Good Friend (Gay) Wants Me Bad (HELP!)

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OnTheFence82

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1st ever thread. I just joined last night. Great site!.
I have a friend that we all know must be gay. He hasn't come out but has all the stereotypes of a gay man. He is very successful but has never had a girlfriend. He's in his 30s. We've been great friends since high school and he always calls me first or plans things around me coming. I don't consider him my best friend but a very good friend.
He always hints at things, leaves me innuendo messages and I've caught him rubbing his leg against mine and his hand on my knee several times.
I'm straight but have been bicurious for some time now. Never been with a man. Would like to maybe one day but I'm afraid of disease. If he was attractive, very fit & hung I would definitely give him a chance for something fun, however he is not.
It's a little awkward at times. I ignore him mostly. I've asked my friends if they see it & they just laugh. They know that he like me. I sometimes don't go out b/c of the awkwardness.
I don't know what to do? Do I tell him to stop b/c he's making me feel uncomfortable or do I continue to ignore it & laugh it off? HELP!
 
It'd probably be best for you to tell him about how your uncomfortable with his advances. It'd help him get over you too. Plus, your first time experimentin should be comfortable.
 
I am bi and in college had a best friend who was gay. We got drunk one night and he was making advances towards me but I didn't feel like doing anything with him. He was my best friend and I felt like if we messed around it would ruin our friendship. Even drunk, I knew I loves him as a best friend not a sexual friend. I told him I loved him as a best friend and thought that anything beyond that would ruin our friendship and I did not want to ruin that. Our friendship meant too much to me to put it in peril. He understood, respected what I asked and we are still best friends. I am married now with kids and he was my best man at my wedding.
 
I've been at both ends actually.
What is important is that you take some sort of action, and express clearly where the line is and that you are not attracted, that any sex will not happen, and that his dreams are his dreams only.
The problem by not doing anything is that by your passivity he will believe that you (forgot the word for this) implicitly give him permission to continue.
If emotions are involved, things will just grow and when you finally cut it, it will hurt; better to nip the bud, not the tree.

Do NOT speak about sex with him!
 
Thanks for your advice guys. Now that I've been reading through this site, I've been second guessing myself! I guess I'm not the only bicurious guy that ever felt that way. The more I think about it the more I want it & the more it makes perfect sense. He can be my suck buddy for life! Since everyone is having a tough time finding one. I know he's never been with a woman before & probably not a man but I can find out. I know he has a big bulge everytime I see him. He's surely not fit but once our clothes are off & our bodies are all oiled up, it doesn't matter. I'm getting hard now just thinking about being with a man & what better place to start then with a close friend. I can't believe I'm this confused! How do you guys think I should bring it up to him? Maybe I'll wait to see if I can find someone else before him & then ask him. However that conversation with him might get weird. Maybe I'll ask him to get a room? I don't know. HELP!
 
OnTheFence82 said:
Thanks for your advice guys. Now that I've been reading through this site, I've been second guessing myself! I guess I'm not the only bicurious guy that ever felt that way. The more I think about it the more I want it & the more it makes perfect sense. He can be my suck buddy for life! Since everyone is having a tough time finding one. I know he's never been with a woman before & probably not a man but I can find out. I know he has a big bulge everytime I see him. He's surely not fit but once our clothes are off & our bodies are all oiled up, it doesn't matter. I'm getting hard now just thinking about being with a man & what better place to start then with a close friend. I can't believe I'm this confused! How do you guys think I should bring it up to him? Maybe I'll wait to see if I can find someone else before him & then ask him. However that conversation with him might get weird. Maybe I'll ask him to get a room? I don't know. HELP!
Click to expand...

No need to bring it up. Just wait until he puts his hand on your leg again and then gently put your hand on his leg. No need to say anything, he will quickly get the message that you would be open to messing around.

I had a really good friend who used to do this same exact thing back when I was in college. I met the guy at a campus ministry I was in. He was clearly into me and I was too naive to figure it out. I thought he was cute, and I really enjoyed hanging out with him, but I was too far in the closet to do anything about it. This guy used to sit next to me EVERY Sunday at church and usually sat so close that his leg was literally touching mine during the whole service. Sometimes he would rub his hand on my leg usually while reaching for his hymn book. haha Then he always wanted to go out to eat with me after church.

I kinda thought the dude sitting so close and almost following me around like a puppy dog was a little odd, but every time it crossed my mind that he could possibly be gay and hitting on me I thought, nah that is not possible we were in church for crying out loud! :eek:

Anyway, my church friend graduated and left, and I stayed for grad school so I sorta lost touch with him for a few years. Several years later I re-connected with him on Facebook and found out he was out of the closet and living with his partner in DC.
 
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Thanks Trevor. That sounds like good advice. We actually went to catch the hockey game this week & it was just us two. He said he called the other guys but I know he didn't. I thought I was going to say something but I didn't. I could see him always looking at my cock when I would get up out of my chair. He just bought a new BMW and asked me to take it for a spin. I said not at this time. It seemed like he wanted a goodnight kiss or something. As I write this I'm getting hard thinking of what could have happened but when I was there with him, I had no desire. Not attracted to him but I want some cock!!! I can get it from him but I'm torn! Ughh!
 
It looks like the two of you are in two different places in this relationship. You see him as a friend, he wants something else.

You should not do anything with him at all PERIOD since he obviously has feelings for you. Things would be a little more obvious if we change things around making him a woman and you the person who has feelings, but "she" doesn't. What if you had feelings for a girl, both sexual and romantic and she had virtually nothing for you? Sex between you might initially seem like a good idea for you, but since you are invested emotionally and she isn't, she'd be just using you for a cheap lay. That might sound okay at first, but realize that she would be destroying you emotionally, for cheap sex, and that is cruel.

So to bring it back to reality, NSA sex is okay between partners who have nothing emotionally tied to each other. But this is not the case here, so don't go there with him. You'd be toying with him emotionally and then discarding him when he inevitably forms a stronger romantic link to you, which you won't share.

Sex with friends is dangerous (unless BOTH are looking to upgrade it to a romantic relationship) as it usually ends up destroying the friendship as, at least, one of the persons cannot go emotionally where the other is at.

You need to sit down with him and establish boundaries and make sure he knows that sex and/or a relationship with you is out. Or just cut him out of your life, which is likely where you need to go anyway as my guess is that he can't handle boundaries or you wouldn't be in this position in the first place. BTW, he may not truly even understand consciously what he has been doing.

Good luck with this mess.
 
OR you could be dead Honest and tell him that your not really attracted to him romantically and you think he is a nice guy and a great friend. And that your actually are curious to try cock but your nervous and ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS TRY COCK and no emotions involved. Tell him you would like to find a guy that would suck your cock or that you could jack off or you could get fucked by (whatever you wanted to do).

I bet he will tell you Oh I will do that to you and you dont have to worry, I wont get attached emotionally. All men are horny mofo's and ALL men will get cock if they can, you just gotta be up front with him so he dont take it the the next level.

Maybe he will say, he just wants to suck your cock and vice versa and nothign more? Then you may have a cocksuker for life?

I have a friend of 32years, my best friend that knows me and my family our whole lives. Well just last year i told him i like to suck cock and get fucked. He was sooo astonished but also thought it was funny. Sometimes he cracks wise jokes at me but he mostly seems to like to hear my fuck stories. If your friend is a good friend, he wont mind your honestly and you may even get to have your cake and it it too.
Guys are differetn than women, for us, SEX comes first and we can seperate our emotions.

If you lived in LA, i wouldnt mind "experimenting with you" :)
I dont care what the guy looks like,, I just love cock and pussy.
 
Thanks for the great advice guys. Now I'm more torn than ever. Lol. Hockeytiger makes perfect sense but sweetnympho advice gets me excited. However, I'm too picky for my first time. Maybe I need a few drinks in me. I met someone on Grindr. I was so excited. He was a muscled guy & I was so excited & turned on by his body. We talked & I went over his place. I was so anxious but I felt it was the right time. When I got there he looked different esp. his body. I questioned his tattoos in the pics & he said those were fakes for Halloween. He was so much smaller than the guy in the pics. I was disappointed & couldn't do it. I felt he lied to me & I lost interest. I wanted that body. He was cool though. He said if you don't feel like being here then it's ok to leave. Oh well maybe I'll get another chance. I only wish my friend was very fit or I knew he had the biggest cock.
 
Where do you live? I will give you your first time and be gentle and cool!



OnTheFence82 said:
Thanks for the great advice guys. Now I'm more torn than ever. Lol. Hockeytiger makes perfect sense but sweetnympho advice gets me excited. However, I'm too picky for my first time. Maybe I need a few drinks in me. I met someone on Grindr. I was so excited. He was a muscled guy & I was so excited & turned on by his body. We talked & I went over his place. I was so anxious but I felt it was the right time. When I got there he looked different esp. his body. I questioned his tattoos in the pics & he said those were fakes for Halloween. He was so much smaller than the guy in the pics. I was disappointed & couldn't do it. I felt he lied to me & I lost interest. I wanted that body. He was cool though. He said if you don't feel like being here then it's ok to leave. Oh well maybe I'll get another chance. I only wish my friend was very fit or I knew he had the biggest cock.
Click to expand...
 
If he is your friend, be a friend and gently tell him that you are not interested. Do not let him be the butt of others ridicule, especially if they know that he is interested in you.
 
You can always used the excuse that you are bi and only romantically attracted to women but are curious about playing with a guy. There are TONS of guys like that. They don't want a BF or a lover they just want a J/O buddy, a suck buddy, or a fuck buddy to get off with occasionally.
 
miamirt said:
sounds like you are WAY too focused on the perfect guy physically, or the perfect cock. Don't over focus on looks.
Click to expand...

i agree here. some of the best sex i had with a man was with someone who wasn't "perfect" physically or in his looks. and just because someone is hung doesn't mean they will be great either. some of the guys with the biggest cocks that i've been with were like dead fish when we were messing around.
 
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