I was really skinny when I was young, and I got pretty traumatized when around age eight, I gained a lot, a lot of weight, I had to get braces, glasses, my hair darkened from dark-blonde to dark brown. I went from this friggin aryan posterchild to this...thing I didn't recognize. At my heaviest maybe 210 and 6 ft by the time I was in 6fh grade, 38 almost 40 waist. I stayed heavy until 2006 when I dropped down to size 36 waist. Since then I've been bouncing around the 190-200 range at 6'2 with I think signs to reduced fat %. Have gotten down to a 35ish, most 36 pants fit, some much to big, while some cuts of 34 are perfect too. Generally, to make a long story short visit my profile here, you get a condensed story basically through pictures: http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/maxometer/more.php?section=progresspics Not stellar, I could have been better by now. Though in 2009 I couldn't do real pushups and now can do bout 20 reps. My legs are my strongest and I can squat a pretty good number. I'm aiming in the next 6 weeks to really work hard at the gym after somewhat of a hiatus. I have a very wishy washy sense of self, strange mix of actually pretty high self esteem, and then very very low self esteem. People say I'm quite handsome, that I have a fantastic frame and look okay already, I'm not fat anymore at all, just need to build lots of muscle. While I can sort of see it, but my imperfections like untrained areas and left-over pudge around my stomach tend to really stand out to me, and they dampen my living experience. They render me ugly (to me), or at least I think it looks bad. I still categorize as fat. I do have great legs, but my upper body needs some help and that's what I'm hoping to fix in the next six weeks. People say there's a ton of potential but I'm very unsure. I get rather depressed about how I look sometimes and because I'm uncomfortable, I don't really date much, I've been out on a few dates with girls I like, but I've never had a intimate relationship. My dick has sort of played into it too, I'm not sure I should post a picture. Should I? It's incredibly average to me, and I think maybe 6.5 when hard tops. I haven't measured in a long time, I almost don't want to know because I know I'll be disappointed I think if I do. A bit on the thick side, but still shorter than I'd like. But it pains me to see it from the side and when I'm standing up pretty much, for a tall guy, it looks bad to me, average, small, boring. I feel like most guys are 7.5-8. And the fact that I'm not bigger sorta, harps on me. I don't want to disappoint, and I'm a very talented guy in real life with stuff that I do, so it pains me that I feel this part is so underwhelming and average, when I am in fact, or shouldn't be, an average person. I feel enlargement is fruitless and stupid though so haven't attempted any of that. So besides busting my ass off in the gym the next few weeks and beyond (which by the way I do have a pretty nice ass, that is one of the strong points) I just can't seem to reconcile my distaste for what I perceive to be things that render me not good enough for people, when obviously I am as people compliment me on stuff, so it's sort of like I'm chasing my own tail. I mean, even I realize that thinking because I don't look like an abercrombie twinktastic uber-jock frat guy with a 8 inch dick that I'm rubbish is an unreasonable thing to think...and yet, I dismiss myself for not being as such. Any ideas on what I should do? Be doing?