Your start in being bi or gay

Matthew

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My sexual attraction for men developed naturally as I hit puberty ... without any choice or conscious thought whatsoever. As a teenager I, for one, would never have chosen to be anything that made me stand out from the crowd or made me a target for the scorn of my peers. To the contrary, in my early teens I would try to 'make' myself feel attraction to women, but absolutely could not.

But I get it - the fact that sexual orientation is not a choice for most of us, if not all, undermines the OP's belief system; therefore he cannot/will not accept it.
 

needtonut

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It's not uncommon for men to have experiences with other boys at young ages. Either during camping trips, sleep overs, or just horsing around during the summer. Sometimes they compare sizes, growth of hair, show off boners and sometimes even touch each other. I think it's a healthy form of discovery. It can happen with men straight, gay, or bi men.
I think I was 10 the first time I pulled my dick out with another neighborhood kid. His dad had some nudie mags and we took them up to the attic and pulled our dicks out. He was older and had pubes and a bigger dick. I was more interested in his dick than the naked women in the magazine. I was always trying to think of ways to see his dick but soon he started getting girlfriends and lost interest in our times in the attic.
Two years later I had a sleepover with my cousins... Two brothers 16 and 10, I was 12. By this time, I had pubes but had never masturbated until ejaculation. The 16 year old was too happy to show us his hairy dick and brag about how many girls he had finger fucked. The 10 year old pretty much just watched us as we stroked our own dicks. Eventually, the older guy let us both touch his cock. I was fascinated with how much hair he had. We stroked a long time but nothing was happening and so he told me I wasn't doing it right. He spat in his hand and grabbed my cock and took over. About 5 minutes later, I shot my first load.
I was always trying to find ways to get guys to jack with me or let me see their cock but it seemed everyone was outgrowing those needs and finding girl friends.
Throughout jr and sr high school I had the occasional girlfriend but we never got physical. Lots of kissing but never anything more. I was in college before ever touching my first female breast... over the t-shirt. The thought of touching anything else or going all the way never crossed my mind. The desire was not there. However, there were many goodlooking guys on campus that I would have gladly jerked off with or even more if the fear of being found out were not so strong.
I grew up in a very conservative household with strong religious beliefs. For the longest time I truly believed that my attraction for women was not present because it was a sin to have sex outside of marriage. I believed that once I got married, God would give me desires for my wife. THANK GOD I came to my senses and did not get married. So many guys I knew in college got married had children and are currently cheating on their wives with men. They are miserable.
The only choices I made were to finally come out and be truthful to myself and others. I did not choose to be gay... I did however choose to finally have sex with men and follow what my heart, mind, and soul were telling me. So while I chose to follow this path, I did not wake up one day and make a choice as to what turned me on.
TOO MANY young kids are killing themselves because others are making them feel like they need to fit into a mold and be someone they are NOT. Telling people it is a choice implies that the right choice is being straight. It stands to reason that if it were a choice, we would choose straight but only for the reason because life would have been so much easier. WHY WOULD I CHOOSE A LIFE THAT CAUSED ME TO BE BULLIED, RIDICULED, and GO AGAINST FAMILY and RELIGIOUS BELIEFS? Trust me... during those long years of self discovery I absolutely hated myself for having feelings for men. Again, THANK GOD, that I stayed strong and made it to adulthood and have had a 100% turn around. My family now accepts me, there are several faiths who have opened their door to people of all sexual orientations.
I'm curious to know.... when did you choose to be straight? Did you have equal desires for men and women and you went with women? I'll even take it further Mr. Hornygamer89... if, in fact, it is a choice.... I challenge you to put your mouth where your typing fingers are and CHOOSE it.... Hell, you don't have to choose it for the rest of your life. Just choose it for a month, or a week... Fuck, I'll let you even just choose it for a day. Fly to Dallas and choose to suck my cock! You can go back to "choosing straight" afterwards. Prove to us all that it is a choice.... Fucking CHOOSE to suck my cock!! After you slurp on my hard trobbing cock, feeling it pulsate down the back of your throat... Once you feel my man spunk unload down your suck hole, you can go back to being straight. It's that easy!!
Yes, I'm being harsh and yes I'm stealing from the tactics of Dan Savage here but consider this...
If we are only talking about sex here, men are horny more often than women. Men are more apt to have sex at the drop of a hat than women. Many men can have sex anytime and anywhere. If a man wants sex with another man, he can usually get on the internet and have a hook up in place within a few hours. If it's just about sex and choices, why wouldn't all men just choose men? They'd certainly get laid more often.
 
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Teb8807

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Honestly, I think you have to take sex out of equation sometimes, because some people only view sex as an action, rather than a part of something that is loving and compassionate. My question to you is, have you ever been in-love with a girl? And if you were in-love with her, how did that make you feel? Did you love the way she smiled at you, how she laughed, how she understood you, was the sex enjoyable? I’m assuming it was, simply because love feels good. But, who’s to say that relationships and sex are so black and white? You’re either this or that? Is love and sex really that bipolar?

Here’s the thing, hornygamer89, humans are complex beings, and there is so much that science cannot tell us. With that said, there are going to be things that we feel and know deep down inside of us that we cannot explain. Here is another question for you. How many of your best male friends have you fallen in love with and wanted to peruse a romantic relationship with, as well as share sexual experiences? Let me guess, none of them because you “choose not to”, right? Why not, doesn’t love and sex make us feel good, make us happy, etc? Or is it possible that you just don’t have the makeup to feel that way towards members of the same gender?

To make it simple here, we’re gay and bisexual because we just are, not because we chose to be. We get comfort, happiness, and love from members of the same gender. We enjoy sharing sexual experiences with other men because it turns us on, drives us crazy. Isn’t the same response you get from a woman? If you really want to understand why a man or woman is gay or bisexual, why not do a little experiment. Go fall in love with a man, have gay sex, and report back to us how that made you feel. It’s no different than you have female friends who you’re not attracted to and don't pursue a relationship with, or not being with somebody you find repulsive. See the key word there, attraction?

I can tell you this for sure, I don’t need science, religion, or closed minded people to explain to me why I love and enjoy sex with the same gender. Like any other natural human response, I respond to what makes me feel good, happy, and what feels right, just like you.

One thing I've never understood about people like you though, is why it's so important to feel so right about sexuality. It has always made me suspect their dealing with their own sexuality, and they're trying so hard to prove that being gay is a choice so they don't have to face the truth.
 

tallandlean

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I firmly believe from my own experience that one is born homosexual or heterosexual.
If one decides not to engage in homosexual activity, i.e., if one makes that "choice,"
that person is still homosexual in his attraction to others of his sex.
 

dylz

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i decided i hate god and want to spite him. so i rejected his greatest invention (pussy, because that is his greatest invention) and went for the CAWK (satans greatest invention)
 

lbj15

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First, this is all incorrect. Big perky natural boobs, especially on skinny girls, are Gods greatest invention.

Second, I do think there's an interesting conversation to be had here (which has probably been had elsewhere) about discovering you were gay or straight. I can distinctly remember being fascinated by Mrs. Sibley's giant tits in 2nd grade. Not necessarily in any sexual way, since I didn't really understand sex at the time, but just in a "wow, look at those" way. In retrospect, that was some of the earliest evidence of heterosexuality I displayed.
 

Clancy7

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This is a useless argument. I started 'liking' boys early in my teens, didn't mess around until much later, just experimented and talked a lot. I got married had children and also had a few man to man experiences, but still went for pussy and cock now and then. I got a divorce later in life and man to man action was more available than women mostly because of all the hassle in 'dating' and partnering with a woman. I feel a very highly intense orgasm with a man or woman, but find that women for me, mainly provide the long term emotional ties, men give me the short term highly intense feelings that I keep going back for. You can decide what you want to call me, but I call myself happy and independent to choose what I want for sex and life.
 

D_Claude_Jenitalia

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This is a useless argument. I started 'liking' boys early in my teens, didn't mess around until much later, just experimented and talked a lot. I got married had children and also had a few man to man experiences, but still went for pussy and cock now and then. I got a divorce later in life and man to man action was more available than women mostly because of all the hassle in 'dating' and partnering with a woman. I feel a very highly intense orgasm with a man or woman, but find that women for me, mainly provide the long term emotional ties, men give me the short term highly intense feelings that I keep going back for. You can decide what you want to call me, but I call myself happy and independent to choose what I want for sex and life.

I have been trying to think of a way to say that since I read this post. You have put it brilliantly. Thanks. I have been married for 30 years and I have a male friend that I have been fooling around with since I was 12. We get together every now and then just to have that male contact.
 

travis7

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str8 or gay or bi ,dont matter what.. its not a choice. its a choice act in it, but not a choice to like it. Lets look at eggplant, peas... some like them and some don't. is it a choice to like them.. no.. its just who you are. but if you do like them, then its a choice to eat them. You can not control what your body likes. Some may get hard at looking at a naked woman, and others may get hard looking at naked men.
You can not control your dreams, .
Now gay guys like to see porn of gay guys having sex..
but str8 guys like to see men having sex with woman. Both are looking at naked men.
Ive been with a girl.. but my body would not fuction as it would seeing a naked man.
My body.. is just not ment to get a rise from looking at a naked woman, a chicken, or a horse..
But, show me a good looking naked man, or a man in uniform with his cock out.. then Ill get hard..
If you don't like guys, then dont look at them.. If you affended by seeing me naked then dont look over my fence and stay out of my house. If one dislikes sushi, then don't go to a sushi rest and complain that they dont have burgers.
 

Someone28

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For as long as I can remember I've been straight and interested in girls. To be honest I find pussy a bit rank (especially when hairy, that's just nasty) but I do love boobs. However recently I've become rather interested in guys. I wouldn't say it was a choice, in the past if I ever stumbled across gay porn I would find it disgusting and quickly close it, but now I'm starting to see why guys like it. I still think its weird seeing two guys together, kissing or whatever, not because I'm in some way homophobic it's just something I'm not used to seeing. To be honest I'm still working out what I like. A few weeks ago I sucked off a guy and I guess I enjoyed the experience - it was a lot nicer than licking pussy at least! But I'm definitely still into women so maybe I can be straight most of the time then when its their time of the month I'll just be gay for a week :p
I definitely wouldn't say it was a choice. You can choose who you have sex with but you can't choose what you find enjoyable any more than you can choose whether you like marmite or not. So that's it... I guess cock is like marmite... you either love it or you hate it!
 

Saaga

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Science has yet to prove if gay or straight is genetics because it isn't. It is a preference. No one is born liking blue, enjoying pizza, or collecting baseball cards.

I think you're using the words choice and preference synonymously. The former implies an act while the latter does not. While a preference can promote a particular choice, preferences can be inherent and, therefore, passive.
 
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Sexuality is hard wired. I'm gay, and yes I could choose to sleep with a woman if I wanted to but it's not about choosing to sleep with men or women it's about the fact I wouldn't want to because they don't get me off. Any gay/bi or str8 man can choose to sleep with either sex but sexuality comes down to who you want to sleep with i.e. who turns you on men or women and that is what defines being gay/bi/str8. Men turn me on, women don't simple. I have felt this way as long as I can remember, even having had a gf when I was young several in fact, I was trying to deny my sexual attraction to men, so if it is merely a "choice" as you put it then why was I becoming increasingly agitated at being with a girl and masturbating over men every chance I got, looking at men in a sexual way and eventually doing sexual things with men and compared to sleeping with a woman I love being with men and have no desire to sleep with women, bascially they don't turn me on. Scientific studies have been done recently that show that gay men's brains respond in the same way to men's pheremones (located in the armpit) as women's brains do. 100% str8 men's brains do not respond to these pheremones they respond to womens pheromones instead. This would suggest that sexuality is genetic or in some way hard wired in the brain and one can choose to deny their sexuality but one cannot deny their sexual urges whether they "choose" to lie about them or not. This is why so many guys have trouble coming out, why so many guys who are actually gay pretend to be bi, as men get more comfortable being gay there will be more gay men as time goes on. I noticed you have not mentioned lesbians in the same light, well scientifically the pheremone thing is the same for them, their brains don't respond to male pheremones, instead their brains respond to female pheremones in the same way as str8 men's brains. Society needs to stop focussing on why people are gay, I think if you read between the lines of the OP he is having trouble coming to terms with his sexuality and I hope you do come to terms with it because your life will be much easier once you accept yourself for who you are. Finally sexuality is found in over 450 species! I also suggest you look up Pederasty - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia this was around in ancient greece. Being gay/bi goes back to the dawn of time and you will probably be surpised to know roman soldiers used to partake in homosexual activities. When the world stop focussing on why people are gay/str8 and ssociety starts accepting a universal sexuality instead of labelling, a world where you can walk down the street holding a guys hand or hit on a guy at work without fear of being floored the world will be a much simpler place. There is nothing wrong with being gay/str8 so why focus on the reason?
 

NoH8

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Hello Everyone,

Being a straight guy it is hard for me to understand....

Personally I do not believe that a guy can be born gay or bi. It is simply a choice. Right now a straight guy can choose to be gay or bi, a gay guy can choose to become straight or bi, etc.

So if you are willing to share your story, please do.
.

Just so you know it's considered bad manners to ask a question but to deny the validity of the answer before you actually hear the answer. In real life this is called a rhetorical question. On the Internet it's called trolling.

Even Lady Gaga knows the answer is "Born This Way". Everybody inherits their potential and their personality is moulded by their parents and their early life. But due to the evolutionary imperative to reproduce humans are ALL born with sexual attraction that gets switched on at puberty. It's just that in a certain percentage of humans the attraction is to the same or both sexes. There is nothing anyone can do to change this. It has been true throughout history and across the globe in every country. It is not cultural, it is biological.

As many of the smart posters above have said, there is nothing that you can do to change the sexuality you were given. You can only change who you sleep with, but you can't will your dick to get hard for a chicken or a goat or a horse or a person who doesn't have what you need to get turned on. (Except by closing your eyes and imagining another person!)

To answer your question, when I was seven I didn't know about what was gay or not but I had a crush on another cute seven year old boy. He was my best friend at the time. I chased him in the school yard once and kissed him when I caught him. He didn't like it and turned away. We were both already hard wired at that age for our differing sexual lives. (And don't say I'm now gay because I kissed him, I kissed him because I was born gay. Medical science is studying the Hypothalamus and brain responses to pheromones. Gay men's brains act more like straight women's brains in this respect).

I've had heterosexual sex but I had to imagine male imagery in my head to cum with a woman. This felt dishonest and my female friend and I decided not to do it any more.