"i love you"

[a3sthetic]

Had a long discussion at a dinner party about those three words.

Are those three words important to hear from your partner and if so, how long is too long to wait to hear them for the first time?

 

[bigbucky]

this will vary with every person/relationship. some people are afraid of the word. I would say if it's gonna happen, 6 -12 months.
I was in a sexual relationship with a woman that was engaged to be married and after about 6 weeks, after our 3rd hookup, she told me she thought she was in love with me. I was surprised. I thought she just needed a big cock every once in awhile (her words) and since I wasn't seeing anybody, we had sex every 2 wks.
I have also found that the younger gen uses this term loosely, and therefore has lost some of its meaning.

 

[Mercurygirl]

I suppose I'll be the first of many to say this ... there is no set timetable for love or for the emotions and words to rise up to express it. Love sets it's own clock.

 

[KennF]

All depends on how much each of the people feels about the words and their meaning.

For some people, saying it means "I love you deeply and I cannot live without you" and for others it means "I think your great and lets keep doing this thing we're doing".

There are so many different types of love and meanings.

My husband said it to me before I would say it to him. I was afraid I'd scare him off. I expressed it without words for some time before he gave me a card with the words.

 

[a3sthetic]

Personally I think the words are a way to communicate that you are committed to the relationship.

It cuts both ways I think because by not saying it, it can communicate that you still have doubts that there is a future.

 

[a3sthetic]

I suppose I'll be the first of many to say this ... there is no set timetable for love or for the emotions and words to rise up to express it. Love sets it's own clock.

Yes, you can't hurry love as they say. But I think it's normal to have some kind of expectation. People want to feel like the relationship is progressing.

So really the question I guess is how long do you give someone to decide use the words before you'd start questioning?

 

[keenobserver]

Had a long discussion at a dinner party about those three words.

Are those three words important to hear from your partner and if so, how long is too long to wait to hear them for the first time?

I don't have a timetable. When it feels right say it, it doesn't feel right don't say anything.

 

[a3sthetic]

I don't have a timetable. When it feels right say it, it doesn't feel right don't say anything.

That's kind of the point. How long do you give someone to decide if a relationship feels right?

 

[keenobserver]

That's kind of the point. How long do you give someone to decide if a relationship feels right?

It would depend on the relationship and how it grew.

I'm not avoiding the question. When I was in my longest relationship I think I said it within a month. It took him a little longer. I've also had relationships where it was never expressed.

In Fiddler on the Roof, there is a scene where Teveye is telling his wife their daughter wants to marry for love. In the song, "Do you love me?" they tell of meeting on their wedding day and living together through bad times together. Goda says, "If that's not love what is?" Teveye replies, "Then you love me?" - "I suppose I do." "Good - I suppose love you too." "It doesn't change a thing, but its nice to know."

Saying it is not as important as living it. Some people are afraid to express what they feel - if they show it, that would be all that matters.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I believe in all relationships, whatever those relationships are, progressing organically. Nothing faked. Nothing forced. I don't put words to feelings I don't understand. I try to say only what I mean. I don't care how long it takes someone to tell me he loves me, as long as he means it when he says it.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I have heard it within a week, and one took six years.

 

[cedarizzo]

My first boyfriend would never say it. We lived together for 7 years and it became an issue for me. I was young and probably not ready, but I just wanted to hear it said. He did buy me a ring to show how he felt, but he couldn't even say it then.

When we broke up, he left me for a much younger guy. He told me that he never lived me. That hurt much worse than him leaving. A few years later, he apologized and said that wasn't true, he was just wanting to hurt me at the time.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

I'm not picking an option because none of those are the right answer. Say it when you feel it.

 

[a3sthetic]

I'm not picking an option because none of those are the right answer. Say it when you feel it.

I probably wasn't very clear with the question. It's not how long before you say it, it's how long should you stay in a relationship waiting for them to say I love you.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I probably wasn't very clear with the question. It's not how long before you say it, it's how long should you stay in a relationship waiting for them to say I love you.

There isn't a time. Scripting is inorganic and boring. If I need to leave, I'll know.

 

[KennF]

it's how long should you stay in a relationship waiting for them to say I love you.

Do you want to hear the words? If you do, then you should tell them that the words are important to you.

Ironically, our wedding song is "More Than Words"

Sayin' "I love you"
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say it, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cause I'd already know​

So, for us, then words are there, but more importantly, the actions speak louder than the words.

 

[bi_todd]

I'm in a relationship that is not short on complications.

I said it to him within the first 6 months.

I waited over a year to hear him say it to me (and I've heard it only once).

Although our actions do speak much louder than our words, it meant a lot for me to hear it. I think I'm good with that - it is communicated in other ways. I actually wouldn't want 'I love you' to become a required component of our encounters (like saying it to your wife every day when you leave for work).

 

[DavidXL]

I think it should be said when felt and that people shouldn't be afraid to say it. I know that actions speak louder than words, but I think "l love you" should be said when felt, because they are powerful and important words. I've been afraid to say it before, because I didn't want to scare the person off. With many years of experience behind me, I would be more open out my feelings if I had the opportunity in a few cases.

 

[a3sthetic]

Without doubt, you can love someone without saying it and equally you can feel loved without being told.

And the reverse is also true. People can say it without meaning it. And people can hear it without feeling it.

 

[halcyondays]

Wait or do what? Break up?