Can a bi guy be so torn between either men or women that they just don't have sex with anyone?

[techpump]

I know a guy who is extremely "pansexual" (pan because he's into Tgirls, not just men and women) and he's a 41 year old virgin. He tells people he's Verse, but has never even kissed another person before. He has been fondled a little by a gay man once, and he flirts with men more than women. He wants a woman for his soulmate and life partner, but wants cock in his ass like the world depends on it. He loves Tgirls, too, and wouldn't mind being with one forever if that worked out.

I tell him "you need to taste and experience pussy and cock, it doesn't matter at this point, you HAVE to know if you like one or the other, or either, you might not like either!!" But he can't make a move on it, not with escorts, gay men that obviously want him bad and have told him "I want you right now" to his face, or with women who send him the most blatant, obvious signals that they want him that I've ever heard any women throw at a man.

Do any bisexual men here know of anyone bisexual, or if they themselves fit this mold, who can't commit to sex with anyone because they want everyone so bad, and have certain needs and wants from each gender that they can't make themselves just even try one gender to know if they like everyone or not? I'm torn with this dude, I cannot really give him anymore advice (I've only ever been with one woman in a committed way, played with two girls in my early days but didn't have sex, and have been with a Tgirl once recently just to try it out and while it was super fun and amazing I probably won't repeat the experience ever; I have not done anything with a gay man before other than be their good friends). Beyond "dude, hang up your hang ups and just get wet for the first time and see what happens" I don't know what other kinds of advice I can give him. One guy said "you just want gay because you're so fucking horny you would do anyone at this point so don't go down that road try pussy first and then decide" while others say "follow your heart and go for your female soulmate she'll come eventually."

Thanks for any advice anyone can give me to help my buddy out!

 

[Seeking Booty]

Form a marriage group. Humans are as much similar to bonobos as chimpanzees

 

[dimru]

He wants a woman for his soulmate and life partner, but wants cock in his ass like the world depends on it.

It's about me. I had sex with men, once I had sex with a woman, now I don’t have sex and I don’t know what to choose

 

[Luvcutdick]

I am bi ............ I was married to a woman who is the gold standard of a partner; unfortunately, she passed away 2 years ago, after a 40+ year marriage.

I am still emotionally attached to her. We had a very satisfying sex life.

However, I am very attracted to males at a physical level. I can't go to an "emotional level" with anyone else because of my continued love for my wife. I have no plans to re-partner. At this stage and age of my life, any other potential partner would inevitably come with "plenty of baggage". I don't want any more drama in my life.

I keep myself fulfilled sexually with a lot of masturbation and pics of beautiful looking men on the site.

 

[techpump]

I am bi ............ I was married to a woman who is the gold standard of a partner; unfortunately, she passed away 2 years ago, after a 40+ year marriage.

I am still emotionally attached to her. We had a very satisfying sex life.

However, I am very attracted to males at a physical level. I can't go to an "emotional level" with anyone else because of my continued love for my wife. I have no plans to re-partner. At this stage and age of my life, any other potential partner would inevitably come with "plenty of baggage". I don't want any more drama in my life.

I keep myself fulfilled sexually with a lot of masturbation and pics of beautiful looking men on the site.

I think he's more into the "physical" side with gay sex with men as a desire, like he has hot locker room hook up fantasies with men all the time. A quickie is what he constantly fantasizes about with men. With women, he's more into the "mental and emotional" side. But he hasn't done really anything with anyone, ever, so he doesn't really know what he's talking about. He wants anal sex SO BAD but does not pleasure his own ass with toys or anything. I say "what if you decide to get with a gay man he he's ready to fuck you and you want it but when he pushes into you you black out from pain and shock?!" He says "I'll figure it out when it happens" but if he wants quick sweaty hot passionate sex with a man he will not be ready or able to accept a penis into his ass. He knows this, too, yet doesn't do anything about it.

He does not want drama or baggage, either. Yet, at his age, he kinda has to deal with that from almost anyone close to his age. I mean the odds of hooking up with a single person WITH kids is much higher than one without them. That means divorce or separation. That is baggage in some format. I told him he needs a younger person with less experiences and drama and life events, but he doesn't want someone too inexperienced and also so young in life. But, I tell him "you are young in life you haven't ever been in any kind of relationship beyond just a first date with a handful of women your whole life so you actually are closer to 20-30 year olds than anyone in their early 40s.

This is a tough one.

 

[Suisui]

I know a guy who is extremely "pansexual" (pan because he's into Tgirls, not just men and women) and he's a 41 year old virgin. He tells people he's Verse, but has never even kissed another person before. He has been fondled a little by a gay man once, and he flirts with men more than women. He wants a woman for his soulmate and life partner, but wants cock in his ass like the world depends on it. He loves Tgirls, too, and wouldn't mind being with one forever if that worked out.

I tell him "you need to taste and experience pussy and cock, it doesn't matter at this point, you HAVE to know if you like one or the other, or either, you might not like either!!" But he can't make a move on it, not with escorts, gay men that obviously want him bad and have told him "I want you right now" to his face, or with women who send him the most blatant, obvious signals that they want him that I've ever heard any women throw at a man.

Do any bisexual men here know of anyone bisexual, or if they themselves fit this mold, who can't commit to sex with anyone because they want everyone so bad, and have certain needs and wants from each gender that they can't make themselves just even try one gender to know if they like everyone or not? I'm torn with this dude, I cannot really give him anymore advice (I've only ever been with one woman in a committed way, played with two girls in my early days but didn't have sex, and have been with a Tgirl once recently just to try it out and while it was super fun and amazing I probably won't repeat the experience ever; I have not done anything with a gay man before other than be their good friends). Beyond "dude, hang up your hang ups and just get wet for the first time and see what happens" I don't know what other kinds of advice I can give him. One guy said "you just want gay because you're so fucking horny you would do anyone at this point so don't go down that road try pussy first and then decide" while others say "follow your heart and go for your female soulmate she'll come eventually."

Thanks for any advice anyone can give me to help my buddy out!

you get what you said in the 1st part is biphobic and transphobic right...
bi vs pan isn't about pan people being into trans
bi are into 2+ genders
pan are into people regardless of gender

 

[techpump]

you get what you said in the 1st part is biphobic and transphobic right...
bi vs pan isn't about pan people being into trans
bi are into 2+ genders
pan are into people regardless of gender

How so? Dude I love my gay, bi, and trans friends, I'm just trying to explain what this one guy I know is telling me. He says he's pan. I don't know if he is or not, or if he is bi, or what, he doesn't really know. I think he's scared to have sex, period, and his kinks and desires are not lining up with what he wants emotionally and for his soul. He tells me this, he wants it all but can't figure out how to select.

I know damn well what bisexual and pansexual is. Don't lecture me because I'm asking for help because I'm trying to figure my friend out.

 

[Suisui]

How so? Dude I love my gay, bi, and trans friends, I'm just trying to explain what this one guy I know is telling me. He says he's pan. I don't know if he is or not, or if he is bi, or what, he doesn't really know. I think he's scared to have sex, period, and his kinks and desires are not lining up with what he wants emotionally and for his soul. He tells me this, he wants it all but can't figure out how to select.

I know damn well what bisexual and pansexual is. Don't lecture me because I'm asking for help because I'm trying to figure my friend out.

you literally said (pan because he's into Tgirls, not just men and women)
this is transphobic because it makes it seem trans girls arent girls and biphobic because it implies bi people arent into trans people
again
bi vs pan isn't about pan people being into trans
bi are into 2+ genders
pan are into people regardless of gender
get it memorized

 

[techpump]

you literally said (pan because he's into Tgirls, not just men and women)
this is transphobic because it makes it seem trans girls arent girls and biphobic because it implies bi people arent into trans people
again
bi vs pan isn't about pan people being into trans
bi are into 2+ genders
pan are into people regardless of gender
get it memorized

I'm saying what HE IS SAYING. I know this man. I know Tgirls are women, they aren't Tgirls to me, they are women, period, because they just are.

My friend believes he is pan because he's into Tgirls, men and women. He doesn't know what he is. I'm here to ask people like you for tips to help him because he is struggling with this, bad.

Thanks for the "education" session. I teach on gender and sexuality in college, I am well aware of everything you're saying. I'm not here to change what my friend is saying to make it PC for you.

If this "Ask a Bisexual Man" page attracts flamers and attackers like you, fuck this page then. I don't need you or anyone else's help here. I'll just let my friend suffer then.

Thanks for absolutely NOTHING.

Oh, and have a nice fucking day.

 

[techpump]

And, didn't you notice why I put "pansexual" in quotations?? BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT PANSEXUAL IS BUT MY FRIEND DOES NOT.

God, why the FUCK do I even fucking bother

 

[AllDixNeedLuv69]

The thing about being bisexual is enjoy sex with both men and women… and to be so upset that don’t wanna have sex with neither .. I would prob be dead hehe

I am sure would calm down and have sex with someone that way can vent my frustration out that way

 

[techpump]

The thing about being bisexual is enjoy sex with both men and women… and to be so upset that don’t wanna have sex with neither .. I would prob be dead hehe

I am sure would calm down and have sex with someone that way can vent my frustration out that way

I hear you. My friend is plagued by this though. He makes eyes at gay men, he knows they are gay, he meets them, he talks to them, sometimes they make contact with each other in sexual ways--it never goes far, but there is physical contact. Yet, when he does this, he says "but my soulmate is a woman, and that's what I realize I really want." I told him "you have to stop making eyes at men, don't even look at them anymore; you need to focus on women if that's what you say you really want." But then, after a month or two, he tells me he had another run in with a gay man and he's confused over it.

He's tried to make efforts to even find a female or Tgirl escort (well he's looked into gay men for escorts, too) but he's so freaked out because he's been a virgin for so long that he feels like it wouldn't work and he's in panic mode before even talking to anyone. He is very pent up for sure and needs to be with someone--I tell him just go for anyone since you want to be with a large variety of people and see how it feels--and I hope he can figure it out soon. I have doubts but I keep hope alive. He is beyond frustrated at this point but just can't pull the trigger to commit to exploring with anyone at all.

 

[techpump]

well @techpump educate this person then

You're the expert in bisexuality, this is YOUR job, you claimed it with your first post, so go ahead and be the teacher we apparently all need here on this forum.

 

[neintynein]

Your friend would do well to see an lgbtqia+(p?)-friendly psychotherapist. That's all I can advise. Therapy... in general... works... if done with someone with skill and compassion.

 

[WebMale80]

There’s huge differences between the sexist.
Right now I’m really enjoying being with men but that doesn’t stop my desire for women. My role changes depending on which sex I’m with. I tend to be more dominant with women and much more submissive with guys.
So I can’t say that one’s ever better than the other.

 

[Raybo Revoy]

I am bi ............ I was married to a woman who is the gold standard of a partner; unfortunately, she passed away 2 years ago, after a 40+ year marriage.

I am still emotionally attached to her. We had a very satisfying sex life.

However, I am very attracted to males at a physical level. I can't go to an "emotional level" with anyone else because of my continued love for my wife. I have no plans to re-partner. At this stage and age of my life, any other potential partner would inevitably come with "plenty of baggage". I don't want any more drama in my life.

I keep myself fulfilled sexually with a lot of masturbation and pics of beautiful looking men on the site.

You were so fortunate to have that kind of relationship. It's rare. Sorry it ended.

 

[techpump]

Your friend would do well to see an lgbtqia+(p?)-friendly psychotherapist. That's all I can advise. Therapy... in general... works... if done with someone with skill and compassion.

OMG I so agree with you here! He sees no one but needs to, I think he's just so deeply wrapped up in his own head that he needs another outlet, a professional, definitely not me, to rap with in order to really get to the core of himself. I've been to therapy for some major life changes I was going through all at once and old things crept up to the surface and attacked me. I got through it and learned how to cope. But I wasn't questioning my sexuality, I was dealing with my wife's cancer fight and becoming a grad student again at the same time, it was not easy for me then. My friend is for sure confused. He just emailed me yesterday saying he's so committed 100% to women now, but continues to label his anus as his "bussy" and even his "man pussy" and wouldn't mind being banged hard by a penis.

At this point I feel as confused as he does! Thanks for writing with this suggestion I'll delicately pass it on to him in due time

 

[techpump]

There’s huge differences between the sexist.
Right now I’m really enjoying being with men but that doesn’t stop my desire for women. My role changes depending on which sex I’m with. I tend to be more dominant with women and much more submissive with guys.
So I can’t say that one’s ever better than the other.

Thanks for sharing that! I get that, too. Attitude and our core feelings are expressed through sexual activity and attraction to others, regardless of gender or sometimes only because of their gender. My friend sounds like he's very submissive for men, but also for women, too. He doesn't even really describe or fantasize what PIV sex would be like, or what about it he desires. He says he's attracted to being a bottom for a man because of his submissive side, the "take me!" part of him wants that. I wonder if a man can be so submissive to all genders that they just can't make a move on either; they are willing to be dominated by men, women, Tgirls, you name it, but they can't get it out there to let the doms know they want to be taken? I appreciate your post here man thanks so much

 

[halcyondays]

Sounds to me like your friend lives in sexual fantasy land.

Porn tends to do that as can erotic literature and film.

Watching people have sex and doing yourself is like the difference between watching someone bake a cake, build a house or play a sport or musical instrument and doing yourself. One is voyeurism the other not. One is passive the other isn't. One is audience and the other is performance. The difference is day and night.

If and when your friend has sex he's not going to be watching himself on a screen. He's going to be face-to-face and body-to-body with a real human being--not a fantasy partner. Fantasy will end. Reality will begin.

Perhaps this needs to be explained to him?

 

[jlong727]

well @techpump educate this person then

funny how my post got reported. This place is weirdo heaven add to the fact that it’s literally here to bootleg digital art but acts as if it has a moral compass lmao this has to be ran by mayo and mayo people only cause it shows lmfao