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A Day at the Pool
The sun was blazing like a disco ball in the sky, and the community pool was packed with kids cannonballing and old folks doing their best not to slip on the slick tiles. I was 19, home from college for the summer, and my Uncle Tony—big, thicc, muscled, and hairy as a bear in a barber shop—had dragged me along for a "family day" at the pool. His new girlfriend, Sasha, was tagging along, and let me tell you, she was a knockout. All curves, big sunglasses, and a neon pink bikini that screamed, "Look at me, but don’t stare too long or you’ll trip."Uncle Tony was strutting around in his red swim shorts, his barrel chest puffed out, black beard glistening with pool water, and hairy legs like tree trunks stomping through the shallow end. The man was a walking testosterone ad, all 6’3” of him, with a bush of chest hair that could double as a bird’s nest. Sasha was splashing him playfully, her laugh like a bell, and he was eating it up, flexing his biceps every chance he got. I was just trying to keep my sunglasses on and not die of secondhand embarrassment as he attempted a belly flop that sent half the pool water airborne.
“Kid, you gotta live a little!” Tony bellowed, tossing me a beach ball that I fumbled into the deep end. Sasha giggled, adjusting her bikini top, and I swear the lifeguard nearly fell off his chair. The day was a blur of sunscreen, chlorine, and Tony’s booming laugh as he tried to teach Sasha how to do a backflip off the diving board. Spoiler: she nailed it; he ate it. Hard.
By late afternoon, the sun was dipping, and we were all pruney and starving. Tony clapped me on the shoulder, his meaty paw nearly knocking me over. “Change room, kid. Let’s get out of here and grab some burgers.” Sasha winked at me as she sauntered off to the women’s locker room, her hips swaying like a metronome. I shook my head and followed Tony into the men’s change room, my flip-flops slapping the wet floor.
The change room was a steamy, tiled echo chamber, smelling of sweat and cheap body spray. Tony was already peeling off his red swim shorts, humming some old rock tune, his back to me as he rummaged for a towel. I was minding my own business, or trying to, when I glanced over—purely by accident, I swear—and there it was. His junk. Fully shrunken from the cold pool water, it looked like a tiny pebble nestled in a jungle of black pubic hair. I froze, eyes wide, like I’d just seen a UFO land in the locker room. And, okay, maybe it was the shock or the raw confidence of the man, but I felt a flush of heat, and to my horror, I realized I was getting a semi, my own shorts tightening as I stood there, caught in the moment.
Tony caught my stare in the mirror and burst out laughing, a deep, rumbling guffaw that echoed off the tiles. “What’s the matter, kid? Never seen a pool prune before?” He turned, completely unbothered, and gave a dramatic shimmy, making his hairy thighs jiggle. Then his eyes flicked down, catching my not-so-subtle situation before I could snatch a towel to cover up. His grin widened, mischievous as hell. “Well, damn, kid, looks like you’re growing your own pool float! Don’t get too excited over my pebble now!” He cackled, tossing me a towel with a wink.
I choked on my own spit, face burning hotter than the sun. “Uncle Tony, oh my God, shut up!” I stammered, wrapping the towel around my waist so fast I nearly tripped. But I couldn’t help laughing too, the absurdity of it all hitting me like a tidal wave. The man had zero shame, standing there like a hairy Greek god, hands on his hips, grinning like he’d just won a comedy roast.
“Cold water’s a cruel mistress,” he said, still chuckling as he finally wrapped a towel around his own waist. “But don’t worry, kid. Sasha doesn’t complain about my pebble, and you’ll find someone who appreciates your… enthusiasm.” He cackled again, and I groaned, pulling my shirt over my head to hide my face. “You’re disgusting,” I muttered, but I was cracking up.
We met Sasha outside, her hair still damp and her sundress clinging in all the right places. She raised an eyebrow at Tony’s smug grin. “What’s so funny, big guy?” she asked, poking his chest.
Tony slung an arm around her, still chuckling. “Just bonding with the kid over the perils of pool shrinkage—and his, uh, growing admiration,” he said, dodging my attempt to elbow him. Sasha snorted, rolling her eyes. “Oh, Tony, you’re hopeless. Let’s eat before you traumatize him any more.”
As we headed to the burger joint, Tony ruffled my hair, his voice low and teasing. “Don’t worry, kid. One day you’ll have a pebble and a pool float to laugh about.” I shoved him, laughing despite myself, while Sasha shook her head and led the way, her laughter floating back to us like summer itself.