Acceptable affection between close friends

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str8bro1

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Two pronged question: 1. What do you believe is a comfortable level of affection shared between close friends? How is it expressed/shown. 2. Do you wish it could be more and more often?

I'm a pretty damn affectionate man - with my family, wife, kids, friends and animals. Sometimes I've wished for more affection with my close male friends and if I'm cometely honest I can say I need it. Yet - I'm afraid to initiate for fear of being missunderstood. Im a masculine straight and athletic guy - pretty well adjusted yet always notice when im touched or when someone does go beyond the typical expression.

I'm talking things like this - hugs that aren't so frigging rushed. Being able to recline on each other while Ching tv and not feeling the need to move. Giving back or shoulder rubs - hell full on massages. I've even been disappointed when traveling on a trip with a close bud that we had to sleep in seperate beds because I have great memories of my childhood and youth spending the night and talking next to eachother until we went to sleep - and the physical closeness was part of what i enjoyed. An arm around them like a cool affirmation and reassurance. All innocent enough. And then this - a kiss that says I don't care what anyone think - I think you're the shit.

I grew up in a family that was like this and I'm glad for it. I miss the days of my youth with buds like this.
 
With my close women friends that I've known for years I'm sure there have been times strangers had thought we were gay. I'm affectionate with my male friends as well. Nothing beats a firm long hug from someone you care about and who cares about you when you're having a bad day. The world/people are just becoming isolated and insulated from each other as modern technology walls us up from one another. It's sad really. I got to the point in which I stopped accepting text from one friend because I hadn't talked to her or heard her voice in months. I told her, if you want to communicate with me you better call or see me in person because I'm starting to feel like computer memory storage. I tell my friends straight out, I love them. Life is too short to hide your true feeling and worry what other people may think. Fuck 'em, I refuse to let the modern world deteriorate my human experience. I lost one very close friend to a car accident and I will never again hold in my feeling when it comes to people I care about.

Having said that I'm little put off by people who I don't really know being overly affectionate. More recently I met this girl through a roommate and she couldn't stop touching me. I think it had a lot to do with her self-esteem and need to feel wanted. She came up behind me a few times and would hug me and hold on for an uncomfortable period of time. I withheld telling her how I felt because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She was a sweet person but had some boundary issue and instead I just made quick excuses to break free. I think she eventually got the message as she has chilled on the physical displays of affection and has become a rather cool friend to have. Who know, maybe I'll be the one hugging and holding onto her in the future?
 
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Damn awesome. Good for you and i agree. Life is too short. I'm the same and usually am the one to initiate but that gets old sometimes and I'd like more coming my way. Now - as hard as you feel it is for women...you can't compare this to men. It's that much more difficult for us. Women are free to do this. Not men. Notonly do we pressure from society but our own fobias with it as well. It gets old - trust me. Yeah and we better be close before you try to invade my space and get touchy with me. Only the privileged get this much hotness coming their way.
Mercurygirl said:
With my close women friends that I've known for years I'm sure there have been times strangers had thought we were gay. I'm affectionate with my male friends as well. Nothing beats a firm long hug from someone you care about and who cares about you when you're having a bad day. The world/people are just becoming isolated and insulated from each other as modern technology walls us up from one another. It's sad really. I got to the point in which I stopped excepting text from one friend because I hadn't talked to her or heard her voice in months. I told her, if you want to communicate with me you better call or see me in person because I'm starting to feel like computer memory storage. I tell my friends straight out, I love them. Life is too short to hide your true feeling and worry what other people may think. Fuck 'em, I refuse to let the modern world deteriorate my human experience. I lost one very close friend to a car accident and I will never again hold in my feeling when it comes to people I care about.

Having said that I'm little put off by people who I don't really know being overly affectionate. More recently I met this girl through a roommate and she couldn't sop touching me. I think it had a lot to do with her self-esteem and need to feel wanted. She came up behind me a few times and would hug me and hold on for an uncomfortable period of time. I withheld telling her how I felt because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She was a sweet person but had some boundary issue and instead I just made quick excuses to break free. I think she eventually got the message as she has chilled on the physical displays of affection and has become a rather cool friend to have. Who know? Maybe I'll be the one hugging and holding onto her in the future.
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I'm kinda the same but not really. I'm also mad affectionate. I really care for closeness and attention.. emotional or physical, but not from guys. I think part of me feels some sort of competition with other guys, which kinda sucks. I haven't really had close male friends.. except for one, for years and even then, I didn't feel the need to really get physical. But with my girl friends, I'm a cuddling machine. Often put my head on their lap, lean against them. Or hell when I'm tired when I'm out clubbing, I put my head on their shoulder. I also tell them that I love them pretty quickly depending on the person, but it's innocent love. Some of them also give me an innocent kiss on the lips, etc. I used to be like that with my parents too. Loved curling up against my mom and shit when I was little.

I agree, though. There's affection and 'affectionate'. It would be nice if guys could walk hand in hand or give each other a proper hug without having that stupid 'gay' stigma attached to it (and even if it was gay, who cares?). I'm personally not into it, but that may in part be because of conditioning anyway.

Oddly, my gay friends often kiss me on the cheek and are quite into hugging me and I'm totally fine with that.
 
Mebench said:
Damn awesome. Good for you and i agree. Life is too short. I'm the same and usually am the one to initiate but that gets old sometimes and I'd like more coming my way. Now - as hard as you feel it is for women...you cn compare tthis to men. It's that much more difficult. Women are free to do this. Not men. Notonly do we pressure from society but our own fobias with it as well. It gets old - trust me. Yeah and we better be close before you try to invader space. Only the privileged get this much hotness coming their way.
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Haha, you tease. :)

I'm sure it's much more difficult for men as society has labeled it taboo and some guys are conflicted especially in public settings. I have a couple of guy friends who are very close, both very straight, and people have whispered to me that they thought they were gay. My response is, would that make any difference? On a number of occasions they've kissed each other on the cheek. In America that's just something you're not suppose to do. Personally I think it's brave of them not to allow others to impede on the obvious love they have for one another. They're both great guys and if they started making out in front of me I'd probably laugh and tell them to get a room. I love them both and tell them so. Good for them I say, it's refreshing to see.
 
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Mebench,
Check out the g0y movement at g0ysrus.com. You might find a community of like-minded men and relief at how common these feelings are amongst straight men. It's all very healthy, normal and natural.
 
I have a few close guy friends who are quite affectionate with me. It really does make a bit of a different in the friendship.
 
ejacman said:
Mebench,
Check out the g0y movement at g0ysrus.com. You might find a community of like-minded men and relief at how common these feelings are amongst straight men. It's all very healthy, normal and natural.
Click to expand...
Hmmm...here I thought that movement was more about sex than affection.
 
I've had friends that I could snuggle with while watching TV or be in the bathroom with while peeing or bathing or whatever. It's very rare, though. I don't need it or crave it so it's no biggy when my friends don't want to engage in those sorts of things, but it can be nice when it happens.
 
I have a few close straight buddies and it is interesting to see them get closer with me over time. The last one...I swear he is straight too...for the first time did not just hug me good bye. He actually held me and gave me several kisses. It was amazing. He asked me if I was OK with that. I said of course but I kept laughing cause it was so surprising. He had been upset and just needed to be close. he may never do that again. OP, I bet you are the best fucking friend on the planet. Good for you man
 
CUBE said:
OP, I bet you are the best fucking friend on the planet. Good for you man
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Lol I hope to god so. And that is my goal. True and close friends are an incredible gift. I will bust my ass to be the kind of friend you want to have the rest of your life.
 
Great post. I seem to somehow attract friends like this and would say that most of my straight guy friends are this way. We have super long hugs, I've shared a bed with all of them at one point or another, we've done massage trades, hang out naked together in the hot tub, etc. Sexuality has of course come up and I've eventually asked all of them if they could ever be or have been bi-curious. They have all very comfortably and openly said no (talking about it at length), and I actually think that it's because they are so comfortable and secure in their heterosexuality that this kind of close affection is possible without any room for misinterpretation as the prelude to something sexual. Not coincidentally, all of these friends are also very comfortable (as am I) talking about things, problems, etc. of a very personal nature, not afraid to show our "naked" emotional selves as well as the physical ones.
In contrast, I also have a number of bi and gay male friends and have this kind of closeness with very few of them. When we've tried, it often either leads to sex or to sexual tension (ending up feeling really uncomfortable), which is an entirely different direction. I'd be curious to hear about success stories of this kind of connection between gay/bi men and how sexual tension/temptation is averted.
I've only developed affectionately close male friendships like this in the past few years and it has shown me an entirely new dimension of possibilities in terms of male bonding and friendships. I highly recommend it!! :)
 
Mebench said:
Lol I hope to god so. And that is my goal. True and close friends are an incredible gift. I will bust my ass to be the kind of friend you want to have the rest of your life.
Click to expand...

This would only be better if you lived next door to me. Please tell me you are in the OC
 
Wow, this is something I've not really thought about. I'm very touchy-feely. I always hug or touch my friends, mostly girls, but some of the men I work with, just a hand on the shoulder if they're upset-- one just got sad news about his health-- and so on. My close friends I'm always hugging and so on. Especially girls night out. I'm sure when we go dancing men think we're lesbians, until we dance with men, so....but I can't imagine not being so touchy-feely. I seem to always have a good sense of people, and when they need a hug or not.

Men do have different issues, as you've pointed out. It's hard to think of being so reserved. My sister is not very affectionate -- long story -- but when I'm around her I can see how sad it must be not to want anyone to touch you, or to want to be touched, but being able to. I can't imagine being unable to simply hug someone.

But....sleep with someone? Nah. I don't cuddle with anyone other than my significant other...when I have one. :) And honestly, I don't want my S.O. sleeping all cuddly with his guy friend! lol. Yeah, I don't share. ;)
 
I feel the same way as well but in todays society its just not accepted to be affectionate between two men. Nothing sexual, just a longer hug, a kiss goodbye. Maybe because deep down people are afraid of, sexual arousal or it doesnt look good. But I feel the same way as well.

I'm a pretty damn affectionate man - with my family, wife, kids, friends and animals. Sometimes I've wished for more affection with my close male friends and if I'm cometely honest I can say I need it. Yet - I'm afraid to initiate for fear of being missunderstood. Im a masculine straight and athletic guy - pretty well adjusted yet always notice when im touched or when someone does go beyond the typical expression.

I'm talking things like this - hugs that aren't so frigging rushed. Being able to recline on each other while Ching tv and not feeling the need to move. Giving back or shoulder rubs - hell full on massages. I've even been disappointed when traveling on a trip with a close bud that we had to sleep in seperate beds because I have great memories of my childhood and youth spending the night and talking next to eachother until we went to sleep - and the physical closeness was part of what i enjoyed. An arm around them like a cool affirmation and reassurance. All innocent enough. And then this - a kiss that says I don't care what anyone think - I think you're the shit.

I grew up in a family that was like this and I'm glad for it. I miss the days of my youth with buds like this.[/QUOTE]
 
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