Can't get laid :(

[jjmic]

So this is serious and something that's genuinely effecting my quality of life and view of my self, unfortunately.

I'm a 36 year old thick/bearish/cubbish bottom, more on the fem side but not SUPER fem... I have a mustache ... and I can't get laid no matter what I do. The city I live in has a 3.5% gay population so its not a massive community. When I go down to Chicago I have even WORSE luck because I'm like a -5 compared to how hot almost all of those guys are... I'm sure some of ya'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

It's been months and when it rarely happens it's months, has even been years in between.
Is the reward for the top that does bang me the fact that I'm SUPER tight, sure... but its getting more and more rare as I get older.
I can't get even 1 fwb. I get nothing from the apps, nothing from the bars. I know a guy here that has a whole roster of men he can call to sleep with- was even bragging to me once about how he was mixing and matching for group sex and 3sums.

Do I just give up on sex?

 

[Bubblebuttman]

I'm straight. And I'm not too proud on here to admit concern that I'm a 5 (below a 6) to most women in my area.

 

[gouinesp]

So this is serious and something that's genuinely effecting my quality of life and view of my self, unfortunately.

I'm a 36 year old thick/bearish/cubbish bottom, more on the fem side but not SUPER fem... I have a mustache ... and I can't get laid no matter what I do. The city I live in has a 3.5% gay population so its not a massive community. When I go down to Chicago I have even WORSE luck because I'm like a -5 compared to how hot almost all of those guys are... I'm sure some of ya'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

It's been months and when it rarely happens it's months, has even been years in between.
Is the reward for the top that does bang me the fact that I'm SUPER tight, sure... but its getting more and more rare as I get older.
I can't get even 1 fwb. I get nothing from the apps, nothing from the bars. I know a guy here that has a whole roster of men he can call to sleep with- was even bragging to me once about how he was mixing and matching for group sex and 3sums.

Do I just give up on sex?

Hi! I’m sorry that you’re going through that. I know how it hits our self-esteem. I’m on the verge of turning 40 and most of my adult life as a gay man was exactly the way you described. From around age 36 (I think?), I started looking for professionals (yes, $$$) and I have no complaints so far. Either way, do you happen to visit cruising venues as well or just regular bars? I find cruising goers to be a bit more willing, with less of “that” attitude, if you know what I mean. I’ve had the most awful experience with the apps, wouldn’t wish them upon my enemies, lol. Good luck.

 

[hdv92]

So this is serious and something that's genuinely effecting my quality of life and view of my self, unfortunately.

I'm a 36 year old thick/bearish/cubbish bottom, more on the fem side but not SUPER fem... I have a mustache ... and I can't get laid no matter what I do. The city I live in has a 3.5% gay population so its not a massive community. When I go down to Chicago I have even WORSE luck because I'm like a -5 compared to how hot almost all of those guys are... I'm sure some of ya'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

It's been months and when it rarely happens it's months, has even been years in between.
Is the reward for the top that does bang me the fact that I'm SUPER tight, sure... but its getting more and more rare as I get older.
I can't get even 1 fwb. I get nothing from the apps, nothing from the bars. I know a guy here that has a whole roster of men he can call to sleep with- was even bragging to me once about how he was mixing and matching for group sex and 3sums.

Do I just give up on sex?

Hi. Are you specifically searching for a type? Or are you open to dating those that are within a range? By range I mean the same one you fall into.

What you can do? Create your own list of the physical and emotional expection of your ideal guy and compare them to you as an individual. Do they align with each other? Are you willing to make changes either to the ideal expectation you have of the guy or may be to your own self?

Are you in spaces with other thick/bear/cub guys to begin with? If not, make an attempt to be in those circles.

Don´t compare yourself to that guy, he is playing on another level/field. Stick to your own field/level. Speak to a counselor/therapist/ an unbaised person who will give it to you straight.

OP you can find the person who is your match, he might not be whom you expect as an ideal match but he be a loving partner who understand you for who you are.

 

[JD__OL992]

I found myself having a harder time in dating apps cause everyone is kinda horrible, not to mention the more time passes the less attractive I find the men there, maybe one once in a while, so I feel is pretty normal.

 

[Rooker]

I think the key for anyone is to connect with people. Hookup culture breeds superficiality and constant validation. Building a relationship leans more about personality.

I know that is vague and maybe annoying to hear. There are many people out there that will want to fuck you.

I’m also a believer that we can greatly influence our attractiveness through fitness.

 

[BigOrSmall69]

I found myself having a harder time in dating apps cause everyone is kinda horrible, not to mention the more time passes the less attractive I find the men there, maybe one once in a while, so I feel is pretty normal.

Guys in apps kind of tickle me and kiss me off at same time.. they get on there and they want you to be perfect in every way but then they aren’t .. and expect you to except them the way they are ..

I’m like.. so you expect me to be perfect .. have the body of a Greek god and a dick of at least 7 inches or bigger — you aren’t any of these .. they’d be like yes .. I’m like whatever ..


But after a couple fellows stalking me on Grindr I quit using Grindr . .. set up plans to meet and realize they lied about certain things.. I’d block them and they’d create a new account and I did t know it so we’d arrange to meet and it be same persons . So I deleted Grindr

 

[JD__OL992]

Guys in apps kind of tickle me and kiss me off at same time.. they get on there and they want you to be perfect in every way but then they aren’t .. and expect you to except them the way they are ..

I’m like.. so you expect me to be perfect .. have the body of a Greek god and a dick of at least 7 inches or bigger — you aren’t any of these .. they’d be like yes .. I’m like whatever ..


But after a couple fellows stalking me on Grindr I quit using Grindr . .. set up plans to meet and realize they lied about certain things.. I’d block them and they’d create a new account and I did t know it so we’d arrange to meet and it be same persons . So I deleted Grindr

Thing is, they usually have a nice body but an ugly face, I'd rather find a decent combo of everything and that's not getting into the personalities, lots of psychos.

 

[eridim]

Gay culture is complaining about guys being attracted only to looks and being superficial while they themselves are only attracted to looks and being superficial. It's a vicious cycle that everyone sees and acknowledges but nobody wants to break. Very much like the housing market. Everyone thinks it's expensive and overpriced and would like to get a piece of it, but nobody wants their home value to drop or laws to be introduced that make things fairer to everyone once they are part of it.

You're only affected negatively when you're not part of it and you're on the outside. What's even worse, once you get in, you become the same thing you deplore and now think others should go through the same struggle you had to go to get in. See how this applies to both being hot and getting on the property ladder? I'm sure you can extrapolate this to many other areas of life.

My point is that things aren't going to change and you're only going to dig a deeper hole for yourself if you want change to come from the outside. We should all be kinder with one another and we shouldn't wish everyone to endure the struggles that those before and around us endured to get where they are, and yet deep down we feel it's unfair others will have it easier than we did once we get there. But that's human nature. And dating apps are a hellhole for the worst of humanity masked as tools to make connecting with each other easier. You're just a number there, you're treated like one, you're commoditized and you're disposable at the swipe of a finger. It's a dehumanizing experience that we are all aware of but buy into it because it's built that way.

My advice to you is to work on your confidence first. Confidence is many times more attractive than physical looks. If you're comfortable with your body, that's already a great start. If you're not, speak with a therapist, because chances are it has more to do with your mental well-being that's affecting your physical body. Once you lay some good foundations there, you can start with an active lifestyle that will help you gain confidence and a sexy personality. While dressing nice and looking good is definitely a big plus, the active lifestyle is not about changing the way your body looks, that's secondary and comes as a collateral benefit, the primary goal with an active lifestyle is to get you to talk with people and improve your confidence. Then keep doing what you're doing in real life and you'll see a difference. Not on apps though. Apps don't show your personality and you can't easily portray it there.

 

[Beekeeper13]

I really enjoy this conversation, being 50 plus and being a bit chubby has never prevented me from getting what I want. Sure I run into men that take one look and say no way or call me a name, But I look at as their loss. I have been with models, with porn stars with the average guy off the street. It's all about your mind set. If you go in thinking it's not going to happen or even worse come off desperate then game over. You need to understand yeah there will be assholes that only judge you based on your looks. But keep in mind there are other men around watching how you handle that rejection and move on. You need to believe that it is their loss, repeat after me IT IS THEIR LOSS. Hold your head up high and walk away like you turned him down, other men will take notice. Trust me Male models hiding deep in the closet have noticed me. Most of all know that sex while amazing with someone else can also be amazing at time on your own. For me nothing is more fun than stroking my cock in an elevator not knowing what floor the door might open on. I been with a 10 and a man who claims he was 2, but in my eyes they are the same in bed. Looks only matter to the young and lets face it the brain dead. If he only talks about the gym and the number of set of what kind of protein shake he prefers. Lets just say those guys are the ones that seem the least able to really bring the heat. So from me to you, you are a fucking 10 and anyone would be lucky to be allowed to spend a single minute with you. Keep smiling and never forget there are men out here that don't care about looks, it has to do with who you are and how you present yourself. Good luck, I hope this has helped you even a little. XO BeeKeeper13

 

[BigOrSmall69]

I totally agree with you about certain guys being g basicly stuck up and self centered ..

There’s nothing wrong with going to the gym.. I do it but I’m not muscular / buff like you see out here or even on here being posted left and right ..

Being a site about guys with big cocks .. has become a site with muscular buff bodies as well.. which to me and sure to lots of others are grotesque/ gross to look at

I’ve been with few guys that were muscular and they would be fucking me or I’d be sucking their cock and they’d be admiring how they looked while doing it more than enjoying it .. ..

And you see it in porn as well — even camera man films him posing while he’s getting sucked and fucking .. .. hand on his stomach rubbing it or on his ass ..

Don’t know whether to laugh or feel sorry for the guy he’s with

 

[CrazySexyCool93]

So this is serious and something that's genuinely effecting my quality of life and view of my self, unfortunately.

I'm a 36 year old thick/bearish/cubbish bottom, more on the fem side but not SUPER fem... I have a mustache ... and I can't get laid no matter what I do. The city I live in has a 3.5% gay population so its not a massive community. When I go down to Chicago I have even WORSE luck because I'm like a -5 compared to how hot almost all of those guys are... I'm sure some of ya'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

It's been months and when it rarely happens it's months, has even been years in between.
Is the reward for the top that does bang me the fact that I'm SUPER tight, sure... but its getting more and more rare as I get older.
I can't get even 1 fwb. I get nothing from the apps, nothing from the bars. I know a guy here that has a whole roster of men he can call to sleep with- was even bragging to me once about how he was mixing and matching for group sex and 3sums.

Do I just give up on sex?

No, you don't give up on sex lol. I haven't had this issue but do know a few who have...or similar to what you're going through. They're usually older though.

Sounds like all of this has hit your self-esteem HARD. I would start with asking yourself the following:
- What kind of guys do I like and what about them turn me on?
- Have I turned down guys who ever were interested but they weren't my type?
- Am I open minded enough in the type of guys that I'm attracted too? Have I sought after guys OUTSIDE of my type? Do I need to open the pool of guys within reason? Weight, height, race/ethnicity, etc
- 3.5% I'm going to assume is OPENLY gay/bi...I'm sure there are more in the pool that are not open if you can find them to get laid.
- Have you tried dark rooms? MORE risky of course...
- Have I spoken with friends about this that KNOW me. What do they say?

Now, glance in the mirror...a truthful glance.
- How do I feel about my look? Could there be any improvements, if I'm not okay with my look?
- Am I shy?
- Do I approach people with CONFIDENCE? NOTE: There are many including myself who will talk to someone that they might not be 100% into but if they come across CONFIDENT, have something about them appealing..then I may entertain it.

At the end of the day, this country is huge, your region huge! There's someone or others out there for everyone! Also, don't focus on what others are doing to get laid...it will only affect your confidence more and could lead to resentment or darker places.

 

[jjmic]

Sigh… thanks I guess?