Hating The Single Life

[Southernboisb]

I'll be 52 this year.
My dating life existed between the years of 1996 (after graduating college) & 1999.
I'm not going to get into specifics (will tell if interested), but in that time I ended up dating a total of 6 guys. The 1st 5 dumped me while I dumped the last guy. The longest connection was 9 months.
On top of that, I didn't have the hs/college sweetheart experience many enjoy.

Long story short, my parents have been married over 50+ years & my sister celebrated her 30th anniversary last month. I don't know how long my parents dated, but my sis/BIL dayed 9 YEARS before marrying.

I really hate doing the extended family get-togethers for holidays/birthdays because of being "the odd man out". What I mean is everybody breaks onto 2 groups (the adults (~30 years older than me) alomg with those married (everybody in that group have kids). & then there's the kids (30+ years younger than me). Naturally, i have nothing in common with either, so I usually play on my phone or with the animals.


Would it be impolite of me not to attend future events as my being single keeps being shoved in my face? This is also why I don't really appreciate holidays/my birthday because everybody I know has that "special someone" to celebrate with & here I am almost 30 years later unable to meet somebody even for coffee.

 

[dfw051980]

I dont really have anything to add but im there with you. 45 and Single, ive had light dates and stuff throughout my life but never had a real relationship. My family is small so i dont have to worry about that aspect but trying to date nowadays is awful.I have nothing against meeting dudes for some fun / NSA / FwB type thing but i want more but seems like no one wants thats.

 

[Southernboisb]

I dont really have anything to add but im there with you. 45 and Single, ive had light dates and stuff throughout my life but never had a real relationship. My family is small so i dont have to worry about that aspect but trying to date nowadays is awful.I have nothing against meeting dudes for some fun / NSA / FwB type thing but i want more but seems like no one wants thats.

YES!
But I can't even find people in a 100-mile radius.

IF you notice, it's always those in relationships that say "just wait...it'll happen".
Or you'll get the typical "why ain't there more guys like you out there?".
So, if I'm "such a catch", why am I always flying solo?

I've tried dating sites &, get this, I had 1 guy tell me "my profile was too picky" when his was so specific that, I think, 1% of the entire gay population would even fit.

 

[LPSG Simon]

Would it be impolite of me not to attend future events as my being single keeps being shoved in my face?

Are they actually shoving it in your face in a demeaning way, or do you mean you're just reminded of being single by being there?

If it's the former, I might say yes. If it's the latter, I'd say that family is pretty important and worth doing some self work to be at peace with your solitude when you're around them.

Do you want a relationship, or are you happy being singular? Nothing wrong if you are - plenty of people enjoy it. You don't really owe anyone anything in terms of having to conform to the narrative.

 

[dana2]

I'll be 52 this year.
My dating life existed between the years of 1996 (after graduating college) & 1999.
I'm not going to get into specifics (will tell if interested), but in that time I ended up dating a total of 6 guys. The 1st 5 dumped me while I dumped the last guy. The longest connection was 9 months.
On top of that, I didn't have the hs/college sweetheart experience many enjoy.

Long story short, my parents have been married over 50+ years & my sister celebrated her 30th anniversary last month. I don't know how long my parents dated, but my sis/BIL dayed 9 YEARS before marrying.

I really hate doing the extended family get-togethers for holidays/birthdays because of being "the odd man out". What I mean is everybody breaks onto 2 groups (the adults (~30 years older than me) alomg with those married (everybody in that group have kids). & then there's the kids (30+ years younger than me). Naturally, i have nothing in common with either, so I usually play on my phone or with the animals.


Would it be impolite of me not to attend future events as my being single keeps being shoved in my face? This is also why I don't really appreciate holidays/my birthday because everybody I know has that "special someone" to celebrate with & here I am almost 30 years later unable to meet somebody even for coffee.

I would suggest three things:

1) make sure to work on yourself, eat well go to the gym etc. It will help you gain confidence and confidence will help you draw in men.

2) Get involved in gay social groups around you. In my city there is a gay group that has potlucks once a month and there is also a gay hiking group. Focus on just making friends and meeting people. On some level finding a boyfriend is a numbers game. You just got to meet lots of guys and find one who you have good mutual chemistry and are compatible with.

3) don't get hung up with family get together stuff. Go and be social and don't worry about being single.

 

[Southernboisb]

Are they actually shoving it in your face in a demeaning way, or do you mean you're just reminded of being single by being there?

If it's the former, I might say yes. If it's the latter, I'd say that family is pretty important and worth doing some self work to be at peace with your solitude when you're around them.

Do you want a relationship, or are you happy being singular? Nothing wrong if you are - plenty of people enjoy it. You don't really owe anyone anything in terms of having to conform to the narrative.

No, they're not forcing it (per say)...it's just that I'm too young for Group A yet too old for Group B. So I really don't fit with either.
The solo part is nice being I can go/leave anywhere anytime I want. But at the same time, only having people wanting to be with you for 4 out of 52 years of life does make one wonder what's wrong with themselves. In my earlier post, my parents have been married 50+ years & sister for 30+ (after dating 9 years).
Also, as I stated earlier, you get told the "don't rush it...just wait"...but does that mean I have to wait 49 YEARS (& going)?

 

[Southernboisb]

I would suggest three things:

1) make sure to work on yourself, eat well go to the gym etc. It will help you gain confidence and confidence will help you draw in men.

2) Get involved in gay social groups around you. In my city there is a gay group that has potlucks once a month and there is also a gay hiking group. Focus on just making friends and meeting people. On some level finding a boyfriend is a numbers game. You just got to meet lots of guys and find one who you have good mutual chemistry and are compatible with.

3) don't get hung up with family get together stuff. Go and be social and don't worry about being single.

1 - I'm not a gym type person.
2 - where I live, there's nothing like that here (no kind of gay anything). along with that, I don't drink/dance...so bars/clubs aren't my thing either.
3 - I do go to be social (so they don't talk about me not going), but feel me sitting alone at the gatherings also has them talking about me. The whole "dogged if you do, dogged if you don't" scenario.

 

[dana2]

1 - I'm not a gym type person.
2 - where I live, there's nothing like that here (no kind of gay anything). along with that, I don't drink/dance...so bars/clubs aren't my thing either.
3 - I do go to be social (so they don't talk about me not going), but feel me sitting alone at the gatherings also has them talking about me. The whole "dogged if you do, dogged if you don't" scenario.

As we get older (I am older than u) it's important to work out and stay fit. You may not think you area "gym type person" but all kinds of people go to the gym. I highly recommend it.

It sucks there is not gay social stuff near you. I would do some digging. Maybe you can try a big city nearby? Finding a boyfriend/partner/husband is a numbers game. The more gay men you meet and interact with, the greater the chances you will make connections that can lead to a boyfriend/partner/husband. You just need to keep at it.

 

[Southernboisb]

Not to give too much personal info away in public: Jacksonville, Fl. is ~ 2.5 hours away & Atlanta is ~ 3.5 hours away.

 

[dana2]

Not to give too much personal info away in public: Jacksonville, Fl. is ~ 2.5 hours away & Atlanta is ~ 3.5 hours away.

I would do some digging if there are gay social groups around you. There might be a pot luck group or something similar. Even if you don't immediately find a boyfriend they will be fun anyway. The title of your post is "hating the single life". But prince charming is not going to show up and sweep you off your feet. It takes some work, especially since you are out in the boonies. Get yourself to the gym & look for a gay social group of some sort or you could try the apps, but the apps.

 

[LPSG Simon]

I would do some digging if there are gay social groups around you. There might be a pot luck group or something similar. Even if you don't immediately find a boyfriend they will be fun anyway. The title of your post is "hating the single life". But prince charming is not going to show up and sweep you off your feet. It takes some work, especially since you are out in the boonies. Get yourself to the gym & look for a gay social group of some sort or you could try the apps, but the apps.

There's also the networking end of this too. If there's nobody actually in the group, chances are they will know someone. Just start mixing and you're bound to meet people.

 

[Southernboisb]

I would do some digging if there are gay social groups around you. There might be a pot luck group or something similar. Even if you don't immediately find a boyfriend they will be fun anyway. The title of your post is "hating the single life". But prince charming is not going to show up and sweep you off your feet. It takes some work, especially since you are out in the boonies. Get yourself to the gym & look for a gay social group of some sort or you could try the apps, but the apps.

"But prince charming is not going to show up and sweep you off your feet."

That sounds similar to the "don't rush things".

 

[dana2]

"But prince charming is not going to show up and sweep you off your feet."

That sounds similar to the "don't rush things".

Not really. The difference is it advocates for a proactive approach. I am just saying than unless you have movie star good looks, it's challenging for the rest of us to find boyfriends, but 100% worth it. You have to work on yourself, your fitness, looks etc. and put yourself out there. But unless you do, nothing will happen. In any case socializing and networking with other gay folks is rewarding as well.