First of all let me introduce myself, I really like this forum a lot and I've been a lurker for a long time...I'm a guy in my mid 20's...really appreciate the knowledge and surprising kindness I often see here...I apologize if my 1st post is unduly long, this is something I've been bordering on tortured by the whole summer, onto the subject...
Does anyone struggle mentally at times with needing to prove yourself? Especially if you felt things changed/you weren't at your best and a girl you care(d) about in some way.
About my dick: I was almost 8 inches bone pressed, and 7.25 non bone pressed, at times I could get 7.5 nbp. At other times, when not fully aroused, I seemed only 7 inches. My girth was 6 inches. Back when I was a teenager around 17, I had an injury to my dick because of sexual abuse that happened, and as you can imagine this has been HIGHLY traumatic for me..for years I had plaques and a sort of peyronie's like condition...but after awhile it sorted out in a way...however I can only get fully hard with some sort of stimulation, touching...being with a girl etc...also my dick seemed different even though the measurements were only a bit less..it seemed less full...kind of "flatter" in a way and for the head to stay engorged required constant stimulation. Even my urologist who is great could not explain why even though I was getting full blood flow in, I couldn't get a full boner in my pants or in the morning but needed that stimulation. Nobody ever has been able to explain what it is, and that's driven me insane. He suggested "denervation" at one point, but then he decided it probably wasn't that.
From a girl's POV, this didn't bother me, since when I would be with her I would be always aroused...but I still felt odd about it, like my dick wasn't me, and it wasn't quite as full or big, even though the measurements were the same or close as before the injury. I'd dealt with this for years, and began to accept it and be confident in my dick, at times I used cialis to help, but didn't really need it. I just accepted this was the new me....and I guess I got kind of cocky (pun intended haha) I felt a bit thinner aen if it's a selfish ego reason) doesn't know/would never bleieve it? I had a situation with a girl where we had sexted intensely for a couple of months; we met and had sex, all seemed well...she was really into me...wanted to do it again and again...but we ended up getting into a lot of arguments. Long story short, it was a really toxic thing, because it was clear this girl was not at all the type a guy should fall for and she even said as much (she's foreign, young, and kind of a wild girl), but she would also text me for hours a day, try to make sure I'm not out with other girls, not "cheating on her", and I kind of got sucked into this web. I would say she seemed more into me than me into her by some distance at first, but slowly things started to shift and left me with a sick taste in my mouth when all was said and done.
I noticed after we had sex a couple times that she would continue to talk about the rough stuff she was into and wanted me to do to her but stopped referring to my dick or its size. Also, quite a bit less sexual overall..I chalked this up to "we met already it's always like that, the fantasy is shattered a bit, but she's still really into me"...nd like my head was less engorged lengthwise (my overall dick would be the same length though still if that makes sense), and maybe I kind of misplaced or switched up these frustrated feelings into positives. Because I was also getting a lot of positive feedback lately, it seemed like almost my dick looked longer and stood straight out more since the injury, despite being less "full" ...along with the small head lengthwise, I could get 2 hands on my shaft easily and a few girls had said "wow" when I dropped my pants...
So back to the girl, in our sexts, I'd sent plenty of dick pics and she kept saying how big it was etc etc...I really didn't feel like the pics over exaggerated anything, except maybe the odd selfie "fisheye lens" but I wasn't trying to do anything like that, especially since I was a bit insecure over this issue and knew we would meet...well we got into a fight one night a couple weeks after we started having sex and she said something like "your dick wasn't that big" then went "oh i shouldn't have said that" and kind of just got defensive and said "just you know not as big compared to the pictures"...she then said "it's good, it's normal"...which made me feel sick...I know it might seem like I have a huge ego, and I guess I do but after all I'd been thru with my dick it was very frustrating to hear. Later she'd claim it was "big" "I never said it wasn't big, just not like the pictures, which is true" or something that also didn't make me feel great. I never ONCE asked her about the size of my dick, I just hate how stereotypical these convos get, and I hate being in the role of "insecure guy"
Long story short, I basically cut her off for other reasons as I didn't like her behavior, she was very emotionally weird as she admitted, she'd text me for hours a day, tell me she's falling in love, but then I found out she told her friends she was no longer with me and was keeping me a "dirty little secret", because they saw some of our texts and said our convo was unhealthy. (She was into super rough, kinda abusive sex) But before that happened, I told her about my injury, kind of revealed things I shouldn't have and told her I was bigger before/at times when I could get fully hard. This is highly embarrassing when I look back on it, because it's like everything they tell you not do with a girl...that kind of insecurity...for some reason I felt OK doing it because of all her "lovey dovey" talk.
Here's the kicker, this whole thing upset me so much, that I went back to my urologist who found some more scar tissue near the base of my dick, put me on oral colcichine and injection therapy...and my dick is up to 6.5 girth...length is over 7...I'm so happy and thrilled and finally feeling like even though the functioning inside still feels weird, I can finally accept my dick and let this issue go. But the 1 thing I keep coming back to, is I want to prove it to her...I know this is the wrong mindset altogether to have but I can't help it...I guess some of me is glad I told her about the injury because even if she thought I was lying or "yeah right", at least there is the possibility in her mind that it could change (which it, in fact did!) I even sent a pic of it after I had scar tissue treatment where it looked very, very large in girth but uneven (my girth eventually settled in as more scar tissue was removed) and she said "looks unhealthy"...so again left me feeling shitty...but a part of me is glad I did all this embarrassing stuff (and whenever I sent stuff, she ASKED for it, I mean she was very sexual and dick oriented), because I feel like not totally that she wouldn't believe it. I don't get why that's so important to me, but I just feel the need to prove it so bad.
Does anyone struggle with stuff like this, the need to "prove" your new size to old partners who might have said something unkind, whether it was due to ED, injury, or PE that you have one now?
Does anyone struggle mentally at times with needing to prove yourself? Especially if you felt things changed/you weren't at your best and a girl you care(d) about in some way.
About my dick: I was almost 8 inches bone pressed, and 7.25 non bone pressed, at times I could get 7.5 nbp. At other times, when not fully aroused, I seemed only 7 inches. My girth was 6 inches. Back when I was a teenager around 17, I had an injury to my dick because of sexual abuse that happened, and as you can imagine this has been HIGHLY traumatic for me..for years I had plaques and a sort of peyronie's like condition...but after awhile it sorted out in a way...however I can only get fully hard with some sort of stimulation, touching...being with a girl etc...also my dick seemed different even though the measurements were only a bit less..it seemed less full...kind of "flatter" in a way and for the head to stay engorged required constant stimulation. Even my urologist who is great could not explain why even though I was getting full blood flow in, I couldn't get a full boner in my pants or in the morning but needed that stimulation. Nobody ever has been able to explain what it is, and that's driven me insane. He suggested "denervation" at one point, but then he decided it probably wasn't that.
From a girl's POV, this didn't bother me, since when I would be with her I would be always aroused...but I still felt odd about it, like my dick wasn't me, and it wasn't quite as full or big, even though the measurements were the same or close as before the injury. I'd dealt with this for years, and began to accept it and be confident in my dick, at times I used cialis to help, but didn't really need it. I just accepted this was the new me....and I guess I got kind of cocky (pun intended haha) I felt a bit thinner aen if it's a selfish ego reason) doesn't know/would never bleieve it? I had a situation with a girl where we had sexted intensely for a couple of months; we met and had sex, all seemed well...she was really into me...wanted to do it again and again...but we ended up getting into a lot of arguments. Long story short, it was a really toxic thing, because it was clear this girl was not at all the type a guy should fall for and she even said as much (she's foreign, young, and kind of a wild girl), but she would also text me for hours a day, try to make sure I'm not out with other girls, not "cheating on her", and I kind of got sucked into this web. I would say she seemed more into me than me into her by some distance at first, but slowly things started to shift and left me with a sick taste in my mouth when all was said and done.
I noticed after we had sex a couple times that she would continue to talk about the rough stuff she was into and wanted me to do to her but stopped referring to my dick or its size. Also, quite a bit less sexual overall..I chalked this up to "we met already it's always like that, the fantasy is shattered a bit, but she's still really into me"...nd like my head was less engorged lengthwise (my overall dick would be the same length though still if that makes sense), and maybe I kind of misplaced or switched up these frustrated feelings into positives. Because I was also getting a lot of positive feedback lately, it seemed like almost my dick looked longer and stood straight out more since the injury, despite being less "full" ...along with the small head lengthwise, I could get 2 hands on my shaft easily and a few girls had said "wow" when I dropped my pants...
So back to the girl, in our sexts, I'd sent plenty of dick pics and she kept saying how big it was etc etc...I really didn't feel like the pics over exaggerated anything, except maybe the odd selfie "fisheye lens" but I wasn't trying to do anything like that, especially since I was a bit insecure over this issue and knew we would meet...well we got into a fight one night a couple weeks after we started having sex and she said something like "your dick wasn't that big" then went "oh i shouldn't have said that" and kind of just got defensive and said "just you know not as big compared to the pictures"...she then said "it's good, it's normal"...which made me feel sick...I know it might seem like I have a huge ego, and I guess I do but after all I'd been thru with my dick it was very frustrating to hear. Later she'd claim it was "big" "I never said it wasn't big, just not like the pictures, which is true" or something that also didn't make me feel great. I never ONCE asked her about the size of my dick, I just hate how stereotypical these convos get, and I hate being in the role of "insecure guy"
Long story short, I basically cut her off for other reasons as I didn't like her behavior, she was very emotionally weird as she admitted, she'd text me for hours a day, tell me she's falling in love, but then I found out she told her friends she was no longer with me and was keeping me a "dirty little secret", because they saw some of our texts and said our convo was unhealthy. (She was into super rough, kinda abusive sex) But before that happened, I told her about my injury, kind of revealed things I shouldn't have and told her I was bigger before/at times when I could get fully hard. This is highly embarrassing when I look back on it, because it's like everything they tell you not do with a girl...that kind of insecurity...for some reason I felt OK doing it because of all her "lovey dovey" talk.
Here's the kicker, this whole thing upset me so much, that I went back to my urologist who found some more scar tissue near the base of my dick, put me on oral colcichine and injection therapy...and my dick is up to 6.5 girth...length is over 7...I'm so happy and thrilled and finally feeling like even though the functioning inside still feels weird, I can finally accept my dick and let this issue go. But the 1 thing I keep coming back to, is I want to prove it to her...I know this is the wrong mindset altogether to have but I can't help it...I guess some of me is glad I told her about the injury because even if she thought I was lying or "yeah right", at least there is the possibility in her mind that it could change (which it, in fact did!) I even sent a pic of it after I had scar tissue treatment where it looked very, very large in girth but uneven (my girth eventually settled in as more scar tissue was removed) and she said "looks unhealthy"...so again left me feeling shitty...but a part of me is glad I did all this embarrassing stuff (and whenever I sent stuff, she ASKED for it, I mean she was very sexual and dick oriented), because I feel like not totally that she wouldn't believe it. I don't get why that's so important to me, but I just feel the need to prove it so bad.
Does anyone struggle with stuff like this, the need to "prove" your new size to old partners who might have said something unkind, whether it was due to ED, injury, or PE that you have one now?
