THANK YOU to all you fabulous gents who have encouraged me, written reviews, shared on social media, etc. If you love what I’ve shared or posted on here, I would be SINCERELY grateful if you check out a copy of my book on Amazon. It has been a true labor of love—and I offer it as a gift of healing in these troubled times.
Much love to you all!
Buy my book here: Kae Strouse
Wow. I’m flabbergasted... they SELDOM give out a perfect 5.0 in their reviews!
JOURNEY TO THE ECSTATIC SELF - IndieReader
I feel so honored and blessed.
Please check out my most recent article on Medium—learning how to dwell in happiness.
I spent most of my childhood and teenage years living in fear. Fear of what others would say about me, think about me, shout at me.
You see, when I was a kid—I was bullied relentlessly. I don’t know how much was because of my queerness, my neuro-divergency, or some other intangible thing...but for many years, my life was pure hell. There was hardly a passing period in school where someone wouldn’t taunt me, body check me, embarrass me, slam my belongings out of my hands, or make me cry.
In today’s YoutTube video, I talk about my experiences and the process I went through to learn to forgive and even love the people who hurt me. How others treating me like dirt inspired me to become the sort of man that makes everyone he meets feel valued, respected, and cared for. To share love rather than causing further pain.
My Story About Being Bullied
Since y’all have been so lovey and supportive, I thought I’d give you a sneak-peek at the trailer for my upcoming book before it goes live to the rest of the world...
Hey gents (and ladies)!
My first-ever book is coming out in just a couple months!! WOOO-HOO! Cue the violins!!
One of the things that is going to be tremendously helpful for it’s launch is to get a TON of people writing genuine reviews during the first few days it launches.
This is where you come in—I need people who would be willing to read an advanced copy of the book and then leave an Amazon review. I will provide the digital copy for free—and, if you love it, I’d be honored if you purchase it from Amazon before posting your review (and then it’ll also show “verified purchase”). But, either way, you will get a COMPLIMENTARY copy of Journey to the Ecstatic Self.
Please let me know your thoughts. If you are interested, please DM me here!
Peace and love! Kae
What was originally called The Discomfortable Person’s Guide to Self-Acceptance is now out of my hands. It has transformed into Journey to the Ecstatic Self—and is at the mercy of an editor, designer, and typesetter. It is getting dressed for its debutant ball—all gussied and bedazzled and tiara-ed. Soon it will be an entity unto itself—my job in creating it is complete.
Sure, I still have to shepherd it into the world—but I am now but its escort, no longer its maker. And it’s time to let it go.
Surrendering a piece of art into the world is always a strange and harrowing experience. With it goes a piece of ourselves. We, the creators of art, invest our life force, consciousness, and will into the making of a piece. But then, it leaves us—like a child off to university. Where it will have experiences, make new friends, binge drink at frat parties—create new tales of which we will know not. Have we taught it well enough? Have we reminded it to only drink from beer bottles because it’s less likely someone will roofie such a small opening?
I hope the world will be kind to JTTES—I hope they will make it feel loved. But, like an empty-nesting parent, I am a little sad. For the past many months, my focus has been honed in on the cultivation of this manuscript. Now, life-force given, I am empty. I will have to turn my abilities to something new. In time, I shall create again. But in this moment—I simply must sit and just marvel. Something has been given new life at my fingertips. I, like the Heavenly Mother, has spawned something into creation. What a marvelous act!
I will likely not have children this lifetime—so this is my sole means of creating progeny. It is the only way I will know how to create new life.
It is awe inspiring, harrowing, and daunting. I hope I have created well.
in two weeks, I’m moving into final prep for the launch my new book. I’m considering alternate titles for it…and this is why I need your opinion!
Of these, which one would you be most likely to click on or pick up?
-Roadmap to the Hidden You
-Unlocking Your Hidden Self
-Journey to the Ecstatic Self
-The Discomfortable Pearson’s Guide to Self-Acceptance
Any additional ideas are welcome!!
The terms I’ve used to define my sexual orientation have changed substantially overtime—as has my understanding of my longings, attractions, and desires.
When I was in my early twenties, I identified as asexual. I found myself attracted to images online, but not flesh and blood human bodies. Mostly, I liked looking at pictures of enormously muscular and fantastically well-endowed men and imagining what I would feel like if I looked like them. I also enjoyed seeing pictures of oversized labia—but I was aware that they provided slightly less of a thrill for me than hyper-masculine bodies. Additionally, I very much enjoyed watching myself jackoff in the mirror—but I never fantasized about sexual acts with anyone else.
Just after my 25th birthday, I had a couple of friends plunge me into the world of dating. They set me up an online dating profile and encouraged me to try it. Over that first year of dating, I had my first kiss, my first fuck, and my first falling-in-love. I ended up going on 2-4 dates per week...probably about ninety-something first dates in total over the course of the year. I began dating both men and women—but that eventually boiled down to exclusively men.
I still felt so confused by my orientation. For a while I was identifying as bisexual, but I recognized that my longing for men was much stronger. To sort everything out, I resolved to write myself a long letter where I described all of my sexual longings from as far back as I could remember. Realizing that they were vastly pertaining to men, I began to identify as gay and came out publicly.
Since that time, I’ve had some fabulous relationships with other men—and ended up getting married to the most amazing human I’ve ever met. He is intelligent, kind, handsome AF, deeply insightful, loving, and radiates with spiritual energy. I love him with my whole heart.
The comfort he has given me has allowed me to reexamine some of my older desires and experiences that I have shoved to the side.
One such discovery, from the recent past, pertains to the realization that I am still attracted to women’s sexual organs. Even though it’s exceedingly rare that I meet a woman in real life who I feel compelled to fuck, the feeling occasionally arises. I still very much enjoy looking at big boobs and meaty labia in videos and pictures.
Two, the fantasies I had as a young man about growing hugely muscular and enormously well endowed are still present—even though I thought it was merely a surrogate for openly acknowledging my attraction to men. To watch myself masturbate in the mirror and imagine myself with fifty pounds more muscle or several inches more dick makes me enormously aroused. This growth fantasy is an enormous part of my orientation—and is something that feels independent of craving any external partner.
I now try to openly explore making my body bigger and more hung as a way to fulfill these longings. I have also explored a sexual relationship with a lady friends of ours, who my husband and I both love very much.
All this said, it leads me to currently identifying as omnisexual. Even though I am still predominantly attracted to men, calling myself “gay” no longer feels entirely encompassing of my full experience. I’m not sure auto-sexual is a term—but that one could potentially also apply.
My reason for sharing all of this is for one, particular reason: to encourage you to love yourself for where you are. Accept where you are. If your sexuality also does not fit into neat, easily checked boxes, you are not alone. We are all complex, layered, and ever-shifting. What might feel like a “true” label one week might not be, a week later.
Have compassion for yourself. Allow yourself to be wherever you are—and do not judge yourself too harshly for your desires. Be aware—be kind—be compassionate. Be respectful of all life. And allow yourself to be the human that you were made to be.
I pull back the curtain. There you sit, regal and poised. Like a statue that is not a statue. Every part of you is perfect, I marvel from a distance. The curve of your neck, the line of your collarbones, the formation of your feet.
I approach your dais, and you smile at me. Only a quarter smile with your lips, but your eyes hold oceans. I see stars swimming inside of you. And when you look at me—I see completion. Longing for connection, but completion already present. You hold all universes inside of you.
I notice how the shape of your body pushes away the thin layers of silk that envelop you. The swell of your breasts—I can see the ridges of your nipples through the taught fabric. They call to me.
I approach slowly, seductively—like a leopard on his way to the game. I knees and drink you in. From below—you are resplendent. I look up and down the lines of your form. My goodness. Has there every been a figure more perfect in creation? Your body radiates abundance.
I bring my lips to the tops of your feet. I drink in the scent of your skin—it feels and tastes like clarified butter. I gently massage your arches, lick your nail beds. I press into you—and I see you already beginning to heave. You crave my touch, don’t you? When I press into you—we are one.
I massage up your calves, brushing the folds of your clothing aside. They need to go. Apparel is but an obstacle now. I remove any and all barriers between us. Naked souls—we gaze upon each other. You take in hungrily the curves of my pecs, my the lines of my stomach. You look ravenous as you lust after my mammoth phallus—half-erect, bobbing most of the way toward my knees.
I study your impossibly large, perked bosoms. My goddess—they are so round and buoyant. I don’t know how they just float there—moving like liquifying jello. The ripples they make as you subtly sway are hypnotic.
Aside from your breasts, you are so tiny—so mighty & impossibly powerful, but diminutively small. You come up only to the base of my chest—I could wrap both hands around your narrow waist and practically encompass all of you. Your long, curling hair travels down to the small of your back in a widening bush. And speaking of bushes...the area I crave. The secret cave that I dream about, long for.
Your black hair leads my eyes downwards. I love how oversized your labia are. Even standing here, I can see your luscious lips peeking through—arising my libidinousness. I am becoming fully hard. My many inches of manhood reaches for you, tries to grab you. I gingerly approach.
You gesture for my lingam—but I don’t let you grab him. Not yet. I need to get you ready first. Sliding my lips over your marble-carved mouth, down the nape of your neck—into that hallow where the throat and clavicles meet. I brush my labial organs into your skin. You moan some more—you feel my cock throbbing against your torso.
Down I go. With each caress—circling lower. I come to your belly and worship there. I make your navel tingle. Down and down I go—ever further. I am in the forest now—lost amongst the trees.
I find myself greeted with dampness. You are already coming. It makes me even harder to know that I do this for you. That I make you this way. You lust for me—and I for you—and together, we are divinity. I graze my tongue against your butterfly—spreading it wider. Sweet strands of nectar slide onto my tongue. Oh my—pure ambrosia. Heavenly fluids. I could drink you forever.
In, I let my tongue slide. I breathe on your clitoris. It sends shockwaves through your body—you hips buck into me. I penetrate you with my tongue, and then circle up and around your pleasure button. Winding ever closer—I don’t brush up against it directly yet. I want you to wait—deny you it until your ready. Until with one brush, you will come.
I could spend days down here worshiping your yoni. Is there anything more beautiful in creation than a spread open, hungry vagina? I could eat you out forever. And I do. Hours pass...and you have came in my mouth seven times, bucking wildly. Sweat coats your skin. You are nearing complete ecstasy. With each orgasm, you climb higher and higher. You are no longer on this plane—you are flying amongst the clouds.
Finally, you can take it no longer. You pull on my mammoth, throbbing cock and slide it into you. My goddess—you are so wet. I enter your secret cavern. It takes some patience because I am so big, but you are eager for me. And by now, you will do whatever it takes to draw me fully inside of you.
It can’t all fit—two thirds of the way down and I feel myself pressing against the end of your channel. Ever so slowly, tantalizing you, teasing you, I begin to slide. I massage you from the insides now. I can see the head of my cock moving your belly from within. If I were somehow able to fully move inside you—my dickhead would reach your heart. That image makes me even harder, even more swollen.
I knead your breasts. I cradle you in my strong arms—and support your entire body—fucking you from standing. You slide so light and easily up and down my shaft time after time. We share each other’s energy. Our chakras mingle and mix—and together we become something so much more than human.
It takes only moments before I feel you coming again—you’re thrashing uncontrollably, but my big arms hold you, squeeze you tight. I feel you clench and release as you squirt against my torso. Fuck, girl. It turns me on so much knowing that I have this power over you. Do your other lovers make you feel this way? I hope everyone makes you feel this way. You deserve to come like this every moment of every day. You are divine—you ought to feel all the pleasure creation can offer.
We fuck for hours—I stay hard the whole time. Orgasm after orgasm, I roll with you—staying tumescent throughout. Finally, when it seems like you’ve had more than a few dozen, you ask me to come inside you. Answering your plea, I let loose. My cum cannon spews spurt after spurt of hot, gooey liquid. I come so much that it is quickly pouring out of you in wet globs, splattering everywhere. Fuck, babe. Do you know how much you turn me on? There must be a a few glasses-full of love juices beneath us. You make me cum buckets.
Still I’m hard. I keep thrusting, but swivel my body around so I can now lick our love juices off the mat below. I drink in the product of our love-making—and damn, is it delicious. I wish I could have this every morning for breakfast. You’re coming again...and I’m still thrusting. Does this need to ever stop? I think not.
Still inside you, I carry you to the bathtub. I lower us in together—still embraced. My cock encircled by your flesh, your pussy steaming. Into the milky waters we bathe—I rub oil into your skin. I scrub you with coarse sugar. I press fragrances into your palms and back. Roses float on the surface.
We hold each other for some time. You thank me—I bless you. We are one. You ask if I will be back tomorrow? I say, “Of course.” I worship and adore you.
And so it is.
Being queer is an inherently spiritual experience.
I hear so many people claim that being non-heteronormative is sinful or disqualifies you from being a yogi/tantric practitioner. There is a tremendous bias to view opposite-sex pairing as being more holy or sacred then same-sex.
This viewpoint is limited and flat-out wrong.
Being born queer is an incredibly powerful spiritual attunement. Why? Because you are immediately an outsider. A queer person exists outside the norms and boundaries of regular life—we live in an in-between world that defies traditional societal conventions. By being a natural outsider, we are easily able to attain an awareness of alternative states of being. We are the wilders, the boundary-pushers, the shamans, the healers, the sages. We are the ones who break out of the mold that society creates and sees another way.
Throughout history, it has been the outsiders who have forged the spiritual paths—those who have bucked the system. By having a vantage that is not focused on how things are, but how they could be, we are able to envision something greater. We are able to see a world of possibilities—more aligned and harmonious than this current one. We are able to see conventions in a way that those immeshed in a culture cannot.
We are dangerous and deviant. But, so too, have been all the greatest spiritual teachers throughout history. They are the ones who recognize that this world is a dream—and most people are sleeping. Most people don’t realize how ridiculous this life is. We queer folk, do. We realize that it is all a game. We are all playing “dress up,” pretend, and make-believe. We see the facades that everyone is creating—and we choose to participate if/how/when we choose.
We exist outside of societal norms—we break the rules. We know what it feels like to be rejected, divorced from the safety of our family units, to risk being outcast. That sorrow is our strength. By knowing the depths of possible despair of the human experience, we are unflappable. When you risk losing everything for being who you are—you become unbreakable. You become something so much more than a regular person—you know your worth. When you know the highs and lows of human existence—you gain a clearer vantage of this game.
We queers are energetically balanced within ourselves. Non-queer, heteronormative people require their polar opposite to come into balance. Man needs woman as day needs night, summer needs winter, or high tide needs low. But we queers do not. We have polarity existing within us—we inhabit both the world of the masculine and the feminine, the sacred and the profane, the hellish and the holy. We walk between worlds but exist in neither. We can shift our balance to compliment partners and people with whom we interact—if we wish to pull more on our masculine energy, we can. If we need our feminine, we can do that too.
This is why those who say that only straight practitioners can truly practice yoga are misguided. Shiva and Shakti already unite within us—we are already whole, balanced, and connected. Yes, I can choose to have sex with a woman—and find energetic balance there. But I can also have sex with a man—and we each hold that balance together. It doesn’t matter. Divinity exists within us all—all are holy.
Further, it is my spiritual tradition to believe that everything is sacred. The sky, the earth, animals, humans, food, water, excrement...it doesn’t matter. Everything is made by god, is god, comes back to god. There is nothing that can be inherently unholy—when everything is perfect, what could be wrong? You were made the way you were made—and it is exactly as it should be. How could anything be wrong about that? You are perfect just as you are—as is everyone else.
Yes, we can take actions that pull us away from that holiness. Yes, some things are closer to that innate state of divinity than others—but we are all pure consciousness manifest in flesh. No one is bad, sinful, dirty, or less-than. We are all radiant, beautiful creatures of spirit currently taking molecular form. You are perfect just the way you are.
There is no need to be anything other than you are. You are made as a reflection of god; you are beautiful. You are perfect.
Part of the reason there is so much suffering and self-abuse in the queer community is because we’ve lost touch with this knowledge. We think we are broken—we don’t know the secret: our uniqueness is our strength. By straddling two worlds, we are closer to the Almighty. We are missing our natural connection to the divine. We are missing our calling to be the natural healers, wise-people, and spiritual guides. We are the ones meant to be exploring the frontiers of the soul. This is why we party, drink, and fuck so much...it’s to numb that ache inside. We know that we are destined for something so much greater...but we cannot find what it is.
We queers are healers without sick patients. We are spirit guides without anyone to lead. We are shamans without anyone to transform. By missing our innate calling, we are falling into depression, sickness, and suicide. We need to recognize our spiritual roots and seek that fulfillment within.
We queers are an immensely sexual lot. We all have a tremendous amount of sexual energy. Instead of letting it dominate us, make us act out—we should harness it. Use that powerful life-force within us to manifest positive change in the world. Explode your sexual energy—let it fill you from your toes to your hair follicles. Let it transform into ambrosia. You crave sex and connection so much because that is what you were born to do—make love to the world. Your sexual energy can raise your vibration and the environments around you. You could erect cities with your lust, your passion. You just need to use it rather than fritter it away.
We are all sacred, beautiful beings. Heteronormative people are also sacred and beautiful—they are just different. Use what you’ve been given—grow into your potential. You are destined for so much more—live life fully. Embrace the discord. Dance in your oddities. Ecstatically celebrate what makes you unique.
Yogis have always been the outsiders—living on the fringes, shocking people. Some yogins would carry around human skulls as begging bowls, cover themselves with human ashes, howl from cremation grounds—all to scare those who were “normal.” To shock them and wake them up. We are supposed to be beyond the norms. When we are seeking the ecstatic divine—what is normal about that? We are wild, we are radiant. We are who we are. Celebrate what makes you, you.
It is possible to attain an energetic state where you have orgasms rolling through your body all-day, every-day. It is possible to feel like you are constantly in a state of coming, overflowing with sexual vitality and ecstasy.
The first step in this process is being able to turn your focus inside, become aware of the subtle currents of energy flowing through you, and be able to fix your mind unwaveringly in one spot. In essence, one has to become a functional meditator.
The process of cultivating meditation process can happen quickly—but, most often, it develops over years. To begin establishing our ecstatic energy, we should begin with basic meditation practices. Sit in a comfortable seat and focus on your breathing. Can you observe your intake and outtake of breath time and again for a period of several minutes, without letting your mind wonder excessively? Can you keep your awareness there—at least to a certain degree?
Once you have developed the ability of concentration and connection with the vital winds of the body (prana), you can start to link up with your internal energy centers (chakras). There are many thousand nexus points of energy in one’s subtle anatomy—but there are seven major ones that run down the central, vertical shaft from crown perineum. They are frequently depicted in contemporary American culture—so you’ve undoubtedly seen images of them before.
At the bottom of your pelvis is the root chakra—which is responsible for grounding, survival, and animalistic instincts. At the insertion point of the genitals is the sex chakra—and it governs emotions and sexual desire. The third is the navel chakra in the belly—it rules personal power and authority. The heart chakra is in the middle of the chest—it holds identity, love, compassion, connection, and it is the seat of the soul. The throat chakra at the base of the neck rules communication as well as clairaudience and other low-level psychic abilities. The third-eye chakra between and slightly above the eyebrows manages insight, self-perception, and higher-level psychic skills. The crown chakra at the top of the head rules our connection to our best selves, the divine, and all creation.
Now, any of these energy centers can be cultivated as a path towards wholeness and ecstasy. I meditate on the heart and crown chakra every day—and that is actually the bulk of my spiritual practice. However, if your goal is to cultivate spiritual awareness specifically through your sexual energy, we will turn our focus elsewhere. All roads lead to the divine—it doesn’t matter which one you choose. If you love sex—it’s all you think about, want, and desire...then use sex as a way to become your best self. It is no more or less valid than any other path.
You will need to spend quite a bit of time meditating on the sex chakra. It is orange in color and is the element of water. As you focus down here, you may experience a sensation of flowing or aquatic movement. When your sexuality or sexual expression is repressed, it might feel frozen, jagged, or icy. You will need to learn to thaw and let it flow. If you think about it, the sexual organs are ones of water. If you are turned on, they start flowing. As you become rooted into your sex chakra—expect to produce copious amounts of sexual fluids. I personally find that I secrete an unbelievable amount of Cowper’s Gland fluids since linking deeply with my sex chakra—I gush many tablespoons of clear liquid while aroused. Prior to, I never secreted any pre-ejaculate at all. Now—connecting with this water chakra—I am a veritable faucet gushing continuously and voluminously.
In your meditation practice, you will want to feel this sexual energy center expand, open, and grow. Feel the light of this watery abode filling and surrounding you. Feel yourself floating on its waves, its crests. Swim in its heaving depths.
Over time, you will begin to sense that this chakra is the gateway to the ordinary orgasms we have during sex. In regular sexual intercourse, an orgasm lasts between 4-7 seconds. By the time you’re screaming, “I’m coming!”—the event has already past. By linking with your sex chakra, you will discover an internal channel leading deeper inside (much like a stem of a flower leading to the roots). At it’s base, there is a pulsating mass of energy that is an orgasm. Do you know those quivering, undulating, throbbing sensations you experience a split-second before coming? That soft, ebullient, hazy glow that suddenly envelops you? It lives here. Once the gateways inside your sex chakra open to permit you access—you can connect with it at any time of your day or night.
Once your focus becomes steady and the internal awareness of your energetic channels develop, you will be able to find your way into this space. You can bring your mind’s focus down to this undulating, quivering, orgasm place at any point—while walking the dog, buying groceries, filling your gas tank—and invite it to well up and fill you. You can suddenly find your lips parting in ecstasy as a guttural moan unexpectedly escapes your lips. The orgasm overtakes your body and keeps rolling/flowing within you.
As the orgasm expands, you should then pull all that sexual energy into your psychic wiring—running it through all your chakras, up your central channel. Bring that throbbing awareness to the top of your head and let it merge with the bliss of divine consciousness. By doing this, we transform regular sexual energy into heavenly nectar. We find our bodies and minds filled with vitality—we feel eager to work, start our days, move around. We become ecstatic beings.
It becomes possible to remain in this state—feeling this orgasm welling up and swelling, spiraling within you, filling you with vitality over and again, and then connecting you to the higher, spiritual realms. It takes a great deal of focus and practice—but you can eventually live here. It took me thirteen years before I could regularly live in this state—and I still tire out and need a break from time to time—but the results are phenomenal. I find myself perpetually aroused and longing to touch myself—I have the stamina and desire to masturbate seven or eight times a day. I will be outside and spontaneously become erect and throbbing with a non-ejaculatory orgasm. My penis has grown in size from the constant stimulation and hours of arousal.
You can then also start working with exchanging the sexual energy in your base with the cosmic energy of your crown—intermingling the two to heighten theses feelings even further. You can learn to exchange certain energy centers with your sexual partner—and together raise this energy ten-times even higher. You can invoke deities to have sex with them (nothing like good, cosmic, extraterrestrial sex)—or transform your own body into primordial Shiva/Shakti (God/Goddess energy). The possibilities are staggering. All of these are next steps, however—and you need to develop quite a great deal of finesse, focus, appreciation, and humility to get to these further practices.
I hope this helps to provide some basic practices and goals to focus on in order to grow full-day, body-consuming orgasms that sweep through the entirety of your life. Once you can attain this ability in seated stillness—you can also do this sexual energy cultivation while stimulating yourself or a partner. Keep at it—it’s a very fulfilling and fun journey.
We are essentially creatures of bliss. When our parents copulated to conceive us, they were experiencing ecstasy. They were in the throws of passion. The moment our spark of life first ignited, our genetic forbearers were in an act of love-making.
We are conceived in bliss. It is the first feeling our cells knew. Not all creatures experience their creation this way. Cats, for instance, have barbed penises and the shrieking they make while mating reflects the intense pain the females feel from having their interior walls ripped and torn. Countless other animals produce offspring by fertilizing external eggs—the offspring are not created by two bodies coming together to know passion.
We are formed from ecstatic, sexual energy. This is what our cells know as being our origin, our original state, our home. This is why we as humans constantly seek ways to increase our levels of pleasure and reduce our levels of pain. We long to return to that initial fire of passion that created us. We know that our essential natures are blissful—orgasmic. This is why we spend so much of our energy searching for sexual mates, pursuing pleasurable experiences, ingesting delicious foods and beverages.
But the world in which we live possesses diametrical opposites. This is a world of not only pleasure, but also pain. The fact that you will suffer in this life is one of the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism—no one will escape it. And the irony is, the more that you seek pleasure in the chaos of the world, the more pain you will end up bringing into your life. We see this time and again—that thing that we worked hard to achieve because we believed it would provide us with a heightened level of rapture, ended up causing us great sorrow. The toy broke, the playmate got old, the load became burdensome.
Instead, when we redirect our focus towards seeking pleasure in an ethereal, internal, spiritual sense—seeking a divine state of orgasmic bliss unattached from any worldly trappings—the more we come to constantly dwell in it. In several different Eastern spiritual traditions, four states of awareness are identified and categorized: deep/dreamless sleep, dreaming, waking state, and the Turiya State. We alternate between these four states as we go about our lives. This fourth state of Turiya is described as being a detached, open, bliss-filled state of consciousness. Some faith traditions describe it as a form of Samhadi—or a heart-full oneness with all creation. A space of transcendent bliss. Other faith traditions are more explicit about it—the Turiya State is the state of orgasm.
When we are in that orgasmic high, we know an elevated level of consciousness. We are relaxed, joyful, radiant, and filled to the brim with pleasure. Interestingly enough, this is the exact same description we apply to realized saints of any tradition—they are filled with divine ecstasy. To know intense, sense-pervading pleasure is to know an experience of God. That’s why the ecstatic saints of any faith tradition speak of their heart overflowing with a sense of love, connection, bliss, and effervescent joy. They are coming inside of their hearts.
God is Love. It is written on church signs across the country—but few accept it as the profound truth that it is. The force that created the universe, that sculpted the mountains and spun the planets into existence—is love. It is the signature of the almighty. When we feel love, we are connecting with our best selves. When we feel love, we are connecting with transcendental oneness. When we feel love, we are connecting with the parts of ourselves that are made in God’s image, that is God itself—some call it spirit, others soul, others “The Holy Ghost.” That ineffable part inside you that knows truth, knows love, knows that it is fully alive and present to the experience of living—that is God. And that God is the sensation of pervasive love.
We are fundamentally creatures of bliss. Our purest form of enlightened energy is love. This is why sex is so important to us—it, ultimately, reminds us of our divine natures. It reminds us that when we achieve a state of ecstatic bliss, we are fulfilling our mission as humans: to realize the divine within us. If everyone on the planet were constantly in an orgasmic high, it would be a beautiful place to live! There would be no violence, wars, greed, or hate. We would all go around sharing compassion, love, kindness, and act with virtue. Who feels like they are lacking when they are orgasming? Who feels like they are poor when they are coming? Who feels like they are insufficient in any way when the throws of passion are wracking their brains, spirits, and bodies? If we were all orgasming all the time, we would be a profoundly happy society.
This notion that we could live in a perpetually orgasmic state is actually not all that far-fetched. If we acknowledge that a description of an elevated, nirvana-like state of consciousness is the Turiya State (the state of orgasm), then that is what the realized masters and teachers throughout history have learned to dwell in. I know that this sounds potentially scandalous to anyone coming from a dogmatic faith tradition—basically, any enlightened being is experiencing the joy of one, perpetual, rolling orgasm.
Why should it be, then, that so many of us feel shame and disconnection regarding our sexual energy, desires, and longing for union? That ache in your heart and loins is holy! Different esoteric faith traditions have described the creation of the universe as being the byproduct of the cosmic lovemaking between the male and female halves of divinity. In Vajrayana Buddhism, for example, they have numerous depictions of male and female deities in the throws of intercourse, his penis inserted into her vagina. In the paintings, we see her arms and legs wrapped around his body, his testicles swaying low, and their heads pulled back in ecstasy.
When we know orgasmic bliss, we know God and we know our true selves. This is the divine state that we are all meant to live in. When we turn our focus inside to become cognizant of the swirling, spiritual ecstasy native to our bodies—we come home. We know ourselves, our human heritage, and our divine origins. We become creatures of bliss.
This is why we should actively work to cultivate and grow our sexual energy. Using meditation practice, self-touch, visualization, partner exploration, and orgasmic development—we come to know the sacred within us more clearly. Eventually, through practice and active cultivation, it is possible to dwell in a state of ongoing orgasm. It is possible to reach a place where your body, mind, and heart are feeling orgasm after orgasm ricocheting through your physical and spiritual form. It is possible to live in a near-constant state of arousal, a quiet moan of almost-coming just an inch away from our lips.
Our sexual energy is no more or less divine than any of the other parts of ourselves. Why should we elevate mental knowledge to be more profound than sexual? Why should “spiritual” attainment—in the aesthetic, renunciate sense—be more divine than the forces within? If everything is made by God, is God, and will return to God—nothing is inherently base. Every part of us is holy, orgasms included.
We have a propensity towards thinking that holiness looks a certain way. It wears a certain type of robe, lives in a certain type of setting. It involves stained glass, bells, or incense. But the truth is, holiness is each of us. Holiness doesn’t just exist inside of us—it is who we fundamentally are. You cannot do anything to make yourself less divine—it is your inseparable nature. Even if you enact atrocious actions—perform horrible violence or hate—even though those actions will pull you away from realizing your inherently benevolent nature, it will never separate it from you. You will always still be an aspect of God incarnate. Murderers are still God; bank robbers are still God; debase and debauched individuals are still God. For, if God made everything and everything is part of his/her energy, there is nothing that cannot be God.
This philosophy goes against many traditional spiritual doctrines, I know. Many faith traditions demarcate certain actions or ideas as holy and the others sinful. That is not my belief system, however. I believe in non-dualism—there is neither good nor bad, it just simply is. There can be nothing that isn’t God because God is the atoms within us, the molecules spinning around, the space between the cosmic particles. He/she is everything. There is nothing that can’t be sacred or holy.
This is also the tantric path—to recognize the holiness in everything and not turn any aspect of yourself away. Many faith traditions will ask you to renounce certain activities or aspects of the world in order for you to connect with spirit and recognize your divine nature. While this is a valid option—most of us live in a modern world and will continue to interact with all sorts of people, activities, and energies on a daily basis. We cannot shut out certain aspects simply because we say they are not “holy”—no matter what you do, they will still be there, right outside our door. We will need to wrangle with our longings, desires, and energies so long as we want to continue to live in this world.
What better way is there, then, but to use all of our life to grow? Consume the fruit whole, as it were. If we are not going to shut the door on aspects of ourselves in order to attain an elevated state of being (known to some as “enlightenment”), then we need to use what we’ve got. And one of those doors is our sex and sexuality.
By leaning into our sexual natures, by cultivating an orgasmic state within us, we are able to better know God and know our true selves. When we dwell in a state of constant-coming, we are becoming one with the all-pervasive bliss that is our divine origins. By growing the sexual energy within us, letting it ripple through and around us, we become unified with the almighty.
This is my tantric path—to grow and use my cosmic, spiritual, sexual energy to become the best, most realized, most kind, most benevolent, most loving person that I can be. This is why I self-pleasure several times a day, every single day. This is why I find myself sporting an erection for several hours out of the day. This is why I encourage those rolling orgasms to fill my body so that I always feel like I’m on the verge of coming. Through these things, I know God—I know my divine nature—I know Love.
This is why I worship my phallus—I cherish him, adore him. He helps me access this visceral state within me of unification with the divine. This is why I encourage him to grow, to become as big as he can, to develop—because as he grows, so does the outer representation of my connection to the divine. My huge phallus is an outer representation of the tremendous divine nature within me—that ecstatic state of orgasm that is just climbing higher and fuller with each and every passing day. This is why, one day, I believe my penis will be one of the biggest in existence—he is an outer expression of the orgasmic divine within me. And so I worship him.
This is also why I worship other men’s penises—they too are an expression of their divine masculinity. In India, they worship Shiva Lingams—oblong stones that come out of the Ganges river, completely symmetrical and fully polished. “Shiva” is the male half of divinity—“lingam” is penis. Therefore, they are worshiping Shiva’s penis. While some chaste, ecclesiastical Brahmins will tell you that it’s really not meant to represent a penis—it really is. They will say that it is meant to represent God’s consciousness which has not yet taken physical form. Bullshit. It is a penis. It is God’s penis.
This, too, is why I worship women’s vaginas. They are holy, the source of creation. Life springs from their labial lips. In India, those same Shiva Lingams will get set onto stone “yonis”—or stone vaginas. Many will say that the yoni isn’t technically meant to represent a vagina—but it absolutely is. The dictionary definition itself means “vagina.” Shiva and his female counterpart, Shakti, are locked in cosmic lovemaking. In fact, Eastern spiritual traditions believe that the male-half of divine energy is totally still—it is the female half that moves and manifests the known universe. So I worship her luscious lips, her engorged clitoris, the folds and furrows of her vagina. I drink the nectar of Shakti’s loins, massage her life-nourishing breasts, and fill her orgasmic form with my mammoth phallus.
Together, we are one. Unifying with another consciously-aware human being allows us to experience that same ecstatic joy that Shiva and Shakti have in manifesting all of creation. By having sex with another being, we are creating more of this divine love that the forces of creation enact to spin the worlds into existence.
Again, I recognize that this may sound heretical for many. The idea that God is a sexual, love-making force seems antithetical to many faith traditions that ask us to picture the almighty as some sort of father or mother figure—chaste and perpetually removed, flying high above us. But God exists right here. He is in your cock, she is in your vagina. We worship the divine when we make love—when we cultivate the orgasm state within. When we touch ourselves or another being—we worship. it is important that it is done with presence of mind, compassion, and enthusiastic consent. We need to make love to ourselves and the world.
When we can manifest this divine state within us, the world will know peace. When we can all dwell in a state of perpetual orgasm, the world will be whole. There will be no more hate, wars, or pollution. We will act in the best interest of all—after all, who isn’t their most benevolent self when they are coming? There is no room for anything else but ecstatic love.
May you know yourself—and through yourself, know God. Now, go pleasure yourself.