Feeling insecure about my "bisexuality" and looking for advice.

[mynameishuged]

Hey guys,

First off, sorry for the mistakes, I am not completely fluent in English

I have been in a relationship with a girl for more than 3 years now, I always have had strong emotional connection with women and I watch straight porn. BUT at the same time, very masculine, muscular men with bulging pecs, biceps and cock are instant turn-ons (I got a boner just by typing this description). I don't think I want to be in a same-sex relationship because I've never felt anything else than sexual attraction towards another man.

The thing is I have never had any kind of sexual intercourse with men because, for my first gay sex relation, I am looking for someone who will understand me, who will be gentle and help me to find out if I am really bisexual (am I top? bottom?) or if muscles are only fantasies. And above all, I am looking for someone who is my type. The problem is that I am a 30 y.o. skinny, slightly mannered guy who is into young muscle men. Big guys date big guys and I don't know how, where and if I can find this "perfect" man (or "perfect" friend maybe?).

I ask myself a lot of questions and feel a growing kind of discomfort in my sexual life at the moment (I have been watching more and more gay porn for a few months as I have less and less sex with girlfriend). But at the same time, I love her and I don't want to "cheat" on her (I can't be on Grindr or dating apps if one of her friends see me there, and because I think that my situation is too tricky to explain).

I am really sorry if my message is confused and my sentences convoluted, but so is my mind!

I hope someone here will feel this way too or can help me to "untangle" my feelings. Thank for your time guys.

 

[AceWilde]

You definitely have a lot going through your mind and that's pretty normal for someone who is unsure and curious. So don't feel bad about the confusion! Obviously there's only so much we can do here on the site to help, but hopefully we can!

First I want to say that the muscle guy thing might actually just be a fantasy for you. Sometimes what we think about when we are horny isn't what we are actually into. That being said, if you find yourself turning your head when you walk by a guy with muscles, there's a solid chance you're into it.

I do want to say that your "big guys only go for big guys" thing is definitely not a rule and you'll find that plenty of bigger guys like smaller guys. Yes a good number of men tend to try to look like their ideal type, but certainly not all of them. But for your first time I also would recommend going with someone you like personally over physically. Though if you can get both then jackpot! Just your first few times with a guy you're gonna be nervous and you want someone who will help you with the emotions you're going to be going through over a guy who just looks really hot.

And of course if you're going to try and explore this side of you, well, you really should break up with your girlfriend first. I know it sounds hard and you've put a lot of time into the relationship, but like you said, you're having a lot of confusing thoughts and a lot less sex, so you might just be nearing the natural end of this relationship. Or not! I don't know your situation obviously. But it does sound like you don't want to be the kind of person who cheats which means you have no other option when it comes to exploring.

The other option is you just don't. You decide to keep this to yourself and never talk about it, but I don't think that's a good idea. And it won't help your relationship anyway. You might even start to resent the relationship for preventing you from exploring. Maybe something you could do, if you feel comfortable with it, is talk to your girlfriend about this curiosity. She might be into it and might be willing to help you explore in a way that will keep the relationship going without hurting her. There is some risk with this approach, and she might just break up with you if she's not OK with stuff like that. But hopefully she'd be happy you're opening up to her about these thoughts and confusions you're having.

Good luck!

 

[halcyondays]

My advice is to not allow porn to make you think you are missing out on something. Do not allow it to diminish the healthy sex life you have with your girlfriend.

Porn is fantasy. Having sex with someone is real.

If you do become sexually active with a man or men think of it enhancing the sex life you already have.

Top or bottom? My experience is that bottoms have already experienced anal pleasure on their own by fingering or inserting sex toys and know they want to be penetrated. Tops do not. Versatile men like both but may prefer one over the other.

I suggest you experiment with anal play on your own to see if you actually enjoy it. Take your time. Learn what your body likes.

Many gay/bi men are only interested in oral sex. That might be you which is fine.

You may discover it is more satisfying and fun to have sex with someone you like and who likes you instead of someone with the muscled body type of your fantasy.

Good luck!

 

[VodkaLover]

Hey guys,

First off, sorry for the mistakes, I am not completely fluent in English

I have been in a relationship with a girl for more than 3 years now, I always have had strong emotional connection with women and I watch straight porn. BUT at the same time, very masculine, muscular men with bulging pecs, biceps and cock are instant turn-ons (I got a boner just by typing this description). I don't think I want to be in a same-sex relationship because I've never felt anything else than sexual attraction towards another man.

The thing is I have never had any kind of sexual intercourse with men because, for my first gay sex relation, I am looking for someone who will understand me, who will be gentle and help me to find out if I am really bisexual (am I top? bottom?) or if muscles are only fantasies. And above all, I am looking for someone who is my type. The problem is that I am a 30 y.o. skinny, slightly mannered guy who is into young muscle men. Big guys date big guys and I don't know how, where and if I can find this "perfect" man (or "perfect" friend maybe?).

I ask myself a lot of questions and feel a growing kind of discomfort in my sexual life at the moment (I have been watching more and more gay porn for a few months as I have less and less sex with girlfriend). But at the same time, I love her and I don't want to "cheat" on her (I can't be on Grindr or dating apps if one of her friends see me there, and because I think that my situation is too tricky to explain).

I am really sorry if my message is confused and my sentences convoluted, but so is my mind!

I hope someone here will feel this way too or can help me to "untangle" my feelings. Thank for your time guys.

Your English is very good! and this is a well-written post, have more confidence in your linguistic ability, I would never have known English wasn’t your first language!

 

[678wsb]

Hey guys,

First off, sorry for the mistakes, I am not completely fluent in English

I have been in a relationship with a girl for more than 3 years now, I always have had strong emotional connection with women and I watch straight porn. BUT at the same time, very masculine, muscular men with bulging pecs, biceps and cock are instant turn-ons (I got a boner just by typing this description). I don't think I want to be in a same-sex relationship because I've never felt anything else than sexual attraction towards another man.

The thing is I have never had any kind of sexual intercourse with men because, for my first gay sex relation, I am looking for someone who will understand me, who will be gentle and help me to find out if I am really bisexual (am I top? bottom?) or if muscles are only fantasies. And above all, I am looking for someone who is my type. The problem is that I am a 30 y.o. skinny, slightly mannered guy who is into young muscle men. Big guys date big guys and I don't know how, where and if I can find this "perfect" man (or "perfect" friend maybe?).

I ask myself a lot of questions and feel a growing kind of discomfort in my sexual life at the moment (I have been watching more and more gay porn for a few months as I have less and less sex with girlfriend). But at the same time, I love her and I don't want to "cheat" on her (I can't be on Grindr or dating apps if one of her friends see me there, and because I think that my situation is too tricky to explain).

I am really sorry if my message is confused and my sentences convoluted, but so is my mind!

I hope someone here will feel this way too or can help me to "untangle" my feelings. Thank for your time guys.

I totally relate to this, aside from having a girlfriend.

 

[Dutch1984]

I think you'd be surprised how many men would be willing to talk to you, understand where you're coming from, walk you thru your first experience etc.

 

[mynameishuged]

Thanks everyone for your answers and your kind words

 

[Hakan1]

My advice is to not allow porn to make you think you are missing out on something.

this is a very good advice for everybody

 

[bi2]

Top or bottom? My experience is that bottoms have already experienced anal pleasure on their own by fingering or inserting sex toys and know they want to be penetrated. Tops do not. Versatile men like both but may prefer one over the other.

I suggest you experiment with anal play on your own to see if you actually enjoy it. Take your time. Learn what your body likes.

Many gay/bi men are only interested in oral sex. That might be you which is fine.

I had MM sex when I was lot younger and back at that time, I was "conditioned" to be a feminine submissive bottom. I dont mind admitting at the time, I was curious and really wanted to Top my first partner, but was never really afforded the opportunity. Little did I know at the time he was feminizing me.

Fast forward a few years, I now have no desire in being a Top with men nor has any man Ive been with wanted me too, I love and relish being only a bottom. When I want to fuck, I will be with a girl.

 

[dickthrobbing]

There is nothing wrong in seeing another man's body finding it attractive and it turning you on, this does not mean it will lead to physical contact.

Carry on enjoying looking at men that turn you on accept that is what it does, if in the longer term you get the urge for physical contact you will have reached that decision without any pressure

 

[IRINNN]

You definitely have a lot going through your mind and that's pretty normal for someone who is unsure and curious. So don't feel bad about the confusion! Obviously there's only so much we can do here on the site to help, but hopefully we can!

First I want to say that the muscle guy thing might actually just be a fantasy for you. Sometimes what we think about when we are horny isn't what we are actually into. That being said, if you find yourself turning your head when you walk by a guy with muscles, there's a solid chance you're into it.

I do want to say that your "big guys only go for big guys" thing is definitely not a rule and you'll find that plenty of bigger guys like smaller guys. Yes a good number of men tend to try to look like their ideal type, but certainly not all of them. But for your first time I also would recommend going with someone you like personally over physically. Though if you can get both then jackpot! Just your first few times with a guy you're gonna be nervous and you want someone who will help you with the emotions you're going to be going through over a guy who just looks really hot.

And of course if you're going to try and explore this side of you, well, you really should break up with your girlfriend first. I know it sounds hard and you've put a lot of time into the relationship, but like you said, you're having a lot of confusing thoughts and a lot less sex, so you might just be nearing the natural end of this relationship. Or not! I don't know your situation obviously. But it does sound like you don't want to be the kind of person who cheats which means you have no other option when it comes to exploring.

The other option is you just don't. You decide to keep this to yourself and never talk about it, but I don't think that's a good idea. And it won't help your relationship anyway. You might even start to resent the relationship for preventing you from exploring. Maybe something you could do, if you feel comfortable with it, is talk to your girlfriend about this curiosity. She might be into it and might be willing to help you explore in a way that will keep the relationship going without hurting her. There is some risk with this approach, and she might just break up with you if she's not OK with stuff like that. But hopefully she'd be happy you're opening up to her about these thoughts and confusions you're having.

Good luck!

EXCELLENT advice! This is exactly what I would love a friend to tell me if I was in OP's situation and looking for honest advice.