Dating and sex after 14 years

[CastleNow]

I’m a 40 year old guy who has just came out of a 14 year relationship and about to start dating again.

I used to be pretty confident and sexually assertive in my youth but now I feel like I’ve lost confidence. I’m still fit and regularly go to the gym and I know some guys have been interested in my but I just don’t know what to expect from dating and sex anymore.

Most guys seem to be on prep and don’t want to use condoms. Is that normal?


What else should I be doing or expect? I just feel so lost.

 

[Brodie888]

The dating world has changed a lot in 14 years!

I've been in a relationship for over 8 years now so I can relate.

With dating apps, it's a meat market out there. You are competing with everyone who is as keen to find someone as you are.

So as you have mentioned, people are offering bareback as a way to get ahead of competition. It's not what I would call normal but I would call it common. If you plan on having lots of sex, it's probably a good idea for your peace of mind anyway. But then again, it depends on the type of guy you are after.

The problem with apps is not only being OK with a lot of rejection, you have to put up with having to reject a lot of guys who in the real world would never come up to you because they know they'd never have a chance. On the apps, they will hassle and hassle you. It can wear on your confidence to think these trolls think that they are your equal. This isn't true, they do it because they are trying to take advantage of someone's desperation and sometimes it pays off for them.

The hardest part of trying to find someone your own age to date is that most guys want to date a lot younger. Don't look at it as a negative. Think of it as a filter to remove all the guys who will probably cheat on you if you were to be in a relationship.

In terms of not feeling confident, it's just a matter of pushing against that feeling and letting fate play itself out. You can't find love if you're not putting yourself out there to be found.

Just remember that there's always someone out there for everyone and being yourself will make it more likely you will find the right person.

 

[superstudmenow]

The dating world has changed a lot in 14 years!

I've been in a relationship for over 8 years now so I can relate.

With dating apps, it's a meat market out there. You are competing with everyone who is as keen to find someone as you are.

So as you have mentioned, people are offering bareback as a way to get ahead of competition. It's not what I would call normal but I would call it common. If you plan on having lots of sex, it's probably a good idea for your peace of mind anyway. But then again, it depends on the type of guy you are after.

The problem with apps is not only being OK with a lot of rejection, you have to put up with having to reject a lot of guys who in the real world would never come up to you because they know they'd never have a chance. On the apps, they will hassle and hassle you. It can wear on your confidence to think these trolls think that they are your equal. This isn't true, they do it because they are trying to take advantage of someone's desperation and sometimes it pays off for them.

The hardest part of trying to find someone your own age to date is that most guys want to date a lot younger. Don't look at it as a negative. Think of it as a filter to remove all the guys who will probably cheat on you if you were to be in a relationship.

In terms of not feeling confident, it's just a matter of pushing against that feeling and letting fate play itself out. You can't find love if you're not putting yourself out there to be found.

Just remember that there's always someone out there for everyone and being yourself will make it more likely you will find the right person.

Yes it takes only ONE man to "turn you on" out of all those that reject you.

 

[chrisrobin]

I’m a 40 year old guy who has just came out of a 14 year relationship and about to start dating again.

I used to be pretty confident and sexually assertive in my youth but now I feel like I’ve lost confidence. I’m still fit and regularly go to the gym and I know some guys have been interested in my but I just don’t know what to expect from dating and sex anymore.

Most guys seem to be on prep and don’t want to use condoms. Is that normal?


What else should I be doing or expect? I just feel so lost.

Mate, its a bugger to be sure. I had the same and didn't feel safe for ages but slowly I came round to finding guys really did prefer to have an older stud to do and get done.

 

[chrisrobin]

Mate, its a bugger to be sure. I had the same and didn't feel safe for ages but slowly I came round to finding guys really did prefer to have an older stud to do and get done.

I should have added that after a long period of not being on the scene for casual partners suddenly finding yourself free and wanting to date can be intimidating.
Like you before my relationship ended I had been very confident, outgoing and sure, but after a long period of emotional battering, I felt drained and totally unsure of who I was or what I wanted .
I'd look at guys, wonder if I would stand up to what they wanted and rather than risk being humiliated go home alone.
As for guys being on prep I don't know it didn't get that far, but I had always had condom-free sex and the idea of fucking in a rubber wasn't very attractive.
I did cure my fear, the first time giving a guy head in some bushes, but I did get out there, conquer that fear and step into a world that I hadn't known for a long time. And it was that first step that was so hard, from then on steps got easier to take