I got pulled over on my birthday driving home from partying in a different city this year. Little did the officer know that I was in some jeans that somehow had a hole in the taint area that would make my nuts hang out. On the ride home I was getting annoyed with the feeling of my package being separated constantly so somehow there was a Different hole right near the first. Unfortunately for your viewing pleasure and my ego, as soon as I saw the lights my shit shriveled up like it never sees the day time.
The jeans were literally down by my ankles and I was playing with a vibrating half mouth half pussy stroker toy because why tf not and I was in the zone. Imagine my surprise when the cop hiding in the median took off and immediately put on his lights. when I checked my speedometer it was 75 and the limit is 70. I tried my hardest to shimmy up my jeans from the floor without being obvious but in my haste out popped my head.
The cop was one of the finest state trooper daddy types I’ve ever seen. About 6’2” Greying sides on jet black hair with fresh fade, uncomfortably blue eyes, huge bubble butt that was clearly from some type of sports when he was young. He came to my passenger window (apparently that’s common now? It was my first time with that happening. I thought I’d be safe at the driver side window angle. WRONG. He said “you were going 76.8 in 70, it was on my laser radar, don’t even try to fight it.” I said “daddy chill I wasn’t planning on fighting period.” (I’m aware of my white privilege, so I’m gone give the law an attitude). He said “daddy chill?” I said oh you clocked that? And he stared down at the hole. I stared him down and shifted my hips so it was more open. He didn’t break his stare so I flexed what was left of my quickly diminishing semi: he looked back up at me and I just smiled. Took my license and registration and went back to the patrol car. I tried to settle it in but I wear tight ass jeans so I undid the fly to full repackage and adjust and look up just before I grab the button again to him already at my passenger window staring me down. He said sir can you get out of the vehicle, I said fuck alright. I get out and he says come back here. He said take these papers I have. I said give me a second (trying to readjust bc my shit just came out again in the walk to the back. ) he said I gave you an order, take them now. I said my fly is going to literally pop wide open and I’m commando so if you don’t care and he slapped the papers at me again so I said fine. My whole package was completely out and I’m like I’m going to get a fucking indecent exposure along with every ting else. He just stared at my dick. I said “it ain’t much but it’s pretty up close so..” he said alright. Then showed me my registration was expired (I just hadn’t put 2025 on yet, I had it at my house) and I said great. I’m going to be real here.. I was being extra with my movements to make my dick keep jumping around. He took the bait and kept staring I grabbed it, pulled it, and let it go so it swung left and right and I said can I put him away now? He said go for it. I have another matter I need to show you. Go to my passengers side window.
Y’all I thought I was about to make it in a secret cop only fans. This man told me that my license was suspended due to an unpaid ticket a few months back. $10 for a parking ticket that didn’t get put on my windshield. He said I should arrest you. I said please don’t. He said can either book you and impound your car now or…. or you can work with me. said I would literally ride you like a tidal wave if you got me out of this.
Fun little tidbit - he wasn’t flirting with me nor was he inviting me to join his OF. But I would have thrown it to Jesus that night for that cop.
