Hilarious Craigslist Ad

[Tattooed Goddess]

This made me giggle:

Finally, something for the lazy person! Paying $100 per hour with a one hour minimum (more if you help). Sessions usually last about two hours. Your duties will consist of inspecting air blowers and jets issuing from my hot tub and to advise if they feel good. Duties also include giving and receiving a massage. Candidate should be slim, fit and trim and not be offended by nudity (yours). Candidate needs to be young but legal and not afraid to have fun.

 

[petite]

LOL! That's great! I like how the ad downplays that there's anything sexual going on at all.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

It sounds so technical, at first i pictured this woman inspecting the exterior hoses to the hot tub and then i reread it and realized he was wanting to see how much pleasure she was getting out of the hot tub jets. I like that he mentioned "not offended by nudity (yours)"

His specifications for her physical appearance and age range seem quite picky, but then again he is paying $100 an hour. I was thinking damn i bet 2 hours feels like an eternity. And you will be massaging too. Where is there time for orgasm from the jets with all this inspection going on?

 

[wallyj84]

He'll probably get at least one response from a prostitute.

 

[EllieP]

I have a résumé.

 

[gretchenweiner]

We had a family friend who used to get $300 for taking a 15 minute shower for this really rich, old guy who suffered from impotence.

 

[Guy-jin]

We had a family friend who used to get $300 for taking a 15 minute shower for this really rich, old guy who suffered from impotence.

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuure you did.

 

[gretchenweiner]

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuure you did.

haha i wouldn't ever be his type...no one pays landwhales for those sort of things

 

[Guy-jin]

haha i wouldn't ever be his type...no one pays landwhales for those sort of things

He probably thought he was doing the world a favor by putting an endangered species back in its natural habitat!

 

[gretchenweiner]

He probably thought he was doing the world a favor by putting an endangered species back in its natural habitat!

haha...i don't think landwhales are anywhere close to becoming an endangered species

 

[B_Nick8]

We had a family friend who used to get $300 for taking a 15 minute shower for this really rich, old guy who suffered from impotence.

Gretchen, I told you that in confidence.

 

[Enid]

That ad is hilarious. I found another funny one. I would love one of these!

Man-Servant Needed

Look, I'll cut to the chase. I just need some help around my house.

Duties of a man-servant include, but are not limited to the following:
- Daily trash removal
- Back rubs
- Daily cleaning of litter boxes
- Sponge baths
- Preparation of lights meals and snacks
- Gratuitous compliments about how great I look in my penguin pajamas

In addition, a man-servant will have to be able to handle the following:
- Watching me dance around (without pants on) to show tunes
- Wearing a bedazzled loincloth while performing chores
- Occasional sexual harassment
- The sound of a whip cracking

Salary is negotiable and bonuses are available depending on how special you've made me feel by the end of the day.

If you're interested, please contact me as soon as possible. I'll need to fit you for the loincloth and then bedazzle it by hand before you can start.

 

[petite]

Chrissy I adore you! That was great! A bedazzled loincloth? It's much too glam for me!



My manservant's list of duties would have include:

- Basic household chores wearing only a pair of Calvin Klein boxer briefs

- Preparing cut fruit such as melons, peaches, berries, and grapes. May be asked to feed me fruit.

- Must be willing to watch my girly TV shows with me, possibly while giving me backrubs, and make interesting conversation about them.

- Preparing bubble baths. Must fetch bathtime beverages of my choice, such as hot cocoa or a glass of wine. Must be good at playing with bath toys such as my Black Pearl Pirate Ship, possibly by candlelight.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

I love it!

 

[gretchenweiner]

Gretchen, I told you that in confidence.

haha well I kept the part about making you lather your poof slowly and saying "i'm such a dirty, dirty girl" while scrubbing your body secret...um until now.

 

[CyprusBigOne]

http://img687.imageshack.us/img687/7772/newspaperpersonals.jpg

read the FIRST , THIRD and LAST sentences

 

[petite]

http://img687.imageshack.us/img687/7772/newspaperpersonals.jpg

read the FIRST , THIRD and LAST sentences

That's funny!

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

That's BRILLIANT.