Do Gay/Bi Men Risk Becoming the Dreaded, "Just Friends?"

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jason_els, Aug 31, 2007.

  1. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Straight guys will recognize this situation right off the bat.

    You get to know a girl, think she's hot. You chat her up, pay attention to her, make efforts to get to know her, and then when you make a romantic move.... "Oops, sorry. Let's be just friends." Somewhere between when you first saw her and when you decided to ask her out or try to kiss her, she decided you weren't boyfriend material and relegated you to the, just friends pile. Now when she decides to date jerks, she will use your shoulder to cry on. When she needs to change clothes, she won't think twice about doing it in front of you. When she wants to go out, she'll ask you to come meet her humorous friend with the mentioned, great personality and the unmentioned not-so-slight weight and facial hair problem.

    It seems there's a window of opportunity where you have to move in for the job of boyfriend or face becoming a friend with less chance of sleeping with her than the pope.

    Does this happen with gay men too? In your experience. You meet a guy, think he's great, want him for a boyfriend, not just a fuck.

    • Is there the same window of opportunity where it can go either way before the relationship ends-up in terminal friendship rather than romance?
    • How do you know when the line is crossed or how long the window is open for?
    • Is it fuck first then date?
    • Is it romance first?
    • What do you believe, as a gay or bi man, constitutes romance?
    • Would you romantically consider someone you picked-up just to fuck?

    Remember, the goal of the pairing is to get a boyfriend, not just a fuck buddy.
     
  2. txquis

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    People are people, so yes, all this happens in the gay/bi sector.
    The worst for me is lusting after someone who puts you in the 'friend' category, then on down the line...when you are already partnered up and moved on...calls and says, "Hey...you know, maybe we should have..."
     
  3. BruiserMN

    BruiserMN New Member

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    I agree. God I hate that.

    But yes, I think the "just friends" pile exists in pretty much every orientation, in one way or another. What may differ is what determines what group you end up in.
     
  4. TheRob

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    well with reguard to women
    despite SAYING friends is the death of romantic possability
    I truely believe that a woman that you would want to be with in a meaningful way is not going to be able to date a guy she isn't friends with first
    I'm that way tho, so that's why I feel that way
    not saying anything about about women who would date a guy they are not friends with first, just she is not the girl for me
    so to me the friends thingis no big deal
    in fact my friends are some of the most important things in my life
     
  5. Principessa

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    Hey, it goes both ways Jason. I have found myself in the interminable hell known as the friend zone once or twice myself. All I know is, there is a window of opportunity and it's very small. :redface:

     
  6. Randyvoorburg

    Randyvoorburg Member

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    I have sex with my male friends, but they're just still friends, friends i don't do are simply not my type, I even have sex with friends I'm not really in good terms with. The best female partners I've had were from the "just friends" pile, just fuck friends I guess.
     
  7. Principessa

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    <-----This is a phenomenon that I have only seen happen in the gay community.The best female partners I've had were from the "just friends" pile, just fuck friends I guess. [/quote]
    Uhm, okay did you read the OP's entire post? :confused: Or did you just feel like bragging about all your conquests?

    :biggrin1: ROTFLMAO :biggrin1: You completely missed the point Randy! :rolleyes:

    jason_els:Do Gay/Bi Men Risk Becoming the Dreaded,"Just Friends?"
    Remember, the goal of the pairing is to get a boyfriend, not just a fuck buddy.


    Jason_els wants a monogamous relationship not a fuckbuddy or friend with benefits.
     
  8. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Uh.... not necessarily.:redface:

    I think it's OK to have fuck buddies on the side. So long as both partners are open about it and at the end of the night you go back to your own bed.

    What I'm looking for is a long-term partnership built on mutual love, respect, and attraction. Someone willing to share my life as I share theirs in the knowledge that we will be together through good and bad. Someone I can offer everything I have, grow with, and who will share with me their joys and sorrows. I can have sex and have it mean very little and I can have sex and have it mean heaven and earth. I'd save that second kind of sex for the man to whom I give myself as I expect he would as well.
     
  9. Principessa

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    LMAO and here I thought you were that rare, noble sort of man who truly wanted something more . . . :tongue: Pffftt, I should have known you were just like all the others. :rolleyes:

     
  10. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Just because I said not necessarily doesn't mean it's not on the table. I think each relationship has to work these things out within itself. Open honesty and communication are the keys. Certainly there's a time where I hope the relationship would be closed for a while if only because I'd like to experience sex without condoms with the person I loved.

     
  11. B_Italian1

    B_Italian1 New Member

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    Based on your posting history, I would say a ltr is as likely as Oprah Winfrey becoming the next president. You'd have to change--a lot.
     
  12. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    Thank you Judge Nutmeg or should I say Judge Mental :rolleyes:
     
  13. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    :chairfall:Seems I have gotten under your skin. What I offer to share with the special someone will be more than you can ever understand. Unlike you it will come from my heart, not from a pre-written set of codes. And unlike you I won't be a gay man marrying a straight woman who doesn't know I spend my waking hours obsessing over all the gay sex I can't bring myself to have because I'm worried of what the narrow-minded members of my society think.
     
  14. Principessa

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    Ignore him Jason, he is an annoying troll who should have been banned eons ago.
     
  15. B_Italian1

    B_Italian1 New Member

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    You already have sex without condoms with your hookups. You've said that quite often in your posts.

    I get it now. All of us straight guys are really gay and have fake marriages like Jim McGreevey. :rolleyes:
     
  16. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Anal sex

    No, just you.
     
  17. B_Italian1

    B_Italian1 New Member

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    There are various STD's you can get from anonymous oral sex. You know that, Jason.

    STD Risk Chart
     
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