How did you tell your wife (sig other) that you were bi?

[Geremy]

Looking for stories and advice.

Considering telling my wife to be that I’m closer to bi than stra8. Not too worried about her flipping out as she’s very LBTQ (and whatever other letters there) friendly Mixed answers so far as to whether one should tell or just keep it a secret. I’ve heard people say telling was even selfish to one make the bi person feel better.

Anyone have success or a bad experience? Was trust affected?

 

[BillM]

Stud, You posed very little info. however are you trying to tell her because you want to hook up with another guy or just let her know that you find guys attractive as does she?? Have you ever thought of having a 3 way and maybe that would be a good way to let her know that you would also find the other guy hot and that you both could have fun with him!!

 

[Geremy]

Lol sry for lack of info and hot pic. I wouldn’t tell her for a permission slip. It would be so that she knows me and can trust me at my core I guess. Just want her to understand who I am completely if that makes sense.

Could never watch another guy bang her out tho. Plus I do that well!!

 

[Scott8361]

After a divorce from a 20 year marriage I began seeing a great woman. We were able to have very open conversations. The sex with her was a new awakening for me in so many ways!

In our conversations I told her I "experimented" with solo self pleasuring, but it was hard for me to come out and tell her I liked fucking myself with dildos! She eventually asked If I used toys, having deduced on her own that I may have tried anal play. That was another door opening! I was able to fess up with her that I liked anal.

Eventually she asked me if I ever had sex with a guy. I was able to tell her about bi experiences in my past. She was very open about sex and was cool with my bi exploration. She has a gay brother she is very close to, so she understands the lifestyle. She would prefer to keep me to herself and does not want me engaging in sex with anyone else.

It is getting hard not to play with cock! I am finding my craving become too strong to contain!

I think if you are to have a good relationship with anyone, especially a good sexual relationship, you have to be able to talk and communicate about your desires. I suggest getting into conversations about sex and try to steer the subject to the topic and feel her out. I think it will become clear if you can come out or not to her.

 

[1088364]

I can't see how that would be selfish at all! Go for it! There's nothing more beautiful than to be your true self with the person you love!

My advice would be: be direct and honest, but remind yourself to explain everything she may have doubts about and that it doesn't change what you feel for her and also that (as it seems) she is more than enough for you! (I had to reassure my BF a couple of times that although I'm bi, I don't need to sleep with girls as he satisfies me physically and emotionally).

Also, remember that what you want to do is a very brave thing and also very honorable, as you step out of your comfort zone to share a very intimate piece of information with your SO. So, I wish you the best of luck! And let us know how it goes!

 

[Hockeytiger]

It is obviously a risk. You seem to understand the reasons why you should and reasons not to so I don't have a ton of advice for you. But since you asked, I told my wife when we started dating seriously. I was 19 and my bisexuality was new to me but I had come to acknowledge it, but not quite accept it yet. It was a fairly big risk for me and in some sense was probably stupid of me to tell her. I had a athletic scholarship and this was back in the early 90's so homosexuality was still somewhat taboo but especially in athletes, and unheard of in team sports. But I didn't feel comfortable keeping it a secret from her, not just for her sake, but for mine as well. It wasn't easy, and, frankly, I was almost in tears, and I'm not an emotional guy. It wasn't easy for her as well. But she appreciated the fact that I was being honest and felt that I could trust her even if she wasn't willing to continue dating me over it. Yes, trust was affected, but my willingness to be honest and risk my scholarship earned me some points. But it could have gone very badly, very, very, badly. It just didn't, for us.

 

[Geremy]

I can't see how that would be selfish at all! Go for it! There's nothing more beautiful than to be your true self with the person you love!

My advice would be: be direct and honest, but remind yourself to explain everything she may have doubts about and that it doesn't change what you feel for her and also that (as it seems) she is more than enough for you! (I had to reassure my BF a couple of times that although I'm bi, I don't need to sleep with girls as he satisfies me physically and emotionally).

Also, remember that what you want to do is a very brave thing and also very honorable, as you step out of your comfort zone to share a very intimate piece of information with your SO. So, I wish you the best of luck! And let us know how it goes!

Thanks for replying

 

[Geremy]

It is obviously a risk. You seem to understand the reasons why you should and reasons not to so I don't have a ton of advice for you. But since you asked, I told my wife when we started dating seriously. I was 19 and my bisexuality was new to me but I had come to acknowledge it, but not quite accept it yet. It was a fairly big risk for me and in some sense was probably stupid of me to tell her. I had a athletic scholarship and this was back in the early 90's so homosexuality was still somewhat taboo but especially in athletes, and unheard of in team sports. But I didn't feel comfortable keeping it a secret from her, not just for her sake, but for mine as well. It wasn't easy, and, frankly, I was almost in tears, and I'm not an emotional guy. It wasn't easy for her as well. But she appreciated the fact that I was being honest and felt that I could trust her even if she wasn't willing to continue dating me over it. Yes, trust was affected, but my willingness to be honest and risk my scholarship earned me some points. But it could have gone very badly, very, very, badly. It just didn't, for us.

Thanks for replying

 

[bi20sman]

This was a subject in a different thread in the past. For me it worked out but trust is a key part.
https://www.lpsg.com/posts/6126064/

 

[myhappypants]

I’m a bi guy and knew I always was but kept it in, things happened in my life with guys but I buried that then got married in 1997 I love my wife but kept checking out all the younger guys then in 2018 my wife and I decided we needed more she told me she’s been chatting with guys I told her that I had a thing for my sisters exfiance and had given him a blowjob and that I am bi she’s happy with it to. We’ve agreed to each other exploring so I’m here to say I am Bi and here to stay..

 

[tinyclitty]

I didn't tell her. And I should have. She found out, and it was very hurtful to her. I should've been upfront from the beginning. Honesty is crucial in a relationship. Of course, she wasn't honest with me about some things so it sort of canceled my not telling her out and we went on for a few years...but in the end, she used it against me. Be upfront is my advice.

 

[myhappypants]

I didn't tell her. And I should have. She found out, and it was very hurtful to her. I should've been upfront from the beginning. Honesty is crucial in a relationship. Of course, she wasn't honest with me about some things so it sort of canceled my not telling her out and we went on for a few years...but in the end, she used it against me. Be upfront is my advice.

That’s what I’m saying from this point on in our marriage we are upfront about what and how we are and not hide our true selves, we’ve changed for the better and I love now more than evermore I desire her more then ever as my one female in my life and I am free to explore other avenues. Life is great...

 

[bi_todd]

I didn't tell her. And I should have. She found out, and it was very hurtful to her. I should've been upfront from the beginning. Honesty is crucial in a relationship. Of course, she wasn't honest with me about some things so it sort of canceled my not telling her out and we went on for a few years...but in the end, she used it against me. Be upfront is my advice.

A dreaded scenario.

Complete honesty sometimes has painful consequences that result in no positive outcome. Sure - the truth was shared, but so what? Who benefitted? If everyone got hurt in the end, where is the goodness in that? I struggle to see the wisdom in unnecessarily bringing pain to others. Some truths can remain unspoken - especially if no greater benefit results.

 

[Sublime]

Hi guys. This is my first ever post. My wife was my girlfriend at the time when I told her. But just a little back story. I had had crushes on girls ever since I was little. I fantasized about being with girls in elementary school. So it wasn’t until middle school / high school that I was getting turned on by guys. Caused me a lot of confusion and I thought I could be gay. But I fell madly in love with my now wife and we grew in our sex lives and I thought it was something I could suppress.

At some point in our sexual exploring I allowed her to finger my ass. I knew it was supposed to feel good and man it was the best orgasm up until that point. This continued for some time. And one time while doing this she was asking me to talk dirty and I said something like “you like my bi tendencies” or something like that. She stopped and asked if I was bisexual. I tried to play it off like it was all talk but she pushed and finally I admitted it after she said she wouldn’t be mad. It felt like a huge weight off my chest to tell her. I’m the days following... that was kind of rough. She didn’t know what to make of it. She was worried about me wanting to try guys and maybe leaving her. I assured her that I loved her and didn’t want to do that. She said she would let me try it some day. We bought a dildo and she used it on me every once in a while. Things got better after some time. Also it helped that she has a co worker, much older woman former hippie who has.... “experienced a lot of life.” She’s very open minded and helped my wife become much more open minded.

 

[bkmuscledad]

This is a very tough question to answer without knowing you and your wife. I truly admire your desire to be open with her for honesty's sake, but none of us here can truly gauge what her reactions to that information will be. Only you can do that. I can speak only from my own experience in this. I have opted to keep this part of me to myself, not because my wife isn't "gay-friendly." In fact, she's very much so. However, she has her own personal insecurities, and I would never want her to doubt herself, her attractiveness, or suffer whatever internal turmoil this information would cause her. In short, I don't tell her for her sake. Please let us know how you're doing as you consider and weigh all the aspects of this. I'm truly interested, and I'm sure many of the other posters here are, too.

 

[Oztrich]

I wrestled with it and when I told her she replied, "Oh I already knew... So what?" It was the world's biggest anti-climax.

 

[Sublime]

I wrestled with it and when I told her she replied, "Oh I already knew... So what?" It was the world's biggest anti-climax.

So if you don’t mind my asking, what are the details here. We’re you already married? If so for how long? How did things go afterwards?