So, for the first time in many many years I have the summer off. No commitments really to speak of. And so I am headed for the shore. My extended family have had a place since before I was born and I am going to be there as usual, but rather than the occasional weekend or week, for the duration of the summer.
I grew up on this beach. Summers, especially in adolescence, being in the posse that was made up of my cousins, my brothers, and the kids in our immediate neck of the woods. We all learned how to swim together, sail, body surf, and the art of blue crabbing. We also entered into the territory of sexual activity together, and so many crushes. Mostly on my part with the older guys home from college for the summer. They were all so happy in their own skin. Unlike me at the time, gawky and awkward as I was growing taller than I could keep up. My middle school years punctuated by a chronic sense of confusion.
This year, as I am spending so much time there, I took the leap and purchased a single rowing open water shell. It's a beat up old girl, not the prettiest boat on the water, yet I am thrilled. A nice 20 foot Alden Martin.
In anticipation of doing some serious open water rowing I have been training hard. And that, too, has been a real source of pleasure (although it is kicking my ass). To have something to focus on, to look forward to each day.
This is all a way for me to dig even a little deeper into my jock self...with discipline and consistencey. This brings me such a deep sense of calm. I don't get fussed if I post a less than great time, or have to pause and rest mid-set...I am not competing so much as conditioning. And I feel so much more grounded and in my body and just overall settled. This is in the midst of some enormously unattractive upheavals in my work life (my business imploded and I am in a forced early retirement) so much disfunction and drama in the world, and the challenges we all must face about the future. So I am super grateful to be able to do this.
So many of those guys are gone but some remain, and we will hang out (at social distance)...in a funny way I feel like I am going home. It is a place I belong. The house, the town, the beach and the place I find myself physically are all feeling like home. And I need that now. And I am happy in my own skin. Labor Day will come barreling along soon enough.
