Many members of my high school graduating class are on Facebook which is how we stay in touch with each other. (I guess I am showing my age). A few months ago I started to get these messages from one of the guys in my class. I had no idea who he was, but things were easy going so no worries. Eventually, he sent me a message asking about why I was still single and why I had no family. I told him it was complicated but that I would tell him when I had some time to think about it.
I'm gay and have known it for a very long time. I never wanted to be and did everything I could not to be, but baby I was born this way. For a long time I did one of those double life things that are no fun. Eventually, when I left my job I was able to come out and live my life. I finally shared basically what I just shared. His response to that story was good for you. Not what I was expecting. Not sure what I was expecting, just not that.
I decided to see who this guy was and if I actually remembered him. I got the yearbook out and there he was. I think he came from a rather poor family, not that I was rich by any stretch, but I just remember him looking ragtag and a bit dirty all the time. He was a nice guy although a bit odd, but I remember talking to him from time to time. I hope that doesn't sound bitchy. I felt bad about him being kind of dirty.
Anyway, I let him know I totally remembered him. He suggested we get together for coffee sometime in the future. I said sure. And then the odd comments started coming in. He said he could feel the beat of my heart when he was lying down and thinking about me. He loved holding men, it made him feel secure. He said he could not wait until we had a chance to really be together.
I am shitting my pants because I am nowhere near ready for that. I decided I should take a good look at his Facebook. There are many pictures of him with a woman and they keep telling each other how happy they are together. How they support each other and love being together. I don't think he is married to her, but he could be.
Suffice to say I am a bit weirded out by his comments. In a previous blog post, I talked about asking God to put a man in my life. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I can't imagine God putting me in the middle of this whole thing. I know there is no sex here or people cumming or stroking off or ass fucking - it is just kind of plain old blog post about a guy who I am pretty sure was gay when he was in high school and had a crush on me when he was in high school (forgot to say that he told me that too). I don't want to be mean and hurtful, but I don't think being involved in this situation is a good idea.
If you want to share your thoughts - please do - if not that is fine too. Just a weird situation.
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