Experimenting Advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by latinkid22204, Jul 15, 2010.

  1. latinkid22204

    latinkid22204 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2009
    Messages:
    10
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    6
    I never thought I'd be looking to this blog for advice but I really don't know where else to turn...

    About 3 weeks ago, I met this guy through mutual friends and we started talking over the phone/chatting pretty consistently. We would talk about school, our jobs, girls, the world cup, and just about life. After talking a few times we really opened up to each other about things we had never told anyone. We eventually admitted to each other that we have had curiosity about experimenting with another guy. We both were scared to admit it and felt relieved to have finally told someone. Our (straight) friendship turned into something deeper over the phone and I kind of found myself being emotionally attached to him. He felt the same way. This was very scary for the both of us considering we had never had feelings for a guy before.

    Last weekend, we both met up to hang out. To make a long story short, we ended up getting very close and eventually started making out. At the moment, I felt so right with him. At times, I would catch him holding my hand and acting as if we had been together for years. We ended up going back to his apartment and had sex. Not to be graphic but we did everything but anal penetration...

    After that night, we didn't speak for 2 days. Just the other night, I called him and you could tell he felt weird about what had happened between us. He explained that he was ashamed that he had let things go that far and that he didn't think he wanted to do it again. He sounded very confused, scared, and even cried. Whats worse is that he told me that he didn't want to continue talking to me, not even as friends...

    This might seem strange to most of you but I really never thought I would have developed such strong feelings for another dude. I considered myself straight but after this incident I really don't know what to think...

    Does this make me gay? bisexual?
    Should I give my friend his space and let him be?
    Should I talk to him?

    I really don't know what to do and it's tearing me up...
     
  2. musclecock24

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2008
    Messages:
    50
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    california
    Verified:
    Photo
    i had the same problem with one of my friends. i gave him a few days and maybe if u want a wek. but the best advice i can give u is. if u value his friendship, let him know. tell him that hes a cool friend and yea things may have gone far but u dont want it to tear up a good friendship. then if things are ment to happen with him it will. i mean with my friend it eventually tuned into a thing where he was begging me to come over. so who knows just talk to him after a few days and let him cool down. best thing is try to get him in person, probably somewhere public. hope this helps.
     
  3. MidwestMayhem

    MidwestMayhem New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2008
    Messages:
    27
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ohio
    Wow, talk about a lot of emotion...

    Your friend just experienced something that he may have been told his entire life was wrong (which by the way, it's really not), and that's the actual sex between you two. The fact that he cried could be a couple of things...one being real shame that he did what he did, the other than he also felt something, but again, is fighting the urge to have a relationship. Did he really say "he didn't THINK he wanted to do it again"?

    My take on it is give it a little space...this could be much bigger for him than it is for you, and his fear could be of anything...he could be afraid of a relationship with a guy, betraying his family, shame, even a fear of STD's. The reality of it is though is that both of you experienced something that you're not going to be able to ignore. It's clearly moved you in a way you didn't expect - which is good because it's a new experience. Like I said, I'd give it space, but would try to start talking without really bringing up what happened. You've been talking for awhile, about a lot of stuff...bring up something else! You enjoyed talking to him before you had sex, so just try to keep that in mind that although you DID have sex, you talked before that. Easier said than done though, because sex does change things...doesn't mean that you need to have a huge conversation about it. If he is ready to be a friend, he will. If it's something that he can't overcome, then there isn't a lot you can do. Just focus on being you...if it's what he wants, it'll work out (with or without sex).

    Also don't be quick to label yourself. Sexuality in lots of people is very fluid. You're not being asked to pick a team, so don't think you have to. What this does though is open a new door for you to explore more...and should you choose to try more, with anyone, you need to make sure you play it safe. Your life has great value, and you need to protect it such as it is. Always remember, beating off is sometimes best even if someone else wants to make you cum any other way :)

    Goodluck man, hang in there, and just enjoy every day that you get on this planet!
     
  4. elgrande

    elgrande Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    202
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Venezuela
    Hey, man. First, try to calm down. Like MidwestMayhem said, what you guys did is NOT wrong. A lot, and I mean A LOT of us have gone through what you both are going through right now, believe me, and although when it's actually happening, it seems like an eternity and a huge deal and you feel like the world is going to come crashing down, you'll stop feeling so overwhelmed sooner than later and then you'll be able to think about things much more clearly, so they'll be easier to sort out. Again, believe me.

    Like you've already been told, give your friend and yourself a little time. Just hang in there.
     
    #4 elgrande, Jul 15, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2010
  5. sexplease

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    1,724
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    87
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Santa Monica CA
    I wish some labels would just go away.
    You are sexual. period.
    You like loving. period.
    You love liking. period.
    Like all humans.

    Enjoy the time you spend with people, or a person. Our lives and the moments we share with other are short.
    Our stay on earth is short.
    Have fun...play safe.
     
  6. latinkid22204

    latinkid22204 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2009
    Messages:
    10
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    6
    Thanks a lot guys. I can honestly say that I felt the knot in my stomach slowly going away as I read your advice. I can't thank you enough.

    MidwestMayhem, you are absolutely right. This isn't something we will be able to ignore but I do feel like he is trying to erase or cover up that side of himself. I REALLY wish he could read the advice you have provided on here. Not for my sake, but just so that he can be happy with himself and realize that what we did was more normal than he thinks. Again, a lot of this is easier said than done.

    I've gotten over the shock that I might possibly be attracted to guys, so I think I'm feeling better about things. What really sucks is that the one guy I feel so strongly about doesn't even want to talk to me...not even as friends.
     
  7. horneyoldguy

    horneyoldguy New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2007
    Messages:
    921
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In the USA
    Couldn't agree more
     
  8. MidwestMayhem

    MidwestMayhem New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2008
    Messages:
    27
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ohio
    Very, very glad to hear you're feeling better!
     
  9. killerb

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2007
    Messages:
    2,102
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    47
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo
    give your friend a little time & space...

    if you want, you could send him a text that says that you value his friendship & you hope that you can still be friends but you will understand if he's not able....

    your friend needs time to come to grips with himself...sadly there are some ppl who are unable or unwilling to do so...
     
Draft saved Draft deleted