How do you find hook-ups?

[swingexc]

I'm 24, if that matters, and I'm familiar with Grindr, but I don't really like most of the people on the app. In fact, it made me doubt whether I'm gay (I'm actually bi, which made things worse). Anyway it's not that the guys are ugly, they just don't look that interesting to me. I can't justify spending my time texting and planning to meet someone I don't even like for a NSA hookup. So I pretty much flake on everyone and only respond to about 1 in a 100 people. I felt pretty bad for a long time, like I don't belong, whatever. And I'm not looking for a relationship.

Don't get me wrong. If a guy suddenly approached me from the app in real life and said, 'Let's jerk off now', I would most likely agree, it's not that deep, but I can't be bothered to spend my time chatting to them when I know it'll take at least 30–120 minutes to arrange something, plus travel time, plus I don't even fancy them, all for an empty hook-up?

But what really sealed the deal for me was discovering gay saunas a couple of years ago. I've been going every few weeks ever since. If I want quick, anonymous sex with average people, I can just go there, it's less than a 30-minute drive. It saves me time, I don't have to chat to anyone, and I know there'll always be someone inside. Yes, most of the men are older inside, but so are the men on Grindr.

So I just don't understand why I should use Grindr at this point. But it seems to be the most popular outlet nonetheless.

Is the app just a way to cherry-pick guys? But if so, I don't understand why profiles disappear from the grid after a few hours, what half the people on it are doing 24/7, and why guys have these strange requirements in their bios, like 'be this, don't be that'. Because we're in the same location, I see these same profiles, and basically he's looking for someone who's not even in the area and never was? Is this for Grindr Extra? But then again, I read that people don't want to travel more than 20-30 minutes. So is Grindr this just swipe, leave and pray?

I wonder if I'm doing something wrong or misunderstanding the app.
If not, then maybe this thread will help someone else who's as confused as I am.

 

[elklindoxxx]

Go somewhere where you can meet in person instead of using apps on the internet. You have no idea what you are getting yourself into. Not to mention the safety issues.

I have a buddy of mine and we have gone to saunas and had very limited success. Because the majority of men are not our types. So we will pass them up. We have found suitable guys, but it's not that often. We decided not to go anymore because it's not worth the time and effort

So try finding a masturbation club in your area, for starters go to bateword.com. I've never hooked up one on one with anybody on the site. But I have attended large bate events they have posted.

I like to attend a session at a J/O least once a month with my buddy. The members are a pretty broad demographic of age and race. However, to increase your odds of finding someone suitable for your taste. If you are lean, muscular, hung and are rock hard. You will find no shortage of willing "members" both literally and figuratively. I do strength and conditioning training 4 - 5 days a week to keep in excellent shape. And my buddy works out A LOT as well. So the members who are in the best shape will get the most attention. We've gotten so much action....hand jobs, frot jobs, ass jobs....I'm not kidding, it's insane.

Now if you do end up attending. Don't be surprised if someone wants to go off premise with you. We've been hit on many times. And that's where you need to be really selective. It takes some time to find a good hookup. But when you do...we've had great sex with people who we have met.

 

[GayBootyLover69]

are there any gay leather bars in your area? there are some that have a sleazy vibe and allow patrons to hook up, i think a lot more gay bars were like that in the past

 

[swingexc]

Go somewhere where you can meet in person instead of using apps on the internet. You have no idea what you are getting yourself into. Not to mention the safety issues.

I have a buddy of mine and we have gone to saunas and had very limited success. Because the majority of men are not our types. So we will pass them up. We have found suitable guys, but it's not that often. We decided not to go anymore because it's not worth the time and effort

So try finding a masturbation club in your area, for starters go to bateword.com. I've never hooked up one on one with anybody on the site. But I have attended large bate events they have posted.

I like to attend a session at a J/O least once a month with my buddy. The members are a pretty broad demographic of age and race. However, to increase your odds of finding someone suitable for your taste. If you are lean, muscular, hung and are rock hard. You will find no shortage of willing "members" both literally and figuratively. I do strength and conditioning training 4 - 5 days a week to keep in excellent shape. And my buddy works out A LOT as well. So the members who are in the best shape will get the most attention. We've gotten so much action....hand jobs, frot jobs, ass jobs....I'm not kidding, it's insane.

Now if you do end up attending. Don't be surprised if someone wants to go off premise with you. We've been hit on many times. And that's where you need to be really selective. It takes some time to find a good hookup. But when you do...we've had great sex with people who we have met.

Well, as I said, I go to saunas. I have it figured out to some extent, but I mostly wonder how other guys do it, and I'd like to share my point of view as well. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough.

I admit that, even in saunas, guys are rarely my type. I wouldn't hook up with most of them on Grindr either. But that's not a major concern for me. For the time and price, what I get is a bargain. In that environment, anything goes.

I'm a young, lean, muscular, hung, fun-sized twink - literally the opposite of everyone in such a venue. I sometimes wish that was't the case, but on the other hand, the place makes up for it by satisfying my exhibitionist tendencies. I love having sex in public and there's always a crowd watching us. I never know what turns me on more. Is it the sex or the people watching us?

Sometimes I think that if porn is meant to be fiction... Either people have never been to gay saunas, or they're basically saying porn is a fairy tale.

There are many other reasons why saunas tick my boxes, for example, I like the quiet. There's no talking, which I love. There are also showers, which aren't really a thing in gay bars. Maybe I was just made for saunas.

I think there are some bator clubs. Maybe I'll check them out! I'm from Europe, so I'm not sure if that site is relevant, but I've heard that there are some clubs. It's possible that people my age might be more common there, as the stakes are lower. Which is the only negative of gay saunas.

are there any gay leather bars in your area? there are some that have a sleazy vibe and allow patrons to hook up, i think a lot more gay bars were like that in the past

One of the reasons I prefer saunas over bars... I don't like the bar atmosphere very much. Drinking, sometimes smoking... lack of shower facilities. I don't like talking too much. I prefer to be naked. No bullshit. Straight to action. Very difficult to explain.

 

[jridge33]

Online, sex club, occasionally cruisy areas

 

[Northern Flaneur]

Well, as I said, I go to saunas. I have it figured out to some extent, but I mostly wonder how other guys do it, and I'd like to share my point of view as well. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough.

I admit that, even in saunas, guys are rarely my type. I wouldn't hook up with most of them on Grindr either. But that's not a major concern for me. For the time and price, what I get is a bargain. In that environment, anything goes.

I'm a young, lean, muscular, hung, fun-sized twink - literally the opposite of everyone in such a venue. I sometimes wish that was't the case, but on the other hand, the place makes up for it by satisfying my exhibitionist tendencies. I love having sex in public and there's always a crowd watching us. I never know what turns me on more. Is it the sex or the people watching us?

Sometimes I think that if porn is meant to be fiction... Either people have never been to gay saunas, or they're basically saying porn is a fairy tale.

There are many other reasons why saunas tick my boxes, for example, I like the quiet. There's no talking, which I love. There are also showers, which aren't really a thing in gay bars. Maybe I was just made for saunas.

I think there are some bator clubs. Maybe I'll check them out! I'm from Europe, so I'm not sure if that site is relevant, but I've heard that there are some clubs. It's possible that people my age might be more common there, as the stakes are lower. Which is the only negative of gay saunas.



One of the reasons I prefer saunas over bars... I don't like the bar atmosphere very much. Drinking, sometimes smoking... lack of shower facilities. I don't like talking too much. I prefer to be naked. No bullshit. Straight to action. Very difficult to explain.

I have enjoyed reading your comments and agree with a lot you have written. You have raised some very important issues which I have had to deal with. Yes, saunas are good and should be a safe and neutral space for both parties to enjoy each others company. As a naturist it is also good for me just to be naked. I do think visiting saunas will benefit many men and build up their body confidence. Be assured that there will be many who will think like yourself. The only big issue is many guys being non-verbal. Within reason we should be talking to each other. Men struggle to have meaningful conversations and there are associated problems with this lack of communication.

 

[LPSG Simon]

But it seems to be the most popular outlet nonetheless.

One thing I can't stand is that once something is a household name, a lot of people will have this blind loyalty, even if it's shit / expensive / bad people. It's kind of like 'the place to be' or 'group-think' factor, which is a huge pet peeve for me. There are some alternatives:

- Scruff. Lots of overlap with Grindr, but a generally slower crowd who would appreciate a bit of chit chat to see if you're really into each other before meeting, as opposed to 'right-now'.

- Feeld. You might like this, it's not exclusively gay or msm. It skews a bit more of an early 20's contemporary crowd, but you see a lot of bi couples, bi guys, and a bit of curious open minded trade. It's a lot more eclectic.

- Sniffies (web app, not an app-app). Totally in the other direction, very right-now, lets you actually look at people on a map-view, full nudity allowed in profiles. Very very right-now crowd, but I've noticed that there are a lot of bi / DL / curious guys on it who might not fit the culture mold of the other apps. Good for trade, if you're into that. Pet peeve with this one is that I find it hard to keep up with messages and stay engaged. They could make it so it's easier to stick to and keep up a conversation, even if it's a quick one.

Is the app just a way to cherry-pick guys? But if so, I don't understand why profiles disappear from the grid after a few hours, what half the people on it are doing 24/7, and why guys have these strange requirements in their bios, like 'be this, don't be that'. Because we're in the same location, I see these same profiles, and basically he's looking for someone who's not even in the area and never was? Is this for Grindr Extra? But then again, I read that people don't want to travel more than 20-30 minutes. So is Grindr this just swipe, leave and pray?

Some people are engaged more with their apps than others. The more you keep your notifications on and keep coming back the longer your square will stay on the grid. I haven't looked at their settings in a while, but there at least used to be a 'keep online' feature that would keep your profile up at all times. Other people close it and go to make dinner etc.. and drop off - or maybe just venture elsewhere in the locale - it is location based after all.

You can browse in other locations with it, and if you're the one willing to travel, then that would be your prerogative. In some less populated areas, travelling 30 mins by car might even be the norm.

Go somewhere where you can meet in person instead of using apps on the internet. You have no idea what you are getting yourself into.

- This. Honestly, chemistry is way more engaging than convenience at the end of the day.

 

[Andrej_u]

In my experience (Europe), Grindr works best in mid-sized cities (300-500.000 people).
In smaller cities it's often the only option, but people don't show their face, it gets annoying and you quickly run out of people.
In larger cities it's simply trash: it's too dense, you always see the same 60 profiles and no one interacts with anyone. The only way to get any attention is to use the "right now" function. It's basically a cemetery of profiles.

Larger cities have saunas and sex clubs for hookups, but my experience (e.g. Barcelona and Amsterdam) is that if you go on a Saturday night, every single guy is on drugs. You have to go on Sunday afternoon or on special events. If you go during the week it's empty.

So yeah, I find mid-sized cities to be the best. Apps work well, there are saunas and gay bars but guys aren't disillusioned, bored and on drugs like in larger cities. More approachable, more fun.

Another app that hasn't been mentioned is The Blowers. It's geared mostly towards oral sex but I've seen that it's more approachable in big cities than Grindr. A lot of "blowers" are happy to take it in their ass too anyway . And one more app, since you mentioned Europe, is Romeo. It mostly exists in German-speaking countries, maybe a bit in Italy too.

 

[BigOrSmall69]

the thing about hook ups is you are basicly just looking for sex therefore not looking for anything in particular--ive looked at few guys i would think i wouldnt date or anything-- but theyd walk up to mekiss meask me if wanna go somewhere--then i say sure

 

[Southernboisb]

If you know of anything for southern Ga. in the US, please pass it along.

I'm ~4 hrs. from the closest big city with any kind of gay culture. Pretty much vanilla in bed (none of that extra stuff interests me).

Also non-drinker/non-smoker/non-dancer/non-drugs here...so bars/clubs not an option.

 

[BigOrSmall69]

In my younger days hook ups were kind of hard to find but once you find a guy or two then they’d ask if you been to to a place and you’d say no and you go with them and hook up with a guy or two or more .. just depends on how many hook ups want g to be with salt same time ..


Couple guys took me to one place .. when we got there they took their shirts off and they had these bondage tops on and their pants .. where their asses we’re bare out in the open.. .. .. I learned this was like a leather bar or something of some sort .. .. few guys peaked my interest and I went toward them.. and I was surprised the things they were allowed to do in back room .. wasn’t first time I’d ever been in this situation but been a while and they were definitely tops and dominant .. one guy says magic word was enough .. that would make them stop..

I never used magic words.. they did everything to try to get me to say enough but I never did and it was so exciting having these guys near 6ft tall or little over 5ft 6/ 5ft7
Can’t go into details as doubt site allows it but this was one place I definitely visited often

 

[Itoldmikez]

Now a days it’s been super hard to find hookup! The best hookups was Craigslist hot DL, straight guys, married

 

[Velereon]

sniffies is good
very casual stuff. People don't really like to plan for the future they're on because they're horny right then and they are looking for someone very close to them. I can easily log into that app and within 30 minutes be either leaving to go to someone's house or waiting for them to come over.

recon is.... existing and is pretty good for finding very particular fetish and kink stuff. They just had a big site overhaul and it's not going super well but it always hasn't been a very good site to interact with. But regardless it's good for like finding groups and individuals that want to do things unlike that are very specific but on repeat basis.

 

[JohnnyDanger610]

I’m pretty sure the guys finding lots of mates on Grindr are the types who will suck or fuck anyone. Don’t beat yourself up just because you have standards.

As others have said already, get off the apps and get out in the real world to meet people.

 

[BigOrSmall69]

There’s gay bars everywhere

Plus straight bars where gay guys hang out wanting to let a straight guy be with them..

You just need to learn how to dangle the bait there

But gay bars is definitely where to go.. pic up a guy or sometimes he’s with couple of his buddies so ask if they want to join and I take to my place and make a night of it