Advice?

[Jamie9393]

Pretty long winded but any help would be appreciated!

All people are over 18.

I have been with my partner 7 years and we purchased a house together Jan 2022. Towards early/ middle of 2022 I started to struggle with my mental health, it really hit me and I ended up taking some time off work. My partner got really fed up with me because I wasn’t listening to their suggestions which was to go back to work and a routine as that will be a magic fix. Throughout my time off work I went to my GP numerous times who just gave me meds to help, I was speaking to a therapist through work and I was trying to get to a good place. My partner didn’t see that as being enough and because I told him I was struggling with the idea of going back to work at the minute, he just went cold and our relationship wasn’t in its best state.

He then suggested at one point that in order bring a bit of excitement into the relationship, we could look at experimenting with a third person as neither of us has ever had a 3way. I reluctantly agreed as I just wanted to make him happy and his moods with me where just making me feel worse. I agreed as we both agreed that we would not let another person come between us and that we would remain end game (we were engaged and meant to have married in 2020 but cancelled due to Covid)

With that agreement I felt at ease and thought it may help us. He got a bit addicted to grindr in hopes of finding someone and we did manage to have one experience which was hot to be fair. That was just a one time thing and we both enjoyed it and discussed afterwards.

We had a not so good experience with a couple who we went out with and then they cold so I got a bit panicked that I had done something wrong so took it badly. I tend to have a big fear of rejection which will make more sense further down the line.

I was less keen to keep looking and I deleted Grindr my side and my partner said he was going to as well. A few weeks went by and he admitted that he downloaded it again and started to look for people.

I let him off but did feel a bit off by him doing that. He then told me about someone he has started talking to who was keen to meet up both. I agreed but was nervous.

We hit it off with the person and it was nice spending time with them. It went pretty serious fast though with the throuple idea coming up and him saying he wasn’t taking to anyone else. It felt nice but as time went on my partner was way more into this other person and because of his busy schedule it meant that on a few occasions I got to spend time with this other person on my own. My partner decided to use any time where it was just us two to berate me and go on and on about how I am stopping them spending time together which I responded with I am not and it’s only because you have plans that has meant we had alone time.

It went on for weeks where he was just go on and on and baring on mind my mental health was already rubbish, I cracked and we ended up arguing in-front of said person. The third person went a little off as he said he didn’t want to come between a couple. My partner insisted he come round to sort it out and made it clear to me he didn’t want it to end with them.

I continued to feel on edge and I started to feel like I was the third person. When we would all hang out they would focus on each other more and during intimate times I again was more on the outside looking in.

As we had agreed at the start that if either of us wants to stop the other would have to agree without any questions asked. I started to share my concerns about it all with my partner and instead of listening he just played them down.

It got to the point where I believed that they were going to go off separately so I said to him that when they are next alone I would prefer it if they didn’t have any fun as I wanted to think about all of this and instead of agreeing my partner just said only if the other person initiates it (which he did all of the time)

I was gutted that this was his response and with my head being in over Drive and already thinking something was going on. I stupidly left my iPad on voice record whilst they were together. I felt like it was the only way I could get peace of mind that they both were not going to leave me.

I didn’t listen to it straight away as I wanted to give it another go but it all continued with the comments and them being closer so in the end I listened and was upset with what I heard. My partner was being completely different with this person and spent a considerably long time pleasuring him.

To me it was clear that my partner was started to like me this person more than me which was heartbreaking. I confronted him about the recording more to be honest about it and he said I had broken their trust and he said our relationship was over.

Considering a seven year relationship has come to an end, the first thing he felt he needed to do was to tell the third person about the recording. I had asked them not too but my partner was insistent on doing so. As time went on they continued talking. After a long and teary weekend, he agreed to take me back and we agreed to no longer see the other person. We went home and slept with each other and the next day he said he changed his mind because of a message from the other person where he said he will always be there no matter what so I then had to spend Christmas not knowing fully what was happening and then when we returned just before NYE, he agreed to us to try again BUT then changed his mind again a few days later and then we were not together for about 5 months.

He was not a very nice person throughout that time. He insisted that he was no longer talking to that person, he was found on Grindr but told me he was just making friends and not looking to date.

I got to a really low point in my life where I decided I wanted to end it all, I sent him a message saying sorry and that I hope he had a nice life.

I was stopped in the end but it was very close.

I ended up getting more help and it turned out I had ADHD which was never diagnosed as a child and this explain why 2022 was so bad and why antidepressants were not helping.

My parent didn’t really care about my diagnosis even though it explains why I had a rough 2022 and I wasn’t just being difficult and also the impulsiveness of recording them.

We ended up getting back together in May. I asked him to be honest with me about the other person and he did admit that they continued talking a lot longer after we split but insisted they never met up and that conversation just fizzled.

They admired to going on dates from Grindr even though they said they weren’t.

I understand during this time he was single but I made it clear that I was an only going to give up if he moved on with someone else.

I have now come to learn that he did actually meet up with this other person not only the day that I attempted to kill myself but also booked a hotel a day after we broke up where they both stayed.

I also found out that the third person called it off with my partner on the day I attempted as he didn’t realise how bad I was.

Am I right to be pissed that he lied further to me. I feel like I am only back with him because this third person said he didn’t want to take it further. All my of suspicions were true that led me to record them - they clearly liked each other more.

I am pissed that after a seven year relationship, he should have supported me through my struggles like I did with him many times. Instead of made this bullshit excuse of bringing excitement into our relationship when he really just wanted someone else and then just continued to push and push until I ended up doing something stupid and recording. Then they did exactly what they wanted and carried on just them two.

Do I confront him and tell him I know the truth of what happened or do I stay quiet. Just hard thinking I am probs second best because the third person and then dating didn’t work out for him.

The third person has never given me a chance to speak to him to explain my actions, he just said he doesn’t want to which again further makes me believe I was right all along about them only being interested in each other.

Apologies it’s so long so I will be impressed if anyone actually reads and replies

Any advice would be helpful!

 

[Baldsey17]

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because I’ve never had any relationship experiences but my honest opinion would be to leave him. From the sounds of it he puts you second all of the time and is lying. I think you should maybe break up or take a year or two break. You deserve someone who’ll put you first. I know that’s easier said than done, But he’s most likely going to keep telling you half truths, if you continue being with him please be cautious and I hope you’re doing well!

 

[Jamie9393]

Take everything I say with a grain of salt because I’ve never had any relationship experiences but my honest opinion would be to leave him. From the sounds of it he puts you second all of the time and is lying. I think you should maybe break up or take a year or two break. You deserve someone who’ll put you first. I know that’s easier said than done, But he’s most likely going to keep telling you half truths, if you continue being with him please be cautious and I hope you’re doing well!

I know I did wrong with the recording and stuff but I just feel like I have the right to be annoyed that he has continually lied to me and made out it was all my fault. I do love him though and I’m scared to throw the relationship away as I really was at my lowest when he ended it. It’s a tough one

 

[Baldsey17]

I know I did wrong with the recording and stuff but I just feel like I have the right to be annoyed that he has continually lied to me and made out it was all my fault. I do love him though and I’m scared to throw the relationship away as I really was at my lowest when he ended it. It’s a tough one

You made one bad bad choice he can’t hold that over your head after he’s lied to you multiple times. He doesn’t seem good for you but it’s not impossible for him to start treating you right, but please don’t stay with him for too long if he’s still not improving the way he treats you

 

[piscesminded]

I know I did wrong with the recording and stuff but I just feel like I have the right to be annoyed that he has continually lied to me and made out it was all my fault. I do love him though and I’m scared to throw the relationship away as I really was at my lowest when he ended it. It’s a tough one

I think having an honest conversation with him is the way to go. Communication is key.

Now with that said. After that, if you can put your hand on your heart and say loudly with 100% confidence that you trust your partner, then stay. If you cannot do that, then you need to leave for both your sakes.

If there isn't real trust in a relationship, it will erode away at it which causes resentment.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I have been with my partner 7 years and we purchased a house together Jan 2022. Towards early/ middle of 2022 I started to struggle with my mental health, it really hit me and I ended up taking some time off work. My partner got really fed up with me because I wasn’t listening to their suggestions which was to go back to work and a routine as that will be a magic fix. Throughout my time off work I went to my GP numerous times who just gave me meds to help, I was speaking to a therapist through work and I was trying to get to a good place. My partner didn’t see that as being enough and because I told him I was struggling with the idea of going back to work at the minute, he just went cold and our relationship wasn’t in its best state.

I'm curious as to how this particular part affected your relationship beyond feelings/sex. Being that there seems to be some financial co mingling culminating in what is typically a huge investment, were your mental health issues shortly thereafter(and associated actions/inactions) putting him at an increased financial strain? Not that it justifies his lack of sensitivity, but I can imagine a partner becoming cold and apathetic to subjective aspects of a relationship when the others' situation unilaterally puts them and their probable future at risk objectively.

He then suggested at one point that in order bring a bit of excitement into the relationship, we could look at experimenting with a third person as neither of us has ever had a 3way. I reluctantly agreed as I just wanted to make him happy and his moods with me where just making me feel worse.

As much of a red flag his suggestion was, you made the fatal flaw of accepting it not based upon what you wanted to do, but because you thought it would get the desired reaction from him. When you move in manipulative ways, even from a place of benevolence, you invite manipulation in response.

I do think the relationship is salvageable, but I do think he is taking advantage of the situation. The problem is I don't think your requests to reassess, or get counseling stand on any moral objectivity unless you first admit to him you didn't agree to a third party out of compersion, or any earnest desire for him to have sexual fulfillment outside of what you could or would provide, but rather as a means of behavioral modification.
It's analogous to a thief, whom, only by virtue of having committed a theft witnessed a murderer in progress; wherein he can only testify to the murderers actions, by revealing his own, and facing accountability for it.
The sad part is considering he brought up the 3some in the 1st place, had you not agreed to it, he mostly likely would've revealed himself to be a lying cheater soon afterwards and your conscience would be much clearer as to how to go about the situation...now you have to address your own manipulation and invasion of privacy in order to make a conscience abating decision as to how to move forward or not at all with your partner.

 

[dreamer20]

ted

My partner (7 years) and I purchased a house Jan 2022. In early/ middle 2022 my struggle with mental health started. I took time off work. My partner got upset with me not going back to work as he suggested. He thought routine woud be a magic fix. My GP just gave me meds. I spoke to a therapist through work and tried to get to a good place. I told my partner I struggled with going back to work. He just went cold and our relationship wasn’t in its best state.

To bring excitement into the relationship he suggested we have a 3way. I reluctantly agreed, to make him happy. We agreed we wouldn't let another person come between us (we were to marry in 2020 but cancelled due to Covid)..Via Grindr he found another person. We hit it off. It was nice spending time together. As time went on my partner's busy schedule meant on a few occasions I spend time with the other on my own. My partner berated me and go on and on about how I am stopping them spending time together. I responded it’s your schedule and not my fault.

It went on for weeks. We ended up arguing in-front of said person. The third person didn’t want to come between us..My partner didn’t want him to leave..I felt on edge and like an outsider as we hung out - they would focus more on each other and during intimate times. It got to the point where I believed they were going to go off separately. So I said I would prefer it if they didn’t have any fun without me. Instead of agreeing my partner said only if the other person initiates it (which he did all of the time).

I was gutted by his response. I left my iPad on voice record whilst they were together as I suspected they might leave me. I was upset with what I heard. My partner was completely different with this person and spent a considerably long time pleasuring him. Clearly my partner liked this person more than me which was heartbreaking. I confronted him about the recording. He said I had broken their trust and our relationship was over.

My partner felt he needed to tell the third person about the recording. I had asked them not too but he was insistent on doing so. After a long and teary weekend, he agreed to take me back and we agreed to no longer see the other person. We went home and slept with each other and the next day he said he changed his mind because of a message from the other person where he said he will always be there no matter what so I then had to spend Christmas not knowing fully what was happening and then when we returned just before NYE, he agreed to us to try again BUT then changed his mind again a few days later and then we were not together for about 5 months.

He was not a very nice person throughout that time. He insisted that he was no longer talking to that person, he was found on Grindr but told me he was just making friends and not looking to date.I got to a really low point in my life where I decided I wanted to end it all, I sent him a message saying sorry and that I hope he had a nice life.I was stopped in the end but it was very close.

We ended up getting back together in May. I asked him to be honest with me about the other person and he did admit that they continued talking a lot longer after we split but insisted they never met up and that conversation just fizzled.They admired to going on dates from Grindr even though they said they weren’t.I understand during this time he was single but I made it clear that I was an only going to give up if he moved on with someone else. I have now come to learn that he did actually meet up with this other person not only the day that I attempted to kill myself but also booked a hotel a day after we broke up where they both stayed...The third person has never given me a chance to speak to him to explain my actions..

Any advice would be helpful!

I'll refer to your fiancé as Fred and "the other" as Fritz. In hindsight you realize you should have said "no" to Fred's additional sex partner request from the break. Your mental issues and frosty reationship with Fred was reason enough for you to deny his request Jamie. Were you two individuals with a rock solid relationship, that loved and trusted each other and who allowed each other complete autonomy - polyamory would be a breeze. But the two of you were too insecure and jealous about the other person being with Fritz - especially in your case, Jamie. Recording Fred and Fritz secretly was wrong. Can you both hit the reset button, forgive and forget the things you did that were hurtful and dwell with each other in peace? Or will you both continue arguing? If you are both making yourselves miserable - end this relationship.

 

[Jamie9393]

ted



I'll refer to your fiancé as Fred and "the other" as Fritz. In hindsight you realize you should have said "no" to Fred's additional sex partner request from the break. Your mental issues and frosty reationship with Fred was reason enough for you to deny his request Jamie. Were you two individuals with a rock solid relationship, that loved and trusted each other and who allowed each other complete autonomy - polyamory would be a breeze. But the two of you were too insecure and jealous about the other person being with Fritz - especially in your case, Jamie. Recording Fred and Fritz secretly was wrong. Can you both hit the reset button, forgive and forget the things you did that were hurtful and dwell with each other in peace? Or will you both continue arguing? If you are both making yourselves miserable - end this relationship.

I think for me at the minute, I resent Fred for throwing away our 7 year relationship for someone’s he’s just met and even more so because the reason for him being unhappy in the first place was because I wasn’t doing so well with my mental health. The recording was totally stupid and wrong but at the time I felt it was the only way to get piece of mind that nothing was going on.
I think I am scared really, he’s choosing to not tell me the truth about things with Fritz and how it ended. I feel like I am can’t trust that he won’t hurt me again!

 

[deleted23309891]

You need to move on with your life. What’s in the past is the past. We can’t change that. We can change things in the present. Make choices that are best for you and best to make you feel happy and content. Feeling content is one of the most underrated feelings.

 

[chrisrobin]

Pretty long winded but any help would be appreciated!

All people are over 18.

I have been with my partner 7 years and we purchased a house together Jan 2022. Towards early/ middle of 2022 I started to struggle with my mental health, it really hit me and I ended up taking some time off work. My partner got really fed up with me because I wasn’t listening to their suggestions which was to go back to work and a routine as that will be a magic fix. Throughout my time off work I went to my GP numerous times who just gave me meds to help, I was speaking to a therapist through work and I was trying to get to a good place. My partner didn’t see that as being enough and because I told him I was struggling with the idea of going back to work at the minute, he just went cold and our relationship wasn’t in its best state.

He then suggested at one point that in order bring a bit of excitement into the relationship, we could look at experimenting with a third person as neither of us has ever had a 3way. I reluctantly agreed as I just wanted to make him happy and his moods with me where just making me feel worse. I agreed as we both agreed that we would not let another person come between us and that we would remain end game (we were engaged and meant to have married in 2020 but cancelled due to Covid)

With that agreement I felt at ease and thought it may help us. He got a bit addicted to grindr in hopes of finding someone and we did manage to have one experience which was hot to be fair. That was just a one time thing and we both enjoyed it and discussed afterwards.

We had a not so good experience with a couple who we went out with and then they cold so I got a bit panicked that I had done something wrong so took it badly. I tend to have a big fear of rejection which will make more sense further down the line.

I was less keen to keep looking and I deleted Grindr my side and my partner said he was going to as well. A few weeks went by and he admitted that he downloaded it again and started to look for people.

I let him off but did feel a bit off by him doing that. He then told me about someone he has started talking to who was keen to meet up both. I agreed but was nervous.

We hit it off with the person and it was nice spending time with them. It went pretty serious fast though with the throuple idea coming up and him saying he wasn’t taking to anyone else. It felt nice but as time went on my partner was way more into this other person and because of his busy schedule it meant that on a few occasions I got to spend time with this other person on my own. My partner decided to use any time where it was just us two to berate me and go on and on about how I am stopping them spending time together which I responded with I am not and it’s only because you have plans that has meant we had alone time.

It went on for weeks where he was just go on and on and baring on mind my mental health was already rubbish, I cracked and we ended up arguing in-front of said person. The third person went a little off as he said he didn’t want to come between a couple. My partner insisted he come round to sort it out and made it clear to me he didn’t want it to end with them.

I continued to feel on edge and I started to feel like I was the third person. When we would all hang out they would focus on each other more and during intimate times I again was more on the outside looking in.

As we had agreed at the start that if either of us wants to stop the other would have to agree without any questions asked. I started to share my concerns about it all with my partner and instead of listening he just played them down.

It got to the point where I believed that they were going to go off separately so I said to him that when they are next alone I would prefer it if they didn’t have any fun as I wanted to think about all of this and instead of agreeing my partner just said only if the other person initiates it (which he did all of the time)

I was gutted that this was his response and with my head being in over Drive and already thinking something was going on. I stupidly left my iPad on voice record whilst they were together. I felt like it was the only way I could get peace of mind that they both were not going to leave me.

I didn’t listen to it straight away as I wanted to give it another go but it all continued with the comments and them being closer so in the end I listened and was upset with what I heard. My partner was being completely different with this person and spent a considerably long time pleasuring him.

To me it was clear that my partner was started to like me this person more than me which was heartbreaking. I confronted him about the recording more to be honest about it and he said I had broken their trust and he said our relationship was over.

Considering a seven year relationship has come to an end, the first thing he felt he needed to do was to tell the third person about the recording. I had asked them not too but my partner was insistent on doing so. As time went on they continued talking. After a long and teary weekend, he agreed to take me back and we agreed to no longer see the other person. We went home and slept with each other and the next day he said he changed his mind because of a message from the other person where he said he will always be there no matter what so I then had to spend Christmas not knowing fully what was happening and then when we returned just before NYE, he agreed to us to try again BUT then changed his mind again a few days later and then we were not together for about 5 months.

He was not a very nice person throughout that time. He insisted that he was no longer talking to that person, he was found on Grindr but told me he was just making friends and not looking to date.

I got to a really low point in my life where I decided I wanted to end it all, I sent him a message saying sorry and that I hope he had a nice life.

I was stopped in the end but it was very close.

I ended up getting more help and it turned out I had ADHD which was never diagnosed as a child and this explain why 2022 was so bad and why antidepressants were not helping.

My parent didn’t really care about my diagnosis even though it explains why I had a rough 2022 and I wasn’t just being difficult and also the impulsiveness of recording them.

We ended up getting back together in May. I asked him to be honest with me about the other person and he did admit that they continued talking a lot longer after we split but insisted they never met up and that conversation just fizzled.

They admired to going on dates from Grindr even though they said they weren’t.

I understand during this time he was single but I made it clear that I was an only going to give up if he moved on with someone else.

I have now come to learn that he did actually meet up with this other person not only the day that I attempted to kill myself but also booked a hotel a day after we broke up where they both stayed.

I also found out that the third person called it off with my partner on the day I attempted as he didn’t realise how bad I was.

Am I right to be pissed that he lied further to me. I feel like I am only back with him because this third person said he didn’t want to take it further. All my of suspicions were true that led me to record them - they clearly liked each other more.

I am pissed that after a seven year relationship, he should have supported me through my struggles like I did with him many times. Instead of made this bullshit excuse of bringing excitement into our relationship when he really just wanted someone else and then just continued to push and push until I ended up doing something stupid and recording. Then they did exactly what they wanted and carried on just them two.

Do I confront him and tell him I know the truth of what happened or do I stay quiet. Just hard thinking I am probs second best because the third person and then dating didn’t work out for him.

The third person has never given me a chance to speak to him to explain my actions, he just said he doesn’t want to which again further makes me believe I was right all along about them only being interested in each other.

Apologies it’s so long so I will be impressed if anyone actually reads and replies

Any advice would be helpful!

Men can be absolute bastards.
Hopefully now, with your diagnosis, you are in a better place.
There really is only one course of action you can take so be brave and call, it a day, end any thoughts of the relationship ever working out. With the number of lies, mistreatment etc you really are better off solo.
If he wanted to bring excitement into the relationship then he should have been honest, he wasn't, and no amount of wondering if you did anything wrong, you trying to take the blame will ever excuse the way he treated you. Relationships are built on trust - do you think you would ever trust him again?

 

[ASK JEFF]

Okay. I tell it like it is, honey, but it’s all outta love for you as a human being, so trust me, okay?

STOP! STOP with the ex boyfriend. Seriously, stop. I’ll say it again…STOP!

There are SO many variables working within this scenario, and it’s really—if you look at it—like a train. Once an engine has been established, the engine goes forwards or backwards, picking up cars along the way until one day, yeah… it goes off the tracks. I’ll nutshell it for you. Take away the minutia from what you wrote and look at the triggering events as they happened. Cut out the fluff words, because it’s ancillary now.

The things I do know from what you wrote:

1) You have a very serious disease that, unfortunately, many people have. BPD/ADHD/Depression, all of those illnesses that may or have been identified with you, is nothing to be ashamed of. EVER! You are getting help. Good. Continue! Like everyone on this planet, you are a human being and deserve kindness, compassion and respect. PERIOD!

2) Your ex: You both may have been in love with each other, and there is no doubt you both love and care about each other, but in VERY different ways. I’m not beating up your ex, but he gave in way too early. If your therapy wasn’t going exactly as he wanted or suggested to you, he opted out. Quickly, I might add. The suggestion of bringing in a third person was an idea made out of his greed, wanting to get a blow job, get laid, whatever. It was not kindness or to “get things going”, blah, blah, blah. If he was in love with you, he would have been by your side EVERY step of the way. Frustrated, yes, but with you all the way. And, not to be an asshole, but the “third” person he wanted and the two of you invited into your relationship wasn’t his first encounter with someone outside of the relationship you thought you had. There was at least one, maybe more. Don’t dwell on that.

3) The recording was unfortunate. The way it was handled, unfortunate as well. I am sorry that happened, but subconsciously, you wanted that recording to happen. It would be the one concrete thing that would solidify and validate your thoughts about what was going on and the feelings of what that would be when you listened. People with BPD/Depression, etc. inadvertently do things like this as a cruel test to themselves. I know because I used to do that all the time. I am Bi Polar, have bouts of severe depression, etc. So, I very much get it. I had a similar experience myself. What I know now as compared to what I didn’t know then is unbelievable. Trust me, please.

4) Stop with the ex. Stop it. No calling, no discussion, and definitely NO taking him back (For what?????? More trauma?) and hoping things will be different this time around, because you know what? THEY WON’T BE. Doing this over and over, and I hate to say it, is insane. You are NOT ever going to get the result you want from him.

5) Continue getting help and work on YOU. Work and go at your pace. Be kind to you, and that means on ALL levels, not just by kind words to yourself. Don’t play the fool and don’t allow yourself to be put in the situation of feeling like you need to play the victim. YOU determine all of these things.

6) Take a deep breath and stop asking yourself if you could have made things better and wished you could have. After all, he loved you first, right? And now?… psssst…Right now, that is a wishes and hope scenario. Stop thinking of it and move on. You’re better than this unbending heartbreak you give yourself.

Here’s a great quote from Oprah Winfrey. Read it, apply it to the past and then, move forward into a happier place, a place called YOU!

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, but we cannot move forward if we're still holding onto the pain of that past and wishing it was something else.​

And if you get back together with your boyfriend, or even entertain the idea… Read this. Absorb it. Memorize it. Know it. Trust it.

A man started to climb a high, steep mountain when a snake asked the man to carry him along. “But you’re a snake,” the man said. The snake smiled. “Don’t worry. I won’t bite you.” After days of arduous climbing, the man reached the mountain summit, whereupon the poisonous snake bit him. As he lay dying, the man cried out, “You said you wouldn’t bite me!” His reptilian hitchhiker looked at him and said, “Ha! You knew I was a snake when you picked me up.”

 

[ASK JEFF]

it

I know I did wrong with the recording and stuff but I just feel like I have the right to be annoyed that he has continually lied to me and made out it was all my fault. I do love him though and I’m scared to throw the relationship away as I really was at my lowest when he ended it. It’s a tough on

I wrote a reply to you, friend. Hopefully, you read it.
1) Above… what you wrote… that’s not being good to yourself. Stop blaming yourself or him for that matter. Your illness is never to be used as his or your excuse. It does no good. This will never get better, unfortunately. Your WERE in a bad place at the time, you FEEL, it was your fault, you FEEL you should continuously give him a second chance… Because it’s not me, it’s easy for me to say this to you: If I was you? Fuck…I’d dump his lying, unfair, unfaithful, blaming, manipulating pathetic ass in the snap of a finger. You can do it kindly, in fact, do it kindly. Do it knowing you are doing something GREAT FOR YOURSELF. None of this was your fault. Read that again and again until you are sick to your stomach… “YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME OR RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY OF THIS. I AM A HUMAN BEING WHO DESERVES LOVE< KINDNESS AND RESPECT. IN FACT, I DEMAND IT!”

A big kiss and hug to you, kiddo…
Jeff

 

[Jamie9393]

it

I wrote a reply to you, friend. Hopefully, you read it.
1) Above… what you wrote… that’s not being good to yourself. Stop blaming yourself or him for that matter. Your illness is never to be used as his or your excuse. It does no good. This will never get better, unfortunately. Your WERE in a bad place at the time, you FEEL, it was your fault, you FEEL you should continuously give him a second chance… Because it’s not me, it’s easy for me to say this to you: If I was you? Fuck…I’d dump his lying, unfair, unfaithful, blaming, manipulating pathetic ass in the snap of a finger. You can do it kindly, in fact, do it kindly. Do it knowing you are doing something GREAT FOR YOURSELF. None of this was your fault. Read that again and again until you are sick to your stomach… “YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME OR RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY OF THIS. I AM A HUMAN BEING WHO DESERVES LOVE< KINDNESS AND RESPECT. IN FACT, I DEMAND IT!”

A big kiss and hug to you, kiddo…
Jeff

Thank you Jeff!
What you have said makes a lot of sense!
I appreciate all of the help!

 

[Nabil.solo]

You are living a toxic relationship so for your mental health leave him because he won't Care about you he cares only for himself