BMOC Chapter 14
Jay wasn’t in, or so his roommate repeatedly told Chase every time he called. Chase suspected that Jay really was there, but was screening his calls. Since that night in the stairwell, Jay had been avoiding him. He took carry-outs from the dining hall and used the back entrance to the dorms, stayed out late, got up early--all in attempts to stay clear of Chase.
Jay was too angry and disappointed to deal with what had happened. The more he thought about the situation, the more convinced he became that things happened for a reason. Just as he was ready to admit the feelings he had for Chase, to confront the fact of his attraction to brothers as well as sisters, he'd been reminded of all that it would cost him. His father would never accept this other side of him; a stroke nearly claimed his father’s life when his brother Dre came out of the closet. And Jay couldn't honestly put himself or his father in that kind of predicament over someone who didn't share his feelings.
He'd thought that maybe he sensed reciprocal feelings in Chase, but it was an illusion. Chase’s longing led him to Bruce.
He worked off his steam by spending his nights at the student recreation center, lifting weights, running around the indoor track, playing racquetball. Any type of physical activity that could get his body working and keep his mind from drifting back to Chase. As was his habit each night after exhausting himself at the rec, Jay cooled down by swimming a few laps in the Olympic-sized pool.
Not long after Jay entered the pool, a splash of water indicated that someone had joined him. He didn't notice that it was Chase until the two nearly collided under water. Both swam to the surface. Chase spoke first. "What's up? Why are you avoiding me?"
Chase's presence sparked Jay's suspicion and anger. "How did you find me here?"
"It doesn't matter," he said. “I need you to talk to me, man. Did I do something wrong?"
Jay exited the pool at once, grumbling under his breath. He headed directly to the shower and locker room with Chase a few steps behind.
"Stop, Jay. Don't walk away. Would you --” Chase grabbed Jay's arm to tried and restrain him, but Jay yanked away so forcefully, he sent Chase stumbling backward. Chase recovered and did not continue following Jay. They were all ready in the shower room and there was nowhere else for Jay to go. Jay stripped out of his swimming trunks and stepped under a shower spigot to wash the chlorine of the pool off his skin.
Chase walked closer to Jay. "Why are you acting like this? I thought we were supposed to be boys? Now you treat me like I'm the dog shit you're trying to scrape off your shoe," Chase said. He reached out and touched Jay's shoulder.
Jay popped a full hard-on at Chase's touch. He felt so weak and exposed. He stepped even further away from Chase, hoping to keep his erection a secret. Chase reached for him again, Jay pulled away, Chase grabbed a hold of his arm, refusing to let go Jay was swung face forward, and his arousal became evident. As anger overtook him, Jay grabbed Chase by the throat and with one arm, slammed him against a wall. He bent his arm and pressed his forearm against Chase's windpipe choking him.
"If you even
think about telling anybody--
anybody--I swear that I will beat you so bad, your mama won't recognize your ass." He released Chase, who coughed and heaved as he slid down onto the tiled shower floor. Tears threatened to flow from his eyes, but he restrained them, just as he restrained whatever emotional reaction Jay’s sudden violent outburst had caused within him. He rose without looking at Jay, and walked away. Before leaving, he turned back to Jay. "All right," he said. "All right." And as he walked out, he vowed that those two words would be the last he ever uttered to Jay King.
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BMOC Chapter 15
Elsewhere in the rec center, Lonnell was playing an intense game of racquetball. He channeled his anger, his helplessness and his frustration into each volley of the racquet. He'd been impotent for several days now. He'd tried oils, lotions and other supposed "aids" to help him gain back the heft he was so proud of, but nothing worked. To top it all off, Bruce had found out about his condition. How, he still wasn't certain, but it only added to his embarrassment. He took some comfort in the fact that out of anyone on campus, Bruce was at least the type to keep it all on the down low.
He'd kept his distance from Eppi because he felt less than a man around her. He had no sexual response to her lately and that truly devastated him. His father had raised him to believe that women measured a man solely on what hung between his thighs and how he used it.
Lonnell hit the racquetball one last time, watched it volley until it came to a stop, then exited the confines of the cubicle. On his way to the shower, he was nearly run over by Chase on his way out, and obviously in a hurry. Something ad disturbed that brother, but Lonnell was to wrapped up in his own problems to try to figure out what it could be. Entering the shower room, Lonnell noticed Jay. He observed that Jay appeared to be staring into space, not even blinking.
"Hey, man. You okay?" he asked.
Jay was so far inside his own head, he'd neither noticed Lonnell's entrance or the fact that he was a mere two feet to his right. He regretted manhandling Chase, but he also knew it was the only way he’d put enough distance so he could let these feelings, and passions die. Lonnell waved his hands in Jay's face, and getting no reaction, grabbed his shoulder to gently shake him. His touch caused Jay to push him away. Now out of his daze, Jay took a look around and noted that it was Lonnell he was pushing, not Chase. "Oh, my bad. I'm tripping, man, you gotta excuse me."
Lonnell gave him a look that said, 'you better just get out of my way' which is exactly what Jay did. He toweled off, dressed, and walked out of the rec center. Once outside, he decided to sit on a bench near the entrance and enjoy the temperate March evening air. When he let his thoughts drift, he remembered that Family Weekend was approaching and he'd invited his brother Dre up for the occasion. He sighed. Just what he needed to deal with now -- his gay baby brother. Oh, he loved him and all the way brothers do, but they had always been opposite sides of the same coin. He couldn't remember anything they both agreed on, or anything they really had in common, even though only 20 months separated their ages. Now that Dre was out of the closet and out of their parents' house, he was an altogether different person than the one Jay had grown up with.
Eppi spent the last 35 minutes searching around campus in search of Lonnell, and now that she'd spotted his car in the rec center parking lot, her only concern was finding him. Her guilt over her one-night stand with Bruce was eating at her, and not having Lonnell there to fulfill her needs only made her reflect more on the sex she'd shared with Bruce. Although caught up in her own problems, Eppi couldn’t ignore the distress she saw on Jay's face.
"Anybody sitting here?" she asked, pointing to the empty space on the bench next to him.
He looked up, shook his head, and looked away.
"You know, your mouth is too beautiful for you to be frowned up like that," she commented.
He smiled and blushed. Compliments tended to have that effect on him. "That’s the first time anybody has said my mouth is beautiful,” he said.
"Well, the whole package is beautiful," Eppi said. "But when you scrunch up your mouth like that, you don't look so beautiful. From where I'm sitting, you don't have much to be so upset about."
Jay shrugged. "You're right. But I am."
Eppi touched his hand. "Wanna talk about it?"
Jay shook his head. "It's not really clear to me, so I know it'll only confuse you."
"Well, anytime you need my ear, it's here." She gently touched his cheek as she rose. "I've gotta go find my Lonnell."
Jay nodded and uttered a good-natured goodbye. Eppi turned toward the entrance. From the second floor, Lonnell had witnessed the brief encounter. He wanted to jump through the glass and used the shards to cut Jay to pieces. He didn't tolerate any other dudes talking to his Eppi. And he sure didn't like what he'd just seen. He let his anger simmer and along with his frustration at his impotence, a lethal brew of explosive emotions began a slow boil in his mind.
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BMOC Chapter 16
Jay sat impatiently glued to the green plastic chair in the waiting area of the Amtrak station, his eyes scanning for a sight of his brother, Dre. Not surprisingly, the train missed its scheduled arrival time of 3:45 and pulled into the Champaign station just after 4:15. Dre was one of the first passengers to disembark from the train and enter the station. His look was decidedly different than the last time Jay had seen him. He had let his hair grow out and now sported the twisted locks that popular among young African–American men.
Dre broke into a smile when as he greeted his brother. The two shared a hug that lasted an extra few seconds. It had been four months since the last time they'd seen each other.
"Damn, boy. Where'd you get this leather?" Jay asked, fingering Dre's double-breasted leather jacket.
"On sale," Dre replied. "With my employee discount, I walked off with it for $115."
"You working now?" Jay asked.
"Eddie Bauer at the Galleria," Dre said. "So you know my wardrobe had to change."
Jay nodded.
"But I'm here this weekend to explore the possibility of college."
"Possibility? Why is it only a possibility?" Jay asked. "You're the brains in the family. Don't tell me you're not going to school in the fall."
Dre shrugged. "My grades fell this year for obvious reasons.
For the past five months, Tracey had been living with his Cyrus, a GMAAD youth counselor and his cousin Kirk's lover.
"The way things are right now, I don't know that mom and dad will pay for me to go to school.”
"No matter what mom or dad say, they want you to go to school Trace." Jay was certain of that. "
"You think?" Dre asked.
"No doubt," Jay said. "Come on, let's get out of here. I've been sitting here too damn long."
Dre took a long look at his brother and sensed his sadness. He was all too familiar with the demons that were probably messing with Jay's head
"You all right?" Dre asked.
Jay picked up one of Dre's bags and said, "Fine."
Dre knew better then to press the issue, but resolved to find out what troubled Jay over the weekend.
"Do you think she'd mess around on me?" Lonnell asked Bruce as he burst into their room.
Bruce turned away from the game he was watching on TV. He was so taken by surprise that he dropped the bag of potato chips he was holding. He took a long look at his roommate. There was no need to ask who 'she' was. Eppi was the only women who existed in the entire universe as far as Lonnell's was concerned
"Man, where you coming from?" Bruce asked. He took quick stock of his proximity to the door, in case he had to make a quick escape. Could it be possible that Lonnell suspected Bruce and Eppi's one night transgression?