Having feeling with a massage therapist

[ConfusedGuy23]

Hello hives,


I have a weird question, but I don't know who else to turn to about this. Sincere apology for the super long post.


I've been seeing this guy from MassageGuys for sensual massage for almost 8 months, about once or twice a month. He's not my first, and I have always been able to separate pleasure and feelings during these kind of sessions beforehand and I would also see other people as well.


However, my life has been extremely stressful lately and as a result, my mental health has deteriorated over the last few months. Fortunately, the sessions with this guy had been one of the fun positive things in my life to look forward to. I still see him about twice a month, but I stop seeing others. We also occasionally flirt via SMS in between (not real sexting with XXX photos), but we always kept it brief and in a joking way since he is in a committed relationship (although it is an open relationship).


Furthermore, since I'm a repeat customer, he has been doing extra things that he doesn't usually do to others; I assume, so that I keep seeing him, which is perfectly fine by me. For example, he introduced the joy of anal orgasm (with finger and tongue) and blow job, which I had not been able to enjoy previously due to prior sexual assault. Moreover, we would always cuddle and talk about various things afterwards which has made these sessions to be more emotionally involved than they are supposed to. Nevertheless, penile penetrative sex has always been out of the question, since he has a partner, and I was raped before (by another escort) and I have never enjoyed being fucked since then.


Then, out of the blue, he fucked me during one of the sessions last month, and I thoroughly enjoyed it and let him fuck me then, although we didn't do it very long because I didn't douche properly since I wasn't expecting it (I only cleaned around the anus). He then checked on me via SMS the day after to make sure I was okay, and reiterated that it would not be a common occurrence. Subsequently, I have seen him twice since then, and he didn't fuck me on the first subsequent session even though I was pretty much letting him knew that I wanted it. Then, during our second subsequent session, he did eventually fuck me after I pretty much forced that on him, but we also didn't do it very long because he said that he felt forced to fuck me he only did it to make me happy. He also said that he only offered a massage service, not an escort service. I felt so bad when he said that, so, we stopped and just proceeded with the usual massage with happy ending afterwards.


As mentioned previously, since my mental health has been bad currently, I am unable to control my emotions accordingly; therefore, I have been unable to stop thinking about him. I'm still not in "stalkery mode" yet thankfully, but I have been crying a lot about this. I also felt really bad that i made him feel uncomfortable for forcing him to fuck me. Obviously, the right thing to do is to stop seeing him, and luckily, I do have a regular psychologist who I will debrief on this with.

However, I feel really bad to stop seeing him since I do know that he works very hard (his normal job and massage job) because he wants to buy a house and get married soon. But I definitely think that I should not see him again until my mental health is better and my 'feelings" towards him disappear. What is the best way to "break up" with him? Should I tell him about everything that I mentioned above? Have anyone here experienced this? Appreciate some DMs so that I don't feel stupid for feeling like this.

Thanks for reading this long post. I actually felt a bit better now after "talking" about this out loud.

 

[dreamer20]

I've this guy..for sensual massage for almost 8 months...he's been doing extra things; I assume, so that I keep seeing him...For example anal orgasm (with finger and tongue), blow job... Moreover, we always cuddle and talk..afterwards...Out of the blue, he fucked me during one of the sessions last month. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Then, during <a> subsequent session...he said that he felt forced to fuck me - he only did it to make me happy. <this is> not an escort service. I felt so bad when he said that, we proceeded with the usual massage with happy ending afterwards.
I have been crying a lot about this. I also felt really bad that i made him feel uncomfortable for forcing him to fuck me... What is the best way to "break up" with him?

ConfusedGuy87 you now are at a crossroads with regard to seeing or not seeing the masseur. Clearly the use of "extra things" kept other clients coming back - including fucking. Don't let him mess with your mind and guilt trip you over his newfound distaste for fucking his clients. He just changed his mind and fucking was taken off of the "extra things" menu. Don't be afraid to discuss the "extra things". You must tell him what you appreciate, what brings you pleasure in order to have fun positive sessions instead of something that will sadden you.

 

[Jphadley12]

It does seem like you are reading too much into something that happened naturally one time. He probably didn’t think more of it and just liked to help you.

 

[big george]

Hello hives,


I have a weird question, but I don't know who else to turn to about this. Sincere apology for the super long post.


I've been seeing this guy from MassageGuys for sensual massage for almost 8 months, about once or twice a month. He's not my first, and I have always been able to separate pleasure and feelings during these kind of sessions beforehand and I would also see other people as well.


However, my life has been extremely stressful lately and as a result, my mental health has deteriorated over the last few months. Fortunately, the sessions with this guy had been one of the fun positive things in my life to look forward to. I still see him about twice a month, but I stop seeing others. We also occasionally flirt via SMS in between (not real sexting with XXX photos), but we always kept it brief and in a joking way since he is in a committed relationship (although it is an open relationship).


Furthermore, since I'm a repeat customer, he has been doing extra things that he doesn't usually do to others; I assume, so that I keep seeing him, which is perfectly fine by me. For example, he introduced the joy of anal orgasm (with finger and tongue) and blow job, which I had not been able to enjoy previously due to prior sexual assault. Moreover, we would always cuddle and talk about various things afterwards which has made these sessions to be more emotionally involved than they are supposed to. Nevertheless, penile penetrative sex has always been out of the question, since he has a partner, and I was raped before (by another escort) and I have never enjoyed being fucked since then.


Then, out of the blue, he fucked me during one of the sessions last month, and I thoroughly enjoyed it and let him fuck me then, although we didn't do it very long because I didn't douche properly since I wasn't expecting it (I only cleaned around the anus). He then checked on me via SMS the day after to make sure I was okay, and reiterated that it would not be a common occurrence. Subsequently, I have seen him twice since then, and he didn't fuck me on the first subsequent session even though I was pretty much letting him knew that I wanted it. Then, during our second subsequent session, he did eventually fuck me after I pretty much forced that on him, but we also didn't do it very long because he said that he felt forced to fuck me he only did it to make me happy. He also said that he only offered a massage service, not an escort service. I felt so bad when he said that, so, we stopped and just proceeded with the usual massage with happy ending afterwards.


As mentioned previously, since my mental health has been bad currently, I am unable to control my emotions accordingly; therefore, I have been unable to stop thinking about him. I'm still not in "stalkery mode" yet thankfully, but I have been crying a lot about this. I also felt really bad that i made him feel uncomfortable for forcing him to fuck me. Obviously, the right thing to do is to stop seeing him, and luckily, I do have a regular psychologist who I will debrief on this with.

However, I feel really bad to stop seeing him since I do know that he works very hard (his normal job and massage job) because he wants to buy a house and get married soon. But I definitely think that I should not see him again until my mental health is better and my 'feelings" towards him disappear. What is the best way to "break up" with him? Should I tell him about everything that I mentioned above? Have anyone here experienced this? Appreciate some DMs so that I don't feel stupid for feeling like this.

Thanks for reading this long post. I actually felt a bit better now after "talking" about this out loud.

I can empathize with your situation. There are a lot of Excellent masseurs out there. I recently had a similar experience with one that baited me with 'Extras" for months then withheld explaining that any Sex would cost $$$. I was initially taken back and disappointed by his blunt turn around. I asked him for a menu along with cost for those services. Although I had developed feelings of friendship, I decided none of it was worth it and dropped him. It felt really good for my self esteem when I started seeing other masseurs who appreciate me for my client fidelity and give a great massage. I always let them decide when to make the move toward more than massage, which they usually do, and never invest any emotion or extra$ in our professional relationship.

 

[ConfusedGuy23]

I can empathize with your situation. There are a lot of Excellent masseurs out there. I recently had a similar experience with one that baited me with 'Extras" for months then withheld explaining that any Sex would cost $$$. I was initially taken back and disappointed by his blunt turn around. I asked him for a menu along with cost for those services. Although I had developed feelings of friendship, I decided none of it was worth it and dropped him. It felt really good for my self esteem when I started seeing other masseurs who appreciate me for my client fidelity and give a great massage. I always let them decide when to make the move toward more than massage, which they usually do, and never invest any emotion or extra$ in our professional relationship.

That's a great advice. It's annoying that I developed feeling to him especially after being teased for months. I might have low self esteem but i have too much of self respect to fall for him. Time has been a great healer and I don't feel as attached to him anymore. I still cherished the good memories that he provided, but it's time to enjoy other "fishes" in the sea

 

[ConfusedGuy23]

It does seem like you are reading too much into something that happened naturally one time. He probably didn’t think more of it and just liked to help you.

I did consider that, but he kept saying before that he did not fuck his client because he had a fiancee, then out of the blue, he fucked me, which was "annoyingly" enjoyable, then has been flip-flopping about fucking. I did tell him about my experience of being raped and I would imagine he would be more considerate about this

 

[ConfusedGuy23]

ConfusedGuy87 you now are at a crossroads with regard to seeing or not seeing the masseur. Clearly the use of "extra things" kept other clients coming back - including fucking. Don't let him mess with your mind and guilt trip you over his newfound distaste for fucking his clients. He just changed his mind and fucking was taken off of the "extra things" menu. Don't be afraid to discuss the "extra things". You must tell him what you appreciate, what brings you pleasure in order to have fun positive sessions instead of something that will sadden you.

Thanks for your advice. I've told him that I would stop seeing him for a while until I can sort out my own emotions. He was initially understanding and sad that he was not going to see me again, then complaining of the drama after I openly discuss about my feelings and experience on this. Then, he "breadcrumbs" me if random SMS to bait me. I thought he was one of the nice guys but I guess I was mistaken. It does make it easier to forget about him though

 

[Jet_pack]

Thanks for your advice. I've told him that I would stop seeing him for a while until I can sort out my own emotions. He was initially understanding and sad that he was not going to see me again, then complaining of the drama after I openly discuss about my feelings and experience on this. Then, he "breadcrumbs" me if random SMS to bait me. I thought he was one of the nice guys but I guess I was mistaken. It does make it easier to forget about him though

Red flag! He is manipulating you. Don't re-engage, keep clear of him, block the # if you feel compelled to reach out to him. Be glad of the experience you both willingly had, especially if you broke down some of your own barriers from past trauma, and move forward.

 

[Beefderky]

Man, as I write this, I realize it's also a lot and therefore I apologize lol.

I'm going to be honest. Not be a dick honest, but more like, speak my mind and hope you won't hate me honest lol. The second you accepted these "extra things" from the masseuse, you pretty much set yourself up to be vulnerable. I understand your life has been stressful and due to it, your mental health has been deteriorating. You acknowledging that should have be the first hint for you to be more aware of yourself and surroundings.

Since you were in this vulnerable state, falling for the masseuse was inevitable. It happened the second you guys crossed that profressional boundary. I'm sure it wasn't intentional on your end. Some how you guys ended up just playfully flirting via texting. Of course the flirtation was going to continue during the massages. It's only human nature to flirt with someone you find attractive, innocent or not. He was bringing light into your life after everythings seems to be surrounded by darkness with all the shitty things happening to you in life. How can you not hold onto that?

To me, I think you both caught some feelings for one another. The intimacy that cuddling alone can create is pretty chaotically annoying lol. After some time, you both have gotten quite close. Before sex, you didn't seem to object to him giving you anal funsies with his mouth/finger. I understand that you are a vicitim to rape, but being with the masseuse made you feel safe and in a sense you trusted him. Sex with him was most likely lingering in the back of your mind. Suffering from that trauma makes it harder to get close to others, if at all. I'm assuming the thought of anyone touching you must have repulsed you in a sense but it was different with him after getting to know him.

**I'm trying to be sensitive on this next part because i'm aware everyone is different on the matter.**

Leading up to sex, did you want to have sex with him? Or were you hesitant/scared to say no? Were unsure what you wanted until it happened? I'm only asking because it sounded weird when you said out of the blue he fucked you during one of the sessions. The way it was worded, it comes off like it was a massage and then right into sex. Or maybe it was just sex first then a massage. As I think about it on my end, I thought you really meant that the massage started off as usual, you both were chatting and flirting. Both were getting into things sexually and between the body language and intimacy, sex didn't feel so out of the blue. It felt out of the blue because he said he has a partner. That's why I think feelings may have occured.

Anyways, we won't really know what was on that guys mind but in the end, this is the best decision you made for youself. You needed to cut ties with him because it wasn't going to be healthy for you. Your mental health is important and should come first. It's scary because mental health can disguise a lot of red flags you should be wary of. It sort makes you turn a blind eye. That's why I hope you pay extra attention to your life because I don't want you to be stuck with some douchebag that doesn't deserve you. In a sense, I guess I wanted you to think back about this situation and just point out to yourself where you could have drawn the line. I want you to point out the red flags so you can be more wary. I just believe this could help you in your future to bring you happiness.

 

[ronin001]

I do not think the law in Australia allows for sexual activities between the Masseur and the client.
The restrictions are there to protect the client as well as the masseur. Technically there is a term that applies to people who perform sex and expect to get paid for it. I would suggest visiting a Psychologist or an Analyst , to better address your mental health problems.

I know this is LPSG; but the penis is seldom the solution to every problem

Good Luck

 

[deleted18576551]

Hello hives,


I have a weird question, but I don't know who else to turn to about this. Sincere apology for the super long post.


I've been seeing this guy from MassageGuys for sensual massage for almost 8 months, about once or twice a month. He's not my first, and I have always been able to separate pleasure and feelings during these kind of sessions beforehand and I would also see other people as well.


However, my life has been extremely stressful lately and as a result, my mental health has deteriorated over the last few months. Fortunately, the sessions with this guy had been one of the fun positive things in my life to look forward to. I still see him about twice a month, but I stop seeing others. We also occasionally flirt via SMS in between (not real sexting with XXX photos), but we always kept it brief and in a joking way since he is in a committed relationship (although it is an open relationship).


Furthermore, since I'm a repeat customer, he has been doing extra things that he doesn't usually do to others; I assume, so that I keep seeing him, which is perfectly fine by me. For example, he introduced the joy of anal orgasm (with finger and tongue) and blow job, which I had not been able to enjoy previously due to prior sexual assault. Moreover, we would always cuddle and talk about various things afterwards which has made these sessions to be more emotionally involved than they are supposed to. Nevertheless, penile penetrative sex has always been out of the question, since he has a partner, and I was raped before (by another escort) and I have never enjoyed being fucked since then.


Then, out of the blue, he fucked me during one of the sessions last month, and I thoroughly enjoyed it and let him fuck me then, although we didn't do it very long because I didn't douche properly since I wasn't expecting it (I only cleaned around the anus). He then checked on me via SMS the day after to make sure I was okay, and reiterated that it would not be a common occurrence. Subsequently, I have seen him twice since then, and he didn't fuck me on the first subsequent session even though I was pretty much letting him knew that I wanted it. Then, during our second subsequent session, he did eventually fuck me after I pretty much forced that on him, but we also didn't do it very long because he said that he felt forced to fuck me he only did it to make me happy. He also said that he only offered a massage service, not an escort service. I felt so bad when he said that, so, we stopped and just proceeded with the usual massage with happy ending afterwards.


As mentioned previously, since my mental health has been bad currently, I am unable to control my emotions accordingly; therefore, I have been unable to stop thinking about him. I'm still not in "stalkery mode" yet thankfully, but I have been crying a lot about this. I also felt really bad that i made him feel uncomfortable for forcing him to fuck me. Obviously, the right thing to do is to stop seeing him, and luckily, I do have a regular psychologist who I will debrief on this with.

However, I feel really bad to stop seeing him since I do know that he works very hard (his normal job and massage job) because he wants to buy a house and get married soon. But I definitely think that I should not see him again until my mental health is better and my 'feelings" towards him disappear. What is the best way to "break up" with him? Should I tell him about everything that I mentioned above? Have anyone here experienced this? Appreciate some DMs so that I don't feel stupid for feeling like this.

Thanks for reading this long post. I actually felt a bit better now after "talking" about this out loud.

Don't tell him anything because you don't owe him anything. The relationships is 100% transactional even if you have some feelings due to a deteriorating mental health state. If he texts you, just say you are taking a break of massages for a few months, but will contact him again when needed.
He's not interested in you as he told you he only fucked you because you wanted that. So don't think about it anymore and start having sex with other guys.

 

[Strapguy]

Hello hives,


I have a weird question, but I don't know who else to turn to about this. Sincere apology for the super long post.


I've been seeing this guy from MassageGuys for sensual massage for almost 8 months, about once or twice a month. He's not my first, and I have always been able to separate pleasure and feelings during these kind of sessions beforehand and I would also see other people as well.


However, my life has been extremely stressful lately and as a result, my mental health has deteriorated over the last few months. Fortunately, the sessions with this guy had been one of the fun positive things in my life to look forward to. I still see him about twice a month, but I stop seeing others. We also occasionally flirt via SMS in between (not real sexting with XXX photos), but we always kept it brief and in a joking way since he is in a committed relationship (although it is an open relationship).


Furthermore, since I'm a repeat customer, he has been doing extra things that he doesn't usually do to others; I assume, so that I keep seeing him, which is perfectly fine by me. For example, he introduced the joy of anal orgasm (with finger and tongue) and blow job, which I had not been able to enjoy previously due to prior sexual assault. Moreover, we would always cuddle and talk about various things afterwards which has made these sessions to be more emotionally involved than they are supposed to. Nevertheless, penile penetrative sex has always been out of the question, since he has a partner, and I was raped before (by another escort) and I have never enjoyed being fucked since then.


Then, out of the blue, he fucked me during one of the sessions last month, and I thoroughly enjoyed it and let him fuck me then, although we didn't do it very long because I didn't douche properly since I wasn't expecting it (I only cleaned around the anus). He then checked on me via SMS the day after to make sure I was okay, and reiterated that it would not be a common occurrence. Subsequently, I have seen him twice since then, and he didn't fuck me on the first subsequent session even though I was pretty much letting him knew that I wanted it. Then, during our second subsequent session, he did eventually fuck me after I pretty much forced that on him, but we also didn't do it very long because he said that he felt forced to fuck me he only did it to make me happy. He also said that he only offered a massage service, not an escort service. I felt so bad when he said that, so, we stopped and just proceeded with the usual massage with happy ending afterwards.


As mentioned previously, since my mental health has been bad currently, I am unable to control my emotions accordingly; therefore, I have been unable to stop thinking about him. I'm still not in "stalkery mode" yet thankfully, but I have been crying a lot about this. I also felt really bad that i made him feel uncomfortable for forcing him to fuck me. Obviously, the right thing to do is to stop seeing him, and luckily, I do have a regular psychologist who I will debrief on this with.

However, I feel really bad to stop seeing him since I do know that he works very hard (his normal job and massage job) because he wants to buy a house and get married soon. But I definitely think that I should not see him again until my mental health is better and my 'feelings" towards him disappear. What is the best way to "break up" with him? Should I tell him about everything that I mentioned above? Have anyone here experienced this? Appreciate some DMs so that I don't feel stupid for feeling like this.

Thanks for reading this long post. I actually felt a bit better now after "talking" about this out loud.

Transference can occur between a therapist and a client.

 

[Chanceorlando]

2 questions, First, did he charge you additional for the fucking? If not he may not be manipulating your but just as equally confused by this as you are, especially since he's in a relationship and presumably not an open relationship. And second have you ever thought about skipping the massage/intimacy and grabbing lunch or drinks. See if there's real chemistry there either as friends or more? He may be having doubts about his relationship.

 

[dreamer20]

2 questions, First, did he charge you additional for the fucking? If not he may not be manipulating your but

The OP isn't seeing that masseur anymore. If you are willing to travel I'll manipulate more than just your butt - for free

 

[Jjohnnyboyyy]

Thanks for your advice. I've told him that I would stop seeing him for a while until I can sort out my own emotions. He was initially understanding and sad that he was not going to see me again, then complaining of the drama after I openly discuss about my feelings and experience on this. Then, he "breadcrumbs" me if random SMS to bait me. I thought he was one of the nice guys but I guess I was mistaken. It does make it easier to forget about him though

He wants the $$ dude