo on it, but have never been able to find one. :rolleyes:
     

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  17. DC_DEEP

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    Thanks for the posts so far guys. Uh, where are our lady friends? I'm sure society has taught them all kinds of sexual hangups, and I'm sure a few of them have overcome those "taboos."

    I'm discovering that the concept of this thread has other implications, too... there's almost certainly bi guys out there who are embarrassed to tell their doctors that. But the thing is, just because we have been conditioned to certain "societal norms," at some point you have to realize that just because that's what you have been told all your life, it isn't necessarily true.

    I guess my first triumph was back in my teens, when I figured out that even though everyone whispered and snickered about masturbation, it is a normal, natural, harmless, fun activity - so I dropped my guilt and chose to embrace self-pleasure as just that - self pleasure. Over the years, I have gained greater understanding about a lot of things, and my comfort level with a variety of activities has increased. DCwrestlefan, that's really what I mean about the comfort level with your kinks and fetishes. If it is safe, sane, and consensual, where does the "discomfort" come in for some folks?
     
  18. dongalong

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    I think it depends on the partner that you are with and their limitations. I made a list of all the things that I'd like to try with my last partner, at her request, which only included pleasurable things.
    Guess what? she branded me a pervert. Her lack of open mindedness didn't help when thinking about long term plans with her. It became one of the main problems in our relationship and convinced me of the incompatibilty that I had suspected when I first got to know her.
    Now, I would only suggest the same things to a new partner if she proves to be more compatible (and therefore open-minded)!
     
  19. DC_DEEP

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    dongalong, this is something you don't think about when you start in a relationship, right? It is interesting how one person's pleasure is another person's perversion. You didn't enumerate what things were so shocking to her (no need), but it just illustrates my point. Back when I used to date women (exploring, I guess) some were fairly experimental, some thought anything besides penis-in-the-vagina intercourse was just disgusting. I've heard more than one man complain that his wife gets upset/offended when he masturbates (why does he need to do that? do I not satisfy him?)

    In general, to all: which of your guilty pleasures do you realize are self-imposed taboo? How do you reconcile your aversion with your fascination? Do you think you could ever be comfortable with it?
     
  20. fortiesfun

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    Ah, now you are in my territory. I had a terrible time with this, even after I had come out to my wife and to my parents. Nothing was as difficult as saying it to my doctor, probably because I correctly guessed that he might not stop politely at the point others do when they have heard enough. He wanted to know exactly what practices I engaged in and what degree of knowledge I had about staying safe.

    He was a gay man himself, however, and was able to help me through it when he noticed I was beginning to sputter. "Weird how hard it is to talk about things that are not so hard to do," he teased. I'm glad he was so open. Probably saved my life by making a safe place for me to talk, and reveal my frightening ignorance about some very important things.
     
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