Customs triggered by luggage - did someone else have the same experience?

[freeballerlondon]

In all honesty, in the grand scale of things this was something extremely minor and actually a bit funny, but since this was the 3rd time something similar related to customs and our luggage happened, I was wondering some others had similar experiences.

(Apologies for the long-winded story, I just typed it out as I remembered it. The other 2 experiences weren’t as funny as this one)

My best friend / boyfriend - let’s call him XY - and I recently went on a 7 day, 6 night city trip. We like to travel light so we had 1 piece of hand luggage for the two of us. We arrive on time, get to the checkpoint, and do the standard thing of shoes, bag, belongings in the tray to be scanned, and us through the security scanner.

As we went to retrieve our tray, the operators were still working on our luggage, they had opened the bag and they were apparently looking for something. Then the young (and rather cute) guy picked up our tray, looked at us (a bit oddly) and asked whether we would mind stepping over “there”, there being a small room to the side I hadn’t noticed.

Now something to know: XY is sometimes recognised because of what he does. Since this guy gave off gay vibes, I assumed he might want a selfie or something. But I didn’t understand why we couldn’t get our stuff first, put our shoes back on, etc.

But that wasn’t it. Turns out that he assumed we “had another bag hidden somewhere, maybe with drugs, and what if a child…”
So we stand there - still barefoot, because he had our shoes - listening to his Miss Marple-esque hypotheses, and still uncertain WHY we were singled out. We finally manage to get a word in, ask him as much, and he triumphantly says: “there are no socks or underwear. For a 7 day trip” (no idea how he knew).
And looked frightfully smug.
I looked at XY, he at me, we looked down at our bare toes, I shrugged, opened my button and lowered my zipper. XY, who gets incredibly miffed if he’s falsely accused of this, was less subtle, pulled open his buttons in one go and completely flopped out.

Cute customs lad looked from the visible top of my shaft to XY’s todger and back - lost for words. XY: “I - we - don’t wear - OWN - underwear.” And moi: “nor socks”. XY: “nor socks” (he was crimson by now)

He just looked back and forth another time, pushed the tray towards us, turned around and left. Without a word.

When we left that room and went on our way to our flight, I caught cute customs lad’s eye once more - he was still crimson - and winked.

 

[Bruce_the_Hoon]

ROFL.

 

[Infernal]

Nothing as exciting for me. I left Barcelona early yesterday morning and this hot as fuck customs official went through my carry on. He confiscated my small bottles of olive oil and orange liquor from Majorca. He said they were twice the allowable size. I mumbled that I was bigger and yet here I was. He just smirked and told me to move on. He could have at least offered to feel me up to make sure.

 

[freeballerlondon]

Nothing as exciting for me. I left Barcelona early yesterday morning and this hot as fuck customs official went through my carry on. He confiscated my small bottles of olive oil and orange liquor from Majorca. He said they were twice the allowable size. I mumbled that I was bigger and yet here I was. He just smirked and told me to move on. He could have at least offered to feel me up to make sure.

The reason I posted this was, because I this was my second run-in with customs within a span of mere months.

I was on a week-long trip for work and since I was on my own, brought some ‘entertainment’. Since I prefer to travel as light as possible, I only bring my carry-on luggage. So I went through the routine described previously and lo-and-behold, my bag was singled out for further inspection.

The customs chap looked barely out of school (acne, and all that) and was possibly in training because there was a similarly-clad matron looking over his shoulder. Turned out he was looking for my Überlube container (a small metal cylinder). He held it up and asked “What is this?”
So I smiled, locked eyes and said “Lubricant. Personal lubricant”. Obviously didn’t ring a bell. “You know, for sex?” Mild panic in those doey eyes, as he almost thrust my Überlube back where he retrieved it. Next to my Lelo Hugo.
Which he sort-of held (not up, but took it from its side pocket) because I think he had some inkling where we might be heading, as he looked askance at me. Didn’t say anything, though

Being the ever-helpful character, I gladly volunteered: “It’s a sex toy. That’s what the lubricant is for. As you can see, my boyfriend isn’t with me?”

Panic turned to mild horror as he looked over his shoulder to the matron who merely said “you were just looking for the cylinder, remember” with a smile in my direction.
So my bag and shoes were thrust my way with a measured: “it’s ok”

You’d think they train these children to be prepared to find sex toys etc?

———-

I might as well post my final ‘customs’ encounter although that was no-where near as funny. Many years ago, best friend (and then not yet boy friend) and I went to Aus. I was stupid enough to bring the bag I use for work, so the dogs signalled that I had contraband on me (you aren’t allowed to bring food).
I didn’t but they went through our bags anyway (and very thoroughly, too - they completely unpacked everything!). When the guy - quintessential Ozzie - was all but done he beamed at us: “freeballers, ay?!”
He had noticed the lack of underwear, I suppose
So I just smiled back and said something like “Commando is the only way to go!” Which earned me a thumbs-up. And left me with 3 bags to pack (Before one asks: the then-best friend only wasn’t the domestic type back then, either)

 

[Brandis13]

I used to work airport security and saw my fair share of toys on X-ray. I usually only picked those bags out for a manual check if I knew that the colleague behind me doing the check would be embarrassed. ;-)

 

[Brandis13]

Here are some x-ray images of luggage with spicy content

 

[freeballerlondon]

Here are some x-ray images of luggage with spicy content

Ok, the bottom one is obvious (although I don’t understand what a buttplug would do for a woman (?)
Can’t see what’s naughtyin the top one, however.

Incidentally, this is the container I mentioned. Apparently, it shows up as a x-ray opaque tube

 

[freeballerlondon]

Ok, the bottom one is obvious (although I don’t understand what a buttplug would do for a woman (?)
Can’t see what’s naughtyin the top one, however.

Nevermind: I thought it was a canister of shaving cream

Incidentally, this is the container I mentioned. Apparently, it shows up as a x-ray opaque tube
View attachment 133796011

 

[Brandis13]

That‘s the thing, both bags belonged to well dressed businessmen. So I guess, the owner of the bottom suitcase enjoyed using a plug while wearing high-heel shoes.

The contents of the bag on top might be a bit harder to see to the untrained eye. Top right is an iPad, the green square. To the left are some rubber toys (orange) and then a round container, also in orange, containing some cream or viscous liquid. If I remember correctly, it was Crisco.
Below that, a bit to the right again, there is a wand-like thing, also orange, containing a small vibrator motor (blue). So that was some kind of massage wand.

 

[freeballerlondon]

That‘s the thing, both bags belonged to well dressed businessmen. So I guess, the owner of the bottom suitcase enjoyed using a plug while wearing high-heel shoes.

The contents of the bag on top might be a bit harder to see to the untrained eye. Top right is an iPad, the green square. To the left are some rubber toys (orange) and then a round container, also in orange, containing some cream or viscous liquid. If I remember correctly, it was Crisco.
Below that, a bit to the right again, there is a wand-like thing, also orange, containing a small vibrator motor (blue). So that was some kind of massage wand.

Well, now there’s someone who really knows how to make the most out of his downtime - massaging all those hard-to-reach spots to get the kinks out

I also usually bring a toy - nothing wrong with a solid wank! - but this was the only time ever they made an issue of it. I still blame the canister