Education Needed!!
- Thread starter RonsGirl
- Start date
OP=original poster
I really don't care about adultery or intent or excuses or whatever. I don't get anything out of passing judgment on you, so I won't. But you have to expect when posting on a public internet forum that people are going to take issue with you no matter what you say . . and don't let it get to you. I'm sure you have your reasons, and whatever they are you think they're good enough to justify your actions. Maybe they are, maybe they're not, but no one here is in a position to get a fair, impartial understanding of your story. Those that don't want to answer obviously have a right not to, but you'll find plenty of help anyway.
Just because I said that though doesn't mean I don't have an opinion. Yes, 20 years of marriage is a long time, especially without sex. But I think honesty is always the best thing, unless honesty would directly bring about harm to you or someone in your care. He deserves to know you're unhappy and you want to have sex with someone else, if you ever plan on being intimate with him again. And regardless of how long you've been married, if it's dead, bury it and move on. Loveless=lifeless and no amount of duty or guilt or whatever it is keeping you together will make it worth it in the end.
That said, you'll be fine. I too have a small mouth and am fairly tight. Unless something's really unusual, he'll fit. Get a good water-based lube (I'm assuming you'll use condoms since both of you have other partners involved in your life), don't get too anxious, and be willing to try out positions until you find something comfortable. If you're on top, you can control the depth better to start with.
As for blow jobs, there's a lot you can do with the "normal" length you're used to, and use your hands to help out with the extra inches. And with some experimentation you may find a way to accommodate more than you think you can . . the key is to get the passage of your mouth/throat as straight and in line as possible. I have a tiny mouth but can handle big cocks anyway, just watch your teeth and have some alternate moves planned when your jaw starts getting sore . . because it will. I find it easiest in the end to lay on my back and take my boyfriend upside down, with him doing most of the movement . . you can give him a show with your hands to watch at the same time. It requires a lot of trust, because he'll be in control, but it works well for me.
I said no such thing. I merely implied that what two consenting adults do, as long as they don't hurt anyone in the process, should be none of our business.
What gives you the right or authority to become someone else's morality police? For that matter, what gives me? (Hint: nothing.)
You know what? I really appreciate every word you said. You took a fair amount of time to write this and I will read it a few times and think about what you are saying. I don't want to hurt anyone, myself included. And I don't know if my marriage will remain intact. I don't even know if I want it to. I only know one thing: I can feel again. I never knew I was this unhappy until this connection to the past was made. I had made the choice to put away any notion of passion and to find fullfilment with a good man in a good life. But until you experience something, you don't know what you are missing. I never went looking for anything... it came to me, so really, this whole upheaval has blindsided me. As did the passion that erupted between us. Like I said, nothing has happened yet... and yes, you are right, no one has the right to judge me. I have NEVER done anything like this post in my life. I never really even looked around much because I thought this was sort of just that... an educational site. A support group. An organization. I never expected to find a lecture on morality, although it shouldn't surprise me. However, looking around since posting this, and seeing and hearing the overt sexuality presented here, I am surprised that there is such said morality. I don't know what possessed me... this is not really my thing. I'm completely out of my comfort zone, but now that I'm here, I may as well learn something. And from your post, I will take notes! Just in case... you understand. Thank you!
kazooplayer
Experimental Member
Well, when you make a post with no explanation of your situation, you can't possibly expect people to react favorably to your planned adultery.
If I said, "I murdered this dude," people would throw me to the lions, but if I said, "I murdered this dude who broke into my house and was trying to rape my wife/children" that puts a whole new spin on it, doesn't it? We're not a monastery here, but someone being apparently flippant about adultery does not sit well with most, myself included.
With your explanation in tow, I'd suggest... honestly, I'd suggest divorce, and going forward with this relationship. If this one doesn't work, at least you'll know you followed your heart.
If I said, "I murdered this dude," people would throw me to the lions, but if I said, "I murdered this dude who broke into my house and was trying to rape my wife/children" that puts a whole new spin on it, doesn't it? We're not a monastery here, but someone being apparently flippant about adultery does not sit well with most, myself included.
With your explanation in tow, I'd suggest... honestly, I'd suggest divorce, and going forward with this relationship. If this one doesn't work, at least you'll know you followed your heart.
Here's a couple ideas before you go venturing off to check to see if the grass is indeed greener:
1) Has your husband had his testosterone levels checked? Male testosterone declines significantly, in a linear fashion, starting at around 25 years old. It is believed that HALF...50%...of men over 40 have low testosterone levels. Believe me when I tell you, this makes a HUGE difference. Get him on 100-200mg of testosterone per week and he'll be chasing you around the house with renewed fervor.
2) Do whatever you can to get the communication flowing with you and your husband. Most problems manifest because people forget how to talk things out. Voice your concerns, and allow him to voice his. It's imperative to keep ego's out of this, especially on his behalf, as guys can be stubborn with feelings. But also be open to the possibility that MAYBE you just don't do it for him anymore either.
The classic, no-nonsense, OmahaBeef approach:
A) Be classy and think twice, nay, thrice about dropping a steamer on your Vows like this. Take the grocery-store novel mentality out of this and use logic and reasoning rather than emotion here. Successful women THINK before they feel. Women who FEEL and not THINK got 3-baby-daddy's and divorce/credit attorneys on speed-dial.
B) Be wary of any man who claims that he is "in a failing marriage" and also 11 inches long. Better yet, be wary of any man who says he's EITHER at such a "conveniently inconvenient" time in your life. (I've got some beach-front property in Nebraska I can sell you.)
C) If you MUST go through with your desires (which you don't), fess up to your husband...come clean. If your going to fuck things up, try to fuck them up with as much honor as you can salvage.
D) Last but not least, and I can't reiterate this enough, THINK.
My methods are rough, but they won't steer you wrong....
...OB
1) Has your husband had his testosterone levels checked? Male testosterone declines significantly, in a linear fashion, starting at around 25 years old. It is believed that HALF...50%...of men over 40 have low testosterone levels. Believe me when I tell you, this makes a HUGE difference. Get him on 100-200mg of testosterone per week and he'll be chasing you around the house with renewed fervor.
2) Do whatever you can to get the communication flowing with you and your husband. Most problems manifest because people forget how to talk things out. Voice your concerns, and allow him to voice his. It's imperative to keep ego's out of this, especially on his behalf, as guys can be stubborn with feelings. But also be open to the possibility that MAYBE you just don't do it for him anymore either.
The classic, no-nonsense, OmahaBeef approach:
A) Be classy and think twice, nay, thrice about dropping a steamer on your Vows like this. Take the grocery-store novel mentality out of this and use logic and reasoning rather than emotion here. Successful women THINK before they feel. Women who FEEL and not THINK got 3-baby-daddy's and divorce/credit attorneys on speed-dial.
B) Be wary of any man who claims that he is "in a failing marriage" and also 11 inches long. Better yet, be wary of any man who says he's EITHER at such a "conveniently inconvenient" time in your life. (I've got some beach-front property in Nebraska I can sell you.)
C) If you MUST go through with your desires (which you don't), fess up to your husband...come clean. If your going to fuck things up, try to fuck them up with as much honor as you can salvage.
D) Last but not least, and I can't reiterate this enough, THINK.
My methods are rough, but they won't steer you wrong....
...OB
I was also going to mention hormone levels. If it's not that, may I suggest a couple of books before you go and ruin the next couple years of your lives and possibly squander a remarkable opportunity for personal growth and healing?
Getting the Love You Want (lame title, I know) by Harville Hendrix
Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch
Amazon.com: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: Books: Harville Hendrix
Amazon.com: Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships: Books: David Schnarch
Getting the Love You Want (lame title, I know) by Harville Hendrix
Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch
Amazon.com: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: Books: Harville Hendrix
Amazon.com: Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships: Books: David Schnarch
Hello
ronsgirl, My wife and i have been together for over 20 years, we have had many ups and downs, we take our vows to each other very seriously and if what you say is true i belevie you and your husband do to.
That would account for the no cheating up till now, so i have to ask, if you and your husband could rekindle the sex part of your life would you still want what your thinking of doing now? would you rather have sex with your husband and walk away from this, you say he's agood man and it sounds like you love him still, is this true?
My wife and i found out that we see and feel love diffrently, she has to have me say the words ( i love you ) and i have to see love.( a kiss but no words needed)
there a 4 ways poeple precive that they are loved the above is just two, my piont is untill we relized this and then made a effort to say it or show it nethier one was completely happy, at 1st it was hard because we really only think of love in the way we precive it. so to for me it whent like this.
i would come home say g'day to the old girl and maybe akiss or two, she would say she was happy i was home bla bla bla ( thats how it comes over to me because i need to see love so words do not realy sink in to my head when it comes to love matters)
so here we are both realy glad to be with each other but neither realy happy with each other because we percived love diffrently, so every thing we did together is ok but never great untill we started to show or say how we felt towards each other.
Things may not be this way for you but i would strongly look at the way you precive love and how your husband does, it may be that he shows or says it & you maybe the one that is the opperset. i have talked with many other couples that this was happening to, once they relized what was going on they made the effort and things get hot agian.
i hope it helps.
ronsgirl, My wife and i have been together for over 20 years, we have had many ups and downs, we take our vows to each other very seriously and if what you say is true i belevie you and your husband do to.
That would account for the no cheating up till now, so i have to ask, if you and your husband could rekindle the sex part of your life would you still want what your thinking of doing now? would you rather have sex with your husband and walk away from this, you say he's agood man and it sounds like you love him still, is this true?
My wife and i found out that we see and feel love diffrently, she has to have me say the words ( i love you ) and i have to see love.( a kiss but no words needed)
there a 4 ways poeple precive that they are loved the above is just two, my piont is untill we relized this and then made a effort to say it or show it nethier one was completely happy, at 1st it was hard because we really only think of love in the way we precive it. so to for me it whent like this.
i would come home say g'day to the old girl and maybe akiss or two, she would say she was happy i was home bla bla bla ( thats how it comes over to me because i need to see love so words do not realy sink in to my head when it comes to love matters)
so here we are both realy glad to be with each other but neither realy happy with each other because we percived love diffrently, so every thing we did together is ok but never great untill we started to show or say how we felt towards each other.
Things may not be this way for you but i would strongly look at the way you precive love and how your husband does, it may be that he shows or says it & you maybe the one that is the opperset. i have talked with many other couples that this was happening to, once they relized what was going on they made the effort and things get hot agian.
i hope it helps.
once you share details with people, you make those details thier business
you can't have it both ways
you can't invite someone to shower with you then bitch that they have seen you naked....
we don't care if you dont want to be with your husband anymore
that's fine divorce him
same with that other guy and his wife
then get together
otherwise it IS just carnal lust you are after
and to be honest that's outright trashy no matter how you justify it
cus you know damned well if he cheated on you you would be all upset and hate him
actually, everyone has the right to judge you
a judgement is an opinion, you SAY no one has the right cus it makes you feel like your in the clear but if you have ever said anything bad about a Terrorist or Hitler or a Child Molester you have given consent to the concept of judging others
so lets not hide behind any bullshit ok?
TheRob...
We agree here, but as I study her posts a little further, I don't think our advice is being taken seriously. Reason for this is that she's already trying to JUSTIFY and RATIONALIZE present and future behavior. Bad News here.
I hope for her and her husbands sake, she will take heed. But not likely.
...OB
We agree here, but as I study her posts a little further, I don't think our advice is being taken seriously. Reason for this is that she's already trying to JUSTIFY and RATIONALIZE present and future behavior. Bad News here.
I hope for her and her husbands sake, she will take heed. But not likely.
...OB
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