Difference between Domming and Topping?

[MickeyLee]

Be glad I didn't design the hanky codes! I would have people using upwards of 70 colors, 13 hankies, and 50 possible body areas to display said hankies, on either left, right or middle positions! :lmao:

polkadot. silk. left shoulder pocket. folded into a crane.

*checks list*
mortgage specialists?

 

[B_Nicodemous]

polkadot. silk. left shoulder pocket. folded into a crane.

*checks list*
mortgage specialists?

BINGO!:biggrin1:

 

[MickeyLee]

So how would a straight person who isn't into BDSM describe who is the passive or active person in a sexual situation? Would that be topping? Is there another term for it?

I feel like this conversation has gotten away from what I meant to ask and now it's about BDSM when I meant to ask about non-BDSM activity. I believe I understand what it means when it refers to BDSM, it just seems like the language has been co-opted by vanilla people and they're using the terminology incorrectly, or am I wrong about that?

Top = active = assertive partner
bottom = passive = receptive partner

for true.. i don't have much experience with straight non-kinky folk using Top/Bottom. not sure if it's a matter of straight non-kinky folks not using, or my limited exposure to straight non-kinky folks :redface:

 

[petite]

Top = active = assertive partner
bottom = passive = receptive partner

for true.. i don't have much experience with straight non-kinky folk using Top/Bottom. not sure if it's a matter of straight non-kinky folks not using, or my limited exposure to straight non-kinky folks :redface:

You're right, I don't hear straight people use top or bottom, even though it probably would be more accurate sometimes. Maybe that's the reason for the co-opting of the language, that vacuum in regards to easy to use language to describe someone getting passionately aggressive in straight sex that really isn't kinky, at least not in my opinion. It just seems like broadening definitions like that is that is that it makes communication more confusing.

There has to be something else that's better...

 

[B_Nicodemous]

So how would a straight person who isn't into BDSM describe who is the passive or active person in a sexual situation? Would that be topping? Is there another term for it?

I feel like this conversation has gotten away from what I meant to ask and now it's about BDSM when I meant to ask about non-BDSM activity. I believe I understand what it means when it refers to BDSM, it just seems like the language has been co-opted by vanilla people and they're using the terminology incorrectly, or am I wrong about that? Is it so flexible a terminology that someone can say that a man is a Dom even if they're just having some vanilla missionary sex and then a little doggy style and he's really passionate and a little bit aggressive? I swear it seems like that's the case now, like some people think that all sex involves a Dom and a sub...

Not in the least. L and I have very vanilla moments. In those I would say we are both vers. If he is fucking me, he is Topping me. I am bottoming for him. If I am fucking him, I am the Top he is the bottom.

We can be agressive or assertive (not the same thing) in either Top or bottom role.

So to answer the original question: No Topping and Domming in a purely vanilla sex definition are NOT the same.

Top = active = assertive partner
bottom = passive = receptive partner

for true.. i don't have much experience with straight non-kinky folk using Top/Bottom. not sure if it's a matter of straight non-kinky folks not using, or my limited exposure to straight non-kinky folks :redface:

Thats why I helped.:biggrin1:

Bottoms can be assertive as all get out. So again there is the blurring of inserter/insertee vs active passive, vs, mind set.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

You're right, I don't hear straight people use top or bottom, even though it probably would be more accurate sometimes. Maybe that's the reason for the co-opting of the language, that vacuum in regards to easy to use language to describe someone getting passionately aggressive in straight sex that really isn't kinky, at least not in my opinion. It just seems like broadening definitions like that is that is that it makes communication more confusing.

There has to be something else that's better...

That's why I would say a person is assertive or aggressive and not use the connotation of Dom, Top or whatever.

If we are just talking agressive rough fun vanilla sex, then no, that is NOT BDSM Topping, or Domming. Is just wild monkey sex!:biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:

 

[petite]

Ah, I didn't mean Topping/bottoming in regards to who inserts or not. It would make it a nearly meaningless label in straight sex because only one partner has the penis, so it would only be applicable when talking about pegging.

When I wrote passive, I meant having a passive mindset, not necessarily the one not actively doing something. A sub has a passive mindset, but often is the one doing more if he/she is following commands.

Boy, this question got a lot more complicated than I had anticipated. :tongue:

 

[B_Nicodemous]

LOL! Petite your questions ALWAYS get compli-ma-cated!

Is one of the things I loves about'cha!

:kiss:

Of course having loopy thought friends helps complicate things...:lmao:

 

[petite]

But it's interesting! These are some great answers. Gave me a lot to think about.

I love my loopy friends! :kiss:

 

[B_Nicodemous]

But it's interesting! These are some great answers. Gave me a lot to think about.

I love my loopy friends! :kiss:

Well we ar glad to be of service, my dear!:biggrin1: