I work in a public-facing profession and I tend to compliment my clientele (M and F) on their looks, usually pointing out an attribute like a woman’s perfect smooth skin or when another dude is jacked tell him he’s in shape. Sometimes though if someone catches my breath I just say “ma’am you are stunning” or to a dude “hello handsome.” I have a very good sense on how to frame it with a guy and a girl, based on my read of their comfort level as a straight guy and post- me too respectively. But for straight dudes, do you not like for another guy to express attraction to you or is a compliment simply a compliment no matter who it’s from? Genuinely interested coming from my business background.
Compliments from men
- Thread starter lowtide99
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There are compliments and there are compliments . Telling a lady her outfit looks nice, is different than telling a lady, her ass / boobs look great in that outfit . Pretty much teh same goes for men , as far as I can tell
I don't think I'd love having a guy say 'hello, handsome' to me in person. I would feel uncomfortable. I also don't tell women who are strangers that they stunning.
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A compliment is a compliment as far as I'm concerned. I've never read anything into getting a compliment from another man. I've been called "hey good looking," and I've been complimented on my appearance by other men occasionally. I took it just as it was said, as a compliment. I'm comfortable in my own skin and sexually secure in who I am.
By the same token I don't have a problem telling other men they look nice or have a nice body. I'm not interested in having sex with them though. If it makes someone feel good about themselves why not. You never know what kind of day someone is having.
By the same token I don't have a problem telling other men they look nice or have a nice body. I'm not interested in having sex with them though. If it makes someone feel good about themselves why not. You never know what kind of day someone is having.
I was involved in one sexparty at Curacao, where i had a chat with one guy there. He made a compliment about my shape and my cock. He said he was bi-sexual. I told him that i was there for the second year in a row and that i had sucked one man in the first edition. He asked me if I allowed him to suck my cock. I said yes, but after i gave him head first. After he came in my mouth, he again gave me a compliment about my cock sucking talents. 
I would say it is just a matter of time before a woman (or even a guy) reports you and you end up losing your job.
longstroke7
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Complimenting clothing or another guy's physique is fine to me, someone (another man) at a store an hour ago told me that I'm looking buff. I thought nothing of it and said thanks. I appreciate positive feedback. Now if he had said "Your cock looks so fat in those sweats", I'd be uncomfortable because that's sexual harassment.
Now for a woman, I will compliment clothing, shoes, hair...anything beyond that, like talking about her body is inappropriate.
Respecting boundaries is cool, and ppl do appreciate compliments.
Now for a woman, I will compliment clothing, shoes, hair...anything beyond that, like talking about her body is inappropriate.
Respecting boundaries is cool, and ppl do appreciate compliments.
marriedasian
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it's not the compliment but how its delivered and if there are any follow-throughs.
for example, if a dude tells me "dang, you're good looking", i would just smile, say "thanks" and go about my business. now if the dude looks me up and down, licks his lips, and then says "i bet you look wonderful under those clothes", i would start to wonder a bit. certainly not get offended but he's starting to get into the creepy zone.
for example, if a dude tells me "dang, you're good looking", i would just smile, say "thanks" and go about my business. now if the dude looks me up and down, licks his lips, and then says "i bet you look wonderful under those clothes", i would start to wonder a bit. certainly not get offended but he's starting to get into the creepy zone.
But, doing this stuff in the workplace - in the US - gets you very close to illegal behavior, and many larger companies especially will err on the side of reducing corporate liability (that is, remove the offender) if a complaint is filed.
longstroke7
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At work you should be respectful and mind your manners.
It's not just "be respectful and mind your manners".
Perhaps it has gotten out of hand, or too "woke" for some people, but rules and regs regarding sexual harassment and workplace equality matters are serious stuff.
Unless directly related to the nature of your business, you should not be commenting on a customer's skin, body shape, or attractiveness (or, lack thereof). And, you should never make such comments to or regarding a coworker.
longstroke7
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I'm literally saying that you should be respectful to the ppl you work with
Okay, understood.
I just wanted the OP to understand that telling a female colleague or customer that she has beautiful skin is inappropriate no matter how respectfully he says it.
So this is an interesting thread. Here is my 2 cents on the matter.
As humans we are attracted to beautiful things. That does include beautiful people. Yes, there are some things that are absolutely inappropriate. But if someone says, you are very attractive or you are very good looking then that is it. My trainer who is straight beyond straight calls me pretty boy. It’s an absolute compliment. But on the flip side, I was in the locker room and a guy stared me up and down, made noises like “mmmmm,” and whispered “damn,” multiple times. That is very inappropriate. As long as you know the difference, then it is absolutely fine to compliment someone. I am bi but married to a guy. When I go to festivals or even out and about, I would easily tell a girl that she is beautiful or a dude that he is good looking without anything further. There is nothing wrong with that.
As humans we are attracted to beautiful things. That does include beautiful people. Yes, there are some things that are absolutely inappropriate. But if someone says, you are very attractive or you are very good looking then that is it. My trainer who is straight beyond straight calls me pretty boy. It’s an absolute compliment. But on the flip side, I was in the locker room and a guy stared me up and down, made noises like “mmmmm,” and whispered “damn,” multiple times. That is very inappropriate. As long as you know the difference, then it is absolutely fine to compliment someone. I am bi but married to a guy. When I go to festivals or even out and about, I would easily tell a girl that she is beautiful or a dude that he is good looking without anything further. There is nothing wrong with that.
cofrader
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Are you a hairdresser? Is the only profession that ever completed me, I felt awkward I’m not used to, I could omit it or say thanks if is clean.
longstroke7
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Oh very true.Okay, understood.
I just wanted the OP to understand that telling a female colleague or customer that she has beautiful skin is inappropriate no matter how respectfully he says it.
Here's an entirely different take on this question. It's from a column that runs on Slate.com (https://slate.com/human-interest/2022/12/dear-prudence-off-white-problems.html)
Dear Prudence:
Is there anything normal to say after someone calls you “nice”? I don’t think I’m a nice person, but at work (mall food court), I’m very cheerful, I do my best to compliment people if I like their clothing—not in a creepy way, just like “cool hat!” —and I’m a people-pleaser, so if they ask for anything I try to fulfill their request. I’ve done those things and afterward, my coworkers have said stuff like “you’re so nice I could never” or “oh she’s so nice.” I like my coworkers, but I can’t tell if they’re being sincere or if it’s sarcastic or making fun or what, and I don’t know what to say to them. What’s something neutral to say? Should I stop telling people I think their hats are cool? Please help.
— Not Naughty, Not Nice
Dear Not Naughty,
Here I go, acting like the unhelpful parent of a middle schooler again: Just continue to be yourself! Don’t worry about what they say!
Seriously, you’re probably right that some of your coworkers may be being a bit judgy. But don’t stop. This quality of yours—wanting to do something that costs you nothing to make people’s day a little brighter—is a good one. It’s going to make your life more meaningful and bring a lot of people joy long after you’ve left the food court.
As far as compliments directed at me, it is all a matter of context. I don't mind comments of admiration from other guys in any setting as long as they are non-sexual such as it relates to my muscles, maybe the shirt I'm wearing (sometimes adorned with a geeky or humorous image or saying) or the fact a lot of people feel I don't look my age, to name just a few.
Mild sexual compliments or borderline flirting are a different matter dependent upon the setting. Somewhere that is predominately represented by gay or bi men, such as online forums like LPSG or the times I was contracted to work at LGBT clubs, I feel it is to be expected and never bothered me. In fact, I frequently took them as genuine compliments and appreciated those that gave them as long as they had the understanding that appreciation didn't equal interest and such accolades were not going to change my exclusive interest in women. However outside of those venues, say in a locker, rest room or other public/work setting, sexual compliments from other men I would find inappropriate and would creep me out.
As far as me giving compliments, while I admittedly am not the most generous when it comes to strangers or semi-strangers, but I 'd have no issues giving non-sexual comments to other guys in a public or work setting on something I feel is worth admiration such as their muscles or a hobby or task they are good at. Being straight, I of course have no need to comment to another guy on any sexual features.
For women outside of a sexual setting, such as a swing club or party, I pretty much stick to the same non-sexual criteria, but it can go either way, with me being a little more complimentary or a little less versus with a guy, depending on the setting and my personal judgment that the woman might or might not object. Some of the comments might have been framed in a way that were mildly flirty, but could still be seen as non-sexual in case they were taken the wrong way such as "I like your dress", "nice hairdo" or expressing disbelief and doubt that she looks her age. I've found a lot of people, but especially women, have the habit of associating an innocuous comment with self-validation and thus complimenting them on something like what they are wearing translates into it's not so much that their clothes (or hair) look good in and of themselves, but it's only because they are wearing them and it makes them feel good, as well as a roundabout way of letting them know you find them attractive.
However, I should point out again, that such comments are dependent on the circumstances and the individual and because of this while I may compliment women more than other men, even those are rare for me. Though I've never felt the frequent need to be even mildly indirect with others, there is just too much that can go wrong nowadays, that ensures it is definitely a once in a blue moon type of thing.
So, unless one can be pretty damn sure someone, whether another man or a woman, will not be offended or find even a mild sexual or flirting compliment inappropriate, I think refrain is the best course of action, especially in a business or public setting. Either stick to totally innocuous comments or just keep it professional and treat everyone with respect as just another person, even if they catch your fancy in some way.
Mild sexual compliments or borderline flirting are a different matter dependent upon the setting. Somewhere that is predominately represented by gay or bi men, such as online forums like LPSG or the times I was contracted to work at LGBT clubs, I feel it is to be expected and never bothered me. In fact, I frequently took them as genuine compliments and appreciated those that gave them as long as they had the understanding that appreciation didn't equal interest and such accolades were not going to change my exclusive interest in women. However outside of those venues, say in a locker, rest room or other public/work setting, sexual compliments from other men I would find inappropriate and would creep me out.
As far as me giving compliments, while I admittedly am not the most generous when it comes to strangers or semi-strangers, but I 'd have no issues giving non-sexual comments to other guys in a public or work setting on something I feel is worth admiration such as their muscles or a hobby or task they are good at. Being straight, I of course have no need to comment to another guy on any sexual features.
For women outside of a sexual setting, such as a swing club or party, I pretty much stick to the same non-sexual criteria, but it can go either way, with me being a little more complimentary or a little less versus with a guy, depending on the setting and my personal judgment that the woman might or might not object. Some of the comments might have been framed in a way that were mildly flirty, but could still be seen as non-sexual in case they were taken the wrong way such as "I like your dress", "nice hairdo" or expressing disbelief and doubt that she looks her age. I've found a lot of people, but especially women, have the habit of associating an innocuous comment with self-validation and thus complimenting them on something like what they are wearing translates into it's not so much that their clothes (or hair) look good in and of themselves, but it's only because they are wearing them and it makes them feel good, as well as a roundabout way of letting them know you find them attractive.
However, I should point out again, that such comments are dependent on the circumstances and the individual and because of this while I may compliment women more than other men, even those are rare for me. Though I've never felt the frequent need to be even mildly indirect with others, there is just too much that can go wrong nowadays, that ensures it is definitely a once in a blue moon type of thing.
So, unless one can be pretty damn sure someone, whether another man or a woman, will not be offended or find even a mild sexual or flirting compliment inappropriate, I think refrain is the best course of action, especially in a business or public setting. Either stick to totally innocuous comments or just keep it professional and treat everyone with respect as just another person, even if they catch your fancy in some way.
I think the examples you gave are pushing it to be honest. There is a difference between I like you new haircut or that’s a great shirt/belt/etc and calling someone gorgeous. The comment shouldn’t be based on the beauty level of someone else, but something less directly linked to natural beauty.
There are more than one party involved as well. There is the comfort level of the person receiving, which I think is a common angle to consider, but there is also the observer. They can feel slighted or ignored and take notice of how (im)partial your judgement is.
I’m in the US and in a formal business environment, and those type of comments would not be appropriate here. The world has changed.
