Asexual? Maybe....

[Vastian]

36 yr I'll male here. Did my due duty
I've slept with what feels like 1/2 of sf. Multiple partners. Had a few long term partners. Been cheated on and cheated on others. Not a perfect partner by far. After a 10 year relationship I've met a few others. Now I miss the companionship. But have no will to do "stuff." Males are still attractive but not an interest. I'm not sure where I'm going with this but though maybe the group here would give some insight to give direction.

 

[Jensen4]

Hi! Ace here. There's a thread somewhere on this site where some of us ace folks talk about our experiences and that could help you.

It's not easy to understand whether you're ace or not, because it's not easy to understand the differences between sexual attraction and sex drive or libido. A person for example can have a very high libido but not feeling sexual attraction at all. Putting this in the words of Angela Chen, author of the book "Ace", sex drive "is the desire for sexual release, a set of feelings in the body, often combined with intrusive thoughts. It can come out of nowhere and for no obvious reason and not be about anyone. It’s an internal experience of sexual frustration that does not depend on sexual orientation". While sexual attraction is "horniness toward or caused by a specific person. It is the desire to be sexual with that partner—libido with a target".
So you can be hungry (sex drive) without craving a specific dish (sexual attraction).

In my case, I experience various level of sex drive, so there are days when those level are very very high and days in which I have no sex drive at all. But regarding my sexual attraction, I experience some of it only if I have a very strong emotional bond with my partner, therefore I label myself as demisexual, which is in the asexual spectrum. And even though I feel some sexual attraction for my partner, during sex I'm very bored and I can't wait for it to be over.

 

[marriedasian]

Are you still sexually attractive to other people or potential partners? If so, then you're not asexual. Not in the least, by definition anyways.

Sounds to me like you've just had your fill and are now content with whatever may come your way or not at all. In a sense, you're "bored" and your interest level is just very low.

Perhaps take some time to reflect and consider what you truly want and go from there. Imagine a person who would be attractive to you and that person was coming onto you, would you be sexually aroused and want to be sexual with that person? If so, you're not asexual. Now if you would get aroused and choose not to be sexual with this person, then you're still not asexual.

To be asexual means you have no sexual attraction towards others or whatever else.

 

[Vastian]

Hi! Ace here. There's a thread somewhere on this site where some of us ace folks talk about our experiences and that could help you.

It's not easy to understand whether you're ace or not, because it's not easy to understand the differences between sexual attraction and sex drive or libido. A person for example can have a very high libido but not feeling sexual attraction at all. Putting this in the words of Angela Chen, author of the book "Ace", sex drive "is the desire for sexual release, a set of feelings in the body, often combined with intrusive thoughts. It can come out of nowhere and for no obvious reason and not be about anyone. It’s an internal experience of sexual frustration that does not depend on sexual orientation". While sexual attraction is "horniness toward or caused by a specific person. It is the desire to be sexual with that partner—libido with a target".
So you can be hungry (sex drive) without craving a specific dish (sexual attraction).

In my case, I experience various level of sex drive, so there are days when those level are very very high and days in which I have no sex drive at all. But regarding my sexual attraction, I experience some of it only if I have a very strong emotional bond with my partner, therefore I label myself as demisexual, which is in the asexual spectrum. And even though I feel some sexual attraction for my partner, during sex I'm very bored and I can't wait for it to be over.

Ah..late response but I think I get it. Tried to loom up ace, sex drive on amazon...and got...other books

 

[Vastian]

Late reply. I do feel very attracted to many. I'd enjoy time with them. And would enjoy the..let's say 1st to 2nd base area. I guess I can't say I'm without sexual desire. I did get out of a 10 year relationship. And admit have been a bit....unwilling to see others. Not held up on the guy or anything, but I think the effort of meeting and making a relationship again...just sounds... chaotic. When I was younger I'd meet several people but one here and there would just be fun and we'd get along. Meeting people now (37) its...different. not in a bad way. Just a way that I don't think I learned how to do. Not a good excuse I realize but. It's a different world out here now. Last time I was single I was 24. You didn't have many standards back than. (Or I didn't at least)

Are you still sexually attractive to other people or potential partners? If so, then you're not asexual. Not in the least, by definition anyways.

Sounds to me like you've just had your fill and are now content with whatever may come your way or not at all. In a sense, you're "bored" and your interest level is just very low.

Perhaps take some time to reflect and consider what you truly want and go from there. Imagine a person who would be attractive to you and that person was coming onto you, would you be sexually aroused and want to be sexual with that person? If so, you're not asexual. Now if you would get aroused and choose not to be sexual with this person, then you're still not asexual.

To be asexual means you have no sexual attraction towards others or whatever else.

 

[dindon2024]

Sounds like you're going through a bit of post-relationship burnout. After a 10-year relationship, it’s natural to feel like you’ve lost some drive or excitement about jumping back into the dating scene. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re asexual, but maybe you're in a phase where emotional and physical connections just feel more exhausting than exciting. Meeting people now at 37 is definitely different than when you were younger, and it’s easy to feel like the effort outweighs the fun. Give yourself some space to process everything, and don’t pressure yourself to define things too quickly. Attraction might come back when you least expect it.

 

[thickcockjames]

Are you possibly Demisexual?

 

[Vastian]

Are you possibly Demisexual?

I...would need to look this term up.

 

[Vastian]

I...would need to look this term up.

Ah...I think i may...lean towards that direction...but even though it's not often I don't have any issues with random hookups. Or weird affectionate dalliances that are not meant to go anywhere

 

[Sagittarius84]

Sounds more like a pair bonding issue, like so much previous activity has stopped any meaningful oxytocin release. Usually hear about this regarding the sexual and relationship issues of previously promiscuous women.

 

[Vastian]

Sounds more like a pair bonding issue, like so much previous activity has stopped any meaningful oxytocin release. Usually hear about this regarding the sexual and relationship issues of previously promiscuous women.

Oh curious. I'll need to look this up