I need some advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by at10, Jun 25, 2010.

  1. at10

    at10 Well-Known Member

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    Alright, Me and my girlfriend just broke up. It wasn't one of those, "I hate you" kind of break ups, it was one of those, "It's better if we are just really good friends, for now" sort of things. I found out that she and one of my good friends are more or less dating (he's going away to college). I don't feel fucked over or anything, though,

    But here's what confuses me, we still take walks along the river, we still put our arms around each other, we still hold hands, we still go to movies (with a group) and sit by each other.

    Last night she told me that she was sad happy. That her body was happy-as in tingly and excited. But her mind was sad-as in disappointed and lonely.

    So before you can make an accurate guess at what's going on, here is some background info.

    I'm a young guy, 18 to be exact, and she's going to be a senior in high school; I'm going to be a freshman in college. I'm going to college in Colorado, not Nebraska, where I live. We dated for a year and a half before this happened. My friend (the person who she's more or less dating) is going to college in South Dakota.

    I'm about 100% sure that she and I do more stuff together than her and my friend.

    So, I don't know what I should do. Her telling me that she's disappointed and lonely leads me to believe that she isn't quite satisfied with her and my friend. And I'm 50/50 on wether or not she wants to get back together with me.

    She's told me she loves me. And I still love her.

    She doesn't know what she wants and it's confusing.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated. :redface:
     
  2. HiddenLacey

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    Honest opinion ok? You two are young. Be friends for now. After you are away from her see how you feel. College is going to be a whole new life for you.

    Are you "sad-happy?" Do YOU want to be in a relantionship with her?
     
  3. Wish-4-8

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    You guys are both addicted to the habit of being with each other. Its easy to go through the motions because they are so well established.

    This is generally a bad idea because it will go nowhere. Which is fine if you both are OK with it. The problem is that you will ask yourself, then her, "where is this going" and mentally torture yourself with the uncertainty.

    Again, its not love, its habit.
     
  4. arizonaheat123

    arizonaheat123 New Member

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    Dude, you have YEARS to enjoy life before settling down. Enjoy her as a friend, but live your life!
     
  5. at10

    at10 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the advice so far,

    @submissivegirl83: Am I sad happy? I would say 85% of the time i'm completely happy.

    @Wish-4-8: I'm a little confused, what's generally a bad idea? And the it's not love, it's habit, are you referring to her being the way she is with me and us being comfortable with each other?

    @niceguycolumbus1: Thanks

    Another question: Aren't people who are together comfortable with each other?Seems like that would make sense
     
  6. HiddenLacey

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    Well then be happy. None of us here can make that decision for you. You just need to decide if you want to be with her or not :) It's all up to you!
     
  7. nicenycdick

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    You are going away...there is no reason to commit yourself to this or any other relationship right now. Remain friends...that may last a lifetime. Continue to play...it seems that this non-exclusive thing you've got going does work right now. But don't try to establish now what would become a difficult, long-distance romance. It will only end in disappointment and guilt.
     
  8. B_BraxtonHartnabrig

    B_BraxtonHartnabrig New Member

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    As much as your emotions might be telling you you will never forget about her, when you go off to college, you probably will.....

    and don't worry about your friend who she is dating and what they do together.....I see it all the times, dudes get so wrapped up in "I wonder if the other guy is...." type of thoughts, and lose focus on the girl

    just keep your head up bro, best of luck!!
     
  9. hctib1

    hctib1 Well-Known Member

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    I agree with nicenycdick. You're young and there's not a whole lot of point in trying to maintain a long-distance relationship. It's hard enuf to maintain a relationship when you're face to face sometimes. Stay friends with her. College is gonna open all kinds of new doors for you, so have fun with it. You're only young once!
     
  10. helgaleena

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    A large amount of relationship maintenance is habit. Just like brushing your teeth, being nice to a partner is a good habit. If she is not going to school with either one of you, chances are she will meet somebody else again while you are both away.

    Nothing wrong with that. You must all keep open minds and hearts and not try to own each other.
     
  11. Wish-4-8

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    Its a bad idea to remain in the relationship out of habit, especially since you both are so young.

    That is my point. But this young man uses the word love. I am trying to make him see the difference. It is very often confused.
     
  12. at10

    at10 Well-Known Member

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    @ Wish-4-8: And a very hard concept to understand.

    I agree with all of you who said not to get too rapped up in trying to get what would be a very difficult and stretched relationship.

    But I guarantee that we won't forget about each other. I don't want to and neither does she. I know that much.

    I've just decided to let things happen as they happen. No sense in pushing the issue, making a mistake and losing everything. What I have is good enough and what I might have could be better (and that's with whoever I may end up with)
     
  13. at10

    at10 Well-Known Member

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    @Wish-4-8: Are you saying I should cut off contact with her completely? That doing all the stuff I said above is doing us no good unless it is truly meant? That it's only hurting both of us?

    I'm just curious as some of this (what seems logical) information is confusing me.
     
  14. at10

    at10 Well-Known Member

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    @helgaleena: I'm not trying to own her. She's free to her own choices in my mind, and, unless they're totally stupid and unlike her (which she hasn't done yet) I respect them. I'm not the person to judge based on every decision a person makes.

    What is, is. I'm not going to force the issue. Que sera, sera. She and I are best friends-and they'll stay that way because we both want it to. And if things ever come to be more, then they will. And if they don't, there is always someone for everyone.
     
  15. helgaleena

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    Glad to hear it, at10!
     
  16. bigirishman

    bigirishman Well-Known Member

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    MY advice casual sex go for it man
     
  17. sc1969

    sc1969 New Member

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    Likewise - wait until you go to college and see how that makes you feel - I'm sure you'll both be able to see things clearly after a little time apart :)
     
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