Issues with my friend with benefits

[unrivaled]

I'd like to make a long story short but at the same time, I'd like to explain things as best as possible. Please bare with me.

I'm bisexual (24 years old), I've come to accept that. I am DL though. For future reference in this post, I wanna state that I'm genuinely not romantically interested in guys (No dating, relationships, courting, etc. etc.). I just started experimenting with guys for the first time ever this past February (via Grindr). In late March, I came across this one day. Conventionally attractive, nice body, a few years older than me, has his own place, etc. etc.
--------------------------------------------
At first I was only cool with masturbating with him and the other 2-3 guys I had met with by that point. I told myself I'd never kiss, have sex, give oral, etc. strictly masturbating. I thought meeting up with him was only a one time thing but he meshed so well that we've been seeing each other about once, even sometimes twice, a week ever since. Again though, I'm not interested in guys romantically. Not to mention even if I were into him like that, it's not practical. We're literally in different stages of life, different generations, live different lifestyles, different tax brackets, the list goes on and on.

I've had a sexual awakening thanks to him. I realized that my "never(s)" were just waiting for the right person to bring them out of me. Every meet up we did something different and it eventually led to sex, my first time ever with a guy.
--------------------------------------------
After our second meet up I think? He said he deleted Grindr because he wasn't interested in it anymore or something. I know he deleted it because our chat history was gone, etc.

Soon after that, we agreed on being friends with benefits. He mentioned that he's dating 1-2 other guys in different states but that it's nothing serious/exclusive. Naturally, when they meet up, they do things together. That's ok with me. He's on PrEP, he's clean, etc. etc. and I also hopped on PrEP (I'm inconsistent with taking it, not gonna lie) since he and I have sex (I bottom. He's like twice my size so I never pitched the idea of topping)

I never deleted the app but since I had found a consistent and good friend with benefits, I cleared out my profile and took everything down. I swear to God, right hand on the bible, I only use that app for browsing. Literally, just to pass time. I don't hit anyone up and no one hits me up. Again, my account is 100% blank.
--------------------------------------------
For the last month or so, I've realized that I've gotten emotionally attached to him. Hell, I bought him a souvenir when I traveled across the country and back for vacation. When I have good news, he's the first person I tell. When I'm bored, I'll hit him up. And he'll do the same thing back. We're cool with each other. I know this arrangement we have going on won't last forever, so I get upset when I think about having to say bye to him one day. But I'm learning to appreciate however much time we have left.

Here's the dilemma. During our most recent meet, I was laying down and finally came to peace with how far I've come in experimenting with guys. I was proud of myself. And I realized that I could genuinely be comfortable around him. He's been extremely honest, open, communicative, trustworthy, and he's given me a safe space to be myself.

Literally the next day. I open the app and guess who I see. Him. He redownloaded the app. Of course, his face wasn't in it but I recognize the body, stats, etc.
--------------------------------------------
I know he's not using it just to browse. He has pictures up, a hidden album, lists his interest in his bio, and says he's looking for "Right Now". At first I felt upset but now I feel angry.

It's not technically any of my business and he's not obligated to tell me he's back on. But if he's looking for "Right Now" and is more likely than not, meeting up/doing stuff with other guys, isn't that something he should mention to me? He hasn't said anything and is acting like everything's normal. He doesn't know that I know.

Like I said I know I got emotionally attached. I know a lot of how I'm feeling is coming from a place of jealousy. I can admit that but still, I feel as if this is something he should've told me. I knew about the other 2 guys he's dating/having sex with. It's long distance and they literally might see each other 3 or so times a year, so I'm not mad about that. He was honest and told me.

But now he's on the app and, more likely than not having sex, with strangers? And not telling me?? I don't know what these guys have. How can he do something with one of them and then turn around and try to have sex with me? What if he catches something and passes it on to me?? My health is important too. If he could tell me about the other guys, why can't he tell me that he's on the app pursuing other people?? Again, I know I may just be jealous but still, I don't think I like how he's handling this. I feel like I shouldn't have had to find out and that he should've told me.

I guess I'm okay with him having multiple FWB's but at least tell me, he's been so open and honest up until now so I'm just confused. And for all of this to happen literally RIGHT after I realized how comfortable I can be with him, it just hurts. He always tells me how cool I am, how he likes seeing me, how good I am in bed, etc. etc. and I feel those things about him too, so what the hell?
--------------------------------------------
I'm looking for advice. Am I wrong? Is he wrong for not telling me? Shouldn't he tell me?
Please don't sugarcoat. If I'm wrong, I'd like to know so that I can put things in perspective.

I'm sorry for the long post but if you've made it this far, please help me out.
--------------------------------------------
TL;DR: I'm bisexual. My first (guy) friend with benefit (About 2 or so months) who I've had a sexual awakening with is back on Grindr and most likely meeting and doing stuff with other guys. I found out, but he doesn't know that I know. I got emotionally attached to him, so him doing that makes me angry. I know he's not obligated to tell me but shouldn't he? I know I may just be jealous but shouldn't I literally know for my own health? What if he catches something and passes it on to me? I just don't know if it's my place to upset since I'm mostly just jealous, blindsided, or whatever. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

 

[halcyondays]

IMO you agreed to be FWBs which means neither of you are required or expected to tell the other about other partners you have.

Have him use condoms if you want extra protection. If he asks why say it's because you're just FWBs and you want more protection because you don't know who else he might be seeing. You don't even have to mention you know he's back on the Grind. He knows you're still there.

HIV isn't the only STI you should be concerned about. Get all the vaccines your doctor recommends for an active sex life like Hep and HPV.

 

[bman1977]

OMG, just reading your post I swear I could have written that - tossing in a few changes. I, too, have recently come across a very good FWB. Our situations are flipped - he is the one that is 24 and I am 46. I'm married and closeted Bi. We also met on Grindr and really hit things off from the start.

He asked if we could text early on so he could get off that app. We texted very frequently - every day. This had been going on since March (St. Patty's Day Weekend). I enjoyed everything about this guy and he, too, got me to open up a little more sexually and I've tried several things I never have (nor never really wanted to) done. Sex with guys, in general, is not something I did. That changed with this guy - we've topped and bottomed each other and the sex was very passionate. I also didn't suck a lot of cock, mostly ever received. I never have rimmed a guy and have several times with him. To me, he is hot as fuck and everything I would look for in a guy.

Since I am more established in my life I did enjoy treating him with nice things and enjoyed just meeting up for lunch/dinner. I thought he enjoyed this too.

Probably around early May I noticed he was back on Grindr more and more. I raised my concerns with him and he said it was out of boredom. This never stopped. We told each other that if we ever hooked up with another guy we would be honest and tell each other. I could never fully believe that I am the only one he has messed with since March.

Granted, I am married so it was not fair for me, but I too became emotionally involved and need to be safe. We have always used condoms when we fuck, but I'm still concerned with doing other things when I have these thoughts in my head.

Recently, it became too much for me. I told him all of my concerns and made up my mind to walk away. It was very hard because of the emotions attached (and the sex was amazing). He said he respected that decision. A little later, he said he would be good with just fucking when the opportunity came. I had to think about it - but agreed that would be better than nothing. He has assured me that he would still tell me if he has had any hookups, but I'm still not 100% certain. We only now text when he's ready to fuck.

I miss our daily conversations and just hanging out too. I'm torn, but I want to continue a least this for now.

I understand your concerns, as I've felt them too. I was told it wasn't a relationship because I was married...but it sure felt like it and enjoyed as such. Thank you for sharing.

 

[nburbsbiguy]

I don't have any similar experience, but have you ever considered that he might have gotten back on Grindr as a low-key way of telling you he's not looking for the same kind of relationship you seem to be at this point?

Health issues notwithstanding, I'm reading that you are reacting on an emotional level more than on a practical level.

But to answer your question, no I don't think based on what you wrote above that he had an obligation to tell you.

 

[msclelovr]

HIV isn't the only STI you should be concerned about. Get all the vaccines your doctor recommends for an active sex life like Hep and HPV.

This is very sound advice. Please follow it.

I also don’t think he was obliged to tell you You and he are simply friends, FWBs or fuckbuddies (however you term it). You had an enjoyable physical relationship that now has developed into something more emotional. I feel that’s perfectly natural for feelings to develop and change over time. I’m older than you and I’ve had 3 different FWBs over the years. I enjoy sex and romance so I’ve had a FWB when I’ve been between boyfriends.

As I see it, there is only one obligation here - it is on you and that obligation is to protect your own health at all times.

 

[Roadsoda45]

I'd like to make a long story short but at the same time, I'd like to explain things as best as possible. Please bare with me.

I'm bisexual (24 years old), I've come to accept that. I am DL though. For future reference in this post, I wanna state that I'm genuinely not romantically interested in guys (No dating, relationships, courting, etc. etc.). I just started experimenting with guys for the first time ever this past February (via Grindr). In late March, I came across this one day. Conventionally attractive, nice body, a few years older than me, has his own place, etc. etc.
--------------------------------------------
At first I was only cool with masturbating with him and the other 2-3 guys I had met with by that point. I told myself I'd never kiss, have sex, give oral, etc. strictly masturbating. I thought meeting up with him was only a one time thing but he meshed so well that we've been seeing each other about once, even sometimes twice, a week ever since. Again though, I'm not interested in guys romantically. Not to mention even if I were into him like that, it's not practical. We're literally in different stages of life, different generations, live different lifestyles, different tax brackets, the list goes on and on.

I've had a sexual awakening thanks to him. I realized that my "never(s)" were just waiting for the right person to bring them out of me. Every meet up we did something different and it eventually led to sex, my first time ever with a guy.
--------------------------------------------
After our second meet up I think? He said he deleted Grindr because he wasn't interested in it anymore or something. I know he deleted it because our chat history was gone, etc.

Soon after that, we agreed on being friends with benefits. He mentioned that he's dating 1-2 other guys in different states but that it's nothing serious/exclusive. Naturally, when they meet up, they do things together. That's ok with me. He's on PrEP, he's clean, etc. etc. and I also hopped on PrEP (I'm inconsistent with taking it, not gonna lie) since he and I have sex (I bottom. He's like twice my size so I never pitched the idea of topping)

I never deleted the app but since I had found a consistent and good friend with benefits, I cleared out my profile and took everything down. I swear to God, right hand on the bible, I only use that app for browsing. Literally, just to pass time. I don't hit anyone up and no one hits me up. Again, my account is 100% blank.
--------------------------------------------
For the last month or so, I've realized that I've gotten emotionally attached to him. Hell, I bought him a souvenir when I traveled across the country and back for vacation. When I have good news, he's the first person I tell. When I'm bored, I'll hit him up. And he'll do the same thing back. We're cool with each other. I know this arrangement we have going on won't last forever, so I get upset when I think about having to say bye to him one day. But I'm learning to appreciate however much time we have left.

Here's the dilemma. During our most recent meet, I was laying down and finally came to peace with how far I've come in experimenting with guys. I was proud of myself. And I realized that I could genuinely be comfortable around him. He's been extremely honest, open, communicative, trustworthy, and he's given me a safe space to be myself.

Literally the next day. I open the app and guess who I see. Him. He redownloaded the app. Of course, his face wasn't in it but I recognize the body, stats, etc.
--------------------------------------------
I know he's not using it just to browse. He has pictures up, a hidden album, lists his interest in his bio, and says he's looking for "Right Now". At first I felt upset but now I feel angry.

It's not technically any of my business and he's not obligated to tell me he's back on. But if he's looking for "Right Now" and is more likely than not, meeting up/doing stuff with other guys, isn't that something he should mention to me? He hasn't said anything and is acting like everything's normal. He doesn't know that I know.

Like I said I know I got emotionally attached. I know a lot of how I'm feeling is coming from a place of jealousy. I can admit that but still, I feel as if this is something he should've told me. I knew about the other 2 guys he's dating/having sex with. It's long distance and they literally might see each other 3 or so times a year, so I'm not mad about that. He was honest and told me.

But now he's on the app and, more likely than not having sex, with strangers? And not telling me?? I don't know what these guys have. How can he do something with one of them and then turn around and try to have sex with me? What if he catches something and passes it on to me?? My health is important too. If he could tell me about the other guys, why can't he tell me that he's on the app pursuing other people?? Again, I know I may just be jealous but still, I don't think I like how he's handling this. I feel like I shouldn't have had to find out and that he should've told me.

I guess I'm okay with him having multiple FWB's but at least tell me, he's been so open and honest up until now so I'm just confused. And for all of this to happen literally RIGHT after I realized how comfortable I can be with him, it just hurts. He always tells me how cool I am, how he likes seeing me, how good I am in bed, etc. etc. and I feel those things about him too, so what the hell?
--------------------------------------------
I'm looking for advice. Am I wrong? Is he wrong for not telling me? Shouldn't he tell me?
Please don't sugarcoat. If I'm wrong, I'd like to know so that I can put things in perspective.

I'm sorry for the long post but if you've made it this far, please help me out.
--------------------------------------------
TL;DR: I'm bisexual. My first (guy) friend with benefit (About 2 or so months) who I've had a sexual awakening with is back on Grindr and most likely meeting and doing stuff with other guys. I found out, but he doesn't know that I know. I got emotionally attached to him, so him doing that makes me angry. I know he's not obligated to tell me but shouldn't he? I know I may just be jealous but shouldn't I literally know for my own health? What if he catches something and passes it on to me? I just don't know if it's my place to upset since I'm mostly just jealous, blindsided, or whatever. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

I think you want a bf. What you explained and how you feel is the ideal perfect relationship. Let him know you want to move forward and make things official. I’m not a fan of poly relationships. They’ve only caused trouble but I know others are ok with it. If you like him go after him, go get what you want and what he’s helped you realize you deserve.

 

[Andrew Mathew]

I sympathize a lot with your current situation. I once, too, had a "fwb". At first he meant absolutely nothing to me, we barely even had anything to talk about, it was just sex (amazing one, too). Things were okay... Until I made the mistake of allowing myself to develop feelings for him. The situation was similar to yours: we were very, very different, in different age brackets and in different stages of life. For example, he had been on some relationships before and his last one had lasted 7 or more years (he had been out of the closet for a long time and his previous boyfriend would sleep in his bed at his parents' house, they were totally okay with it - very different from me, who wasn't (and still am not) out at the time). Needless to say, i suffered (in silence) for over 3 years and, like you, I'd see him on Grindr and it really affected me. He never even thought about me romantically (I never talked to him about it, but I'm 100% sure that my feelings towards him were always one-sided).
What I'm trying to say is: first you need to come to terms with what you really feel about him: from your post it seems like you could be starting to develop serious feelings for him and I think you should really weight those feelings and, in case you discover they're genuine and they're something you'd like to develop, you should consider talking to him about it.
Don't do what I did and continue to spend your energy, time and even sanity on developing very serious feelings for a guy who's absolutely not interested in you (romantically, at least). I realized that if I had taken a different approach it wouldn't have taken me 3 or even more years (a ridiculous amount of time, nevertheless) to get over him.

 

[Beefderky]

Fwb doesn't mean you are in a relationship with said person. I understand you are hurt and confused but he doesn't owe you an explanation if he's being active with other guys.

Any time you are sexually active you should always focus on safe sex. You stated you aren't consistent with prep and therefore you should always use condoms. Don't trust your safety to anyone else. I dont trust other people when they say they are on prep or clean. It only takes 1 lie to ruin your life forever.

Would you be open to the possibility to dating this man? If he is trustworthy as you say, you should just be honest with him. Admit your feelings to him and see if he would like to try dating aimed towards a relationship. He may want to be in an open relationship by the sound of his lifestyle but it can work as long as you both have open communication, rules and above all else, honesty. He could also be willing to be monogamous, or at least for the first year until you both have been settled together. He could also not want a relationship at all but you never know until you ask.

It just comes down to what you want. I would advise against fwb if you are catching feelings. If feelings are already caught though then why not take a chance and ask to try dating? The worse he can say is no. If he does then move on but remain friends. Anything sexual with this man will make you fall for him even more.

 

[loveisdead9582]

I’ve had a couple of similar experiences. One thing I want to mention is that when on Grindr, profiles with pics will get more responses. Doesn’t matter if they are looking for anything or not - when window shopping it’s best that you flash the goods.

I’ve been in a somewhat recent situation where we started as FWB but it basically turned into a relationship without the title. In my earlier years I had a similar experience where I was down for whatever they wanted but I was still lied to. If you open the door for more than just fwb and they don’t want to be honest about what’s going on, you need to look out for yourself. It may be painful emotionally, but at the end of the day you need to make sure you are taking care of yourself.

I’m happy that you found someone you could be comfortable with. Hopefully this shows you that you can be comfortable with a man. I also hate that you were screwed over. You don’t deserve that. I know that it may sound like an empty platitude or three but don’t give up hope no don’t throw away the positive experiences you’ve gained. You are going to have much better things/people in your life in the future.

 

[oliverKj]

Hey bro, sorry u r feeling this way man. I understand u get the whole friends with benefits thing but as humans we create expectations, it’s normal.
As you mentioned, u guys are in different areas of life, he’s more experienced, lived more, u r just staring and u caught feels which is totally fine but the fact he’s hooking up with other guys and not telling u is a bit shady but he’s not wrong since it wasn’t agreed from the beginning that u must say this and that.
I think u both should tell each other what u guys r expecting, boundaries and such. IF u decide to tell him how u feel. Really ask what he’s expecting and tell him ur side too, be ready for him not being down with it tho.
The fact that he’s hooking up with other guys has nothing to do with the way he feels about u, some ppl just move that like that. Everyone has something to give, some could be more sexual, some could be emotional, some is just good chemistry, some r just horny and need different ppl to satisfy them.
Not everybody is like that, I know, but in that sense u guys r different and I don’t see this going anywhere without u gettin hurt.
Honestly bro, Im glad he opened up ur mind in term of u being more open to the idea of exploring and accepting urself. There r plenty of ppl out there, hard to find the right ones but they r out there, trust me. May take time but u may find a buddy who’s into the same as u.
As for ur health I think if u r worried like that, u shouldn’t hook up with him no more, prep doenst do shit to other stds, it’s incredible to me how lots of dudes justify having bare sex because they’re on prep… there r countless stds that will get u and prep will do nothing to them so be careful.
Only hook up with him if u trust he’s 100% taking care of himself while with other dudes, but how would u know?! Doesn’t seem like u trust him to accept that.
Any updates ?

 

[ndamood4sum]

I'd like to make a long story short but at the same time, I'd like to explain things as best as possible. Please bare with me.

I'm bisexual (24 years old), I've come to accept that. I am DL though. For future reference in this post, I wanna state that I'm genuinely not romantically interested in guys (No dating, relationships, courting, etc. etc.). I just started experimenting with guys for the first time ever this past February (via Grindr). In late March, I came across this one day. Conventionally attractive, nice body, a few years older than me, has his own place, etc. etc.
--------------------------------------------
At first I was only cool with masturbating with him and the other 2-3 guys I had met with by that point. I told myself I'd never kiss, have sex, give oral, etc. strictly masturbating. I thought meeting up with him was only a one time thing but he meshed so well that we've been seeing each other about once, even sometimes twice, a week ever since. Again though, I'm not interested in guys romantically. Not to mention even if I were into him like that, it's not practical. We're literally in different stages of life, different generations, live different lifestyles, different tax brackets, the list goes on and on.

I've had a sexual awakening thanks to him. I realized that my "never(s)" were just waiting for the right person to bring them out of me. Every meet up we did something different and it eventually led to sex, my first time ever with a guy.
--------------------------------------------
After our second meet up I think? He said he deleted Grindr because he wasn't interested in it anymore or something. I know he deleted it because our chat history was gone, etc.

Soon after that, we agreed on being friends with benefits. He mentioned that he's dating 1-2 other guys in different states but that it's nothing serious/exclusive. Naturally, when they meet up, they do things together. That's ok with me. He's on PrEP, he's clean, etc. etc. and I also hopped on PrEP (I'm inconsistent with taking it, not gonna lie) since he and I have sex (I bottom. He's like twice my size so I never pitched the idea of topping)

I never deleted the app but since I had found a consistent and good friend with benefits, I cleared out my profile and took everything down. I swear to God, right hand on the bible, I only use that app for browsing. Literally, just to pass time. I don't hit anyone up and no one hits me up. Again, my account is 100% blank.
--------------------------------------------
For the last month or so, I've realized that I've gotten emotionally attached to him. Hell, I bought him a souvenir when I traveled across the country and back for vacation. When I have good news, he's the first person I tell. When I'm bored, I'll hit him up. And he'll do the same thing back. We're cool with each other. I know this arrangement we have going on won't last forever, so I get upset when I think about having to say bye to him one day. But I'm learning to appreciate however much time we have left.

Here's the dilemma. During our most recent meet, I was laying down and finally came to peace with how far I've come in experimenting with guys. I was proud of myself. And I realized that I could genuinely be comfortable around him. He's been extremely honest, open, communicative, trustworthy, and he's given me a safe space to be myself.

Literally the next day. I open the app and guess who I see. Him. He redownloaded the app. Of course, his face wasn't in it but I recognize the body, stats, etc.
--------------------------------------------
I know he's not using it just to browse. He has pictures up, a hidden album, lists his interest in his bio, and says he's looking for "Right Now". At first I felt upset but now I feel angry.

It's not technically any of my business and he's not obligated to tell me he's back on. But if he's looking for "Right Now" and is more likely than not, meeting up/doing stuff with other guys, isn't that something he should mention to me? He hasn't said anything and is acting like everything's normal. He doesn't know that I know.

Like I said I know I got emotionally attached. I know a lot of how I'm feeling is coming from a place of jealousy. I can admit that but still, I feel as if this is something he should've told me. I knew about the other 2 guys he's dating/having sex with. It's long distance and they literally might see each other 3 or so times a year, so I'm not mad about that. He was honest and told me.

But now he's on the app and, more likely than not having sex, with strangers? And not telling me?? I don't know what these guys have. How can he do something with one of them and then turn around and try to have sex with me? What if he catches something and passes it on to me?? My health is important too. If he could tell me about the other guys, why can't he tell me that he's on the app pursuing other people?? Again, I know I may just be jealous but still, I don't think I like how he's handling this. I feel like I shouldn't have had to find out and that he should've told me.

I guess I'm okay with him having multiple FWB's but at least tell me, he's been so open and honest up until now so I'm just confused. And for all of this to happen literally RIGHT after I realized how comfortable I can be with him, it just hurts. He always tells me how cool I am, how he likes seeing me, how good I am in bed, etc. etc. and I feel those things about him too, so what the hell?
--------------------------------------------
I'm looking for advice. Am I wrong? Is he wrong for not telling me? Shouldn't he tell me?
Please don't sugarcoat. If I'm wrong, I'd like to know so that I can put things in perspective.

I'm sorry for the long post but if you've made it this far, please help me out.
--------------------------------------------
TL;DR: I'm bisexual. My first (guy) friend with benefit (About 2 or so months) who I've had a sexual awakening with is back on Grindr and most likely meeting and doing stuff with other guys. I found out, but he doesn't know that I know. I got emotionally attached to him, so him doing that makes me angry. I know he's not obligated to tell me but shouldn't he? I know I may just be jealous but shouldn't I literally know for my own health? What if he catches something and passes it on to me? I just don't know if it's my place to upset since I'm mostly just jealous, blindsided, or whatever. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Should he tell you if he's back on Grindr looking to hook-up with others, I think the answer is YES! Is he obligated to inform you that answer is NO.

I'm going to look at it from a different point of view. You guys haven't spoken about the feelings that may or are developing between you two. Maybe he jumped back of Grindr because he is also feeling attached to you and thinking about all the differences you mentioned earlier, he probably thinks there is not a chance in hell that you'd be interested in him that way. Maybe he's worried that you are going to be the one that wants to end your current situation and going back on Grindr could be his way of protecting his own heart.

He told you that he deleted Grindr but you never said whether or not if he knew you were still on it, even if browsing when bored. Did he know you were still browsing the app? If so, he may believe that you are and still want the interaction to be FWB's and nothing more. I'm an Adam4Adam kind of guy myself and have never been on Grindr and have no idea what info you can or cannot see but your username is probably the same and if he went on to check if you were still on it, why shouldn't he be?

I know most of what I've said is a bunch of what ifs, but I chose to look at it as he is protecting himself instead of he just wanting something else/different. Men tend to keep things bottled up inside when it comes to our emotions and it isn't very healthy and by doing so, things rarely work out for us. Obviously explaining to someone that you have developed some type of emotions/ feelings towards them can be terrifying and/or risky, but the conversation is well worth the anxieties, otherwise you will always wonder what he's up to when he is not with you. Be honest, genuine and straightforward. Say something like, "When we first started, I had a list of nevers and that list doesn't really exist anymore and I realized that what I feel may be more than just platonic feelings towards you. It's okay if you don't feel the same way, but I really wanted to let you know." By doing it that way, he won't feel obligated to return an awkward likewise sentiment. And see where it goes from there. Good luck to you.

 

[PutItInHere691]

Usually in my opinion a friend with benefits is someone who is there to do things their wives or boyfriends won’t do..
I’ve had few fwb where they wanted blowjobs because wives wouldn’t suck or even swallow .. few guy wanna fuck hard where their wives won’t let them.. and some guys are curious to try things like being rimmed and have their assholes messed with ..

I am the friend that there to give them what they want when they want it..


there’s no strings attached . Soon as you say you’re the only one he is to do this stuff with then it no longer becomes a benefit to him..

 

[Subzero45]

Have a direct conversation and re-evaluate your current relationship.

What do each of you want?
What is allowed (I.e., going on Grindr)? What isn’t? Do you want to be open, exclusive, etc.?

Also - yes - get tested. For the health of both of you.

 

[AceWilde]

A lot of really good points have been brought up in this thread, especially around the health issue you brought up (and for my own two cents you should be testing regularly, I test every three months, and not just for HIV, for everything), but I think the biggest cause of your problem here is that you caught feelings and you want the dynamic to change. You were happy with FWB but now you want something more committed and deep.

Have you told him any of this though? It sounds like you haven't. Something you learn by dating around is that both people have to agree upon the dynamics of a relationship for that relationship to work. The reason things were working for a while was that you both agreed to be FWBs and not seek a relationship. You have caught feelings and want a change, you've made that clear. But what does he want? Have you asked?

You can't just will yourself into a more monogamous relationship with this man where you both are communicative about your outside play partners and their sexual health. He needs to want that too. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't, but you can't know unless you ask.

So my advice to you is to be honest with him. Tell him your feelings for him are changing and that you'd like to try a more romantic relationship with him. If you want monogamy, say that too. It's a risk, he might say no or even just break off from you, but you clearly can't keep going the way things are.

I'd also suggest you investigate these feelings of jealousy because they will be important to deciding on your new dynamic. Can you be in an open relationship, or will you be jealous when he hooks up with friends? As someone in an open relationship with partners who are also in open relationships, you really need to be able to process and question your jealousy. If you immediately get angry every time he looks for sex with someone else, then open relationships are probably not for you. And that would also be something you'd need to talk and agree with him on. Either way what is important is that you are both setting the boundaries for the relationship and both are agreeing to uphold them.

Hopefully this helped!

 

[HotButteryPopcorn]

A lot of really good points have been brought up in this thread, especially around the health issue you brought up (and for my own two cents you should be testing regularly, I test every three months, and not just for HIV, for everything), but I think the biggest cause of your problem here is that you caught feelings and you want the dynamic to change. You were happy with FWB but now you want something more committed and deep.

Have you told him any of this though? It sounds like you haven't. Something you learn by dating around is that both people have to agree upon the dynamics of a relationship for that relationship to work. The reason things were working for a while was that you both agreed to be FWBs and not seek a relationship. You have caught feelings and want a change, you've made that clear. But what does he want? Have you asked?

You can't just will yourself into a more monogamous relationship with this man where you both are communicative about your outside play partners and their sexual health. He needs to want that too. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't, but you can't know unless you ask.

So my advice to you is to be honest with him. Tell him your feelings for him are changing and that you'd like to try a more romantic relationship with him. If you want monogamy, say that too. It's a risk, he might say no or even just break off from you, but you clearly can't keep going the way things are.

I'd also suggest you investigate these feelings of jealousy because they will be important to deciding on your new dynamic. Can you be in an open relationship, or will you be jealous when he hooks up with friends? As someone in an open relationship with partners who are also in open relationships, you really need to be able to process and question your jealousy. If you immediately get angry every time he looks for sex with someone else, then open relationships are probably not for you. And that would also be something you'd need to talk and agree with him on. Either way what is important is that you are both setting the boundaries for the relationship and both are agreeing to uphold them.

Hopefully this helped!

Some great advice

 

[HotButteryPopcorn]

Hey unrivaled thanks for sharing your story with us.

First and foremost, you have to put yourself first and do what will ultimately make you happy, jealousy is normal and that it's in all of us.

Whether a FWB relationship can work or not, depends on the individuals involved and their specific circumstances, needs and wants.

So clear communication is a must, open and honest communication is essential to establish boundaries, expectations, and ensure both parties are on the same page.

It's crucial to discuss what each person wants from the arrangement and any potential concerns or changes that may arise.

Is there emotional compatibility? In my experience FWB relationships work best when both individuals are emotionally mature and capable of separating their emotions from physical intimacy (which is not easy).

When one person develops feelings while the other does not, it generally leads to complications and hurt feelings. Which sucks but is part of life!

There will be an expiry date, FWB relationships typically have an expiration date, as they can become complicated over time. People's feelings and circumstances can and often change, so it's important to reassess the arrangement periodically and be willing to end it if it is no longer satisfying or suitable for either party.

As others have said, be brave and tell him you are developing feelings for him, but you have to be prepared and ok with his response, as it may or may not be what you want to hear.

So trust your gut instinct, it will guide you...