Sun-soaked demi-god (Early 30s, my place, Grindr)
Interlude: I started today fantasising about part of a conversation I had with Hot Scholar (last entry) where the topic of Latin men and sex came up. In my imaginary dialogue I was telling him that I was trying to suspend judgement against millions of men based on the stereotype that they are sexually aggressive . . . well, that was an odd premonition.
Today's story: I received a message early from this guy. We'd been chatting for a few weeks on Grindr. He has an athletic, trim body with no hint of fat, a deep dark tan, shaggy black curls and an impressive uncut penis. He told me he was basically just a top, so that was where my expectations sat, and how glad I would be to receive that into my body.
So, while I had an offer for daytime sex with another guy (now scheduled tomorrow evening), I took a gamble that this guy would become free in the window of time I gave him noon to 3:30pm. He messaged me after 1 and said he could be free soon. I popped into the shower and had a quick rinse and check-in with my backside. Seems good.
In my selection of sexual partners - I generally try to get the guy to chat, to disclose something of his mind. So I typically end up excluding one-or-two-word sentence type of chaps. This dude wasn't quite that bad, but I knew that I was making a small exception based on how beautiful he appeared. He text me about pot - but thankfully, he didn't bring it up in person; my idiot stripper brother kept coming into the garage to access the freezer - even though I told him I was having company.
I brought back two glasses of water (it's a 27/80 degree day here), and told him to come into me bedroom.
The kissing was really hot. He was slightly aggressive, but not too bad. He kissed me passionately with a lot of tongue and he spat into my mouth - which I find really hot sometimes. He sort of held me in a way that asserted his physical presence - holding my head and grabbing my ass.
I took off my top and he his. He relaxed the drawstring of my pants and loosened his belt. We kept kissing, touching each other's bulges. My pants came off (no underwear), and he removed his. This was one of those exhale moments - to see him standing there in plain grey briefs with the large downwards arc of a semi-erect penis and washboard abs.
He would go from spitting in my mouth to spitting in his hand and stroking my cock or playing with my ass. I got to my knees and started sucking on his dick. He sat on the bed and would thrust forward pushing it to the back of my mouth.
He had me stand up and turn around, I could tell he wanted access to my butt, so I bent over. He kissed my ass-cheeks and licked me a little. He stood up and teased me with his dick, holding me and leaning against my back. I propped us up by placing my palms on the wall. I turned back and we kissed more.
He'd only put spit on us both, so I added lube to my hole. I got on the bed and he guided me down onto my belly. His penis rubbing up and down my ass-crack. He mumbled something I couldn't quite make out - maybe he was saying he didn't want to cum too quickly. He wriggled his head forward and under my left armpit, kissing and licking me there.
I felt the tip of his penis move into position against my entryway. Then he fucking shoved his cock all the way inside me in one single agonising action. Fuck!
I lurched forward and off of him, clutching my backside and and intoning that it was too fast and hurt like hell. But also reassuring him that it wasn't too bad I just needed a couple of minutes. Thankfully no blood, no tearing, as I touched my anus and checked my fingers for pink or red.
In only about two or three minutes I felt okay again and said I'd sit on him to start with. Straddling him I got his cock in my hand and pointed it at the right spot. It had lost a little rigidity but I got it in, no pain. It slipped out of me moments later, deflating.
I totally get that our initial hiccup included enough shock-value to shift a man out of arousal. I tried a few minutes of sucking his cock. Then we stood up, dick-to-dick and kissed and he played with my cock some more. He started to get hard again, but after lying back on the bed with his hands touching me. We didn't resume fucking. He slipped a thumb inside me and jerked my cock for a while, but it was a tiny bit too forceful to be orgasmic for me (which isn't saying much, I don't masturbate much with my hands so most styles would be rough).
Finally he said it wasn't happening today. I drew him onto the bed so I could hold him briefly, kissing his body and reassuring him that now we'd met we'd gotten over the hardest part. He told me next time he'd go slower.
Haha, I mean he is fucking hot and must have a lot of sex so I really wonder - are the majority of men he meets physically capable of being dynamically entered like that? I don't know, but I have my suspicions.
I just tried to keep things warm and friendly as I led him to the door and we kissed twice quickly. He had friends to meet in another twenty minutes. That's all good.
Why do men have to buy into a sexual motif of the top as forceful? I am so gentle when I fuck, so it seems a bit alien to me.
Epilogue: I'm now sitting on a sheet of tissue paper that I'll recheck for any sign of blood. Feeling mostly okay. No matter how many times I replay the event in my mind there is virtually nothing I could do to have steered things in a different way. Laying on one's stomach, unable to see what is happening - I felt pretty good that his teasing was really measured. I had no idea he would just fuck me to the hilt in one go. I guess I will tell future tops, "Please just go easy to start with, let me warm up to you." But at the same time it just seems so obvious.
Hot scholar (Late 20s, my place, Tinder)
Well the dam has broken, eh?
Tinder is a pretty shit app in the gay world as it is mostly there for the vanity of getting matches and then utterly ignoring them (actually from what I can tell it's even worse for straight men). But this guy wrote to me and suggested we chat through Instagram. We sort of dropped out of contact for a bit, and then I encountered him and his bare white ass on another website. We made a date for a week in advance - and he didn't cancel!
Very nice of him to offer to pick up a drink or anything we needed. So he came with an assortment (this is an interesting decision, as I would likely do the same) of different ciders and a coke (I told him I had spiced rum here). Neither of us even finished half a cider - but we talked for an hour or more about a whole range of topics.
We sat in the garage. We both wore singlets (hmm 'tank top'? in American?), so I could see his sexy shoulders. He used the loo and when he returned we kissed and went to my bedroom.
He started unbuttoning my fly and helping himself to my cock, dropping to his knees to get it in his mouth. He licked my balls and complimented me on their size. His skin was so smooth to the touch. I returned the action, sucking on his penis and licking his balls. His foreskin hugged the head a little. We lay on the bed kissing for a while. He was really easy to deal with and asked me what I'd like to do.
I laid him on his belly so I could rim him - I feel like I'm gonna spend some more time here in the future. I took some lube and caressed the hole with one finger. We fucked on his back first, then he rode me, then on his belly - but this point he was taking my whole cock each thrust and murmuring with enjoyment. I put my seed in his ass, and fucked him gentle with my post-orgasmic erection.
I tried to suck his dick, but he seemed more comfortable at that moment touching himself while kissing me. He shot up to his pecs and I gave him a towel. Conversation flowed naturally from there filling up just over two hours of good time in total.
I was a little nervous having not been inside a man for six months. But it all worked well thankfully. I'm glad I took a little extra time screening sexual partners as it just helps so much to meet a man who has his own identity, warmth and isn't looking to put me into a box. We even talked about camping together at the beach. A good guy.
Long drive-way Latino (35, his flat, Grindr)
Tonight I was feeling a bit of Grindr fatigue. Scanning, blocking, messaging all felt a little bit like drudgery.
Interlude: Okay men, we're getting pretty close to a full six months now without another dude bringing me to orgasm. So I've been trolling the apps and sites that are still alive here. It really irks me that bloated, slow, and utterly-shit-for-free-users Squirt is really the only active website, while DudesNude is free, fast and has all the same functionality minus cruising locations while being largely ignored. Anyway - I have scored a date later today (11th) with someone from DN, so it's not totally dead.
My last messages with this guy were last July, but we never met then. He was about 6km away but it took me a long time to find his place because it was down a lane/driveway that had no street sign and was poorly lit. I parked on the road and walked down as Uber were delivering food to a neighbour. I note this because the driver called out to the customer asking for his PIN, and the dude actually said it aloud. 5150 - which I think is the US police code for the criminally insane; it's also a brand of amps and speakers, so - either the guy is a musician or has a sense of humour.
Anyway, leaving them behind. The driveway was really poorly lit and I couldn't see any house numbers, the letterboxes were all up at the street, so that was no help. I had to ask him to come out and find me, and I was only half a property away from him at that point. We entered through a single garage into a kitchenette and lounge that was comfortably revamped: fresh carpet, white (faux?) leather couches, themed lighting (some of which were LEDs behind the TV, displaying Lord of the Rings colours on the wall as the Two Towers played on Netflix).
I felt reasonably comfortable. I have a general preference for white men - so it's quite a pleasure to see and to feel how other types of bodies hold weight and space. He seemed fit with a little bulk, but it was evenly distributed. He showed me where to sit on the two seater and he sat beside me. He kissed me as he stroked my crotch. Really nice soft lips, soft skin. He unbuttoned my fly and touched my cock, eventually pushing the coffee table away and taking my pants off.
He started sucking my dick, on his knees in front of me. Overall I'd say there was 20-30% too much pressure on my penis from the ideal - but the way he performed oral was in short to moderate bursts between spitting on his hand and also stroking my cock. The stroking was done well. I think perhaps the angle of his own erection is quite different to mine: my cock curves back towards my belly and his away. So, his 'normal' of how to hold it preferred to draw it away from my body a little too much. But I'm not really trying to complain, just noting what brought me out of the moment occasionally.
I actually had to jump out of the chair as he wasn't responding to "ouch, ouch, ouch!" - he deep-throated my cock but that just put way too much pressure on me and really was quite agonising for a brief few seconds.
He drew my body down so that he could stroke and finger my hole. With just spit he actually entered me with his cock briefly in between fingering my prostate and sucking my cock. This all felt good. While I never consented to be entered raw - I really had no problem with it. He was an easy-going sexual partner and I prefer to just be open in the moment - because I struggle so much with being in the moment.
He brought me to climax with a finger up my ass and my dick deep in his mouth. He let the creamy white seed spill out onto my shaft and then licked it back up. He entered me again for a moment, but then pulled out and went to wash his hands. I stood around awkwardly as he gave me a glass of water. Chatting about LED lights and Lord of the Rings before having him escort me back out to grab my shoes through his garage.
No luck - I'm being too picky
I have been back on Grindr, Squirt, DudesNude and Tinder - but I'm not spontaneous enough to make the most of things. I want sex - but I often don't want it immediately; I like to plan and prepare a little bit, even if that's just 2-3 hours into the future.
I was even camping with around twenty gay men - but the only guy I was really turned on by was in a relationships that was in strife, and I didn't want to get mixed up in any of that energy or drama.
My backside is a little prone to inflamed hemorrhoids - so I approach things cautiously with using a dildo gently in the shower etc. That's just a part of reality I have to deal with; so that last thing I want to face is some dick trying to push its way in before I feel relaxed and ready for it. Even though I prefer to top - I believe in reciprocity around sex; if a guy gets to my bedroom I shouldn't be shunning the gift of his erection.
I've been in contact with some fucking sexy men - but our availability and horniness just hasn't lined up quite right yet.
Conversely: I have a gay brother who is visiting and he's already had about eight liaisons in the span of two and a half weeks, he is far more responsive to opportunity than I am; but I also think he has lower standards and is a bit stingy being only a top with hook-ups. We talk about this now and then so I can block men he's been with on Grindr, ha!!
So. I am writing this - telling myself to fuck someone or to get fucked asap.
I am trying.
Today, a guy who wanted sex right now, isn't available this evening, nor is another guy who wants to flip fuck (he has a dinner on). A guy I had sex with a year ago wants me to travel to the North Shore (maybe I'll do that, but 30 mins both ways at least - last time he came two-or-three mins after putting it in). There's this fucking sexy man - but he just wants to masturbate together and he has a partner (timing issues) - and I don't really masturbate . . . so? The guy I thought I was sort of dating - I just can't cope with another episode of him deflecting or delaying sex. Two other guys that want to fuck me are out of the city until the weekend or later.
Oh - I'm forgetting my best date - this coming Monday - a hot scholar is keen to be fucked raw and to chat philosophy with me: sexy slim body. I'm looking forward to that, but that's five nights away.
Handsome chap (Grindr, 30, his flat, slept overnight)
I have continued to see this guy, once a week, or fortnight or even month. New Zealand had a second lockdown so that put some distance between us. He always seems a little sex averse, he'll steer things away with a statement - taking rests and pauses or telling me I don't have to exert myself or make an effort. I've enjoyed the affection but we have never had sex in all these months.
Last weekend I finally got him to relax enough to suck his dick and make him cum. I didn't notice the semen at all, just vanished except for the last visible drop to leave his penis when it was outside my mouth. It's a beautiful penis - the same size and mine but consistently and gently widening the whole way down so it feels quite full to hold him at the base.
Why won't he fuck me - or get fucked?! I don't know. I don't like to put pressure on anyone.
I guess my libido has been low for a few months
Wise young man (20s, weekend away)
I've been using Facebook to socialise just a little - a kayak trip and now a weekend away with a whole new group of men. I got to experience some warmth and intimacy with a guy. He rubbed his semi-hard cock against my own and kissed me a little. Trouble is my stomach doesn't travel so well and I was bloated, uncomfortable and not really feeling a connection to my own sexual energy. Oh well. I went to bed and he didn't seem to feel rejected. Have text again since. May get a chance to hang out again.
Handsome chap (Grindr, late 20s, my bedroom, slept overnight)
I had chatted to this guy a week or so ago and exchanged WhatsApp details. He sent me a message basically saying that he was going to come around and stay the night, haha! Quite a bold move. I accepted. He said he was friendly and not anxious at all. He came over around dinner time, but brought with him some discounted pastries from a new cafe near his work. We split two things in half - a salmon quiche and a panini with chicken and avocado. He's 6'3, thick dark hair, glasses and a face that is equal parts goofy and incredibly handsome to me.
We chatted about a range of topics. He put his shoes outside - but his feet smelled a lot. He washed them in the bath and later also had a full shower. We only touched briefly in the first 90 mins to two hours. For instance I held his forearms and remarked how good they were (I have thin wrists). So we held each other's forearms and considered them. Later I would discover he's also genetically blessed with strong calves. A strange inverse of my body as I guess my muscle mass is in chest, lats, shoulders and arms (all areas he is slim in), whereas he has a naturally strong foundation of neck/forearms/calves and could work up to a total body athletic look reasonably easily.
After his shower I brought him some PJ bottoms to wear instead of his work trousers (a bit dusty from the warehouse). He tentatively accepted but was hesitant to change right in front of me - so I told him I was going to my room to my my PJ pants on too. I would come to find out he kept his underwear on under them, haha, and I think he could see my penis pressing against the light fabric of my PJs. I sat on the couch and he chose the armchair.
I told him he could come and see my bedroom if he liked (there was always the chance he'd just take the bed in the garage). He agreed and followed me in. It's hard to remember all the details because we touched and kissed and rolled around together for at least two hours, maybe longer. We started with some light kissing and touching on top of and under our clothing.
He was in the middle of my bed before he took his PJ pants off. There is was: a handsome, wide and mostly soft uncut penis just a tiny shade darker than the skin on his body. The foreskin hugged over the head. I was fully erect (I tend to take between 10 and 20mg of sildenafil before a hook up, so my boner is lightly assisted and can go up and down as needed without the full 100mg power of a whole Viagra). And he remarked that his cock never let him down. "Try being forty" I said with a laugh.
We just had such an easy-going connection. There were those odd moments that the stranger felt familiar and safe. I told him "I want to do more" and he gave an enthusiastic response - but I think perhaps he was thinking about in the future. I straddled him and lubed up my hole and his cock, but he stopped me before I put it in. He was hesitant and not on PrEP. I told him I had condoms within reach and he said, "Yeah, if you want to. Condoms kinda cut off. . ." but he didn't complete the sentence. I can wait, it'll be worth it. I thanked him that he felt comfortable communicating and that I value his consent etc.
It was a little bit of a pity, because I have to give the foreplay 10/10 for arousal, comfort, for feeling that very versatile flow of sexuality that could have ended in any kind of fucking or flip fucking. I spent a lot of time between his legs, sucking on that big hard dick. I could tell his foreskin was more snug than mine - but he said it was find to retract and wasn't too sensitive. The glans felt so silky on my tongue and the frenulum a thicker bundle of flesh than on most men (but the tongue does magnify things). I told him he had the green light to shoot in my mouth without warning, but that didn't quite happen that night. He sucked me a little off and on, a little bit of sixty-nine action: which I personally find a bit disorienting. Not only is the tongue in a non-ideal position, but it just divides my attention between active/receptive where I'd prefer to be just one at a time.
Through touch and a bit of light massage, to masturbation and oral sex, to having each of our cocks rub up against the other's butt crack: we went around until jerked himself to completion. I lay beside him and we kissed as I ejaculated too. We cuddled a while longer, I couldn't tell if he shot up to his own shoulder or if I smeared him with my goo, but it was slick up there in that part of our embrace.
We got under the covers and cuddled a bit more. He was happy with just the one pillow, while I have three! I covered my head with one - unused to hearing breathing and I haven't shared a bed since October.
In the morning we were both hard again.
"We can snooze a bit more" he said, indicating that he didn't have to rush to work and we could stay in past my alarm.
I got him to come from jerking him and a bit of oral sex this time, although it really did take a bit of effort. He lay on his back, and I in a sixty-nine position above him so that my cock and balls could be all over his face and in his mouth at different times. I lost my wood during part of this sex act. Some of his cum ended up in my mouth and it was supremely neutral in flavour.
He showered and I popped into the stall for a moment to rinse down the front of my body. He ate breakfast (a pie and muffin) while I made us both a tea. We agreed we'd like to meet again.
One of the main reasons I write this blog is because I fear I forget about sex. As much as it takes time and energy to pursue and to do. . . if sex is simply forgotten then did it deserve the effort in the first place? So I have to own that I forgot about a fuck when I wrote my last entry. In between the second and third account there was this:
Biologist (Grindr, 39, his bedroom, second meeting, close to a month ago)
I met this chap for a drink and a shag late last year. My memory of that encounter was mostly that his uncut cock felt so silky smooth in my ass, as his reasonably tight foreskin retracted and slid back. He didn't climax inside me then and he didn't this time either.
Both times we've met for a drink first, which he paid for (I had to drive twenty-five mins and find parking). This is a lovely way to set up sex really. Just chat in a friendly way. The first time his preferred bar was closed for a private function, but this time (over six months later) we got to enjoy it. He's balding and wore a cap - it was cute, I have nothing against a bald head at all. We talked about life and work and general stuff.
In his apartment, the bedroom is right to the left of the entrance through a large sliding door, which just makes it all feel very open. The kissing was a little weird to start with, his thin lips and furtive tongue. He fucked me for a good while, but couldn't finish. Then I tried to fuck him. He said he really wanted it, and was well out of practice. But trying for more than quarter of an hour proved difficult. The best success I had was to lay him on his side with his knees together and at ninety-degrees from his body. Maybe I got my head in - but it was hard to tell and he winced a bit. I thought he might hurt me when he tried to sit on it directly. I kind of expect a man to know his own ass at this age and to be comfortable using a dildo to be confident and aware of the size of penis he can take. Ah well, maybe he'll practice for round three?
I think we each took a break to piss. He fucked me again on my back and I felt myself getting close. It's funny the way sexual exertion can sometimes look like aggression on a man's face. I let go of my dick, but five seconds later the cum spewed out. This is the closest to a hands-free orgasm as I've ever had. He was hitting up against my prostate so well in this position. He made an off-hand comment, some surprise - as if he expected me to last longer (we'd been having sex for maybe over an hour by this point). After which he withdrew and masturbated himself to climax.
We cuddled for a good while. I even missed out on an online auction because I allowed it to run on. He's a nice chap and I would meet him again. . . so long as I get to fuck that white ass. I believe him when he says he wants it, he just has to do the groundwork.
Handsome young professional (Grindr, 29, his bedroom, second date last weekend)
I like this guy, some of which is to do with the relationship between INTJ (he) and INFJ (me) in that we effortlessly share ideas, perspectives, interests, analyses, and humour being twin-types in the MBTI. The first time we met just over a week ago, we had two drinks and a good chat before he had to go to bed (it was a weeknight). He paid for my second drink, so I bought his second beer when we met again.
Both times the conversation flowed well. He wore a collared shirt the first time and smart hoodie the second. There's just something about his physicality that shows through his clothing - just the way the different muscles in his body are apportioned. He invited me back to his apartment for another drink (which I only sipped). I touched his hand and thigh on the couch. It was quite hard to read the situation. He had a behavioural tick which I just paid no attention to - I know from experience how laborious it is to have to re-hash explanations for things to every new person you meet.
In the bedroom we lay side by side. The kissing was a little stiff at first but warmed up. I straddled him and he took my penis out of my pants and into his mouth. The oral was little bit painful, but not bad. We got naked and sixty-nined a bit. His cock was on the smaller side. I touched his anus and he also fingered me with a little lube (I guess his fingernail grazed me just a little as it stung for a few days, but no bleeding). I was getting more and more aroused, but he didn't want to fuck tonight.
I brought him to climax pretty easily with my mouth, he withdrew his cock a few seconds before shooting and unloaded in his belly. He could have done it in my mouth just fine - which I will green light for him if we meet again. I could tell that two pints of beer were affecting me a little, so after another minute I wanked myself off while he fingered my hole.
Then he immediately jumped across me, landing his head on my chest and pressing our bodies together with both our cum loads squeezed between our bodies. This was really sweet. I stroked him gently across his back and arms for what felt like ages. I really like the way his shoulders look - he could easily acquire a very athletic look with a little extra exercise. He is very sexy to me. I held him in two further positions before getting up. We must have cuddled after sex for at least forty five minutes. It seemed that he was non-verbally inviting me to sleep over, which I could have - but I worry about my car parked on the street and I would have brought a bag (and maybe even my own pillow) if I'd thought I would be sleeping over.
Since then we've exchanged numbers so we can stay in touch via WhatsApp rather than Grindr.
Young man-of-his-word (Grindr, 22, my bedroom)
I've been spending a bit of time on apps. I've had a really messed up digestion for about ten days now, but when it's not leaving me down it's sending my libido high. I chatted to him about how young guys always ghost me and that I don't put much expectation or hope into actually meeting - and he told me he was a man of his word and would meet. He sent me a bunch of short clips of him fucking other dudes and shooting three huge loads on his stomach. Hot stuff.
We agreed that we would check in the next day - but he ended up moving houses that day, so I didn't hear back from him for another day. I thought this would just go they way of most of my interactions with young guys. Yesterday I spent five hours trying to nail a hook-up with a young guy from Sydney who was staying with family not far off. But his communication was so delayed (turns out he'd been cooking dinner... but, I mean, you can still check your phone). He can't host and has no car and didn't really provide any feedback except to say he didn't want to hook up in a car. So it was frustrating and I'd turned in for the night, stopping communication about 9:30.
Finding myself horny I started to fuck my silicone sex toy. And my phone lights up. It was this chap.
He wore a thick hoodie and I brought him through my garage office and into my bedroom. I have one lamp that isn't very bright, but he still remarked that the room was bright - so I lit a candle and turned the lamp off. He laid width-ways on my bed with his feet dangling off, I lay beside him for a moment. Then he jumped up to take his pants off and I got naked. He kept his hoodie on, also up around his head - a little odd, but hey if it helps him get comfortable. He remarked that his soft dick was already precumming. I slipped off the bed and down between his legs.
I sucked his dick for twenty minutes at least. Licking his balls, thighs and belly now and then. It felt lovely and smooth - so did all of his skin. He smelled clean and fresh, with just the hint of aftershave. Every now and then he'd say that it was feeling really good. His penis became erect and slacked off three times during this oral. He told me it sometimes takes him a while to come from oral, which is fine - I wouldn't have minded working his cum out of his pole. The third time it became fully hard I asked him if he wanted to fuck me with it, he said yes. I quickly lubed my ass and his dick and sat on it. He really hadn't moved at all from his original position just laid on his back.
The dick felt good going in. It's about my size - so maybe around seven inches. He was a little taken aback that we were having raw sex. I did make the assumption, I guess, as he'd never mentioned condoms and my profile does say I take PrEP. I talked him through it while I rode his penis back and forth. Very recently tested and he was the first dick in me since then.
He told me he hadn't had a hook-up since November 2019. He'd had a boyfriend for six months, but they didn't (or rarely) have sex. So I took his first raw load of the year it seems. He asked me to talk about sex I'd had as he found sex stories arousing. He was enjoying the way I was riding him. Once or twice I let my hands ride up under his hoodie to touch his chest, but I mostly had to use them to balance and bob on that cock.
I felt myself getting close a few times so had to stop touching myself. His dick popped out three times, the first he said it was really sensitive and winced a little as I pointed it back inside. I asked him if he wanted to try another position. He suggested on my side, so I slipped off an on to my side. He rolled over and I helped guide it in. He wasn't fucking me for long before his cock popped out again - he said he was feeling really close and gave him the go ahead to cum as soon as he felt like it. He entered me and had his orgasm within fifteen seconds, my orgasm started just moments afterwards.
I gave him a hand-towel and we chatted as we cleaned ourselves up. He told me he enjoyed it and wants to meet again - and he confirmed it again once he'd gotten home. So that's good. I wish we'd kissed and had more body contact, but I think he may be shy about this body - or at least, out of practice with being naked and vulnerable with a stranger after so many months. I slept very well after that.
Keto (I made a thread about this when I started) & Writing
So, June wasn't a big month for me sexually. The Keto flu fat-adaptation phase tanked my libido for a few weeks and then I had a writing deadline for my PhD that filled me with stress and poor sleep. The guy I mentioned in my last entry let me know he'd tested positive for chlamydia, so it takes a whole week to turn around tests on the public system here. I'm waiting four more days to see if I need to take some antibiotics or not.
Bi-Separated guy (forties, his house)
I had sex with him about a half dozen times a few years back. But he reached out because he had dealt with me under a fake name and identity while he was still living with his wife. Now he's separate and just wanted to clear the air. That's all good. He picked me up and prepared a salad for our lunch. We had a decent chat. He did this slightly annoying thing, which is to verbally dismiss sex as an option and then... once the meal was concluded, to seek to initiate it even after I kinda turned him down (I just wanted to get back to writing). So I fucked him and then brought him to orgasm orally. It was okay. Not a great sexual event. Nice guy. But no huge attraction there.
Land-locked American (fourth or fifth meeting? My bedroom)
We met again. I think when he fucks me he wants to put in a good effort and he sort of forgoes seeking his own orgasm in order to tick a few boxes over duration and intensity. The sex was good, but he didn't come from fucking (second time in a row now for him). I think next time I will demand that he fuck me only for his own pleasure and bust his nut, and not as some kind of performance. I really don't care if it's only two minutes long as I'm going to fuck him afterwards regardless.
He sat on my dick and leaned forward and kiss me. I fucked him from underneath and held on to his large ass. I came inside him - pretty happy as this is only the second time in my life that I have had an orgasm in this position - but I've been practicing with my sex toy. I put a pillow on my belly, then a towel and toy, then another pillow and I fuck it while I lay on my back. Only took a few solo plays to create a strong potential that I could climax like this with a partner. So that was good.
Large sailor (thirties, his hotel room)
I had corresponded with a dude who doesn't live in my city but was here for business. He has a nice demeanor. Mostly we talked about NoFap and about sexual fulfillment, but then we haven't really text in the last two months. We met for a drink, and then a tea in his room. There wasn't a great sexual chemistry but his ass was pretty tight and his thrusting back on to my cock actually felt good rather than disorienting (as some other guys do it). I came in him, and then he struggled to find his orgasm. He tends to cum while penetrated and I had just dipped below the rigidity required to get back inside a fuller-figured man. I liked that his erection pointed away from his body. We showered together after sex, and had a nice goodbye.
Propaganda - gay dance party (Auckland casino)
After having a burger with a really nice, smart chap a week prior - I was invited to join a group of four other guys who were attending the first gay dance party our city has had since the lockdown ended. We had a pre-drink and something to consume at the apartment. He had instructed me to wear short-shorts and to expect to be topless. So I had tiny gym shorts on under my jeans, which I just put in my backpack anyway.
The night went really well. I was in a state of complete self-satisfaction and enjoyment of the music that I didn't really need to put any effort into interacting, talking or trying to make out with anyone. A dude who I have flirted with on Instagram, but lives two hours out of the city, was there with his husband and he kissed me in passing two or three times - nice soft lips inside a nest of facial hair. I hugged a few friends. There was a lot of shoving on the dance floor, which was annoying but didn't cross a line.
In the toilets, a large, bright, circular room with mirrored doors - I met another guy who has told me on Grindr that he wants to fuck me (U=U). So that was nice to say hi and talk very briefly but I really couldn't communicate much deeper than to say my own name. And then later on I ran into a guy who I've conversed with on Grindr too. He had been in quarantine and wants to be fucked - so I guess I will get on to that once my sexual health check comes back.
One of the guys who was in our initial group was very attractive. I think maybe he looked at my once or twice on the dancefloor but his face was often plugged in to another's, and I felt quite content on my own. For some reason traps/neck/shoulders were really turning me on that night and his were a special set of lean white flesh.
Oh, and I saw, but didn't talk to another dude that has flirted with me on SnapChat. Later on I complimented him and he seemed happy enough, responding via Grindr. Largely abandoned by those I arrived with (the main guy just likes to chat to everyone and seems to know everyone!) I walked 35 minutes back to my car and went home. Good night out.
Fit Runner (late thirties, gay bathhouse) Round II
So he'd been the last shag of January this year. We're facebook friends, so it's easy enough to stay in touch. We'd made a plan to meet at the sauna, but he was feeling tired so we started at the bar first so he could down a few cocktails and get his motor going. He's a curious chap - will just walk right across the bar and greet a random dude sitting alone.
Did I ever mention Auckland is small (even at 1.6 million)? Who should walk through the front door other than the nineteen year old whose dick I sucked the night before. Haha. I gave him a casual wave, but as he'd come with a friend I thought I'd spare him the "How do you know that guy?" question his friend might ask him. The teen took a high table with stools in the corner, and I only made brief eye contact with him after that. At one point he was at the bar buying a drink with a nicely dressed man. That's good. He deserves good experiences.
At first I told my mate I would just have a diet lemonade. But he was emphatically engaged in alcohol consumption and wanted me to partake also. I took a G&T, and even had one third of a second one, which I made him finish after he'd downed his third cocktail. There's a lot of road works around K Rd, so the route to the sauna involved some back-and-forth through metal partitions.
Up the stairs. Pay, and do your Covid contact tracing sign-in, and I got my key and in through the door. After a step or two you're in the locker room proper. I got naked, wrapped towel around me. He went to the douching shower and I went in the other direction to the regular toilet to have a piss. The venue was warm and a bit larger than I pictured in my mind. The layout had a suitably labyrinthine shape. We went up the stairs and chose between the higher-ceilinged sex shed from the one with the lower ceiling and a ceiling mirror.
I tend to be very sensitive to the sensory environment I'm in (and I interrupt this point because earlier in the evening his breath smelled vaguely of vomit, he'd done a very fast run in the afternoon so perhaps had turned his lunch about. At least he left the douching shower with a mouthwash fresh breath now), so being in an odd setting meant it took a few minutes longer to get my erection to sprout. My friend is very lithe. We stood and kissed and played with each other's cocks and sucked each other a little. He put lubed my cock and his hole, put one knee up on the padded bed and I entered him.
I don't know why, whether its amyl or pot or just biology - but he has quite a loose feel. We fucked in about five different positions. He left for a piss somewhere in the middle of this. The stall door opened an inch as someone looked in, but I paid this no attention. He talked to me about getting a third involved in our sex. I really didn't have a problem with the idea, but I didn't want to interrupt fucking now did I? Slightly an easier problematic for a bottom who doesn't need to maintain a boner for pleasure.
Eventually he lay flat on his belly, which is the No. 1 easiest position for me to cum in. So I thrust away and came in his butt. I stayed inside him for seven odd minutes more, just holding each other, breathing and very gently thrusting.
He murmured something about possibly catching feelings for me. Which is an odd expression for such a lascivious locale - I mean I had offered to just meet him at his flat but he wanted the public and impersonal place to have sex. Earlier in our conversation he tried to talk about our connection but his words were imprecise, "We have a rapport" I gave him And he agreed. Then I lay on him and he fell asleep, while I pondered the implications of what he'd said. Later on he said, "Yes, I think I've found my new lover". Was this just the alcohol?
I have a broken heart still. And my energy is very selfishly diverted to my PhD. He's text me to say we should fuck again soon. But I am hesitant to inflame feelings within a man.
He took me to the showers and some old guy smiled as he left saying something imperceptible. I washed my dick and lower body. My friend pointed me to various parts of the sauna, but I really don't recall left from right or up from down at this point. He asked me if would stay at his place, but I had borrowed a car to get there and said I better not. I dressed. He said he was going to stay and watch a movie there (I really couldn't identify what was playing, a recognisable actor but very bad special effects, some sci fi action flick).
Summary: So, the last few weeks have been a real pain in the ass. Guys who felt so free to communicate under conditions of lockdown, have gone silent now under conditions where we might actually meet. I've been ghosted and postponed, and the quality of potential connections seems to really have dropped.
Keto: I think I'm finally starting to move through (in week 3 to week 4) the lull in libido and I'm finding it coming back in little spurts. Although, not yet the massive beast it was in early 2020.
Uni: I have huge deadlines, confusion, frustration. Thesis pressure will largely dictate what I do with my time, but I am still trying to line up opportunities for the evening where I typically am less productive.
Sexy, slim, uncut teen (19, Grindr, car in public)
It's good to break the dry spell. Even if I didn't cum myself. This guy chatted to me out of the blue, from a blank profile about 6km away. We chatted pretty freely, but he didn't seem very affirmative when I asked if he wanted to meet. A little later on he asked me twice was I was up to, then suggested we get a takeaway coffee and meet and chill in the car with a view over the harbour. I just said yes (well, minus the coffee as that's non-keto and after midday).
The road provided nearly no cover and no great parking spots so that I had to pull over parallel to the harbour rather than face it. I came to the area he suggested, and we exchanged a few more texts. He did a U-turn and came up behind my car (with his headlights on the whole time, haha). He checked that he could hop into mine and then came up and sat down.
We talked for about fifteen minutes about pretty neutral stuff. Then I let silence hang for a while and he asked about my recent experiences on Grindr, and then also what I was looking for. I said, "and physical stuff." Last in my list, because I am an abstract thinker first and a do-er second. He gave a one-word affirmative like "good" or "nice", and I placed my hand on his thigh then, and his on mine.
It was surprising how good it felt to stroke his hand with my right hand. To touch another man after seven or eight weeks (or more?) of pandemic inspired abstinence. He seemed to have no problem dragging his hand across my crotch, my abs, he touched my pecs a lot too. I took my heavy hoodie off and and after I played with his dick through his trousers, he unbuttoned and took his down and I did the same. He barely had an ounce of fat on him. His abs were flat and tight, his thighs thin but toned.
He felt my balls a lot. His were somewhere between almond and grape sized and mine close to (but not quite) farm egg sized... so I wondered if that excited him. To hold another man's swollen testicles and feel the weight of hot nuts several times his own. His foreskin snugly covered his glans at first. His penis pointed upwards, and was further from this body than my own. His erection tapered gently from root to tip. It was very hard to see it clearly in the shadows at night.
We kissed briefly three times. I sucked his penis a little and licked his balls. We touched each other slowly and with care. Talking now and then. Night time walkers made him pull his pants back up. But as they passed on his pants came down again. It was so sexy to see his erection deflate a little, the penis leaning forward and down between his thighs.
I put his cock in my mouth and gently sucked and stroked him. It quickly stiffened up again through my attention. Even without a large central column in the vehicle, side-by-side blow job still isn't that ideal. I took each of his balls in my mouth and rhythmically licked them one by one. He gave me a warning he was going to cum and I increased the intensity for him a little. His young man's semen slipping easily down my throat, very mild in taste, hard to tell if there was much of it. I licked up and down his shaft and did my best to leave him clean of dribble.
He said he was a shift worker and started at 6am the next morning, it was around 10pm then. I could sense he was drawing things to a close. He seemed keen enough to meet again - and as he'd asked me clearly what I was into, and I told him, versatile, fucking, being fucked, sucking, being sucked - he has all he needs to know to feel confident in a second meeting. I'll definitely try to reach out to him again as he lives just a few minutes away. Flatting with four other young adults, I think is likely a context he's not comfortable being sexually free within (so the availability of my place as a sex pad might appeal, haha, here's hoping!).
So New Zealand has downgraded its Alert Level from four to three, and now to two, which allows for most businesses to be open and gatherings of up to ten people. Our prime minister has even answered questions about casual sex with, "as long as it's fewer than ten".
I'm on day six of the Keto Diet and it's killing my libido so far.... but I am seeing very fast fat loss in my midsection (but also my ass )
Super slim white dude (26, Grindr, no-show)
So here's how my first sex act post-lockdown didn't go. "Boo" he text me out of the blue. We'd attempted to have sex a couple of times before. Once I performed oral and he couldn't climax, another time I tried to stick it in, but his hole was too tight. This is going back three years. He's a bit of an ugly-duckling story, being an extremely awkward looking teen who became a sexy slim young adult with perfect skin and utterly fat free (not that I mind a body at all, but this aesthetic is also something I like).
He wanted to get fucked later, said he could drive, it was 5:30 and he was just making dinner. We text back and forth. At 7:30 I told him I had eaten, showered and was looking forward to his arrival.
I lay in bed from 9pm trying to stay awake. I don't want to be that old man that flakes because he can't stay up past ten on a Friday night. But still no reply even by morning.
I've changed his entry in my contacts list to include the suffix GhostedMe, so I don't forget this breech of sexual etiquette. It was possible that I could have had sex with someone else.
Brit top (26, Grindr)
Another twenty-six year old had text me, but he's a top and I didn't quite feel like it (keto diet slight gut changes). Could be meeting him some day soon.
Hot teen (19, Grindr/SnapChat, my bedroom)
SnapChat is a curious beast. I hate the way conversation and images vanish, it gets really hard to remember what has gone on. But this nineteen year old did send one face pic a few weeks ago, so I changed his SnapChat name to reflect that I thought he was hot. He's messaged me a few times about meeting - and oddly has requested 10am on Sunday morning... so I guess I'll see how that goes. Could work, could be another no-show.
This is really getting tedious.
I started fucking my sex toy in positions that I am least confident in: standing, and on my back. Even used a condom so I could practice climaxing with a bit of reduced sensitivity. Seemed to go well (as shown in video).
Now I'm on day five of a one week (or more) fast from wanking.
The guy at the top of my sex list got back with a long-distance ex who's promised to move to New Zealand. So I had to scrub that one off before it happened. He had this extremely hot pink hole that needed my dicking, but alas, it's not to be.
New Zealand is doing very well with stay-at-home and social distancing. We may drop down an alert level yet. I have my next bottle or PrEP ready to go. Luckily the cis-male regimen is easy to start (2 pills the day before sex, 1 the day of, then continue).
My balls hang heavy and ache.
So, I don't masturbate all that often, but this discipline is far less meaningful under lockdown conditions. I recommenced using my sex toy - with the aim of getting better at cumming in a standing position. I seem to prefer on my knees or on my back - but I wanna give the guys that I fuck more options for finding positions that bring them pleasure.
I've also been using SnapChat, which I've always hated before. A long, long time ago I wrote a college essay on web-cam sex before the era of broadband. Back then you maybe got an image to update once every 2 to 20 seconds, and it was grainy and weird. Now you can start pleasuring yourself, video a short clip, send it out to a half dozen men, chat to them as you masturbate. And then film the cum-shot for them. It's all very different, weird, curious and innovative.
In a way it's nice that this technology allows new ways of connecting with a range of guys in more-or-less real time, and for the most part it is quite discreet as the media vanishes after viewing.
How do you guys get the most out of SnapChat and your phone's capabilities?
I was chatting to a lad who was sending me clips of him using his fleshlight, so I started to coach him in trying out more fuck-style positions rather than just laying on one's back and relying mostly on hand-motion to climax. It was fun, but fleshlights make a hell of a noise so he had to hold of doing it that way until the house was more vacant.
I've uploaded one image of my toy after using it (Sex Diary an Album, album).
While it only feels like April fool's was yesterday - that gives some respite that the days are traveling fast.
However the days are also extremely horny. I find myself checking LPSG more than usual.
Video Engagement: I uploaded my first clip, fifty seconds of me pumping and cumming through a sex toy, to three sites, and one week later:
LPSG: 295 views, 24 likes
Dudesnude: 367 views, 11 hot-clicks
Squirt: 370 views, 52 rankings ending in 4/5 stars
LPSG gets slightly fewer views but a much higher sense of engagement and community. I maybe had three messages on DN from overseas, and a few messages locally on Squirt from guys who'd viewed it. LPSG is definitely more forum/community focused, while the other two sites are dating and hook-up focused
Sex List : I keen refining and adding to this out of boredom and desperation. It now lists men by sex act and likelihood of meeting. Pretty sad, but good to have some hope of sexual release after lockdown.
Farmer (40s, partnered, outside the city)
I've been talking to a guy who's been in a monogamous relationship with a man for a decade and a half. I get so horny thinking about fucking his hole - one that has only had one other dick in it for so long.
I don't see sex as a moral issue, nor even cheating really - if it's done in the right way. I would never cheat on a partner, because I have a certain degree of integrity for me (i.e. I conform my behaviour to my own values, and I would communicate long before about my sexual needs): but for other men in other scenarios, well, they have different stories and I leave their business up to them. I respect their relationship, but when given a chance to be treated as desirable, to be welcomed, to be pleasured, held, kissed, penetrated, to have their name uttered in panting and bliss, and to be cum inside - it can only be a good thing that I do. From my perspective. Am I wrong?
And so it continues, another week of lockdown in NZ.
I uploaded my first video here and then one days later uploaded it to Dudesnude. Both this site and that are like 'an instagram for cocks', but Dudesnude leans into dating while LPSG leans into being a forum.
DN 205 views, 6 hot clicks
LPSG 146 views, 13 likes
Just interesting to compare the activity across these two sites. Might grab stats at the end of seven days each.
Honestly what else is there for a man to do now than to create a viable sex list - it's at the size where I would start to fail to recall it from memory and Grindr is such a shit app for contact management. These are all more or less qualified sexual opportunities once quarantine is relaxed. Still more than two weeks to go though - and all signs pointing to nothing really being resolved.
Let me know
What my entry for you would say if you were on my list, x