Awkward sex...

[Smaccoms]

Have you ever had sex with someone who's in your life all the time? Someone you can't get away from? Like a co-worker, a classmate, a roommate, or a friend of a friend? What if the relationship deteriorates afterward? What do you do? Is that relationship permanently "broken" or were you able to "repair" it?

 

[deleted924715]

After an incredibly awkward experience in my teens of dating a co-worker for a few weeks I never did it again - I dislike living with a 'vibe' in every day life. Relationships can be delicate things though - I've had 'friendships' ruined by not being willing to take that step. Which seemed awfully unfair, but hey-ho.

 

[EllieP]

I am friends with two men with whom I was previously intimate at separate times. Yes, it was awkward for a while since we traveled in the same circle of friends and acquaintances. What was really weird is that I was with one right before the other, so there was a little male ego thing going on sometime when they'd meet. Now they share that they are both former lovers, and I would be teased at parties and get togethers. My husband has met them both, and I'm grown up enough to not give a rat's ass about their teasing, but honestly it rarely comes up.

 

[deleted816494]

I am friends with two men with whom I was previously intimate at separate times. Yes, it was awkward for a while since we traveled in the same circle of friends and acquaintances. What was really weird is that I was with one right before the other, so there was a little male ego thing going on sometime when they'd meet. Now they share that they are both former lovers, and I would be teased at parties and get togethers. My husband has met them both, and I'm grown up enough to not give a rat's ass about their teasing, but honestly it rarely comes up.

Nice to have a woman's perspective...thanks.

 

[Smaccoms]

After an incredibly awkward experience in my teens of dating a co-worker for a few weeks I never did it again - I dislike living with a 'vibe' in every day life. Relationships can be delicate things though - I've had 'friendships' ruined by not being willing to take that step. Which seemed awfully unfair, but hey-ho.

Relationships are delicate The most intimate ones I've had were a lot closer to queerplatonic relationships rather than romantic ones. For a lot of guys I've been involved with, that extra step meant letting me see their true colors, and they couldn't handle it To be fair, I don't think I could handle at the time either. But my entire life, I've felt like I've been on the very tip of finding a beautiful place in so many relationships. But I can never quite get there. A number of times, sexually charged interactions have...added to a wall that was already there.

 

[Smaccoms]

I am friends with two men with whom I was previously intimate at separate times. Yes, it was awkward for a while since we traveled in the same circle of friends and acquaintances. What was really weird is that I was with one right before the other, so there was a little male ego thing going on sometime when they'd meet. Now they share that they are both former lovers, and I would be teased at parties and get togethers. My husband has met them both, and I'm grown up enough to not give a rat's ass about their teasing, but honestly it rarely comes up.

That's a very interesting story. I can't imagine having ex-lovers quarrel like that. I only have one person whom I can think of as an "ex-lover". But we never actually had sex, and the relationship ended badly [ ]. So I have no idea how that relationship would fit into my other intmate relationships should a cross over happen somehow.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I remain friends with my exes until their wives tell them to leave me alone. I want them to be happy, but that sucks. If they were going to stray, it wouldn't be with me, and I'd be a source of discouragement. It can be awkward at first if there is still mutual attraction, but eventually as they become more brotherly the idea of touching them sexually is just wrong for me. Or they catch a disease. One of my exes has herpes, so now you couldn't pay me to share a grape soda with him, let alone let him kiss me. Nope. We'll always be friends because he never intends to tell his wife who I am. I hope his mama knows that's the plan. I saw her the other day and she just held onto me for dear life. Then his father just about hugged me breathless. I know they love their DIL though. They are just really warm people. I'm really down to two exes that communicate regularly. It's only ever awkward when other women make it awkward.

 

[boatnik]

In my youth I had a one-time sexual encounter with a married co-corker. We weren't really sexually compatible so I didn't want to continue the relationship. It then made things very awkward and uncomfortable at work and destroyed what used to be a great working relationship. I swore I would never do anything like that again. And since that occurrence I have never gotten involved with married women, co-workers, or anyone else in my immediate social circle.

 

[KennF]

It can be VERY strange.

I was in a rather small circle of friends, when I lived in NY. I had a fling with one half of a couple. It was extremely strange but exciting. It go weirder when the other one started hitting on me and we had an affair, as well.

After one night, we all went back to their place to crash. And when one started a threesome, I freaked out. It was the most awkward sexual encounter ever, knowing what they each liked and afraid to have sex in case I revealed too much, etc...

We all stayed friends until they had a falling out and everything was out in the open. Then neither of them could manage the friendship. Still regret the way that went down.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

i employed a woman with whom I developed a deep and lasting friendship. She witnessed the last declining years of my first marriage, and i witnessed the same in hers.

At one point our mutual despair and frustrations and our intentions to support one another emotionally resulted in our having a brief affair. It lasted a few months, only... but it really was the kind of thing we each needed to convince us that life was going to be worth the divorces we were already going thru.

But then we stopped. She kept working with me, for years thereafter... and still does occasionally, now, twenty five years later.

While our sexual tryst was awkward- mostly because of our long prior totally asexual friendship, it was quite pleasurable.
And she never made any move to suggest it should have gone further, to become an romantic relationship... and neither did I.

Afterward, we were just as solid as friends and co-workers.

Once, many years later, I asked her outright if she had ever had a moment in which she thought we should have ended up together.
And she said, "no... we'd have torn each other apart. We love each other, but I'm not really the person you want and you're not really the person I want."

 

[693987]

Have you ever had sex with someone who's in your life all the time? Someone you can't get away from? Like a co-worker, a classmate, a roommate, or a friend of a friend? What if the relationship deteriorates afterward? What do you do? Is that relationship permanently "broken" or were you able to "repair" it?

I've been careful, by and large. The flings/FWB/etc I've maintained my friendship still, even after whatever it was that was going on ended. The one situation where that did not happen, was because I found out the individual had a significant other that they were cheating on with me. I was all kinds of NOT OK with that. Told the partner/outed the individual as a cheater and cut connections with that social circle, because I didn't want to deal with drama.

 

[Smaccoms]

First of all, I want to thank everyone for sharing their personal stories. I'm thankful all of you are willing to share your experiences and wisdom with me and lpsg. You all have given me much hope and confidence for my own relationships. With that said...

AlteredEgo: Wanting your ex to be happy is a shitty feeling. Especially when that idea involves cutting you out entirely. I'm in that situation with the one person I loved who actually managed to love me back. I'm going to give it a one last ditch effort to re-ignite our friendship. If that fails, I'll just have to throw my hands up and reluctantly move on. I suppose them catching a disease kind of ends that tension pretty quickly though, huh? I generally say no to herpes as well, just in case I don't have it.

Boatnik: Sexual compatibility is really important. That's why I will never believe in abstinence until marriage. But I suppose an open relationship would always be an option at that point. But I'd rather explore relationships when I'm free than limit myself from the onset, you know? I've never had sex with a co-worker, but I have had sexual tension with some explode in the work place. My co-workers are very well aware of which of them I'd be willing to have sex with, lol. I'm so unconventional, that's not what makes them feel awkward around me. It always disappoints me how many people would rather cheat behind their partners back rather than talk to their partner about an open relationship.

KennF: That is definitely an odd story I wouldn't have put together in my head. Something I'd see in a movie, and shake my head at how not possible it seemed. But it does make sense when I think about it. Compatibility is a fickle friend. I can understand not everyone is comfortable with threesomes and/or orgies, but I am. Especially when I was barely legal, I was always more comfortable having sex with strangers than I was being forced into platonic friendships I have since seen the benefit to platonic friendships. But intimate compatibility involves both, doesn't it? AWKWARD!! I'm sorry to hear it had a painful ending for you.

Phil Ayesho: That is a beautiful story. I can't even imagine being married to someone. I've never reached that level of a commitment with someone, though I have tried very hard to reach it. I think I'm the type of person who wants to find an amazing relationship and stick with it for as long as possible. It's so awesome that you two are still involved and on the same page in terms of how you love one another. It's a great feeling to be able to work a relationship out so that all parties involved can stick with it and have a great time in the process.

Fade: You sound very conscious and solid of the decisions you make. That is a difficult quality to obtain for anyone I think. I don't think I have it. Most of my intimate relationships have all broken contact with me completely. I think part of it is that making a firm decision means having control over your feelings, or understanding how those feelings are going to impact your life. I'm not so good with the feelings portion yet, and so I feel prone to disaster with intimacy.