NineInchCock_160IQ:
Originally posted by txquis@Jan 19 2005, 12:57 PM
Anybody ever been in love?
Ever been in a long term relationship?
I'm curious, because we all share our sexual banging history, but we dont
share much here about our long term or "in love" history....Here is mine.
COLLEGE GIRL -dated for awhile..still leaned more toward guys, she gave me her blessing and sent me out of the closet.
COLLEGE BOY -first real guy experience. My college roommate. After college, he "jumped the fence" and married a woman, and now has kids.(sigh)
LOVE OF MY LIFE SO FAR GUY- together for five years. We lived together and shared expenses, love and life. Ending was hideous.
THE LONG DISTANCE- Out of state-er, helped me to heal my heart and repair my ego. my best friend on this earth...but...he cant move here, i cant move there....(sigh).
Right now, single again.
Anyone else willing to share?
[post=275632]Quoted post[/post]
I've always liked girls. I never went through a "girls have cooties" phase, I was always interested in them. So even back when I was a toddler, I remember having "girlfriends" in preschool, kindergarten. Shannon McGivens in preschool. Tammy in kindergarten. Andrea Thorpe in 2nd grade.
When I was seven years old my family moved and I had to change schools. Prior to this change of environment I was extremely extroverted and outgoing, very popular with other kids, would walk up and initiate conversations with complete strangers without a second thought (which terrified my parents when I was six) After the move, I had no friends. For whatever reason, I had difficulty making new ones. I become very introverted and shy. I put on weight and through grade school I was the chubby kid, the weird kid who was often the class clown because he liked to make people laugh, maybe the kid who was smarter than everyone else, the kid who wasn't particularly good at or even interested in any sports. None of this helped to make me very popular. That's all peripheral to the topic in this thread, but the point was that though I was still very interested in girls and had several big crushes in grade school and jr. high I never had a girlfriend in these years, I was extremely lonely, often depressed. Even at age nine. I had many crushes. Often I felt like I was in love, and maybe I was, though these feelings were never reciprocated. From 4th grade through 6th it was Chrissy Wright I was infatuated with. Then through middle school it was Melissa Kitchell. and early on in high school there was my sister's friend Lisa Hom. I still have some feelings for Lisa. But this was all unrequited love. Left me feeling pretty miserable most of the time.
This led in to my first real relationship. I lost a lot of weight my freshman year of high school. I was slowly
slowly coming out of my shell, becoming more social, making new friends. My sophomore year this girl Jenni in my creative writing class asked me out to Homecoming. It didn't take me long before I was head over heels in love with her. That first year or so I was so incredibly happy. Ecstatic. It was like I had OD'd on Prozac or something I don't know. Just very young and very much in love, I guess. I poured my heart and soul and every ounce of energy I could muster in to that relationship, it was everything to me, Jenni was everything to me. Perhaps too much, I think I was smothering her a little bit. But we were together over three years. Planning on getting married, having kids, the whole shebangabang. Then she dumped me for some guy in Michigan she met on the internet using the computer I bought for her.
I didn't move for about three days, barely left the house for about three weeks, was severely depressed for over a year. Even after recovering from the worst of the depression I felt dead inside. As if I had lost the capacity to feel. I didn't think I was able to feel love again after that, and it would be a while before I actually did.
Shannon Goggans taught me that I could love again. I knew her from the internet. That was a beautiful relationship, I thought, at least while it lasted. She had a boyfriend the whole time but I didn't care. It was enough for me that she knew how I felt about her and I never asked her to leave Sam for my sake, she really just made me very happy being my friend. But eventually she pushed me away.
After Shannon my second real relationship started with another girl I knew from the internet, the same place I had met Shannon actually. Alisha and I had been friends for a while, and eventually decided to become romantically involved and something more than mere friends. It was long distance. She lived out in California and I lived in Virginia. I flew out to take her to her junior prom, she came out to visit me in Virginia, and then a year after we had started the long-distance relationship thing I moved out to California to be with her. Packed as much crap as I could fit in my Lumina, set off across the country with nothing but the money I had saved. No job lined up, no place to stay. But that worked out alright. I was out there about a year and a half before Alisha and I finally broke up. As much as I cared for her, there wasn't much passion in the relationship. I was not head over heels in love with her the way I was with Jenni. She didn't make me giddy with happiness the way talking to Shannon used to. and the sex was lacking. I was extremely frustrated and eventually cheated on her. Not especially proud or ashamed of that fact. The relationship was stagnating and we both saw this and eventually called it quits and I came back to Virginia. Alisha and I are still friends though.
Since Alisha, which was now over three years ago, my relationships have for the most part been pretty shallow and empty. There is one girl that I have been in love with, and my feelings for her were perhaps more real than anything I felt for anyone else prior. I resisted falling for her, because I knew it would be difficult or impossible to persue, I knew we both had a lot of emotional baggage and any potential relationship would be difficult to navigate, from the beginning I just felt like it was never going to work. But, oh god, I loved her so much. The way I felt about her made what I felt for Jenni seem like some stupid boyhood crush. I wasn't as obsessed and didn't smother her as much as I did Jenni, but I have gotten a lot older and more mature since then. it was different. and this girl... Malgorzata... she lives in Warsaw, Poland. Part of the reason I knew it was going to be difficult. We started writing each other shortly after she broke up with her boyfriend Piotrek. But she was never really over him. I saw this, I knew this, she denied it. She told me I was what was important to her now. She never said that she loved me. She had become afraid of this word, and even told me as much. But I know that she did love me. For years nothing made me quite as happy as seeing a new e-mail from her in my inbox. Nothing could make me smile so broadly as to read over her grammatically broken sentences and learn about whatever happened to her on any given day. I took it upon myself to find her phone number and call her as a surprise, which proved to be very difficult but I finally managed this. and then we had our e-mails and our phone conversations. Everything was fine for a while. Everything was better than fine, it was bliss, she made me so happy. But, eventually, she started pulling away. I don't know exactly when it began, but I could definitely tell. Then what I had always feared would happen happened, and she ended up back with Piotrek again. This boy who had dumped her before, who didn't appreciate her the same way that I did, who didn't love her the same way she loved him. She knew this as much as I did, but still, chose to be with him. I couldn't just let it go like that. I had never seen this girl before, not in person. I had written it out in e-mails a few times that I loved her, but never spoken these words to her aloud. Because I wanted the first time I said them to her to be in person, when I could look into her eyes, touch the skin of her hand, hear her breathing as not transmitted over a copper wire. I couldn't ask to come see her. I knew that she would say no. So I made the arrangements in secret. Originally I was going to go to Warsaw to see her, but then I had to change my plans because I found out the first couple weeks of August she was going to be in Hel. Not the pit of eternal fire and damnation... but a little Polish resort town by the same name at the end of a long narrow spike of land up in the Baltic Sea north of Gdansk. I was going to have to find her there. So I flew in to Warsaw, took a train up to Gdansk, and another train to Hel. Had no idea where she was staying or how to contact her. Didn't speak the language. Wasn't even entirely certain I would recognize her if I did see her. But the same day I got there I found her. We spent the afternoon and evening together and it was wonderful. I told her I loved her. and she told me to go. still hung up on Piotrek. and so I left.
that has been my experience with love and long-term relationships. Now I should probably get to bed before the sun comes up.
)
