I didn't want to make this a thread, because frankly it isn't that important, but I wanted to talk about it in some form, to at least proces through what I just did.
Some time ago I filmed myself jacking off and uploaded it on here, around that same time I took numerous pictures of my cock and my body and posted them as well.
I've gone through my pictures over my time being a member here, and I'll delete pictures here and there, but tonight I decided that all of them, except my verification picture, needed to be taken down.
For some reason, I just feel like I don't need them up any more. Maybe someday I'll put more up, when I feel like I need to or want to, but right now, I feel like where my heart was at before isn't there anymore.
When I first joined this site, like right when I turned 18, I really wanted attention from others. No one ever really noticed me growing up, family members always told me how handsome I was, but no girls ever wanted to date me until well after high school, and I just felt physically unattracitve. When I posted pictures on here, everyone went bats over my pictures, and it affirmed me somehow.
I went through a phase where I wanted nothing to do with LPSG and so I deleted my profile, and for a good year or so I didn't come on here, but I had saved all my old pictures on my harddrive.
When I rejoined the site, I posted all my old pics, as well as some new ones, but I was still only 19 ish when I took the pictures originally. I still wanted attention, I still craved validation from others.
Up until a few months ago before I started dating my boyfriend, I felt like I needed validation, but not as much, because I was coming out to friends, and I was feeling confident in who I was.
As soon as I started dating my boyfriend, I felt on top of the world, like I didn't need anyone but him. His validation meant more than anything, and even thought it brought a smile to my face when someone would comment on my pictures, I didn't get the same warm feeling I got before. Like I would think, "Aw, well thank you," but not, "Oh yeah, tell me more?" like I used to be because I wanted someone to tell me I was pretty haha.
Now, like I said, I have my boyfriend's validation, and really, I don't need more than that. So, with all of this said, I took the pictures down, totally erased them save for one, and that's the end of it. I feel good about my decision, and I think, somehow, it's like closing another chapter of my life.
It's funny, because this morning I felt like I was going to accomplish something today. Well, I suppose that was yesterday since it's almost 2 in the morning. But in any case, I did something big and important for me as a person.
I feel like this is a chapter closing for me, it's like I can finally have closure with that desperate for attention piece of me. It's like I really grew up somehow just now. Maybe saying it out loud means it's not true, but I legitimately feel stronger because of doing this.
Anyways, that's my rant.
I need to go to sleep now. My boyfriend will be up in eight-ish hours to go to work, and I want to be well rested so I can talk to him on the phone before he has to go.
~Peace
Some time ago I filmed myself jacking off and uploaded it on here, around that same time I took numerous pictures of my cock and my body and posted them as well.
I've gone through my pictures over my time being a member here, and I'll delete pictures here and there, but tonight I decided that all of them, except my verification picture, needed to be taken down.
For some reason, I just feel like I don't need them up any more. Maybe someday I'll put more up, when I feel like I need to or want to, but right now, I feel like where my heart was at before isn't there anymore.
When I first joined this site, like right when I turned 18, I really wanted attention from others. No one ever really noticed me growing up, family members always told me how handsome I was, but no girls ever wanted to date me until well after high school, and I just felt physically unattracitve. When I posted pictures on here, everyone went bats over my pictures, and it affirmed me somehow.
I went through a phase where I wanted nothing to do with LPSG and so I deleted my profile, and for a good year or so I didn't come on here, but I had saved all my old pictures on my harddrive.
When I rejoined the site, I posted all my old pics, as well as some new ones, but I was still only 19 ish when I took the pictures originally. I still wanted attention, I still craved validation from others.
Up until a few months ago before I started dating my boyfriend, I felt like I needed validation, but not as much, because I was coming out to friends, and I was feeling confident in who I was.
As soon as I started dating my boyfriend, I felt on top of the world, like I didn't need anyone but him. His validation meant more than anything, and even thought it brought a smile to my face when someone would comment on my pictures, I didn't get the same warm feeling I got before. Like I would think, "Aw, well thank you," but not, "Oh yeah, tell me more?" like I used to be because I wanted someone to tell me I was pretty haha.
Now, like I said, I have my boyfriend's validation, and really, I don't need more than that. So, with all of this said, I took the pictures down, totally erased them save for one, and that's the end of it. I feel good about my decision, and I think, somehow, it's like closing another chapter of my life.
It's funny, because this morning I felt like I was going to accomplish something today. Well, I suppose that was yesterday since it's almost 2 in the morning. But in any case, I did something big and important for me as a person.
I feel like this is a chapter closing for me, it's like I can finally have closure with that desperate for attention piece of me. It's like I really grew up somehow just now. Maybe saying it out loud means it's not true, but I legitimately feel stronger because of doing this.
Anyways, that's my rant.
I need to go to sleep now. My boyfriend will be up in eight-ish hours to go to work, and I want to be well rested so I can talk to him on the phone before he has to go.
~Peace
