A funny Story.... well.. not really.

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by D_N Flay Table, Feb 8, 2007.

  1. D_N Flay Table

    D_N Flay Table New Member

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    I didn't quite know where to put this post, but I thought this would be a good place :smile:

    As some of you may know, I used to be a driver/bodyguard for outcall 'callgirls'...
    what that meant is that I would drive the girls to and from thier 'jobs' where they would spend some time with the gentleman... and charge by the hour...
    if you know what i mean:wink:

    Anyway..

    Here is the yarn I am about to spin... Y'all gather round :cool:


    So this one nite.. I was out with one of my 'regular' girls.. "lisa" I will call her on here...
    and it was pretty cool.. most times we would just chill at starbucks until we got a call from the agency. then we would go to the house/hotel/apartment.. I would walk her in, collect the money, and she would do the rest... with me just outside the door to listen if there were any problems... well.. on this night.. there was a 'problem'....

    we drove to a area of Los Angeles called "north hollywood"
    not the greatest part of town.. not the worst either.. it was a warm summer nite.. I remember the palm trees swaying in the santa ana winds with the calming motion of waves breaking on the shore of a quiet lake.

    I walked "lisa" the the door, she knocked as always... the door opened to a dark room, and she went in...
    a few moments later the door opened again, and "lisa" handed me a wad of crumbled hundered dollar bills... "lisa" charged 300 dollars a hour, I would get 100 dollars a hour for my trouble, plus she would tip me out every now and than.. so most nites I would come home with around 500 dollars or so... in cash... not a bad time, considering I spent most nites drinking coffee and reading magazines.. but on nites like this one is when I knew I was worth every penny that "lisa" payed me.

    I counted the money and put it in my breat pocket.. I always wore suits. It made me look invisable when we were in a nice hotel, and if and when I was approched by the hotel security, which happened pretty much in every nice hotel in Beverly Hills.. I would explain that I was a driver for a novelist who is visiting a friend in the room, and she would prefer that I walked her to and from the car for her protection..
    that line always worked on the rent-a-pigs.

    But tonight wasn't at a nice hotel... you see, when we would go to a nice hotel.. I could let my guard down a little bit.. I didn't have to worry that the guy behind the door was some sort of crazed animal... typically it would be a business man from out of town, and he would NEVER cause any trouble... what if the hotel found out? what if his work found out? what if... his WIFE were to find out that he was being 'entertained' by some strange woman in his hotel room why he was supposed to be writing his acceptance speech for some conferance? or picking up his 'sales schmuck of the year award'?
    Thoes were the type of men that knew thier place... and never caused a problem..
    I could sleep outside in the car knowing that it would all be fine..

    But tonight was in a apartment.. in the not so nice side of town..
    Tonight.. was different...

    I stood outside the door, and started tinkering with my cell phone.. (i had chess and bowling on my phone)
    I loved the bowling game.. I should get that again...
    the chess game always kicked my ass... and would piss me off after about 1/2 an hour.
    somewhere between the 5th and 7th Frame the door to the apartment blew open and 'lisa' ran out of the room half dressed, behind her came a man... not a big man.. just a average run of the mill guy.. the kind of guy you see buying cheap smokes at 711 at 3pm becuase he works nites, the kind of guy that always has dirty sneakers.. even when they are brand new..
    'Lisa' ran twords me and got behind me...
    Bowling was over... damnit.. and I was beating my all time best score.

    The guy got right up in my face... he was probobly about 5'9 nothing to impressive about him. I calmly asked him what the problem was.
    "Give me back my Motherfucking Money asshole!!"
    He was yelling at me... pretty brave for a guy that has a half naked hooker standing outside his apartment door at 11pm at nite.
    not to mention a 240lb bodyguard staring at him.

    "I dont have your money"

    " I gave it to the driver who has already left "

    it was bullshit.. but it was brilliant... he had nobody to go after.. what was he going to do? oh shit... what WAS he going to do?
    It was the type of Lie that I believed even as I was telling it.

    "that is fucking bullshit!!" he yelled at me, still in my face.

    I didnt flinch.. I had been doing this job for a couple years.. and I had never gotten in a physical confrontation with anyone.. and I wasn't about to start now.

    "what seems to be the problem" I asked the gentleman in the calmest way I could muster.. and as quitley as I could..
    "that bitch wouldnt fuck me, the girl on the phone said she would fuck me.. your a fucking lier, she is a fucking lier.. fuck you, fuck her!"

    "sir, prostitution is illeagal, she mearly shows up and dances, that is all"

    The courtyard started to become illuminated with the lights of his neighbors.. they were starting to wake up, and take notice of the commotion... I was glad... that only made easyer for me to get the hell out of there, and for him to save face.. after all... none of us forgotten about the half naked 'lisa' standing behind me...

    "I will kill you motherfucker!"

    he turned and went back in his house...

    See.. the problem with doing jobs in a private residence is that you never know what they may have inside.. or how many people may be in there...
    I could NOT let him walk in alone and come out with some sort of weapon.
    I followed him in, and he came at me with a baseball bat.
    I stepped in on him, and got eye to eye with the ordanary man..
    "now you cant swing that bat at me... and I wouldn't like it much if you did"..
    I think its time for us to leave....
    "Give me back my mother fucking money!!!"
    By this time 'lisa' was dressed and was making a b-line for the car.. as I always told her to do if there was any trouble.
    also by this time we had an audience.. little old ladies with thier blue robes and matching slippers standing in the courtward..
    the young couple with the new baby standing outside thier door staring at us like they just rented thier place. and they realized that the cable company never disconnected the cable of the previous tenant... oh they wanted to cable to be in thier name.. but decided for the cable company to wait to cath thier mistake... until that time came.. they would play stupid.. and just watch.... and enjoy....

    "put down the bat... people are looking at you"
    He stared at me... looked at his neighbors... people he has never spoken to, but now will be talking about him...
    dropped the bat... and closed the door...
    the light of the Tv came on in his apartment... I could see it though the curtains...

    "good nite everyone" I took a bow, and walked out of the complex..
    "lisa" was standing by my expedition... smoking... waiting...
    "You were AWESOME!!" she said, as she ran up and gave me a big hug...
    ............................ "you didn't give him the money did you?"

    "of course not... get in the car"

    The car started and on came on that aweful cd she always had to listen to while we were working...
    eh.. chick music.

    I put the car in gear, and the black SUV lerched forward..

    I was quite for about a block... and as soon as I was far enough away to not be worried about the police, or him following us I adjusted my rearview mirror to the back seat so I could see her.. (she insisted on riding in the back, she said it made her feel like she was a "VIP")

    "what the fuck happend in there?!?"

    And this was her story....

    " I walked into the shitty apartment... and asked him for the money.. he handed it to me and I handed it to you.."
    "Well that part of the story I know"
    "hold on, im getting to it....."
    I could see in the mirror that she had just lit another smoke
    She took a long drag... and continued.

    "after that he walked me over to this shitty couch.. and oh my god.. did you see the carpet in that place.. like jesus.. it looked like it was white at some point in tim..."

    "lisa.. get back to what happened please"

    "FUCK! sorry... ok..."

    "he told me to get naked, and I started getting undressed, I sat next to him, and started making him more 'comfortable'.... That is an expression we had always used to say, "I pulled his cock out".. but without having to say.. 'I pulled his cock out'..
    "So anyway... I pulled his cock out. and started rubbing it..."
    (this was a first for me, I NEVER asked what went on the the rooms.. NEVER, I didn't know, I didn't care.. I just wanted to get in, get out, and go home with my cash.)
    " I was rubbing it, and rubbing it, he was loving it, it kept getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger..."
    (my ears perked up )
    "how big are we talking?"
    *Keep in mind that this girl had since I had known her had 'entertained' on average five men a nite, for the past year... made a great living doing it, and managed to keep herself from sinking so deep in the life that she would have the tell tale look of a 'working girl'...
    "oh my god.. I have no idea.. It wasn't even full hard yet, and it must of been about 11 inches.. maybe 12"
    .................................................
    "and it kept getting bigger"

    "He wanted me to get on, but there was no way I was letting that thing go anywhere near me, I told him NOWAY. and that is when he freaked out"...


    I lit a smoke as we pulled on the 101 freeway bound for hollywood..
    "lisa"
    "yes Daniel?"

    Nextime...

    "yes?"

    "Nevermind.."

    I put on her Dance Cd.... and we headed back to beverly hills... to our startbucks.. to our place..
    Shit... maybe tonight I will bowl a 300...........
    As we got on the freeway I noticed the palmtrees were still swaying...........
     
  2. -jasontkh-

    -jasontkh- New Member

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    well all i can say is pity gurl...pity lisa
     
  3. wispandex_bulge

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    Now thats a story!!!!
     
  4. Principessa

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    She should have given the money back.
     
  5. ruffboy

    Gold Member

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    djg, in all seriousness, keep that friggen story, just as you wrote it, and you work on that sumbitch and you finesse it into a screenplay and you make sure i'm sittin' my ass in a local theatre watching that play out on the big screen.

    and make sure that they cast someone hot as Lisa.......
     
  6. D_N Flay Table

    D_N Flay Table New Member

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    Lisa looked just like A young Jennifer lopez...
    and NJT..
    We NEVER gave the money back :wink:
     
  7. ruffboy

    Gold Member

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    hooo-ha..... i like the junk in the trunk for the part. go with it. have your people call some people.
     
  8. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Intresting...
     
  9. D_N Flay Table

    D_N Flay Table New Member

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    wow, i just re-read the story..
    a lot of typos..
    I just close my eyes and type..
     
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