If you are gay (or bi curious), do you remember your first visit to a homosexual bar? Mine was at age 26 and I was so scared I had to sit with my arms crossed on the table to keep from shaking!
Your first "Gay bar" experience
- Thread starter Mighty Joe
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Hey Joe-it's been about 20 years since my first gay bar experience, so thanks for the inspiration to "look back". At this point in my life, I can walk into the local gay bar all by myself and count on seeing a friend or two. True, it does feel a bit awkward if I don't see anyone and I'm just sittin' there, but It also feels good to be that independent. 
Thinking back on my first time I guess I was nervous, too. I was afraid someone I wasn't attracted to would hit on me, and I didn't want to have to be rude if they were persistent.
I guess I didn't have the fear of being "outed" to other people by someone who saw me there because I already identified as gay. (I just finally reached drinking age)
Were you in fear of being discovered?
Thanks for your post and your input, Joe!
Thinking back on my first time I guess I was nervous, too. I was afraid someone I wasn't attracted to would hit on me, and I didn't want to have to be rude if they were persistent.
I guess I didn't have the fear of being "outed" to other people by someone who saw me there because I already identified as gay. (I just finally reached drinking age)
Were you in fear of being discovered?
Thanks for your post and your input, Joe!
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ahh the first gay bar experience... I was scared out of my wits the first time I went to one. I had just turned 21 and prior to this I'd always heard the stories of being groped or the scary old men hitting on the young ones and of course the horror stories of someone putting the date rape drug in your drink and you wake up in the bathtub covered in ice with a note that says to call the hospital.
I went with a rather large group of friends that first fateful night to see another friend perform in a drag show (how stereotypical can I get huh? :lol: ) Well after the first half hour of not letting any of my friends get more than 1 foot away from me I realized that everyone was just there to relax, to be themselves, and have fun. The 4 alabama slammers probably helped too, but soon I was having a good ol time dancing the night away and shamelessly flirting with everyone! My pockets were over flowing with phone numbers! Boy I wish I still got that many phone numbers... <sigh>
Anyway, don't worry too much about your first gay bar experience. Go with people you trust and you'll quickly learn that everyone else is there for the same reasons, to be GAY!
I went with a rather large group of friends that first fateful night to see another friend perform in a drag show (how stereotypical can I get huh? :lol: ) Well after the first half hour of not letting any of my friends get more than 1 foot away from me I realized that everyone was just there to relax, to be themselves, and have fun. The 4 alabama slammers probably helped too, but soon I was having a good ol time dancing the night away and shamelessly flirting with everyone! My pockets were over flowing with phone numbers! Boy I wish I still got that many phone numbers... <sigh>
Anyway, don't worry too much about your first gay bar experience. Go with people you trust and you'll quickly learn that everyone else is there for the same reasons, to be GAY!
No, not "everyone". I went to a few gay bars with friends in New Orleans. Im not gay and so thats not the reason I went. I had fun and would do it again. I found out that night that finding straight people in a gay bar is not a rare event in the least.
- jonb,
Women started going to gay bars so they could avoid being hit on, actually. Straight guys are onto them, so now we might go to a gay bar to pick up women. LOL
Oh, and TallHungOC? I've generally found gay men in California are more stereotypical than gay men elsewhere. I think it's a social thing; I mean, two-spirits (queer Indians) on-rez don't really have any pride parades, but they also don't have to worry about hate crimes or any of the other anti-gay discrimination. (You could mention marriage, but most heterosexual Indians don't get legally married anyway.)
Oh, and TallHungOC? I've generally found gay men in California are more stereotypical than gay men elsewhere. I think it's a social thing; I mean, two-spirits (queer Indians) on-rez don't really have any pride parades, but they also don't have to worry about hate crimes or any of the other anti-gay discrimination. (You could mention marriage, but most heterosexual Indians don't get legally married anyway.)
Not a gay bar experience per se, but I was once hit on by a gay guy at a straight bar. In hindsight it seems hard to believe, but it did happen. This was when I was in college, and apparently the guy was recently out and was attempting to hone his gaydar. Somehow I gave him the impression that I was signalling him and he started getting pretty friendly. It took me quite a while to realize what he was doing, since I just never expect that kind of attention from another guy.
After about 10 minutes, I said something that clued him in to his mistake, and his reaction made me realize what was going on. (I guess I was slow on the uptake what with having a few beers in me and all.) He was pretty embarrassed, and I told him he should be careful about doing that, since a lot of guys would not be nearly as understanding as I was.
I felt kinda weird about it afterward, but later I decided I should take it as a compliment.
After about 10 minutes, I said something that clued him in to his mistake, and his reaction made me realize what was going on. (I guess I was slow on the uptake what with having a few beers in me and all.) He was pretty embarrassed, and I told him he should be careful about doing that, since a lot of guys would not be nearly as understanding as I was.
I felt kinda weird about it afterward, but later I decided I should take it as a compliment.
I was living in Mississippi and friends kept telling me about this terrific gay bar in Birmingham (Alabama) called the "Fire Pit". After I quit shaking, I had a ball (cock too! and eventually moved there (not the bar...but the area).
Back then the vice squad was notorious and would have "plants" in bars for entrapment. I saw several getting arrested for putting their hands on the decoy's leg or cock. They would also sit out in the cars on side streets when the bars closed and arrest you if you appeared drunk. I even saw a bartender get arrested for whispering to a customer that the guy sitting next to him was a vice cop.
It's been a long time now since I've been in a bar...much less a gay bar. I quit smoking years ago and can't handle the smoke and usually loud music. Of course, I'm older too and that, unfortunately, makes a difference.
and eventually moved there (not the bar...but the area).Back then the vice squad was notorious and would have "plants" in bars for entrapment. I saw several getting arrested for putting their hands on the decoy's leg or cock. They would also sit out in the cars on side streets when the bars closed and arrest you if you appeared drunk. I even saw a bartender get arrested for whispering to a customer that the guy sitting next to him was a vice cop.
It's been a long time now since I've been in a bar...much less a gay bar. I quit smoking years ago and can't handle the smoke and usually loud music. Of course, I'm older too and that, unfortunately, makes a difference.
Lookathistud: My first time in a gay bar was only about a year ago. I was 18, and I was scared shitless that I was going to get caught using a fake ID. Anyway, I walked inside the door, the bouncer looked at me, then looked at my ID, and then looked at me again. I was like oh shit, I'm screwed. I just knew I was going to get caught. But then he said, "You're pretty cute, why haven't I seen you here before?" I just gave him some bullshit answer and tried to be as friendly as I could with him. Once I got inside, I was tottaly in awe. First, that they actually let me in. Second, of the fact that there actually so many gay guys (I came from a small, sheltered town). About 4 or 5 guys bought me drinks (I don't know if any of them were cute or not, because I was a lil tipsy, but I didn't care) I just had so much fun just dancing and meeting people. Now I work graveyards Wednesdays thru Sundays, so I can't go out anymore, but I guess that's a good thing since I'm not 21.
Growing up in Toronto I suppose is a bit different than most places since it is so liberal. There were G/L/B Youth Dances for underagers and I was at one or two when I was 16 and 17. Likewise with the UofT "homo hops" had no age requirement either. Going to a gay bar wasn't much different than going to a straight bar after those experiences, except one gets 'hit on' a lot more. I think I had a couple of offers on my first gay bar visit and plenty of free drinks! No doubt about it, the youngest guy in any gay bar usually drinks for free.
