Your fantasies and comfort levels...

dongalong

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DC_DEEP said:
In general, to all: which of your guilty pleasures do you realize are self-imposed taboo? How do you reconcile your aversion with your fascination? Do you think you could ever be comfortable with it?
All my ideas will remain fantasies until I have the opportunity to realise them. They are not things that I actively try to make happen, this way they are comfortably stored in my mind developing as new ideas spring to mind.
I would have to find the right person to be comfortable about actually performing these fantasies, probably after I had performed a fantasy of hers that shocked me in some way.
 

Ethyl

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DC_DEEP said:
dongalong, this is something you don't think about when you start in a relationship, right? It is interesting how one person's pleasure is another person's perversion. You didn't enumerate what things were so shocking to her (no need), but it just illustrates my point. Back when I used to date women (exploring, I guess) some were fairly experimental, some thought anything besides penis-in-the-vagina intercourse was just disgusting. I've heard more than one man complain that his wife gets upset/offended when he masturbates (why does he need to do that? do I not satisfy him?)

I have one girlfriend who thinks it's selfish for her husband to masturbate when he can have sex with her anytime, something I can't quite grasp since i've always masturbated whether i'm in a relationship or not. Why must one sexual act be sacrificed for another? S'all good, IMO.

In general, to all: which of your guilty pleasures do you realize are self-imposed taboo? How do you reconcile your aversion with your fascination? Do you think you could ever be comfortable with it?

My only self-imposed taboo was masturbating in the presence of someone else. Not sure why but when I became sexually active, I assumed it was something you did just for yourself. My girlfriends talked about sex all the time but never masturbation. Finally, when I was 24, my lover asked if I masturbated and when I told him yes, he asked if he could watch me. I was startled at the question, yet flattered he wanted to watch me. I felt vulnerable at exposing a very private part of myself but it was also very liberating. Learning that any sexual act can be shared between two people was an important step in my sexual evolution.

Other than that, no aversions or "guilty" pleasures. I've told other partners about my past experiments only to discover they were threatened by the information and used it against me. The only guilt i've experienced is the guilt others tried to impose on me.
 

DC_DEEP

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fortiesfun, I'm glad you faced your fears and made yourself be comfy with your doctor. Sometimes, even what you may think is a trivial detail can help your healthcare professional make the best decisions regarding your health. I always say "if you can't be open and honest with your doctor, you need to find another doctor."

Dongalong and mercurialbliss, it sounds to me like you are both very comfortable with yourselves, and that's a good thing, and really what I was hoping I would hear from more members... and actually leading up to another thread I plan to start, eventually.
 

SpeedoGuy

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DC_DEEP said:
In general, to all: which of your guilty pleasures do you realize are self-imposed taboo? How do you reconcile your aversion with your fascination? Do you think you could ever be comfortable with it?

Probably my tendency for exhibitionism is my most self imposed taboo. Through experience, I found I had to be quite careful about how I indulged in it. Not everyone accepts it. Over the years I found partners who were turned off by it but, then, I also found a few who encouraged or even participated. All told, I'm comfortable with it now.
 

DC_DEEP

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SpeedoGuy said:
Probably my tendency for exhibitionism is my most self imposed taboo...
In a way, that's opposite what I was asking, but it still gets the point across, thanks. There are people who have the opposite problem, they are uncomfortable being naked, even when they are alone.

Really, what you describe is not a self-imposed taboo, but more of a coming to terms with the need for discretion in public situations. On the other side of your coin are those people who must have the lights off to have sex, and making sounds is forbidden.

LOL that reminds me of those stories you hear about the 80-year-old woman who, for the last 66 years, has never been seen by another person without her full makeup, not even her husband to whom she was married for 60 years.
 

fortiesfun

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DC_DEEP said:
fortiesfun, I'm glad you faced your fears and made yourself be comfy with your doctor. Sometimes, even what you may think is a trivial detail can help your healthcare professional make the best decisions regarding your health. I always say "if you can't be open and honest with your doctor, you need to find another doctor."

Thanks, DC. Your point is well taken. I realize now that my doctor was the first person to whom I should have identified my bi tendencies, back when it was just curiosity. Bi men tend to be extremely isolated, much more than their gay bretheren, and their inhibitions about talking about their sexuality can bring them to great harm.

Not telling you anything, of course, as this is your point with this thread, I think. I was just volunteering that I felt those inhibitions against all logical reasoning that openness with my doctor was indicated. For some time, I felt intense shame about what I felt and what I was doing. Took a long time to learn better.

For that reason, btw, I am open to PMs from bi-curious men, especially men coming to grips with their sexuality later in life, as I did. I tend to answer in rather clinical ways (or at least at first...:redface: ) but don't mind talking others through some of their questions.

Doc