First time sex

[Inatrance]

Hello LPSG community, I have read these forums off and on for a few years now but just signed up today. Me and my soon to be wife (Dec 18 yay) are both virgins (well we were :smile and we are having difficulty with her experiencing pain during penetration. A few details before I explain the problem. She had to have a hymenectomy about a month and half ago because she was unable to insert anything (tampons, finger..etc.) after she healed up we started slow, one finger then two...etc. Now I am a virgin so I am sure that I am causing some of the pain due to I have never done this before however I have always been interested in sex (I was at onetime a psychology major and was in sex therapy) so I do consider myself knowledgeable. Also I consider myself in decent shape and have an athletic build however I am a lot bigger than her. Last but not least I think I have slightly above average penis 7 1/2 by 5.5.

That being said, we have been together for 4 1/2 years and have done everything else except sex, we never tried because we both wanted to wait until marriage she went to the gyno found out she needed to have surgery, and we sat down with the gyno and decided we would try and have sex before the honeymoon so their would be no pressure on her. I don't want her to not enjoy herself and would rather the honeymoon not be centered around sex. So she decided we would try after she healed and I had no problem of course.

So we have gotten to the point where I can enter her but as soon as I push past her muscles (I think those are the PC muscles) it tends to hurt it, if I am really really patient and slow it will be fine but as soon as I start to thrust it hurts her. We use plenty of lube and the fore play is fine. We have tired the pillow under her butt and all that stuff but still no luck, she can only handle it for about 30 seconds. Her gyno said that it would hurt the first several times and we have only tried 3 times so far (where we could get past the opening).

So I guess my question is, does it just hurt some girls the first several times? I told her if it still hurts after a few more weeks then she should call her gyno.

I am sick, sleep deprived and on medication for my cold so I apologize for my poor sentence structure and grammar.

 

[sykray]

I suspect that the fact that the gyno said that it would hurt at first is causing her to tense up her muscles. These are quite powerful muscles and you may be forcing your penis past a tightened constriction. Your fiancee needs to relax, particularly those muscles.
I suggest that you help her to relax before penile penetration by inserting one, then 2 and then 3 fingers inside her - finally your penis. It would help her to relax if you lie down on your back and she kneels astride your hips. She can then control the speed and depth of the penetration.
You say that you have some knowledge of sex therapy so you may be more prepared than most to seek such help, if necessary.

 

[basincreek]

You might also want to try a vibrator to warm her up that's just a bit smaller than you.

 

[mandoman]

She should be using her fingers first, to assure that she is comfortable, and in control. Once she is relaxed with herself, let her control any penetration of anything.

 

[basincreek]

It is possible she's just physiological incapable of taking you easily. And you might just have to learn to always go slow and gentle.

 

[B_subgirrl]

It's really not that strange that it still hurts. You've only had sex three times!!

Just keep trying, gently and slowly. The other advice about fingers and toys is also good.

And make sure you give her time to heal in between goes! After a good fuck I can be sore for days, and I'm certainly not a virgin!

 

[RawDog]

This may seem like advice that goes against the grain from the responses thus far, but try avoiding giving her a clit orgasm right before you enter her. Clit orgasms makes the shallower band of muscles tighten and spasm and that's what causes the pain going in. You have to make sure this area is nice and relaxed.

After the foreplay, do go down on her and give her one or two clit orgasms with your index finger doing the come hither thing with her g-spot. After this, avoid the clit orgasms. Slowly penetrate her with your middle finger *while* your index finger is in her. Massage it this way for a bit and then slowly pry her open with these two fingers. At first she will try squeezing against the pressure. Tell her to relax and do this in different directions, different depths.

A great way to have her relax her PC muscles is by telling her to bear down and try pushing your fingers out. It will end up looking like this:

http://www.lpsg.org/members/rawdog/...e+gifs/77925-in-order-to-understand-this.html

That really helps relax everything shallow.

When you start fucking her, proceed the same way. Ease slowly into her and the second she squeezes against you, withdraw slightly and stay there until she can relax. If you feel yourself getting soft from the inactivity, do some slow, easy nudgefucking around the "safezone". Once she relaxes around this zone, push a little deeper until she tenses up again.

Repeat until you suceed.

 

[Inatrance]

I suspect that the fact that the gyno said that it would hurt at first is causing her to tense up her muscles. These are quite powerful muscles and you may be forcing your penis past a tightened constriction. Your fiancee needs to relax, particularly those muscles.
I suggest that you help her to relax before penile penetration by inserting one, then 2 and then 3 fingers inside her - finally your penis. It would help her to relax if you lie down on your back and she kneels astride your hips. She can then control the speed and depth of the penetration.
You say that you have some knowledge of sex therapy so you may be more prepared than most to seek such help, if necessary.

Yeah she told me she is a little nervous about the pain because pretty everyone has told her that it will either hurt or be uncomfortable the first few times we do it. Now I will say I did notice her muscles tightening when we first tried to do anything including fingers but after a few weeks we didn't have the problem.

I don't know how all the muscles down there work but I do know she can freely squeeze and when she does tense up I was surprised how strong the muscles were. However I don't think it is so much that she is tensing but I can feel a "ring" down there after the first 1/2 inch or so.

 

[Inatrance]

You might also want to try a vibrator to warm her up that's just a bit smaller than you.

That is a good idea thank you.

 

[Inatrance]

She should be using her fingers first, to assure that she is comfortable, and in control. Once she is relaxed with herself, let her control any penetration of anything.

I think she is nervous about doing it herself. It is weird because we have no issues about anything else ....I mean anything but once it comes to manual stimulation we are just now at the point where she hold her little tickler thing in place while we are doing whatever.

I will just have to give her some time.

 

[Inatrance]

It's really not that strange that it still hurts. You've only had sex three times!!

Just keep trying, gently and slowly. The other advice about fingers and toys is also good.

And make sure you give her time to heal in between goes! After a good fuck I can be sore for days, and I'm certainly not a virgin!

That is the general consensus that most people tell me, I guess I was just confused because some people are all "it shouldn't hurt the first time(s) and if it does then the guy is doing it wrong."

 

[Inatrance]

This may seem like advice that goes against the grain from the responses thus far, but try avoiding giving her a clit orgasm right before you enter her. Clit orgasms makes the shallower band of muscles tighten and spasm and that's what causes the pain going in. You have to make sure this area is nice and relaxed.

After the foreplay, do go down on her and give her one or two clit orgasms with your index finger doing the come hither thing with her g-spot. After this, avoid the clit orgasms. Slowly penetrate her with your middle finger *while* your index finger is in her. Massage it this way for a bit and then slowly pry her open with these two fingers. At first she will try squeezing against the pressure. Tell her to relax and do this in different directions, different depths.

A great way to have her relax her PC muscles is by telling her to bear down and try pushing your fingers out. It will end up looking like this:

http://www.lpsg.org/members/rawdog/...e+gifs/77925-in-order-to-understand-this.html

That really helps relax everything shallow.

When you start fucking her, proceed the same way. Ease slowly into her and the second she squeezes against you, withdraw slightly and stay there until she can relax. If you feel yourself getting soft from the inactivity, do some slow, easy nudgefucking around the "safezone". Once she relaxes around this zone, push a little deeper until she tenses up again.

Repeat until you suceed.

Thanks for the info, I am scared to break her though lol. I guess I just need to keep communicating with her. We have always been honest, she tells me when I am doing something wrong so hopefully it won't be a problem.

 

[damnimbi]

The most comfortable one should be is with themselves. Has she ever tried exploring with a toy on her own? her pace, pressure, depth, etc.

Failing that, is there some other way to get her to relax, perhaps break the barrier with a first time (bad choice of words). I don't drink/smoke, but wondering if something along those lines might also help (as long as it's a one time thing, not something that develops into a crutch).

 

[RawDog]

Thanks for the info, I am scared to break her though lol. I guess I just need to keep communicating with her. We have always been honest, she tells me when I am doing something wrong so hopefully it won't be a problem.

Welcome. That's the catch-22. Trying to stay turned on and not freaking out at the same time. Just don't force anything and it should all work out.

 

[D_Tam_Ponds]

Wow, I am amazed with the patience some men have. I think it just boils down to the fact that some women are powerful sexual beings and some are just too uptight to fuck. I hope for your sake she can change to the former from the latter. Best of luck.

 

[Inatrance]

Wow, I am amazed with the patience some men have. I think it just boils down to the fact that some women are powerful sexual beings and some are just too uptight to fuck. I hope for your sake she can change to the former from the latter. Best of luck.

I know what you are saying, however that really does not seem to be the problem I just don't want to cause any more pain then necessary due to the fact I have no experience. She has no problem trying and we have no problem with anything else oral...and she has let me try just about anything i have wanted to try so she defiantly isn't uptight.

I guess I am just confused because I have heard from a lot of people that the first few times hurt and that it takes time, and from others that if it hurts for the girl then the guy is doing something wrong.

 

[bigalbaldwin]

I'd also suggest using a high quality lube -- I really think the silicone lubes are better (something like "Wet Platinum", available at Wal-Greens) as they get really slick and don't dry out...

Another idea: Use the silicone lube first on you and her, then use water based lube on top of the silicone lube. The theory is that the lubes themselves will reject each other making things very slippery...

My wife really likes the higher quality lube so much more that it's almost exclusively what use use anymore. I was happy that those can be found at regular drug stores, since they're closer, more convenient and cheaper than adult book stores.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Wow, I am amazed with the patience some men have. I think it just boils down to the fact that some women are powerful sexual beings and some are just too uptight to fuck. I hope for your sake she can change to the former from the latter. Best of luck.

I think that is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard! It is perfectly normal for sex to hurt when you're just starting out.

 

[petite]

How long has it been since her surgery? A lot of doctors give timetables for recovery, but I've noticed on the women's boards that it takes some women much longer to recover than their doctors told them it would and sex remains painful for longer than expected. Some women also have difficulties due to scar tissue and require scar revision surgery in order to make sex pleasurable again.

Has she described the pain? I've found that pain from being too tight feels like a burning sensation as I'm being stretched out, whereas depth pain feels sharper and deeper inside, obviously.

I also second that she should play with herself using toys, for several reasons. I am far from being a virgin, but TheBF has a larger cock than my vagina and I've found that if we haven't had sex in a while, I get tighter and I experience that "burn" sensation again. I've found that masturbating using toys in the days before I have sex prevents that from happening and really increases my enjoyment during sex with him. I now own toys that range in size from a small mascara tube g-spot vibe to one that is as girthy as TheBF but is actually longer because all the dildos I found that were the same girth were either too short or too long, so I choose lengthier since I can control the depth myself. I'm sure that some sex toys could help your wife out, too. TheBF likes to joke that someday I'll replace him with a Sybian and a photo of Tom Welling, but no toy can ever replace having sex with him.

Does she masturbate? Can she masturbate to orgasm? Does she enjoy clitoral orgasms? When I first began buying toys, one of my first mistakes was going for the less intimidating looking solid colored hard plastic vibrators that look like rockets or missiles. They did not bring me pleasure. I prefer toys that have "give" like a real penis does, made out of jelly or cyberskin or silicone, but with the caveat that some silicone toys are too hard. Rabbit or g-spot vibrators are a good choice. I recommend looking at a site like Eden Fantasys online because they give excellent reviews, they are very descriptive about each sex toy, and the reviews left by customers are very specific. I think it's one of the best places online to browse for sex toys for women. If I'm unsure about a particular one, I'll call around to my local stores and go in where they will open the package and I can see how it operates and feel the texture. It can be a good idea to do that since some of the most highly rated toys are very expensive and they are not returnable.

Wow, I am amazed with the patience some men have. I think it just boils down to the fact that some women are powerful sexual beings and some are just too uptight to fuck. I hope for your sake she can change to the former from the latter. Best of luck.

I think that is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard! It is perfectly normal for sex to hurt when you're just starting out.

I completely agree! It is perfectly normal!