Why do you suspect he was sexually unsatisfied with you? Was your disinterest in opening up your sexual relationship to additional people what led him astray?
Weird to ponder, but OTHER THAN THAT, how is the relationship? He wants sex with more than just you (although if is instead of you, by all means end it asap if you haven't already). If you still have the same interests that brought you together, what's the problem?
Being sneaky was bad. So was snooping on his things. You know he isn't going to come clean if you confront him, but how would he react if you initiated bringing someone you're both attracted to for some threesome fun? If he got on his high horse and got angry, you know he doesn't care about your relationship anymore.
Why do you suspect he was sexually unsatisfied with you?” - I’m not sure. I think it was caused by a mix of resentment toward each other for the problems we’ve had and anger from the wounds we’ve given each other over the years.
“Was your disinterest in opening up your sexual relationship to additional people what led him astray?” - I have never asked to open up our relationship and he has always been against the idea. Even in conversations about the general concept of sexual activity outside a marriage, he was vehemently opposed to it. He saw it as a sign the relationship was over and that it was just an excuse for guys to whore around. I have the opposite opinion, I believe people write the rules for their own relationships and whatever works for them, works for them.
“Weird to ponder, but OTHER THAN THAT, how is the relationship?” - Looking back, it’s been rough. He has always had problems, even before we met, but I did my best to support him and pick him up when he fell. Ive realized that to keep myself from getting overwhelmed by everything, I shut myself off emotional to keep everything afloat. The problem is, I have no idea how to turn it back on. I’ve known this for a while but only been in recent years that I’ve realized how far it’s gone. I’ve talked to a therapist but online therapy can only get you so far.
“He wants sex with more than just you (although if is instead of you, by all means end it asap if you haven't already).” - That’s what’s weird, we don’t have a very active sex life but we still mess around. It’s even increased in recent months. But from what he’s said in the messages and who he messages, I think he wants someone larger and more aggressive.
“If you still have the same interests that brought you together, what's the problem?” - We have almost nothing in common. We used to joke that we might as well have grown up on different planets, our lives and interests were so different.
“Being sneaky was bad.” - Yes, it was.
“So was snooping on his things.” Yes, it was. But to be fair, he would have and has done the same thing. That’s not an excuse, just why I don’t feel too bad about it.
“You know he isn't going to come clean if you confront him, but how would he react if you initiated bringing someone you're both attracted to for some threesome fun?” - it would start a fight. He would be opposed and accuse me of just wanting to have sex with other guys.
“If he got on his high horse and got angry, you know he doesn't care about your relationship anymore.” - I’ve wondered if he was only with me in the beginning because I was accepting of him and now he stays because he doesn’t want to be alone.
