Have any of you successfully gotten rid of a fetish?

[VelvetThroat]

Im at a crossroads in my life so I thought I would look for some advice. I have a fetish that I personally find problematic. Since I can remember, Ive had intense attraction to married fathers who cheat. If a goodlooking man had a wedding ring he became a lot more attractive. I think porn is what created this fetish for me. I finally decided to act on this fetish when I was of legal age. I met up with a married dad and blew him in his truck. His body was amazing and I enjoyed myself. However on the drive back he started to talk about his kid and wife and I felt bad. I never met up again with a cheating married man for sex.

Despite the shame and guily my attraction for married dads never left. Im now in my 20s and this fetish is as sstrong as ever. I have yet to have any romantic inclinations or any desire to date. Once in a while I will meet up with someone for casual sex or I will look for an fwb. Lately though my views on sex have been changing. I think sleeping with a married man is a bit more of a gray issue than I thought. Some of these men have been sexually neglected for months/years and are out here looking for something. If its not with me it would be with someone else.

What I am struggling with is whether I should give in to this desire and fetish since it wont go sway? Or if I should try to find a way to get rid of this fetish, but is that even possible? It feels like its the way my brain is wired. Have any of you rewired your brains into not finding something attractive anymore , and if so how?

I love the thrill of it. The taboo aspect and the sneaking around. However, I am starting to think that maybe I should try to force myself to be a more dignified person. Maybe somebody who dates. I want to be that guy but I feel like who I actually am is someone who enjoys casual sex with taken men. Should I put in an effort to change or should I accept that this is who I am?

 

[deleted3995701]

I never stopped loving the married dad type. They aren't threatening to me, they have a lot to lose so I don't feel they'll impact my life much and if I ever want a bit of fun, I know I can shake my dick and 3 will come running when they're free.

I also made a choice for my own benefit and my own self interests when I decided not to sleep with them anymore. If I keep going down that path, it really leave no room for a relationship later on. How can I meet new guys that could be available if I'm always fucking a married dude?

I'm also 45 and lived a lot of life already. You're in your 20s, so do whatever you want. You still have a lot of time to decide what that is and no one says there's a time limit on what you choose.

 

[halcyondays]

No.

IMO what consenting adults get up to is their business.

I have to caution you that "forcing" yourself to drop a fetish will make your desire for it stronger. That's what repression does. It drives sexuality underground.

For the record I hate the word fetish because of the negative connotations associated with it.

If anything will "rewire" your brain it will be negative experiences or just boredom if your fetish turns out to be temporary. Only time will tell.

 

[ss7979]

I like taken women. I don't plan to change it. I don't force anyone but I find with a little encouragement a lot of em are willing to spread.

 

[VelvetThroat]

I also have the same fetish since ever. Even as a teen my main goal was to lose my virginity to married men. Most of my experiences are with married men or guys with girlfriends, and I personally don't regret it. If you're a guy who is into discretion or who doesn't like kiss and tell, they're are the best. If the moral values concern you, at least think that it's not you who is cheating, it's them. And if it wasn't with you, they would be having sex with someone else.
My best advice would be to try to rationalise it, and just have fun while you can.

Could I dm you for tips?

 

[deleted17361041]

Could I dm you for tips?

Yes of course

 

[heinz.friedrich]

What I am struggling with is whether I should give in to this desire and fetish since it wont go sway? Or if I should try to find a way to get rid of this fetish, but is that even possible? It feels like its the way my brain is wired. Have any of you rewired your brains into not finding something attractive anymore , and if so how?

I love the thrill of it. The taboo aspect and the sneaking around. However, I am starting to think that maybe I should try to force myself to be a more dignified person. Maybe somebody who dates. I want to be that guy but I feel like who I actually am is someone who enjoys casual sex with taken men. Should I put in an effort to change or should I accept that this is who I am?

That is pretty much the stuff a lot of religious and spiritual people talke about. That is called celebacy in Catholicism and called something else in other groups.

I dont know any people except magicians. At least they claim that they can do it, if they are positive. If they can really do it, I do not know. Other people claim to use sex and sexual attraction to manipulate other people. So there are a lot of people in the world that say all kind of stuff.

What I am struggling with is whether I should give in to this desire and fetish since it wont go sway? Or if I should try to find a way to get rid of this fetish, but is that even possible? It feels like its the way my brain is wired. Have any of you rewired your brains into not finding something attractive anymore , and if so how?

in my opinion, sex has always a small negative part but also a positive part in it. But sex is overwhelmingly positive, in the case you love the person.

You are objectifying the person, because you said that this is a fetish. A fetish is an objectification. You have to learn to respect the person and see value in this person. Similar to the greating Namaste in Hinduism, which means translated, that you honor the person. If you do that repeatedly, then the fetish part goes away. You do not see them as a fetish (as low value person), but you may still be attracted to them.

But that is self explanatory. Fetishization means the devaluation of a person and the opposite is the valuation of a person.

But the spiritual practice has to have meaning and you have to train it for a while.

I love the thrill of it. The taboo aspect and the sneaking around. However, I am starting to think that maybe I should try to force myself to be a more dignified person. Maybe somebody who dates. I want to be that guy but I feel like who I actually am is someone who enjoys casual sex with taken men. Should I put in an effort to change or should I accept that this is who I am?

In that case you should think this is not a taboo, so you have no thrill about it, anymore. Or think it is a taboo not to sleep with those people. So you have the thrill but only the other way around.

You can also marry a man. In that case, you are attracted to him ,because he is taken. in that case, you are the one, that took him, but I think that does not matter for the fetish.

 

[bravesoldier]

I think I'm about to embrace a fetish, hooking up with a cute short guy. I've always been attracted to cute, short men. I've come across a killer cute 28 year old that's 5'5. Supposed to meet him for the first time this weekend. He has a ruthless appeal.

 

[chrisrobin]

Im at a crossroads in my life so I thought I would look for some advice. I have a fetish that I personally find problematic. Since I can remember, Ive had intense attraction to married fathers who cheat. If a goodlooking man had a wedding ring he became a lot more attractive. I think porn is what created this fetish for me. I finally decided to act on this fetish when I was of legal age. I met up with a married dad and blew him in his truck. His body was amazing and I enjoyed myself. However on the drive back he started to talk about his kid and wife and I felt bad. I never met up again with a cheating married man for sex.

Despite the shame and guily my attraction for married dads never left. Im now in my 20s and this fetish is as sstrong as ever. I have yet to have any romantic inclinations or any desire to date. Once in a while I will meet up with someone for casual sex or I will look for an fwb. Lately though my views on sex have been changing. I think sleeping with a married man is a bit more of a gray issue than I thought. Some of these men have been sexually neglected for months/years and are out here looking for something. If its not with me it would be with someone else.

What I am struggling with is whether I should give in to this desire and fetish since it wont go sway? Or if I should try to find a way to get rid of this fetish, but is that even possible? It feels like its the way my brain is wired. Have any of you rewired your brains into not finding something attractive anymore , and if so how?

I love the thrill of it. The taboo aspect and the sneaking around. However, I am starting to think that maybe I should try to force myself to be a more dignified person. Maybe somebody who dates. I want to be that guy but I feel like who I actually am is someone who enjoys casual sex with taken men. Should I put in an effort to change or should I accept that this is who I am?

If you get the cock then take it, its a fetish and desire and lust you need to fulfill, and the guys who pop cocks in your mouth don't seem to worry so why should you. I have married guys I give head to on a regular basis and its no problem. The only time I did feel guilty was when a guy I fucked round with for a while announced he was getting married because that's what his family wanted. This was a guy I'd sucked and fucked and been fucked by. I was his stag party, we had a good time and I felt guilty because I enjoyed it so much or because I would get to fuck with him again - neither - guilty because I am part of that society which still doesn't accept that being gay happens. So if a married guy wants to get naked and force your head between his legs go with the flow and enjoy it all the way.

 

[nj6443]

That is pretty much the stuff a lot of religious and spiritual people talke about. That is called celebacy in Catholicism and called something else in other groups.

I dont know any people except magicians. At least they claim that they can do it, if they are positive. If they can really do it, I do not know. Other people claim to use sex and sexual attraction to manipulate other people. So there are a lot of people in the world that say all kind of stuff.



in my opinion, sex has always a small negative part but also a positive part in it. But sex is overwhelmingly positive, in the case you love the person.

You are objectifying the person, because you said that this is a fetish. A fetish is an objectification. You have to learn to respect the person and see value in this person. Similar to the greating Namaste in Hinduism, which means translated, that you honor the person. If you do that repeatedly, then the fetish part goes away. You do not see them as a fetish (as low value person), but you may still be attracted to them.

But that is self explanatory. Fetishization means the devaluation of a person and the opposite is the valuation of a person.

But the spiritual practice has to have meaning and you have to train it for a while.



In that case you should think this is not a taboo, so you have no thrill about it, anymore. Or think it is a taboo not to sleep with those people. So you have the thrill but only the other way around.

You can also marry a man. In that case, you are attracted to him ,because he is taken. in that case, you are the one, that took him, but I think that does not matter for the fetish.

This is really interesting advice. For what it’s worth, I meditate and do SKY breath every day as a lifestyle and I’ve found that over time certain “fetishes” towards women and men that I had just dropped off and don’t excite me very much anymore. (Sports gear, guys with girlfriends, certain underwear, fucking in certain places, etc.) I also find that I’m not developing new fetishes, so I know I’m “losing” them and they’re not just changing.

It may take years, but it can happen. However, what @halcyondays and others have said is very astute: you cannot “force” yourself to get rid of a fetish. What you resist will persist. So don’t try and be “anti-married” mentally or something as it will only make it worse in the long run.

I must admit also that some “fetishes” haven’t gone away entirely for me - I’m still enticed by the idea of a married guy or fucking in a locker room for example. But their strength has reduced dramatically - so like in high school I’d seek certain guys out because they were and married or jocks, etc., where as now for me the primary attraction is to the person themselves, and then anything else (like them being a jock or married) is just circumstantial and adds a little spice.

Try to limit your pornography use and just relax more often (take walks, take naps, meditate, etc.), especially when you get horny. You may find that what I would call “obsessive fetishes” go away naturally

 

[Countdickula]

Im at a crossroads in my life so I thought I would look for some advice. I have a fetish that I personally find problematic. Since I can remember, Ive had intense attraction to married fathers who cheat. If a goodlooking man had a wedding ring he became a lot more attractive. I think porn is what created this fetish for me. I finally decided to act on this fetish when I was of legal age. I met up with a married dad and blew him in his truck. His body was amazing and I enjoyed myself. However on the drive back he started to talk about his kid and wife and I felt bad. I never met up again with a cheating married man for sex.

Despite the shame and guily my attraction for married dads never left. Im now in my 20s and this fetish is as sstrong as ever. I have yet to have any romantic inclinations or any desire to date. Once in a while I will meet up with someone for casual sex or I will look for an fwb. Lately though my views on sex have been changing. I think sleeping with a married man is a bit more of a gray issue than I thought. Some of these men have been sexually neglected for months/years and are out here looking for something. If its not with me it would be with someone else.

What I am struggling with is whether I should give in to this desire and fetish since it wont go sway? Or if I should try to find a way to get rid of this fetish, but is that even possible? It feels like its the way my brain is wired. Have any of you rewired your brains into not finding something attractive anymore , and if so how?

I love the thrill of it. The taboo aspect and the sneaking around. However, I am starting to think that maybe I should try to force myself to be a more dignified person. Maybe somebody who dates. I want to be that guy but I feel like who I actually am is someone who enjoys casual sex with taken men. Should I put in an effort to change or should I accept that this is who I am?

I’ll be maybe the Saturn to your Uranus (I know, I know lol) and give you a bit of a different take. The whole “If it isn’t me, it’ll be someone else” rationale is not a reasonable one and is antithetical to your own conscience.

It very well could be someone else, but apply that rationale to anything else. How about heroin dealers? If it’s not you supplying the drug, it will be someone else. Might as well do i and make money. That can and will and does lead to devastating consequences for the “customer.” Do you want to be the person responsible for those consequences? Yes, he’s an adult and can make his one decisions but is that a dynamic, karmic ally or otherwise, that you want to participate in. Does it make you feel good about yourself? Evidently not, if you’re here asking the question.

It comes down to cost/benefit. Are the consequences for you, spiritually, psychologically and emotionally, worth fulfilling the fetish? Only you can be the judge of that.

I admire you for being in your 20s and even having this question. At that age (I’m not TERRIBLY older than that lol) I was putting my junk in any available male body. It made me feel shitty about myself and the only remedy (I thought) was to do it again which made the cycle perpetual and worse every time. The real solution was to understand why I was doing it. For me, it was validation that I was hot enough to get who I wanted. For you, I’d say look at your relationship with your father, first and foremost.

Fetishes have their place. For me they don’t get played out in real life. I wouldn’t feel ok with that. Listen to the voice telling you it’s not ok, not the one saying “whatever man, who cares about his dumbass wife. I’m actually being altruistic helping him get his needs met.” I’m turn your push down the feelings of guilt until you don’t hear your conscience anymore. That, my friend, is a slippery ass slope.

dm me if you want to talk. I can give you some astrologically based insight. No charge or anything; knowing how it helped me, I just hope I can be of assistance if you want it.

 

[Countdickula]

If you get the cock then take it, its a fetish and desire and lust you need to fulfill, and the guys who pop cocks in your mouth don't seem to worry so why should you. I have married guys I give head to on a regular basis and its no problem. The only time I did feel guilty was when a guy I fucked round with for a while announced he was getting married because that's what his family wanted. This was a guy I'd sucked and fucked and been fucked by. I was his stag party, we had a good time and I felt guilty because I enjoyed it so much or because I would get to fuck with him again - neither - guilty because I am part of that society which still doesn't accept that being gay happens. So if a married guy wants to get naked and force your head between his legs go with the flow and enjoy it all the way.

How far do you take that? Do you fulfill the lust no matter the potential consequence for the other person? Where do you draw the line and why draw it at all? What if it’s a person who is not of age by a lot and he’s pursuing you? Behind the scenes is the fact that this person is being severely abused and has no capacity to gauge what it is they want or don’t want. Is it still ok?

If you have a line, then it sounds more like you have a subjective assessment and rationale around your actions vs. an objective perspective on the boundaries of sexual desire. I’m not coming for you, I’m just challenging your thinking process because advice like this is less than ideal and a mindset that has lead and leads to multiple issues in the gay community.

 

[stevendailey]

All it takes is for you to fall truly in love with someone, get married/committed, spend years creating a family, and get cheated on for you to get rid of that fetish ASAP.

The voice in your head or that nasty feeling you get afterwards is your conscious built on the morals/values that you personally developed growing up. I would listen to it because you don't want to regret choices you make in regard to sex as that can get pretty messy and mess you up. Sure, you can make the argument that you're not the one cheating, but you know in your head that you're seeking these men out and going along with their charade.

Some people don't care, which is their prerogative. I would care because I wouldn't want to be responsible for encouraging married men to cheat on their spouse and ruin their marriage/family. I shut that shit down if I know they're married/in a relationship.

 

[Mattxxxxxxxx]

Im at a crossroads in my life so I thought I would look for some advice. I have a fetish that I personally find problematic. Since I can remember, Ive had intense attraction to married fathers who cheat. If a goodlooking man had a wedding ring he became a lot more attractive. I think porn is what created this fetish for me. I finally decided to act on this fetish when I was of legal age. I met up with a married dad and blew him in his truck. His body was amazing and I enjoyed myself. However on the drive back he started to talk about his kid and wife and I felt bad. I never met up again with a cheating married man for sex.

Despite the shame and guily my attraction for married dads never left. Im now in my 20s and this fetish is as sstrong as ever. I have yet to have any romantic inclinations or any desire to date. Once in a while I will meet up with someone for casual sex or I will look for an fwb. Lately though my views on sex have been changing. I think sleeping with a married man is a bit more of a gray issue than I thought. Some of these men have been sexually neglected for months/years and are out here looking for something. If its not with me it would be with someone else.

What I am struggling with is whether I should give in to this desire and fetish since it wont go sway? Or if I should try to find a way to get rid of this fetish, but is that even possible? It feels like its the way my brain is wired. Have any of you rewired your brains into not finding something attractive anymore , and if so how?

I love the thrill of it. The taboo aspect and the sneaking around. However, I am starting to think that maybe I should try to force myself to be a more dignified person. Maybe somebody who dates. I want to be that guy but I feel like who I actually am is someone who enjoys casual sex with taken men. Should I put in an effort to change or should I accept that this is who I am?

You're very troubled about something that is not as a big deal as you think. Fuck whoever turns you on. It's just sex. Also this is not a fetish but more of fantasy

 

[Countdickula]

You're very troubled about something that is not as a big deal as you think. Fuck whoever turns you on. It's just sex. Also this is not a fetish but more of fantasy

In this paradigm, are there any restrictions around “fuck whoever turns you on?” That seems like a real slippery slope there Matt.

 

[Countdickula]

All it takes is for you to fall truly in love with someone, get married/committed, spend years creating a family, and get cheated on for you to get rid of that fetish ASAP.

The voice in your head or that nasty feeling you get afterwards is your conscious built on the morals/values that you personally developed growing up. I would listen to it because you don't want to regret choices you make in regard to sex as that can get pretty messy and mess you up. Sure, you can make the argument that you're not the one cheating, but you know in your head that you're seeking these men out and going along with their charade.

Some people don't care, which is their prerogative. I would care because I wouldn't want to be responsible for encouraging married men to cheat on their spouse and ruin their marriage/family. I shut that shit down if I know they're married/in a relationship.

I hear ya on this one and you right fam. It is maybe a different story if you’re both older and the married dude has told his wife he’s gay and they’re in the process of a divorce. In that case, you’re ruining nothing because there’s no intention or hope or reconciliation. But this is different and if it’s bothering him already, then anything other than stopping is looking for a way to make him feel ok with doing it.

 

[Mattxxxxxxxx]

In this paradigm, are there any restrictions around “fuck whoever turns you on?” That seems like a real slippery slope there Matt.

Why would there be any restrictions? as long as both are consenting adult human beings...

 

[BlueBanana-1]

Im at a crossroads in my life so I thought I would look for some advice. I have a fetish that I personally find problematic. Since I can remember, Ive had intense attraction to married fathers who cheat. If a goodlooking man had a wedding ring he became a lot more attractive. I think porn is what created this fetish for me. I finally decided to act on this fetish when I was of legal age. I met up with a married dad and blew him in his truck. His body was amazing and I enjoyed myself. However on the drive back he started to talk about his kid and wife and I felt bad. I never met up again with a cheating married man for sex.

Despite the shame and guily my attraction for married dads never left. Im now in my 20s and this fetish is as sstrong as ever. I have yet to have any romantic inclinations or any desire to date. Once in a while I will meet up with someone for casual sex or I will look for an fwb. Lately though my views on sex have been changing. I think sleeping with a married man is a bit more of a gray issue than I thought. Some of these men have been sexually neglected for months/years and are out here looking for something. If its not with me it would be with someone else.

What I am struggling with is whether I should give in to this desire and fetish since it wont go sway? Or if I should try to find a way to get rid of this fetish, but is that even possible? It feels like its the way my brain is wired. Have any of you rewired your brains into not finding something attractive anymore , and if so how?

I love the thrill of it. The taboo aspect and the sneaking around. However, I am starting to think that maybe I should try to force myself to be a more dignified person. Maybe somebody who dates. I want to be that guy but I feel like who I actually am is someone who enjoys casual sex with taken men. Should I put in an effort to change or should I accept that this is who I am?

If you are at a moral crossroads you could gradually replace it with roleplay of a married man. Fetishes are fluid but sometimes it's good to take a step back and think about them. Some people have fetishes for life and that's okay. Honestly, if you do feel like it's a burden I would recommend cognitive behavioural therapy. Some apps offer it for free and it helps modify your behaviours into something more like your goals. It takes time. But it may be beneficial.

 

[DiomedesXVI]

It sounds like you’re having quite a war between id (your wild fetish side that’s into the taboo married man) and superego (your self-control side that wants restraint and moral abidance). It’s just my two cents, but I often find a short fling of pleasure usually doesn’t outweigh the burden of feeling guilty later. So you either have to toss your desire for restraint out the window and dull or kill the remorse, or find a way to trick your id.

I would personally try out the second option to see if it’s any bit of a worthwhile solution. My suggestion for that would be to see if you could find guys here (or on another site) who’d be up for role playing as a married man but who aren’t actually, or find guys here who are either separated from their spouse or are planning to divorce.

The roleplay option is just to try and see if you can trick your inner fetish. The separated/divorce option is the fallback, where if you can’t trick your fetish with roleplay, then a man who is separated or going for divorce is still a married man. It’s still tricking the fetish, but with a technicality instead of a full wool-over-the-eyes deal like roleplay would be. I suppose a third possible option is to look for a married couple who is into swinging, divulge your fetish to them, and maybe they’ll play along.

Hope these ideas can help.

 

[NotAfraidofHeights]

... Just dont? I'm not understanding here.

Is someone forcing you to engage married fathers?