Zombie Survival Plan

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by flame boy, Apr 3, 2011.

  1. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2008
    Messages:
    8,889
    Likes Received:
    5
    So we know what some users would do using their immediate surroundings. We also know who thinks they would survive and we also know who would be bitten however the biggest question remains unanswered. What is your Zombie Survival Plan?

    Here is your starting scenario:

    It's a Wednesday at 3.45pm (think! Where are you normally at this time? That's your start place) and you hear news of a the dead coming back to life and attacking the living. The news confirms that the nearest outbreak is about 1 hour away from your location, but it's spreading and fast. It's been detailed that they are slow moving, attracted to loud noises, bright lights and can smell human flesh when in close proximity.

    What do you do? Where do you go? Share your plan!
     
  2. HiddenLacey

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2010
    Messages:
    5,470
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    249
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    somewhere
    Hmmm, ok I love zombies... not IRL,but movies so I think I have this one under control. At 345 I'm at home working or I may have just gotten off. I would immediately grab my gun and all of the ammo I have in my home, along with a bag for flashlights, batteries and a few knifes. Change into sneakers, jeans, tshirt with hoodie ( I want my arms covered.) Back my SUV up to the side of the house so if I needed to I could jump onto it to make a get away. Carry food, water and supplies into my attic and into my SUV. Contact my Dad and tell him to get here ASAP. Hole up in the attic, hopefully my Dad makes it here it time.

    Now, I'm thinking to myself that the zombies will starve and die out eventually, we just have to last until that happens. If we have to leave I'm following the rules from "Zombieland." My own personal rule is if you're bit I will shoot you in the head or basically go insane on you like the woman in "28 Days Later" and hack you until I'm sure you will not be coming back.

    If and when it comes time to leave first stop is a pawn store, more guns, more ammo, less zombies :D I think my next step would be to grab as much gas as possible, stay away from medical facilities because they are going to be crawling with the undead. Hit a pharmacy for antibotics in case of injury including whatever medical supplies/ batteries I can grab. Head as far away from the city as possible because cities smell like food to them and the power is going to go out soon anyway so why stay.
     
    #2 HiddenLacey, Apr 3, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 3, 2011
  3. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2008
    Messages:
    8,889
    Likes Received:
    5
    That's a sweet plan! I will post mine later on.
     
  4. Hoss

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2010
    Messages:
    12,050
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    398
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Eastern town
    The timing is sweet I can still catch The People's Court at 4 unless Judge Judy has an interesting case. Maybe I'll catch Ellen's opening 1st.
    During commercials I will place a music system at my neighbor's door and let it blast along with bright flashing lights. At the attack time I drive away in my pickup truck and head to a remote sex village. No self respecting zombie will ever snack on a sexually depraved human, zombies are pure & virtuous so I'll be safe.

    Just my luck I have happened upon a sex village filled with my 1,500 favorite television, sports & movie stars and they're all as sexually depraved as me. Hating sex, the zombies rove the rest of the planet eating well fed humans with huge brains, leaving me & my new friends to ourselves & our fun & games.
     
  5. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2003
    Messages:
    28,014
    Likes Received:
    725
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    the pain behind your eyes
    Easy trap the sumbitches in a town like the walking dead, and then nuke it.
    End of story. (Plus the zombies, BTW!)
     
  6. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2008
    Messages:
    8,889
    Likes Received:
    5
    Wait...you have access to nukes?! My plan is changing, i'm sticking with you!
     
  7. Hoss

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2010
    Messages:
    12,050
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    398
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Eastern town
    Silly lads. Nuclear weapons are useless against zombies.
     
  8. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2003
    Messages:
    28,014
    Likes Received:
    725
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    the pain behind your eyes
    T'aint what my Resident evil video sez, cuz.
     
  9. D_Salvatore Speedbump

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2010
    Messages:
    117
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ok first off i thought you were gonna say "Silly lads. Nuclear weapons are for kids." Which would have resulted in the following WTF and subsequent lul. Second, (scooby sound) are zombies that badass that they're impervious to radiation and/or massive explosions? Cause if so.....we're all boned anyway lol.
     
  10. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2003
    Messages:
    28,014
    Likes Received:
    725
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    the pain behind your eyes
    Now, how could things that are half dead, flesh falling offa their faces/bods gonna be that impervious to nukes? What you think they're gonna be like that knight from MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL?
     
  11. B_Jordan85

    B_Jordan85 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2009
    Messages:
    402
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New England
    oh wow! the news is on. (suspension of disbelief) considering that our government wouldn't tell us if there was an outbreak, rather call it a bunch of radical muslims or some strange happening like, "all the birds falling out of the air in Alabama, or undeclared missile launches off the coast of San Francisco." But let me play along. WOW! how interesting, the zombies they are showing on tv look just like US! No peeling flesh, no wounds, and only slight mumblings...MY GOD IS it true??? That we are all zombies and have been for many years, and they are just bringing this to light because Fox news wants to use it as a political tool? "Obama isn't American, he's a socialist who created zombies through lack of employment, HE IS the Zombie Maestro!"

    zombies are dead, It was fairly simple to rid the Earth of them. All it took was overexposure by certain unoriginal Hollywood directors and not even the zombies wanted to be zombies anymore. we need another zombie plot like I need a shot to the head. Try again.
     
    #11 B_Jordan85, Apr 5, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2011
  12. B_Jordan85

    B_Jordan85 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2009
    Messages:
    402
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New England
    speaking of unseen, imaginary forces, and made up monsters. what i find more puzzling than the undead is MASSIVEPKGo's claim at the bottom of his signature. Even the magic of movies are created from that saying, "ya gotta see it to believe it." In this case, another failure at the box office.
     
    #12 B_Jordan85, Apr 5, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2011
  13. D_Asston Kutcher

    D_Asston Kutcher Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2007
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    1
    Hop on the net and download a few survivalist/military manuals and google maps. Call family members and tell them to get ready we have to get the fuck out of town.

    While it's downloading I'll get gun, hop into car and drive as fast as I can to the nearest car dealership.
    Steal a van with good gas mileage.

    Drive to the local whatever mart and steal food weapon making supplies and a few hundred gallons of gas.

    Pick up family members in van and go to the most fortified place in town. Shoot everything that gets close.

    Make plans to steal school buses and semi trucks. Retro fit the semis into temporary living quarters. At the same time we will go out to find supplies and survivers.

    After a while we'll leave and go to an abandoned desert town or mountain town. We'll set up some form of communication to tell others.

    Daily bite checks are mandatory and cremation upon death is implied.

    After everything is set up I'll take some supplies a fast car and drive around looking for survivors supplies and other safe havens.

    I'll then set up safe havens with a weeks worth of supplies a map to the settlement and shortwave radio and a gun.
    And a note saying:
    *You aren't alone in the world. there are others. there is hope.*
    Will be taped to the wall.

    If I or someone else can't get to them in time or if they can't make it, then they will at least have some hope before the end.
    I'm not sure if that would be cruel or not.
     
  14. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2008
    Messages:
    8,889
    Likes Received:
    5
  15. hockeyguy741

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2008
    Messages:
    8,507
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3
    steal a large boat fill it full of food and ammo and sail away.....can zombies swim?
     
  16. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2008
    Messages:
    8,889
    Likes Received:
    5
    I wouldn't think they could swim - so let's go with a "no they cannot swim".

    A boat is a neat idea.
     
  17. CrookedHalo

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2011
    Messages:
    550
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    378
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Midwest Farmer's Daughter (I really am!)
    Verified:
    Photo
    I'm thinking of getting to a big store such as Sam's Club or Costco and fortifying it. At least they carry lots of supplies and food. And on the way there I'm grabbing all the ammo I can, whether it fits my guns or not, from every place that carries it. That should be a good start until i can work something more permanent out. What's the ruling on dogs? Do they turn into zombie dogs?
     
Draft saved Draft deleted