Ask Brisler

[Brisler]

I have made several requests for a sub-forum called Ask Brisler, and vibrationzzz just reminded me that I have finally lost patience. I accept that this sub-forum won't be created, so instead I make this thread and demand that it be made sticky.

If you have a question that you feel can't be adequately answered by women or men, gays or straights, bi- or transsexuals, then this is your place. I will answer your questions with utmost care and compassion.

I'm sure this will be a very busy thread, but I have time.

 

[deleted3782]

Dear Brisler, I have three questions:

1. Why is Unter den Linden planted with Linden trees? Why not oak or maple trees?
2. What is the right dog for me?
3. Why am I still single?

Luv, Ex

 

[JohnnyRoulette]

Brisler, why does ex only flirt with me when he's drunk?

Why is it that when I eat a sandwich... I crave potato chips?

 

[Popyuu]

Dear all knowing Brisler (with that avatar that scares me sometimes):

1. How do you say "she wants the D" in Mandarin?

2. Where do baby jesusesess come from? (the other ones, not that other baby jesusesess)

3. Why don't women compare vaginas in the show off section? (and if they do, why haven't i been promptly notified?)

4. Whats dark matter?

5. Why is it that when i eat JohnnyRoulette's potato chips, he craves for me to get beat up?

And last but not least.

5. Why is exwhyzee still single? He seems like a pretty cool guy to me.

 

[DickJagger]

i see you like poetry, what makes a poet good? Is a poet ever bad?

 

[Brisler]

Dear Brisler, I have three questions:

1. Why is Unter den Linden planted with Linden trees? Why not oak or maple trees?
2. What is the right dog for me?
3. Why am I still single?

Luv, Ex

1. Because someone decided to do so. If it was to be changed, then the boulevard would have to change name, so that would be a whole mess. It's a reference to the German soil and all the history, good and bad, that lies in it.

2. Golden Retriever.

3. It's because you haven't found a girlfriend or boyfriend. I do think the fact that you haven't yet found the right dog plays a role in this. So now that you know about the Golden Retriever, I think it will work itself out. Stay away from the Internet and go meet handsome people in the dog park. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Brisler]

Brisler, why does ex only flirt with me when he's drunk?

Why is it that when I eat a sandwich... I crave potato chips?

1. It's because people get more playful, flirty and horny when drunk. He has some inhibitions when he's sober that disappear when he's drunk. I think he still likes you, maybe just as a friend, but I feel there's a reason you broke up.

2. It's a salt issue, and of course also an issue of crispiness. There's no doubt about that. When people eat something that isn't overly salty, they crave salt. If you eat a pinch of salt after every bite of the sandwich, your cravings for potato chips will be gone. But be careful. Excessive amounts of salt can be very unhealthy, even fatal.

 

[Brisler]

Dear all knowing Brisler (with that avatar that scares me sometimes):

1. How do you say "she wants the D" in Mandarin?

2. Where do baby jesusesess come from? (the other ones, not that other baby jesusesess)

3. Why don't women compare vaginas in the show off section? (and if they do, why haven't i been promptly notified?)

4. Whats dark matter?

5. Why is it that when i eat JohnnyRoulette's potato chips, he craves for me to get beat up?

And last but not least.

5. Why is exwhyzee still single? He seems like a pretty cool guy to me.

1: 她想要的公雞, unless you're talking about the fruit. The fruit has no language, so you can't say it in the fruit mandarin.

2: Baby Jesuseses come from their mother's stomach. Baby Jesus of Nazareth was brought to the world through immaculate conception. That's not the case for the other ones. Their conception was traditional, and they are no more divine than you or I.

3: Because they don't want to compare vaginae.

4: Dark matter is the matter of the Universe that we can't see. We know there must be much more matter in the Universe than what can be perceived with the human eye. The matter that we can't see has been named dark matter, since no one can see in the dark. And since we can't see dark matter, what does it matter anyway?

5: I don't think he does. But if he does, it's because you have stolen his potato chips. Anyway, it won't matter anymore. I have told Johnny how to beat his potato chips addiction.

6: He sure does. I have answered this questions. His dog issues overshadowed his need to find a significant other. I have suggested a very good solution.

 

[Brisler]

i see you like poetry, what makes a poet good? Is a poet ever bad?

A good poet is a poet that writes good poultry.

Yes, a poet can most certainly be bad. But what I think is bad, others might enjoy. I would say that only a very small percentage all the poetry ever written is actually good. The number is higher, of course, if we only count the poetry that has been released.

 

[twoton]

I keep reading things that say straight men are also gay. But I don't feel gay. What should I do?

 

[Brisler]

I keep reading things that say straight men are also gay. But I don't feel gay. What should I do?

You need to remember to do things that you like to do. If everything becomes a routine of chores it's easy to fall into the trap of becoming listless and grumpy. What usually cheers you up? Carousel rides? A party in the park? Dancing? Take a day out of the calendar to do the funnest thing you can think of, and you'll feel as gay as the day is wide.

 

[nudeyorker]

This thread is being moved to the Funny Stuff forum to join...

Ask Naughty Anything
Ask A Black Guy Anything
Ask A German Anything
Ask A Black Girl Anything
Ask A Cow Anything (Part 1&2)
Ask Mandee
Ask A White Guy Anything
Ask A 20 Year Old Virgin Anything
Ask A Gay Guy Anything
Ask A Redhead Anything
Ask A Jersey Guy Anything

Sorry no sticky those are for site policy statements only.

Have fun.

 

[Brisler]

Funny stuff!? Come on, man. This isn't funny stuff, this is for real.

I am not comfortable in this neighborhood of crappy jokes at all. I actively seek to avoid this section, and then you force me in here. This is no way to treat one of the most respected members of the site. This will cause an upset!

Oh, and you didn't ask a question.

 

[fluffychocolate]

Oh wise Brisler I have a few questions:

1) Why was I born a girl?
2) Is chocolate really the other white meat?
3) How did you get so wise?

 

[Brisler]

Oh wise Brisler I have a few questions:

1) Why was I born a girl?
2) Is chocolate really the other white meat?
3) How did you get so wise?

1: Because when you were conceived the spermatozoon that fertilized the ovum contained an X chromosome. Had it contained a Y chromosome, you would have been a beautiful baby boy instead of a beautiful baby girl.

2: No, pork is the other white meat. Are people saying it's chocolate now?

3: By not wasting any time on the internet.

 

[twoton]

You need to remember to do things that you like to do. If everything becomes a routine of chores it's easy to fall into the trap of becoming listless and grumpy. What usually cheers you up? Carousel rides? A party in the park? Dancing? Take a day out of the calendar to do the funnest thing you can think of, and you'll feel as gay as the day is wide.

OMG! You're advice was perfect! I feel so much gayer now I might have to change my percent gay!

 

[BUSTERHYMAN]

Dear Brisler

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

What disease did cured ham actually have?


Waiting for your response

 

[hypolimnas]

Dear Bristlenose

Why am I still here?

 

[DickJagger]

what is your avatar a pic of?

 

[Brisler]

Dear Brisler

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

What disease did cured ham actually have?


Waiting for your response

1: Yes, if the hearse is being used for carpooling.

2: The "I don't care" in Jimmy Crack Corn stands in contrast to the verses, in which the protagonist seemingly mourns over the loss of his slave master. So it's actually not about not caring about Jimmy cracking corn, it's about celebrating and not caring about the death of a slave master. Someone actually cared. That's why there's a stupid song about it.

3: It could have been any pig disease, really. It varies from ham to ham. But this goes for any pig: once it's dead, it's no longer sick. Thus cured ham.