Just curious. I'm starting to feel ready for a lifestyle change and am seeking a more 'conservative' relationship and possible marriage with someone after living alternatively my whole life. If you went through that change, I'd love to hear your story and your advice.
Any gay men here who have become monogamous after living a poly/open lifestyle previously?
- Thread starter dreambridger
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I’m the opposite. My husband and I got officially married on our 10 year anniversary. 6 years in we realized neither one of us was going anywhere so we might as well have some more fun. We started having three ways and I loved it. But it had gotten to the point where our work schedules hardly lined up anymore and it was hard to hookup.
A month after we got married we had a 3 way with our now partner. Literally he has never left since that night. It took some convincing to talk my husband into making him a permanent fixture in our relationship but he finally saw where I was coming from and agreed to it.
We are a closed poly triad. We only have sex between the three of us. I want more. I want a open relationship. I crave sex. My husband is 10 years older than I am and due to years of medication for his back issues and surgery. Sex is just something he can careless about. He’s become more asexual. The partner and I have sex 1-2 times a week but I need more.
A month after we got married we had a 3 way with our now partner. Literally he has never left since that night. It took some convincing to talk my husband into making him a permanent fixture in our relationship but he finally saw where I was coming from and agreed to it.
We are a closed poly triad. We only have sex between the three of us. I want more. I want a open relationship. I crave sex. My husband is 10 years older than I am and due to years of medication for his back issues and surgery. Sex is just something he can careless about. He’s become more asexual. The partner and I have sex 1-2 times a week but I need more.
I figure the opposite is more common, but I'm definitely more interested in stories of those who have "settled down" rather than expanded.
I'll admit that the primary reason I preferred open relationships was not necessarily for my own gratification, but so I didn't have to feel solely responsible for my partner's gratification. I love the concept of the elimination of jealousy in a relationship, but I've learned that an open relationship isn't necessarily the antidote for that. I'm still not a jealous person at all and I'm never hurt by someone seeking gratification beyond me (strangely enough my experience is that it's usually the more promiscuous partner that's more prone to jealousy), but to me there's the stress factor of worrying about STDs and worrying about involving new people, when having a trust-based relationship with one person just sounds more relaxed to me as I age. I honestly have a mild panic attack every time I have sex with a new person, and I used to like that adrenaline, but I don't seek that rush anymore.
That and family is becoming more of a value to me. I'm losing a parent currently and the idea of having my own family as I lose the one I came from is starting to seem crucial for my future well-being. Randos come and go but having a committed family sounds very healthy and rational to me at this point.
I'll admit that the primary reason I preferred open relationships was not necessarily for my own gratification, but so I didn't have to feel solely responsible for my partner's gratification. I love the concept of the elimination of jealousy in a relationship, but I've learned that an open relationship isn't necessarily the antidote for that. I'm still not a jealous person at all and I'm never hurt by someone seeking gratification beyond me (strangely enough my experience is that it's usually the more promiscuous partner that's more prone to jealousy), but to me there's the stress factor of worrying about STDs and worrying about involving new people, when having a trust-based relationship with one person just sounds more relaxed to me as I age. I honestly have a mild panic attack every time I have sex with a new person, and I used to like that adrenaline, but I don't seek that rush anymore.
That and family is becoming more of a value to me. I'm losing a parent currently and the idea of having my own family as I lose the one I came from is starting to seem crucial for my future well-being. Randos come and go but having a committed family sounds very healthy and rational to me at this point.
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